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I'm loosing my mind because of her Dogs.


Hobbit 11

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Hello.

 

I've been in a relationship for just over 2 years now with my girlfriend and I'm about to walk out the door and leave because of her dogs.

I am a dog lover and I know the bond between a person and their animals. I also have a Jack Russel who means the world to me.

My girlfriend has 2 Pekingese dogs. The most irritating dogs in the word because they only breath through their nose and they think they are the king of the Castle.

We moved into a new home together to take our relationship to the next level. For the past 9 months I have been sleeping in a different room because the dogs snore all night and constantly bark, lick and try jump onto the bed. Last year I was taking schedule 5 sleeping tablets to get me through the snoring. But eventually that stopped working.

My girlfriend inst open to the idea of putting the dogs in a different room for the night. She said if I don't like it then I must choose a different room to sleep in.

My girlfriend has allergies and is allergic to dust. These 2 dogs have such long hair, they stink and they are always bringing crass and dust inside when they go outside. She insist on always picking them up onto the bed and the male dog lives on her lap when ever she sits down.

 

They do get more attention than me and I know this is starting to get to me. They don't stop barking and blowing snot out of their nose and they snore ALL the time. Even when they are awake. The dogs are never ever more than a meter away from my girlfriend and they follow her everywhere.

 

We just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant and this is what we wanted. To start a family. Last night I snapped at her because I am tired of living a separate life in different rooms. I want to get back in the bedroom and I want the dogs out of there.

How do I approach because I have tried everything. Ive spoken to her about it and she knows the dogs annoy me. She loves these animals and I try to like them because she loves them.

But I'm at a place now where I just want out because of these dogs.

It might sound pathetic, but I cant block it out.

 

What can I do?

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Having a baby on the way complicates this on several levels.

 

You cannot just walk away now and be free because of the baby.

 

Ultimatums are rarely a good idea so finding a different angle to come at this is what is needed.

 

Frankly as soon as she told me if I don't like it I could go sleep in another room that is just what I would have done but that other room would have been at another apartment or house and it would have been permanent.

 

Sit down and talk to her and ask her what the plans are when the baby arrives? The baby will need constant attention, a very clean environment and both parents in the room sleeping so you can take turns with feedings and changing.

 

Has she always been so rigid and uncaring of your feelings? Did she even care that you had to dope yourself to sleep in the same room with her and those dogs?

 

Lost

 

PS This isn't your best friends wife you were sleeping with behind his back is it?

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Wow. . I am a dog lover and I understand that when you have that level of love you feel for them, you are able to overlook all the obnoxious behaviours that often come with it.

But they aren't your pets, they are hers. You don't have that same level of attachment.

I am with you. She should be able to still love her pets the same way she is accustomed to. But she should also be eager to compromise with you and geniunely care about your concerns.

Her life as she knows it is changing. She shares a home with you and is expected a child with you. Her unwillingness, my way or the highway attitude is wrong.

It's not that you are asking her to rehome her dogs. Just some adjustments that are reasonable.

Keep working at a compromise. Compromise isn't always comfortable. Sometimes people have to concede and that might be uncomfortable. But it should be done with the attitude of good will.

I doubt she wants to raise this baby alone and sharing custody with you.

She needs to get her priorities in order.

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You've focused your anger on the dogs, but the dogs aren't and were never the problem - your girlfriend is. Now that she is pregnant, that's an even bigger issue where no, you can't just walk away anymore.

 

You say that she loves those dogs, but it doesn't sound to me like she actually takes care of them properly. Her love is really very selfish as she treats them more like stuffed toys/surrogate children rather than animals with their own needs. Happy dogs don't go crazy barking all the time, etc. Mentally and emotionally balanced dogs are happy with giving others personal space and desire that themselves. Your girlfriend and the way she treats the dogs is what's creating the issues, not the dogs. They don't have a choice on how their owner treats them and can only respond and cope accordingly. Also, well kept and groomed dogs don't stink or itch and lick all night long. Small dogs in bed.....you can hurt them by rolling over them in your sleep.

 

My advice is find and talk to a really good dog trainer and maybe you can arrange a sort of intervention with your gf, have a professional open her eyes to what she is doing to her dogs. I don't doubt she loves them, so perhaps being told off by someone else will wake her up to how much she is actually mistreating the dogs.

