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LaHermes

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LaHermes last won the day on July 28

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  1. Everything you write, OP, is very worrying. He evidently does need professional help.
  2. Bears no relation to the OP's topic. Do so hope OP returns to comment on his particular situation. Yes, Bolt, I know what you are referring to. L. The OP (in the U.K.) had the idea of a Cohabitation Agreement as he does not wish to marry as in, he is against the notion of marriage. But he felt that his GF would wish to marry. People who co-habit IMO are no less in stature than those who marry. And to repeat a stat I gave days ago, around 3.3 million people (2016) co-habit in the U.K. And a little snippet: "The Clandestine Marriage Act of 1753, popularly known as Lord Hardwicke's Act, marked the beginning of state involvement in marriage, says sociologist Carol Smart of the University of Manchester."
  3. "Nice" is so meaningless. And a much overused word. I agree. And there is a vast difference between being "nice" and being "good". (Think Irish Murdoch's book "The Nice and the Good"). Or as my Grandmother would say: "Too sweet to be wholesome". lol.
  4. I cannot say it any better than DF. Relationships are not for "fixing" OP. Healthy relationships require no fixing. What is keeping you with this appalling individual?
  5. I agree Bolt. As regards surnames. I have both my maiden name and my husband's name. Two of my married nephew's their wives have kept their maiden names and those are the names they work under.
  6. Yes. Smackie. I dare say it has something to do with taxes. This couple in particular would have been married at least 30 years with adult children. But so much acquired wealth and all these complicated structures would no doubt have led them to "divorce" on paper only.
  7. Not all that uncommon Smackie. I know a few of those as well. And, I also know a few who got divorced (on paper) but still live together as man and wife. Something to do with rather arcane financial structures. These are very wealthy folks.
  8. Not relevant at all. The OP has repeatedly said he does not wish to marry. So, essentially, all that matters is how he and his GF resolve their particular dilemma. I am quite sure the OP is well aware of what cohabitation entails.
  9. Fully agree Smackie. And it is a very worrying trend, and an increasing one. Even when they know and discover that they have got a bad apple, they still prefer the delinquent. And even after getting out of the high-octane technicolour enmeshment with the exciting bad apple, those people will admit that they find other men/women so boring by comparison.
  10. I think, and it has occurred to me too, that OP has considerable difficulty in "reading" situations, and people. "...being too literal and/or having difficulty understanding non-verbal communications, such as body language." "focused on the socially anxious, who can struggle with reading emotions because they find social interactions unpredictable or confusing." Certainly the OP himself has remarked on occasion that he is socially awkward.
  11. Yes Smackie. Yet, as I may have remarked before, the number of people who THINK and believe that the stable and comfortable person is boring. And they actually say it too! "Tim is a nice guy, but he is so boring!" ("Tim" is a decent, hardworking, stable, sane who has had a steady upbringing, for example). But no, the individual in with a chance is the love bomber, the delinquent, the half insane, the "exciting" one, the latent abuser. It makes one despair.
  12. Very understandable OP. The shock of the finality is kicking in, and those dreams (over which in your sleep you have no control) are the brain's way of clearing out the sludge (albeit painfully). I have known IRL a few people who told me exactly what you are saying, after enduring very traumatic events. The dreams will fade, in time, and are in a way therapeutic, even if they might not seem so to you right now.
  13. Please, please, OP, and as others are advising, end this highly toxic "relationship" right now. You are still young, with many years before you. But, but, you will have to walk this hard road to find yourself, the lovable, independent and resilient self. "For example, if you have a core belief that you are unloveable, you will probably have a strong pattern in life of choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable. A person who did not have a core belief they were unloveable would walk away from such a situation." From: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/why-do-i-feel-so-unloveable.htm
  14. Try not to twist what people, in good faith, are trying to say to you. My one-liners as you call them are merely endorsement of what other posters are saying to you. And again, I endorse their very good advice to you. I have no intention of bring you, or anyone else, "down a peg or two" as you put it. Just to remark: 'She is literally all I think about' I, and others here, can only go by what you write, and assume you mean what you write. We are not in your presence. Now you say we should only take what you say lightly. Do try to be reasonable, OP. Everyone is trying to help. You said earlier on: "Why on earth do I feel like I've blown it?" To which Bolt replied that it was because anxiety is steering your ship. (I have read your entire thread OP).
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