Is he just not into me after all?

[boltnrun]

Yeah my whole attitude changed after he chose to ignore her text. I just think that's pretty sucky and disrespectful, as I said if he didn't want to discuss over text, then the least he could have done, was respond back telling her they would discuss next time they get together.

 

Not just ignore her, which again was so rude and disrespectful; just me but I would have been done after that. Very telling of things to come and how he handles conflict and the tough questions. Just ignore and hope it goes away, ugh. No thanks.

 

And I think Lex sent him a very bad message by calling him after that too. Almost rewarding him for disrespectful behavior, not quite sure what she was thinking there, except she needed her "fix" and she got it! Temporarily anyway.

 

Well, yeah because the conversation seems to have done little (if anything) to relieve her anxiety. I'd go so far as to say it INCREASED her anxiety, because she has decided it will affect the upcoming weekend date in a negative way.

 

Lex...he cannot relieve your anxiety. Your anxiety belongs to you, not him. You can choose to either try to find some way to keep dating him and work on the anxiety yourself, or you can simply stop dating this man who isn't interested in texting you between dates.

[katrina1980]

… and ignoring you when you bring up an issue he's uncomfortable discussing or doesn't want to discuss, and chalking it all up to him being a "guy."

 

Good luck with that.

[j.man]

What's to discuss?

[figureitout23]

texting more convincingly i believe.

[katrina1980]

What's to discuss?

 

Well she either asked or told him (can't remember) calmly and respectfully she would like a bit more communication in between dates. Not too much to ask really considering according or her, these days, he rarely texts or calls and if he does, it's just sort of meh, like why bother.

 

Now I wouldn't have asked for reasons stated in my earlier post today, but nevertheless it was quite rude of him to just ignore and then when she called, he blamed (both the fact he doesn't like to text in between dates and him ignoring her) on him being a "guy."

 

I dunno, just me but that wouldn't fly with me, I wasn't raised to ignore a man I'm dating (or anyone really) when he brings up an issue he doesn't care to address.

 

Cowardly and disrespectful, again just me!!

[boltnrun]

Well she told him (calmly and respectfully) she would like more communication in between dates.

 

Now I wouldn't have asked for reasons stated in my earlier post today, but nevertheless it was quite rude of him to just ignore and then when she called, he blamed (both the fact he doesn't like to text in between dates and him ignoring her) on him being a "guy."

 

I dunno, just me but that wouldn't fly with me, I wasn't raised to ignore a man I'm dating (or anyone really) when he brings up an issue he doesn't care to address.

 

Cowardly and disrespectful, again just me!!

 

But he'd already told her (more than once) that he wasn't much of a texter and that he was kind of introverted. So in my opinion for her to ask YET AGAIN when he'd already explained why he doesn't do that is borderline disrespectful. I don't like it when someone asks me something, I explain why I won't, then they ask me again. It makes me feel unheard, or that the other person thinks their needs supercede mine.

 

I mean, how many times should he have to say no? How many times should he have to explain himself to her?

[katrina1980]

But he'd already told her (more than once) that he wasn't much of a texter and that he was kind of introverted. So in my opinion for her to ask YET AGAIN when he'd already explained why he doesn't do that is borderline disrespectful. I don't like it when someone asks me something, I explain why I won't, then they ask me again. It makes me feel unheard, or that the other person thinks their needs supercede mine.

 

I mean, how many times should he have to say no? How many times should he have to explain himself to her?

 

Fair enough, and agree; again I wouldn't have asked at all. I either accept what he has to give or walk away.

 

It's the ignoring part I'm having trouble with.

 

I dunno, maybe he is done, I guess she will find out tomorrow.

[boltnrun]

Fair enough, it's the ignoring part I'm having trouble with.

 

I dunno, maybe he is done, I guess she will find out tomorrow.

 

But she's ignoring him. He told her, more than once, then she asked again.

 

She isn't HEARING him.

 

Lex, he's told you he's not a texter. You have asked him a couple of times to text anyway. Can you accept that he just is not going to do this? Or would it make more sense to date a man who IS into texting?

[katrina1980]

But he'd already told her (more than once) that he wasn't much of a texter and that he was kind of introverted. So in my opinion for her to ask YET AGAIN when he'd already explained why he doesn't do that is borderline disrespectful. I don't like it when someone asks me something, I explain why I won't, then they ask me again. It makes me feel unheard, or that the other person thinks their needs supercede mine.

 

I mean, how many times should he have to say no? How many times should he have to explain himself to her?

 

Also a bit confused, but did she actually tell him prior that she'd like a bit more communication in between? I thought this week was the first time, I could be wrong.

 

I didn't read where she ever did, yes he told her he doesn't like texting and is an introvert, but heck I am a huge introvert, but I still like interacting with my boyfriend in between dates. Not ad nauseum of course, but man this guy really takes it to the extreme, imo.

