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Everything posted by LaHermes

  1. Yes. Smackie. I dare say it has something to do with taxes. This couple in particular would have been married at least 30 years with adult children. But so much acquired wealth and all these complicated structures would no doubt have led them to "divorce" on paper only.
  2. Not all that uncommon Smackie. I know a few of those as well. And, I also know a few who got divorced (on paper) but still live together as man and wife. Something to do with rather arcane financial structures. These are very wealthy folks.
  3. Not relevant at all. The OP has repeatedly said he does not wish to marry. So, essentially, all that matters is how he and his GF resolve their particular dilemma. I am quite sure the OP is well aware of what cohabitation entails.
  4. Fully agree Smackie. And it is a very worrying trend, and an increasing one. Even when they know and discover that they have got a bad apple, they still prefer the delinquent. And even after getting out of the high-octane technicolour enmeshment with the exciting bad apple, those people will admit that they find other men/women so boring by comparison.
  5. I think, and it has occurred to me too, that OP has considerable difficulty in "reading" situations, and people. "...being too literal and/or having difficulty understanding non-verbal communications, such as body language." "focused on the socially anxious, who can struggle with reading emotions because they find social interactions unpredictable or confusing." Certainly the OP himself has remarked on occasion that he is socially awkward.
  6. Yes Smackie. Yet, as I may have remarked before, the number of people who THINK and believe that the stable and comfortable person is boring. And they actually say it too! "Tim is a nice guy, but he is so boring!" ("Tim" is a decent, hardworking, stable, sane who has had a steady upbringing, for example). But no, the individual in with a chance is the love bomber, the delinquent, the half insane, the "exciting" one, the latent abuser. It makes one despair.
  7. Very understandable OP. The shock of the finality is kicking in, and those dreams (over which in your sleep you have no control) are the brain's way of clearing out the sludge (albeit painfully). I have known IRL a few people who told me exactly what you are saying, after enduring very traumatic events. The dreams will fade, in time, and are in a way therapeutic, even if they might not seem so to you right now.
  8. Please, please, OP, and as others are advising, end this highly toxic "relationship" right now. You are still young, with many years before you. But, but, you will have to walk this hard road to find yourself, the lovable, independent and resilient self. "For example, if you have a core belief that you are unloveable, you will probably have a strong pattern in life of choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable. A person who did not have a core belief they were unloveable would walk away from such a situation." From: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/why-do-i-feel-so-unloveable.htm
  9. Try not to twist what people, in good faith, are trying to say to you. My one-liners as you call them are merely endorsement of what other posters are saying to you. And again, I endorse their very good advice to you. I have no intention of bring you, or anyone else, "down a peg or two" as you put it. Just to remark: 'She is literally all I think about' I, and others here, can only go by what you write, and assume you mean what you write. We are not in your presence. Now you say we should only take what you say lightly. Do try to be reasonable, OP. Everyone is trying to help. You said earlier on: "Why on earth do I feel like I've blown it?" To which Bolt replied that it was because anxiety is steering your ship. (I have read your entire thread OP).
  10. You yourself said: "she is literally all I think about" How do you think that sounds to an outsider, OP? I agree with Catfeeder. And if you are on an NHS list I greatly fear you will be waiting a long time. You know this. Perhaps the situation warrants looking for private therapy? No idea what this means, although relaxation is precisely what you need, OP. lol. "Relax... I'm not about to go all Mark Wahlberg in Fear over her." And, btw, all the posters, and I include myself, are here to give of their time, support and advice.
  11. Yes, Bolt, and this lies at the heart of the matter.
  12. What Bolt is asking, OP. The co-investment or indeed any other such matter is quite beside the point here. I sincerely hope you have put an end to this toxic enmeshment with someone who has severe mental health problems. Yes? Your utter terror is also toxic, and is groundless.
  13. OP. Could you address the points made in Lotus' post?
  14. OP, remember this? ""How do I become more secure within myself and not be afraid to make hard decisions just because I'm afraid of being alone or not finding the right person?" And Bolt asked you what specifically are you afraid of. Will you hang on in a wretched and ultimately damaging "relationship", or any relationship, just because you are terrified of being alone? You NEED to be alone, and for quite a while, OP.
  15. Fully agree Cat. OP, that anxiety will be your undoing so please do seek help.
  16. And that, OP, is the aspect you need to address. And it has nothing to with being too "nice". You need to sharpen up our radar, become both aware and self-aware, and learn to distinguish between what will be good for you and what will not.
  17. Please, OP, read and re-read Lotus Black's post. You are twenty-six OP! Please get your thinking in order. You do realise that your social ineptitude (and the reasons for it) lie at the heart of your evident difficulties.
  18. OP. Your question is so beside the point. You got excellent advice on your other thread. Surely you do not intend to continue this most unhealthy relationship just because of your awful fear of being "alone". Your investment decisions, and who you have the investments with, are entirely YOUR business and not anyone else's.
  19. Yes, that's them. Enigma is a German musical project founded in 1990 by Romanian-German musician and producer Michael Cretu. Gregorian chant included in some of their pieces, and there is that insistent beat pervading the music. Quite hypnotic in many ways.
  20. Precisely, Cherlyn. And that's the core of the matter "the right person" and "stellar character". My parents were an example. Married all those decades. Both independent characters yet in tune with each other. Problem is that all too many are headed for the divorce road from the day they marry precisely because they marry for the wrong reasons, and not for those that you mention. You'd be amazed at how many think that "stellar character" means "boring". The "exciting" lunatic is what they want. I despair at times of people's lack of discernment.
  21. I ask same as Bolt. And, OP, you are getting very good advice here (as usual). Desperation is a very bad advisor, OP. Please, OP, think about what you are thinking, and about what you are saying. I echo what Lambert says above.
  22. Please, please, OP, don't get with this "Ann" or indeed any girl for that reason alone. As you say, "Ann" was drunk, and do you think that a drunk hook-up is a great idea anyhow? Don't think so. She has a BF, so, I'd just forget her.
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