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Everything posted by LaHermes

  1. OP, that is a very worrying reply! Do you realise what you are saying. I want this conversation to move to YOU. What this rubbishy individual does or doesn't do is quite beside the point. Why do YOU think you don't deserve anything better than this lying useless individual? You do realise (I assume) that there are decent men out there, single men, who would treat you with respect. Would you not like to live a stable life with someone who respects you? Is your self-worth and opinion of yourself so terribly low that this is the best you can do. Do you intend to continue in this shadowy world, where there is no future? You know what he is, you know he has no love or respect for you. But worst of all where is your love and respect for YOURSELF.
  2. again I ask, OP. Why are you so fixated on this trashy individual? Why are you involved with him at all?!
  3. I worry when I read things like this, OP. A much too fast startup, IMO.
  4. OP. What is so wonderful about this individual? Are there no other respectable, decent and sane men where you live?
  5. OP. I wouldn't give mommy dearest any more space inside your head. She isn't worth it. And maybe her albeit temporary appearance in your life was, as I said earlier, a blessing in disguise. It was the detonator to get you out of a toxic situation. Look at it like that. And you have nothing to envy there either. Nightmares are best forgotten but they can leave a lingering bad taste. To some extent I do understand OP. Blatant rudeness can rock one back on one's heels. Sure you went OTT with the hospitality. But a gracious person would maybe smile wryly to herself and simply say "thank you for going to so much trouble". How much easier is it to say those few words? Rather than snapping and barking. Again, remember this, OP. You will never get pears off an elm tree.
  6. Well, OP, he isn't even asking you to buy dinner even every second time, but just sometimes. It would be a nice gesture on your part anyhow. I am having some difficulty seeing the connection between buying dinner out sometimes and watching racing on TV. I assume he does not watch racing twelve hours a day. It is really, as other posters have remarked, a question of discussing your roles and reaching an agreement. Most couples I know both spouses are working full time, and share expenses.
  7. I agree. There are types like Mommy dearest everywhere. We have them here too. Rude, abrasive and ultimately saddled with their own mighty inferiority complex, which leads to such unacceptable behaviour. Directness I value. Rudeness no. Anyhow, as I said before, JS, you actually have had a lucky escape here. Don't give them any more head space. Just heave a sigh of relief. And next time round, JS, take a long, hard, investigative look at the family (and its dynamics) behind the person you may be considering for a relationship. Dysfunctional individuals do not have boundaries, so do not naively think you would be able to keep them at arm's length. Anyhow, why let yourself in for such hardship!
  8. As other posters have said. Do seek professional help for the overwhelming anxiety. You can't do this alone. I endorse what Kwothe has said.
  9. Who are these experts?! And have they just given an opinion off the bat or do you somehow consult these people? Only you can know yourself. Are you still having therapy? A qualified therapist will be well able to point out your qualities and also lead you to a place of insight.
  10. I'm like a one-eyed cat peeping in a seafood store I'm like a one-eyed cat peeping in a seafood store. LOL.
  11. Gosh, Smackie, I thought you were kidding. But: "New York-based gynecologist Alyssa Dweck told VICE via email. She did, however, say the practice was “safe with caveats”: keep the hair dryer on its lowest/coolest setting and only use it externally. “Don’t blow air into the vagina,” Dweck said. Good advice, and broadly applicable. She also said some gynecologists suggest blow-drying versus a mere towel-off for people who get frequent yeast infections or suffer from issues related to skin sensitivity. “Yeast thrives in moist dark places, and towel drying may not do the trick,” Dweck said. So, if you’re someone who deals with recurrent yeast infections and you’re looking for an excuse to fire up the ol’ Dyson Supersonic, it’s not actively dangerous to put two and two together. Just proceed with caution and enjoy the breeze."
  12. Was he hitting on the other women in the steam room? If relaxing in a steam room I really would not want to chat or hear about someone else's back problems.
  13. Yes, OP. I got that right back earlier in your thread and took it on board. And that's good too! And it is interesting to read what you have to say OP. Just to ask if perhaps this is a typo? Aaahh, got it! https://www.envisionwellness.co/are-you-a-serial-monogamist/
  14. Like it or not, OP, you may have to come to grips with the fact that he could be gay.
  15. OP, giving someone a compliment is not a red flag. Lol. I do it myself if someone has done something considerate for me or for other reasons. Showing affection to someone likewise. It is when that stuff becomes OTT and outlandishly blatant that the bells need to start ringing. I don't imagine you would move in with anyone early on, and indeed it would be very ill-advised. If someone was very pressing to the point where you would refuse to move in, well there you have a red flag for starters. "Less is always more" applies to relationships too.
  16. Hey, you can never be overly cautious! "Make haste slowly" is good advice. Particularly in the fraught area of looking for a relationship and more so in this era of OLD. What red flags do you think you'd be seeing that aren't actually there?
  17. You are quite right to be cautious OP. "Red flags in a relationship are intuitive indicators that something needs to be questioned." It can be difficult to see those red flags when you first meet someone, or even on the second meeting, as usually the red flag bearers are adept at hiding (initially anyhow) behind that "Mask of Sanity". But you can be certain the mask will slip, unfortunately all too late when one has become rather enmeshed in the relationship and thinking becomes foggy. Even so, reading someone a skill, and it can be acquired, so as to be able to read someone early on. and IMO this is very important: "If there is something “off" about this person that seems obvious to those who know you so well, you may need to listen to what they’re telling you. Often, in the throes of a new relationship, hearing criticism about your new “beloved” may not be welcome, but others may see things more clearly from an outsider’s perspective. At the very least, hear these people out."
  18. As I said. She could be in the Highlands for that matter.
  19. MissL. It is probably best to let it go. Maybe he just isn't that interested. Who knows. Did he make any mention of travelling over to see you? There is a frequent ferry from Larne (NI) to Stranraer (Scotland)! Crossing distance is 32 miles. And the public is now allowed to travel again. Granted, Stranraer may be some distance from where you live in Scotland. What do you think?
  20. A long walk does wonders, Tiny. And I know wearing the mask is so uncomfortable. Thankfully here one does not have to wear the mask when going for a walk. Only if going into a premises etc. Hopefully there is an open space near you where you can walk in peace. I do remember that you are very keen to move out into a more rural setting. Hope you can, soon.
  21. I am still with you on this issue, OP. Rudeness is rudeness, regardless of "culture". Nothing wrong with being blunt and forthright, which is NOT the same as being rude and ill-mannered. We have rude wagons here too, and they are not from Russia either! Definitely, OP, you went OTT with the welcoming spree, so OK, that was a mistake. But you know what, OP, you are well rid of them all. In a way Mommy dearest was, so to speak, "the hand of destiny" L. Now you won't be marrying into that kind of dysfunction. Next time do look long and hard at the background of the person. And always remember this: "You can't get pears off an elm tree". Quite so. But you have seen, however painfully,that your ex is not adult in that sense, if she is scared witless by her mother. Best of luck going forward.
  22. Absolutely right, RS. We've been saying this to the OP in so many ways. But OP does not WISH to face this reality, and indeed has not even come back to respond to the many posts. (Same with last thread). Even if photographs were handed to her today in the typical large beige envelope, with a recording, she would find a way to argue around the issue.
  23. That's what he says. We circle back to the bare fact that he must see a psychiatrist who will assess him and determine which medication WILL help him. I repeat what MissC says: Meantime you may wish to glance at this: https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/relationships
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