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About hidden_kitten

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  1. Not been able to get out yet, finding excuses like I slept in too late or the weather is meh. Had a productive day at work though and going back in tomorrow even though not scheduled to try to back into a routine...which should mean sleeping better and can get up at the weekend to head out! Thank you Dias, yeah needed somewhere to vent at 1 in the morning. Can’t really travel to meet anyone for another couple of weeks and the app trail has gone cold so don’t think I’m going to do anything too rash. I suppose just entertaining it in my head is part of the healing process.
  2. I caved and messaged him. Just a simple hello...no response. I’m struggling. Wish these feelings would go away. Would do anything for a connection with another human right now.
  3. Send some of that my way please, I have some serious weight to shift 😐
  4. Been resisting the urge to try and call ex that bubbles to the surface now and then. Had a good run of good weather but haven't been able to take advantage of it due to catching up with work/stupid sleep pattern. Thought if I get everything off my plate by next week I can take off for some long walks in the hills...and just my luck that's when snow is forecast!
  5. Cute app guy has not responded since the weekend. Boo. Nevermind, work has suddenly gone from zero to sixty and today was the first full shift of the year! My brain was mush when I got home. Which is annoying because I’m procrastinating on other things that I need to get off my plate. This deserves a longer entry, but basically I’ve landed in an event management role....when I’m completely unsuited to it. I’m naturally reserved and come across as younger than I am, no one believes I’m my thirties. I just don’t have presence and fear that it’s too late to cultivate that. However, today rea
  6. A couple of conversations happening through the dating apps. Being very shallow here but there’s a nice looking guy who actually responded with more than a sentence to my initial messages, there’s been back and forth for a couple of days but heard nothing today...hoping that I haven’t bored him! He is cute so I wouldn’t mind meeting him when travel restrictions lift again. The conversations with others are just chitchat about bands, one of my profile lists my music taste so a lot of messages revolve around that to begin with.
  7. Good news this week about my country’s easing of lockdown. Looks like some places can start to open up towards the end of next month. Everyone in my household has had at least their first vaccine dose, which is good considering there’s fears of a shortage slowing things down in the coming weeks. I’m still really struggling with keeping to a routine. Not having to be anywhere means I do absolutely nothing, because I can and there’s no immediate consequences. Slept for ages yesterday, had a couple of weird dreams. In the first one I was with an ex from a decade ago and we were celebrating o
  8. Making notes of all the places in the city I want to go back to as soon as they open and people are allowed to travel. Some are places that S introduced me to but I want to reclaim them as my own. It’ll be hard going by myself but I need the practice. There’s other places that we said we’d get round to visiting but never did, well missed your chance a*****le I’m going anyway. Climb Arthur’s Seat. Visit castle. Drive to the beach myself.
  9. Been a month now. I deleted his number and email address, and never learned them off by heart so it does sting that if he never reaches out, I can’t get hold of him either. Just so weird going from planning a life together straight to acting like we never existed. Random crying episodes. Missing sex also.
  10. Thank you. I’m just whinging to try and feel better, as juvenile and naive my thoughts will sound. Watched the latest SpaceX test launch - my dad has always been a space exploration nerd so watched it along with him - just didn’t look real coming back to the launch site then uprighting seconds before touching the ground. Gutted when it blew up, at least it stayed in one piece longer than the last test!
  11. Couldn’t sleep last night either, but no headache. Still angry. I was so patient with him yet I’m the one that gets tossed aside. How come everyone else gets their happy ending and I don’t? Feel like I’m forever making the wrong choices which means whatever I decide to do next will be wrong too.
  12. Urgh, headache and sore stomach overnight, which I assume are side effects. Slight tenderness at jab site. So a very lazy day. It’s been so nice out but I have little energy to enjoy it today, maybe tomorrow after work. Feeling anger at him for leading me on. I want to shout at him to let him know. During our relationship we never argued, I rarely do when I’m with someone but I wonder if that contributed to him walking away in some way? Cowards way out instead of discussing how he was feeling with me. Angry at the past year in general and how everything is messed up - can’t see friends, c
  13. Feeling like I’m in an odd place just now. With another relationship down the pan - I did exactly what I shouldn’t be doing and snooped up on my previous ex and an old crush. Previous ex, relationship ended 6 (!) years ago and I’ve had no contact with him since. He was/is the complete opposite from me in terms of personality, interests but at the time that’s what attracted me to him. I was then totally single for a couple of years until old crush showed up, and for a while i thought there might be a chance of dating and was gutted when he turned me down. Said he “wasn’t ready for a relati
  14. I’ve had to sit with your words for a few days - I’d never considered it from this angle before. For the most part I thought I got on well with him, we didn’t argue or fight (says there was a lot of arguing and shouting toward the end of his marriage, so I thought we were doing ok), and while there were some factors that I wasn’t hot on I thought if I was committed and patient we would get through it. In the future I will have to be stricter with myself and what I’ll accept, but underneath I’m worried that this shrinks the dating pool even further.
  15. Been back at work this week for short shifts. We’re not open to the public again yet but are allowed to do things behind the scenes. It’s been a good distraction but my sleep pattern is all messed up, only getting about 5 hours a night. Package arrived with my things. Really sad that I might never see him again. Angry that he didn’t tell me sooner that something was wrong. Angry at myself for not realising and talking to him sooner. It seems to be a pattern in my relationships that they seem to fail at critical stepping stones like moving in together. I hate the fact that I have
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