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My corgi has had over $3k worth of training, and super hands on, an she's super smart, and she barks all the time. And has nothing to do with training. She's a herding dog, and it's just gonna happen. When my youngest was coming, I trained my corgi to sleep in her own bed with a trainer's help. And now she rarely sleeps with us. And the snoring, I dunno, my youngest, both our dogs, I snore, hubs snores. I just think you need to find a way to relax. Get some ear plugs. Yes, you are the king of the castle, BUT YOU'RE NOT. The baby will be. I mean, you knew about these dogs long before moving in, and I'm sure you've slept over plenty of times. I think you need to bond with them. Take them on walks, feed them without her, like at all. This will honestly prep you for a child - unconditional love - no matter how much they poop, barf on you, and cry in the night. There is lots of joy to be had. So buckle up! Always take the good with the bad.

 

The following around part? Sorry, my corgi follows me everywhere - it's annoying, but after two kids, she just wants to be around her most favorite person.

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This is what you do....that type of breed needs to be professionally groomed, washed/hair trimmed, nails trimmed. Suggest they get a routine makeover at Petsmart or a pet food super store that offers grooming. Most you can schedule on line for an appointment...not that expensive. Plus they probably could use a dental cleaning. Next, suggest the dogs have their own beds in the room. It might take some training but like the others have said, talk to a trainer for advice. Next, get a white noise machine. They are inexpensive, and work. The white noise will block out the snoring. My husband swears by them, when he has to travel with his boss...they both snore real bad...lots of hotels have them. A cheap alternative is earplugs and an expensive alternative is noise canceling headphones. I had a set of Bose, and man do they work. I'm sure their are cheaper brands. All in all, if you two want a future together, you BOTH need to learn compromise and come to an agreement. Just stop being apprehensive about it. With the baby coming, your lives will be upside down so you better work on being able to adapt to every situation.

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I love when people blame the dogs for the symptoms of the brachycephalia they're bred and bought for. They're always going to be loud because its airways being smashed in with a frying pan means they'll only ever breathe under respiratory distress. They're likely always going to smell because the fact they constantly have to breathe in through their mouths means they're taking in more air while they eat and drink, causing a buildup in gas. Not fun for you. Certainly not fun for them. Try to properly direct your frustrations. At the end of the day, the dogs are a package deal. Personally, I didn't date or continue to date women who were into toy breeds precisely because I assumed there's a decent chunk of obnoxiousness there that would likely translate into other facets, including raising kids. Easy issue to avoid. Why you knocked her up amid the circumstances is kinda beyond me.

 

Your best bet is counseling. While I'm sure she has no interest raising a kid alone because of the dogs, I bet she assumes just as well that you-- at least in her eyes-- wouldn't put her in that position simply over the dogs. You both owe it to each other to have the issue professionally mediated. If she won't buck on dog arrangements, you've got some hard decisions to make.

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I think the more important concern is why you decided to purchase a home together while at the same time planned for a baby, after knowing about these issues with her dogs prior to moving in together.

 

Her and her dogs are etched in stone, which you knew well in advance. Either way, it's high time to do some thinking.

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I agree with the professional grooming comment. With two of them it'll make it more worth your while taking them to the groomer's. Wait it out for now and see how the pregnancy goes. She may not want the dogs or may want to rehome them later on. The bond she has with them seems to be clouding her judgment though, to the detriment of your home life, her relationship and considering the baby on the way. I'm not sure how she deals with the barking. I've had dogs but they weren't barkers. Do the dogs get out for regular walks?

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It's not the dogs, it's your gf. She won't take your feelings into consideration, she doesn't care if you're not comfortable as long as she is, that's all she cares about.

 

She places you very low on the level of importance and with a baby, you're about to even become lower.

 

You should have ended it when you had the chance. This isn't love.

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I love when people blame the dogs for the symptoms of the brachycephalia they're bred and bought for. They're always going to be loud because its airways being smashed in with a frying pan means they'll only ever breathe under respiratory distress.

 

I was hoping someone was going to mention this. Aside from the grooming and basic training that these dogs are going to need before the baby arrives, it would be wise to take them to a vet and determine whether surgery might assist with their breathing issues. It doesn't work for all dogs, but it can be a boon to some so it well worth investigating.

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Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately the issue isn't the dogs, it's your GF using them as a barrier to intimacy.

 

You could run around to veterinarians, but it's not going to solve the problem of her attachment to them to the point of the dogs being her preferred bedmates and you being relegated to the doghouse.

 

This is not about canine snot and snoring. It's about a wall your GF has built around herself.

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Hello Lostandhurt.

