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LaHermes

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LaHermes last won the day on December 2 2020

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About LaHermes

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  • Birthday September 26

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  1. Can't recall ever "avoiding" a decision in my life. I either took a decision or I didn't. choice, not avoidance.I actively chose to be singly independent because that is what I WANTED to do, not for some arcane and abstract reason. MB. Life is not that complicated, I assure you. Try not to overthink stuff. You (and I refer back to your earlier posts) have a good marriage to a good husband (as you describe him). And that was good for you. But we all cannot be told that your way is the only way. It is your way, your path. Or is it really because, at some level, you are regretting
  2. Agree wholeheartedly with your post, BC. And you are on the same page as me re the quote. Religion aside, I wouldn't go on a cruise if I got the trip for nothing and money thrown in as well! And that would be me too. So many times I've been called a free thinker. Yes and yes again! And could I add for good measure that there is IMO no difference between marriage and LTR. One needs equal maturity for LTR as for a healthy marriage. And yes to what Batya says: "Also marrying young doesn't mean at all that you can have more kids at least biologically and of course
  3. Yes, MB, but that is ONE person (your friend). Doesn't mean the rest of us are like her. That is HER experience. Yes, this is so. That's more like it. And there's nothing too deep about it either. In short, being single and independent does NOT mean that one is automatically a bad bet for marriage. If people want to marry at 15, 18 or 20, that is their choice, right or wrong. I still hold that no one, no one, is fit to marry before thirty. Even more so nowadays when 30 is the new 20, so to speak. Possibilities of mental illness in the offspring of older peopl
  4. In any case the discussion was not about AVOIDING marriage but about we longish.term single independents not being fit for the institution of marriage, and so fossilized that we wouldn't be able to healthily compromise, accommodate and otherwise live a fruitful marriage. And in any case IMO, an LTR is the same as a marriage. No difference, except that certificate we have. I had occasion to see ours again the other day and smiled to see us categorized therein as "bachelor" and "spinster". I agree wholly with you Blue. Truth to tell I would have been happy just living with my husband
  5. That's great DB! Absolutely terrific and if it is to contain illustrations you can do no better than those wonderful photos you have taken up there in the mountains. Good luck! Despite everything I feel 2021 is going to be a good year.
  6. Absolutely agree, Blue. I can safely say I have never been jaded, and I live my life in the present. After all, all we've got is today. Just recalling once seeing on TV a couple being interviewed who had been married 50 years. They were around 80 years old I think. The interviewer asked them for the secret of their long and happy marriage. The husband responded on the instant. "Long experience, and a short memory". Great stuff. And I agree with you Jib. "Most people I know were not able to be in a successful marriage until they were older. The majority of young marria
  7. I am asking again, MB. How do you know it is RARE. What large section of a given population have you sampled? Are you simply basing these views on some people you know, or what they tell you? If perhaps one or two married people you know might one day have sighed in nostalgia for their single state, that means very little. I am finding this amazing. It sure wasn't "hard" as you put it, to enter into the married state after my long independent singledom, and I am no where unusual in that aspect. As I may have mentioned the younger set in our families, none of them married before 30 and
  8. I agree that guidance is vital, although when all is said and done people do tend to make their own choices. However, this is a different matter: Certainly one can become negative, perhaps, due to bad relationships. Of course why people choose bad relationships is another matter and another conversation. In general, certain types of personalities (nature/nurture again) will go for bad relationships. Naturally bad abusive relationships would affect anyone negatively. the whys are well stated here: https://voicelessness.com/why-do-some-people-choose-one-bad-relationship-a
  9. Utterly agree with every word, Cher. That is the bottom line.
  10. So glad to hear Lass has recovered, and ready for more interesting hikes.
  11. Well, that is something for which he needs to seek professional help. Not your problem. He was not perfectly OK, but was masking the real him. IMO Libby, just exit from this "relationship", such as it was.
  12. I have to agree with Wisey. Anyhow, Holly I would recommend the face to face approach. Forget letters. Face to face the message is loud and clear and you can gauge reactions.
  13. I don't think anyone is arguing against that MB. That was your path in life. But we are not all the same. (Horses for courses). Being singly independent for a long time (I include myself) does by no means make me "jaded" or indeed make anyone jaded for that matter. As BC pointed out, there are "differences" neither positives nor negatives. Demonising those of us who didn't rush into marriage in our teens is most unhelpful IMO.
  14. Indeed. When one consider how very different each person is, each couple. Nor was I a nun, BC. L. IMO our years out there on the plains of life and on life's battlefields make us excellent marriage/LTR material
  15. Absolutely Holly. Same here. Wishy-wash stuff is way out of my realm. I got that feeling too Holly. I suppose it depends on whether you really want to find out what is underlying. I know I would find it tiring.
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