 

Which is fine, that's him, but again it's the ignoring that would bother me more than anything. There was no reason for that, it was just rude no matter how annoyed he was at her suggestion.

[Batya33]

Also a bit confused, but did she actually tell him prior that she'd like a bit more communication in between? I thought this week was the first time, I could be wrong.

 

I didn't read where she ever did, yes he told her he doesn't like texting and is an introvert, but heck I am a huge introvert, but I still like interacting with my boyfriend in between dates. Not ad nauseum of course, but man this guy really takes it to the extreme, imo.

 

Which is fine, that's him, but again it's the ignoring that would bother me more than anything. There was no reason for that, it was just rude no matter how annoyed he was at her suggestion.

 

I don't buy that he's such an introvert. I wonder -if he's such an introvert wouldn't that mean he'd take space for himself during his long holiday weekend -and use that time to connect with her or at least send a text checking in to see how her holiday is going?

[Lex00]

Also a bit confused, but did she actually tell him prior that she'd like a bit more communication in between? I thought this week was the first time, I could be wrong.

 

I didn't read where she ever did, yes he told her he doesn't like texting and is an introvert, but heck I am a huge introvert, but I still like interacting with my boyfriend in between dates. Not ad nauseum of course, but man this guy really takes it to the extreme, imo.

 

Which is fine, that's him, but again it's the ignoring that would bother me more than anything. There was no reason for that, it was just rude no matter how annoyed he was at her suggestion.

 

This week was the first time I brought up that I would like a little more communication between dates. The first time I heard he wasn’t the best texter was when we first started dating. He volunteered that information to me. That wasn’t the case, however. In the beginning, I hear from him every 1-2 days. And they were texts full of energy, enthusiasm, sweet texts telling me I’m amazing and he can’t wait to see/kiss me. THAT is what my problem is. His texts are less, and they’re more like texts he would send to his buddy with the occasional “can’t wait to you again”. Even that, I’ve received maybe once this past couple of weeks.

[j.man]

I don't buy that he's such an introvert. I wonder -if he's such an introvert wouldn't that mean he'd take space for himself during his long holiday weekend -and use that time to connect with her or at least send a text checking in to see how her holiday is going?

Using his alone time to connect with her is the very antithesis of introversion, particularly after a weekend of exceptional social obligations.

[Lex00]

I don't buy that he's such an introvert. I wonder -if he's such an introvert wouldn't that mean he'd take space for himself during his long holiday weekend -and use that time to connect with her or at least send a text checking in to see how her holiday is going?

 

Absolutely. But he explained to me he loves being with only his family and he has 3 close friends. Otherwise, he can’t be in a large crowd with strangers or else he feels drained and ventures off to be alone and/or hangs with the kids. He also said if he has to go to a big event such as take his kids to a party or amusement park, he has to mentally prepare himself a few days prior, then “recaharge” for another couple days after. But after all this, it takes all but 5 seconds to send a text to let the person know you’re thinking of them

[j.man]

Fort Wurth Texas sucks

It does but its airport has a Chick Fil A.

[boltnrun]

It does but its airport has a Chick Fil A.

 

You've been to Fort WURTH? Where is it located?

[figureitout23]

Absolutely. But he explained to me he loves being with only his family and he has 3 close friends. Otherwise, he can’t be in a large crowd with strangers or else he feels drained and ventures off to be alone and/or hangs with the kids. He also said if he has to go to a big event such as take his kids to a party or amusement park, he has to mentally prepare himself a few days prior, then “recaharge” for another couple days afternoon r. But after all this, it takes all but 5 seconds to send a text to let the person know you’re thinking of them

 

doesn’t mater if takes him two seconds or 17 hours. You’re right fighting with people who have zero skin in the game, you do realize that right?

 

He either is the guy for you or he isn’t, but trying to get us to say he’s a bad bad man when we don’t know this dude from a stranger on the street is about as useless as a third nipple.

 

There’s an incompatibility and instead of you accepting that you keep on good lord 30 pages later and this is still the topic, I would have tapped out long ago people.

[boltnrun]

Absolutely. But he explained to me he loves being with only his family and he has 3 close friends. Otherwise, he can’t be in a large crowd with strangers or else he feels drained and ventures off to be alone and/or hangs with the kids. He also said if he has to go to a big event such as take his kids to a party or amusement park, he has to mentally prepare himself a few days prior, then “recaharge” for another couple days after. But after all this, it takes all but 5 seconds to send a text to let the person know you’re thinking of them

 

You know for a fact he won't do this, despite what he did in the beginning.

 

So, as FIO said, 30+ pages later...can you accept this? Or do you think dating a man who is into texting and/or calling would be a better idea?

[reinventmyself]

Hey reinvent, remember the doctor I dated prior to my current? And how non-emotional and cerebral he was?

 

I think it was Batya who asked me why had I not spoken to him about it, and my thought process was same as yours.