 

Thank you for you reply.

No this isnt my friends wife. I have come a long way over the last few years. Lots of therapy sessions which has helped me quite a bit.

I had a long discussion with my girlfriend last night regarding this situation. It always gets a bit heated from her side because I lay out facts which she doesn't like and the truth hurts.

No closer to resolving this problem I am having.

To answer your question, when it comes to her 2 dogs, my feelings come last. Didnt bother her I was drugging myself each night just to make it through to the morning.

These dogs stink so much that today I am going to bath them so at least is smells a bit better around here when they sit with us in the lounge.

 

I dont see light at the end of this tunnel. But what I will do is make sure that when the baby arives, she will spend the nights with me in a clean and quiet environment. Maybe this will open her eyes a bit to whats happening around here.

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Hello Rose Mosse.

 

I would never ask her to give her dog up. I would never give my dog up. But things will change when the baby comes along.

We argue about this quite a bit. I wont let a couple of dogs determine dictate to me how I live my life in my own house. I dont see them contributing at all financially :friendly_wink:

If I had to pack up and leave, she would be in a bit of a predicament financially, and all because of her stubbornness.

When I bring my dog around for a weekend (Jack Russel) we go for walks.

But her dogs walk for about 5 min and they stop. Cant breath and then they spend the next 3 day sleeping and snoring even louder.

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Stop with the dog wars. You are using that to cover up the real issues. This is a very human war between you and your GF .

 

I have to agree.....sounds like she is lazy and she gets apprehensive when you try to give her a push to do something. Just wait til that baby is born ....and I know you see it coming, she's going to be focusing on that baby, but your house, the dogs are going to be a horrible stinking mess. She ain't gonna lift a finger. And for sleep? That will be nonexistent with a baby that needs to be fed every two hours, then diaper changes. Ahh yes those stinky diapers that will be piling up.....hope you have a good washer, you will be doing laundry a lot, babies tend to puke.

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Poor dogs. :(

 

Not only are they bred and can't breathe due to this but it sounds as though their owner hasn't kept them in very good shape and now they have poor health.

 

It's also not the dogs fault that they smell. It's the owners for not bathing them enough or taking care of their health. Same goes with their behavior, if it's bad...look to your gf.

 

I cringe over how she is going to raise a baby if this makes this much of a mess of innocent dogs.

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Hobitt,

 

It looks like she has little empathy for your feelings but you still intend on staying with her. She will not budge on the dogs and you will continue to sleep in another room. That is no life at all. You must dread coming home after work!

 

Since she will not help change the situation you need to go it alone.

 

I have owned and trained many dogs (I should say I have trained many dog owners) over the years so I know a bit about the dog behavior part.

 

You are the male in the house and the dogs will respond you well once you set the boundaries. She may have had them for 10 years but they can and will change once you work with them a little.

 

Barking: Barking is not breed specific. Yes some breeds the bark is more annoying or a little more drawn out because us human respond differently to the bark. Knowing the bark by how it sounds allows you to work on the solution for each type of bark. Happy bark, excited bark (your main problem I would guess), attention bark, scared bark, startled bark, guard bark (also a problem for you I would guess) and lonely bark.

 

I know all my dogs barking and you should too. I can tell from inside the house if a friend has walked up, if a stranger is coming close to the gate or just walking by and even if he sees a snake in the yard. Knowing is key.

 

I have trained my dog to stop barking by holding my finger up to my lips using the universal shhh gesture. He has been taught several hand signs so I do not have to speak to direct him. This is possible with almost all dogs of all ages.

 

So the smell thing is a problem for some breeds but you have a plan for that so stay consistent and bathe them once every two weeks or so. They will also start to bond to you during this ritual. Figuring out where the smell is coming from helps too. Dirty ears are notorious for being stinky.

 

Training these dogs will take time and needs to be done in her absence or it will not work. Use love and affection as the reward for any good behavior and the words "good boy" with a big smile on your face will do more than any negative training.

 

Since a new baby is on the way and had zero choice in the matter what home he/she is being brought into it is your job to make it the best it can be for him/her.

 

I sincerely don't see this lasting if your gf does not start giving even a small amount of care towards your feelings. The dogs are the easy part in all this, she is a whole other big issue...

 

Lost

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The dogs can't help how they breathe. What about crating them in the bedroom at night so they can't try to jump up. You should have solved this problem before you bought a house. Put your foot down and say the dogs including yours must be crated in the other room with their comfy blankies at night.

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