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Lisa Love

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  1. Thank you 🙏 this makes a lot of sense. I am well aware of their behavior. One sister is a spiritual teacher and she said oh you know that word gaslighting I recently learned it. You know how I used to deny everything that’s true. Used to as in something in the past. They are so delusional it’s unreal.
  2. Where do I start. The last years I have come to reolize my older adult sister are highly deceptive, disrespectful and even narcissistic. We’re all adults and when I bring it up to my mother how unfair, selfish and vindictive they have been towards me my mother Denys any wrong doing. If I’m at her home she will even ask me to leave if I don’t drop the topic and if she’s at my home shell threaten to leave herself. An example is after lockdown my sisters went on vacation with their kids and didn’t invite me and my one child. They sent me a last minute invite to save face. My other sister is getting married and they’re having a pre-party and I was told to only come on the day of the wedding. When I bring this up to my mom she says “they have their own lives to worry about” and then threatens to leave if I challenge her statement. I just want an explanation as to why I’m ostracized from family events. I’ve never felt this alone in my entire life. It’s very hard when you’re own family invalidates you. I’ve come to deeply hate all of them.
  3. Hi everyone, my husband has been acting very shady the last 6 months and I’m starting to believe he cheats on me whenever I’m away. He staying up at night until 2 am when he has to go to work at 6 am. When I ask him if he’s seeing anyone he’ll be like “idk am I” keeping me in a constant state of worry. He’ll comment about other women in front of me and make it into a “joke”. I’m waking up to the fact that he has some real narcissistic traits but I just feel completely lost at this point. My family is a full of narcs as well so there’s no one I can turn to. It’s like I’m living a life in a reality that dosent feel real. The only other weird thing i found was cum on the carpet near a closet door. So I’m like wait is he masterbating in the closet when I’m asleep. It’s making me physically sick and I’m on the way out the door but I feel like I need to know the truth for my own sanity. I know he’ll never tell me if he is so idk what to do at this point. Tomorrow I’m reaching out to a therapist just for myself because I’m actually starting to feel like my meanly health is deteriorating and he won’t confirm or deny a single thing.
  4. That’s exactly it. Cruelty. How can we justify cruelty with a cultural difference. Trust me she said it out of spite. You’re right these are not my Core Values and idk what I’m going to do from here but if there’s a way out I don’t think I would care if the relationship ended. We try to understand them they should also try to understand us. Respect is truly a two way street.
  5. So what makes me think he’s cheating is he takes his phone to the bathroom all the time, he all of the sudden steps outside for a cigarette more than usual, our sex life has decreased, and he comments about other hot women in front of me all the time. He says it as a joke but it’s not a joke when you do it every chance you get. If I ask a direct question he doesn’t give me reassurance. And overall it’s just that gut feeling that something is really wrong.
  6. I don’t mind if they speak in their language. But when you’re not included At All in the conversations it’s so disrespectful and makes me feel awkward. Like I don’t know what to say my anxiety level go up. We’ve never had an actual human conversation past how are you. His sisters are so hateful one of them threw a “you’re fat” underhanded comment after I gave birth. I’m resenting my husband more and more everyday because he just doesn’t seem to give a *** and talks about his family like they’re not a bunch of evil bullies. That’s why I feel like at this point I’m just being gaslighted and my feelings will never get validated as long as I’m with him. I do feel exhausted, sleep deprived and it’s just an uphill battle.
  7. So here it goes. The past year I’ve had a spiritual awakening. But what I didn’t expect was to learn so much about Narcissistic Abuse. My entire family is narcissistic so much so that some of them refer to themselves as psychopaths. I myself am an Empath. Now I’m trying to figure out who my husband actually is. In 4 years I’ve never actually had a conversation with any of the women in his family. When we’re around his mom he translates from Arabic to English but the convo is so superficial I feel emotionally drained by the end of it. As soon as we sit down they just start speaking in their language as if I’m not even there. I’m the one that intitiates the “how are you” convo with his mom. My husband acts like I should just accept it and stop complaining about it. I’m starting to wonder if he and his mom are plotting against me. He even said something really strange. He said when we move closer to my mom I can even go over and sleep over to my moms house. when we go out to eat with my just us at dinner he never ever has an intimate conversation with me. I’m even beginning to think he’s been cheating in our relationship the entire time. He doesn’t validate any of my concerns and gives me the silent treatment if I push too far. I feel like I’m losing my mind. My own family is extremely invalidating. Please help.
  8. That’s what I said. He makes me feel like I’m crazy for being worried about a 3 yrs old riding a bus. It’s very close a 5 min ride. we have one car. He takes it to work and I wake up in the morning and get him ready. All he has to do is drive him and he fights with me on the way out the door. You’re right he’s been a jerk for years now. I’ve turned to my family for support and they have turned me down time and time again. Thanks guys I just needed someone to validate my concerns and I’ll do whatever it takes to make my son feel safe.
  9. My 3 yr old started Preschool at a public school. It’s not the best school but it’s something to get him out of the house and interacting. On day 3 my husband keeps nagging me about our son should take the school bus in the morning as well as afternoon. For now he only takes the bus in the afternoon. I got him ready this morning and told my husband to drop him off and he acted like driving him for 5 minutes was such a huge task. Our son is still adjusting and scared when we drop him off. I just feel like this man could care less about our child’s physical and psychological well-being. In addition he keeps bringing up changing his work schedule to the afternoon form 6pm- 2am. When I tell him maybe he should look for another job he talks about I wanna start my own business. This man is all over the place and stressing me out more than my child.
  10. Thank you Cherylyn for sharing your experiences..it makes me feel less alone and realize that others have also gone throw less than ideal family lives and still managed to raise to the top..I can see your speaking from a place of peace and serenity. that’s where I want to get to.. “the truth is we don’t struggle with depression. The truth is we struggle with the reality that we live in” Keanu Reeves I’m well aware that I’m not in the most happy state with my partner but trust me when I say I went over for Christmas with so much excitement. I truly believe that one of my sisters is a malignant narcissist and she had been talking crap about me to the whole family before I got there..hence the immediate cold shoulder treatment upon my arrival. all they had to say is hey let talk..what’s going on..how can we fix this..but no..I heard nothing just plain old ignoring, disregard, disrespect.. I don’t talk crap about her or any of the family members if there’s a problem I let that person know directly.. I don’t turn my entire family on that person like a bunch of higher school teenagers.. anyways I’m not longer going to explain my reasoning and ppl that have gone threw similar situations need no explaining because they just get it.. thank you again and again Cherylyn.
  11. I think you hit the nail in the head. Maybe I didn’t word it right but you read right threw my thoughts. That’s exactly it the gift are not matching the unkind, disrespectful behavior. Its a shame to actually change your own thought process into a business arraignment but I love your advice about diplomacy. Never thought i would have to apply it with my own siblings. I think in a way we have to mourn these broken family dynamics and heal before we expose ourselves to disappointing behaviors. I too have a brother-in-law that no one can stand and I think you’re right about when siblings place their significant other on a pedestal and everyone else comes after. I guess part of adulthood is changing family dynamics that may not work in our favor. And part of life is accepting it and moving on. This is the clarity I was looking for because resentment was consuming me. Thank you so much and I pray that we will both grow stronger, wiser and warmer from these experiences 🙏
  12. Thank you Cherylyn..it’s nice for someone to validate your feelings even over a forum. Some may see it as being ungreatful but presents to me are just objects. What really matters is a warm, loving supportive family. Since I left the group text my mind feels clearer I feel more empowered. And the your marriage sucks argument that’s why your fighting with your sisters is just plain shaming. Every relationship in my life is separate from the other. I know it’s hard for ppl to understand the resentment when you’re receiving gifts but trust me when I say they are very narcissistic and manipulative in nature. Two of them have even admired to me in the past that being manipulative is a a good thing to get what you want. But I will take the advice to detach from these so called family members and just do it for my son. He deserves the world. Thanks you 🙏
  13. During Christmas break I took my toddler son to my parents home to spend time with his cousins and grandparents. One of my sisters bought him presents yet didn’t even ask me how I was since I’ve moved to another state. When I’m far away she calls me constantly and when I showed up in person she gave me a cold shoulder. I called her out on it and was like aren’t u gonna ask me how I am since I’ve moved. She’s like I know u came here just for your son. I was like if course he’s lonely and no one has come to visit us. My other sister was like ok we’re gonna go out for a drink are u coming? I was like well now I’m not in the mood to celebrate if I’m getting a cold shoulder as soon as I arrive. They left anyways. Second sister got my sons presents too yet could give two s about his mom. Than my third sister face times me from another stare to tell me what a great trip she’s having with her own family. After I hung up I realized she called me to rub it in my face. I’m a stay at home mom I don’t socialize that much and I felt even more alone when I saw them. Since then they text in a group message as if nothing has happened so I just stop texting completely. The only thing I’m worried about is my child. I feel so bad for him because he is the only child and needs contact with his family. But it makes it hard to show up when they clearly could care less about actually being in my presence or even taking the time to communicate or something is wrong. I actually feel completely alone in the world. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys
  14. Thank you everyone for your feedback I truly read each one carefully. I think if I had my families support I would of left a long time ago but the truth is I don’t. When I would tell my mom whats happening she would just nod and say nothing at all. I call home very rarely now. I’m aware that I’m losing control but from now on I’ll keep my distance with him as much as possible and hopefully find a job to become self sufficient. I like the advice about talking my toddler for a walk I will try that. Thanks you all for your words of encouragement 🙏
  15. When I do Cook he either finds something wrong with it or tells me he ate at work. I mean nothing works with this person. This morning he had to take the toddler to daycare part time and I woke up with him 3 times last night cause he was coughing. After breakfast he still expects me to keep going and dress him up. While he’s just sitting there drinking his coffee. He said if I don’t dress him up he will leave him at home. I lost it yet again. At this point I don’t even have the words to explain this situation.
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