 

Because he is who he is, and it's up to me to decide whether it's something I could live and be happy with.

 

It was not, so like you, I ended it.

 

That is why I am not a huge advocate of talking to a man about what you need; just me but I wouldn't want him changing himself to suit me or make me happy; any change made needs to come from his heart, from within himself, on his own, otherwise it defeats the purpose.

 

I know opinions are mixed on this, and that's okay.

 

I only do what's right for me, what works for me, as we all should.

I agree to a point. I pretty much knew that that relationship (if you will) was not going to work but for me, but I've learned to at least ask for what I need before walking away.

 

I accept people as they are but there are those few times that people will surprise you. You never know unless you ask. That and I can look back knowing I did my part with no regrets.

 

Besides, it took me years to learn to speak up. It's always a great opportunity to practice.

[mustlovedogs]

I think it’s ok to ask - for instance, acts of service don’t ring as meaningful to me. But if they were for someone I was seeing, I’d be more aware and step it up

[Eliza50]

So, he acts very interested during dates but somewhat disappears the rest of the time. It has never happened to me, not after so many dates, but I can understand why you feel the way you do. Ok, he's not a big texter (neither am I) but there are other ways to stay connected to someone you're interested in....like phones and emails. I think I would have walked by now..especially after he ignored that text about needing to communicate more. It sounds like you two have different needs and I'm not sure this problem can ever be 'fixed'.

[Wiseman2]

These can't be issues from someone you've dated 10 weeks and who has consistently and reliably driven 50 mi. one way to spend his free weekends with you. Whatever happened in your marriage, divorce or subsequent dating experiences clearly plays a role here in nitpicking about nonsense texts when he's doing the heavy lifting of driving, taking you out and has done so without missing a beat on almost every child free weekend.

 

It's time to reflect whether you just want to shoot nonsense texts back and forth or date someone who actually makes a great deal of effort to come see you and take you out. Stop reading whatever trash at the supermarket checkout line that is somehow telling you that not sending silly texts all the time means "he's just not that into you".

 

Heck it's been 10 weeks. 10 weeks! You barely know each other and he is doing a lot more in the 'get to know you' process than you are by doing all the driving, taking you out etc. Sure, any lazy jerk could send you "hey babe!' all day long but good luck finding another guy who is going to do all the driving and paying and taking you out etc. Perhaps you should seek out lazy text buddies rather than men who make any effort to see you in person.

But after all this, it takes all but 5 seconds to send a text to let the person know you’re thinking of them

[Batya33]

Absolutely. But he explained to me he loves being with only his family and he has 3 close friends. Otherwise, he can’t be in a large crowd with strangers or else he feels drained and ventures off to be alone and/or hangs with the kids. He also said if he has to go to a big event such as take his kids to a party or amusement park, he has to mentally prepare himself a few days prior, then “recaharge” for another couple days after. But after all this, it takes all but 5 seconds to send a text to let the person know you’re thinking of them

 

Interesting. Has nothing to do really with the issue here which is that you want someone who keeps in touch in between dates. You're not asking him to go to crowded spaces or to an amusement park. He has 3 close friends -that's a nice amount. And he loves being with his family. So if he sees you as a potential partner/family member he would be motivated to try to get to know you and he would want to -desire to strongly- keep in touch with you in between dates at this point especially if you asked. I married a rather introverted/reserved man who was very, very shy when we first met and he was in his late 20s (now in our early 50s). I am an extrovert. It has been an issue at times but all else equal I like the "imbalance." He never ever used his personality as an excuse not to stay in touch BUT at times he can be a man of fewer words or it can take some pulling teeth AND -really important - in the 24 years I've known him, in the 16 of those years we've been together -he has always kept in touch with me (and we were together long before cellphones and internet) - always wanted to know how I was doing, etc.

 

In 24 years, other than the times we were broken up and other than two time periods where there was an issue of whether to get back together, there was only one 6 hour period (and that was in 2006 I believe) where I felt insecure about him being out of touch. And turned out I shouldn't have been. 6 hours during all the time we were officially together. I think it should be extremely rare once you're dating steadily for this amount of time to feel insecure when someone is out of touch -worried about the person's safety/health -sure - worried after an argument? Sure, normal. But this shaken to the core "is he into me"? No, not right.

 

And I agree with Reinvent that asking is a great idea. And you did and got your answer. You also got your answer when he finally agreed to delete his profile because apparently he wasn't tripping all over himself to make sure you understood that he wanted to be with you and only you. That was an answer too.

[katrina1980]

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm dying to know how this turns out.

 

Lex please update! Has he contacted you about tonight?

 

On? off?

[Eliza50]

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm dying to know how this turns out.

 

Same here. I've been checking this thread all the time!

[milly007]

I’m guessing it’s on. Will be interesting to hear how it goes, and if they discuss what happened/their relationship.

 

I have to admit, I wasn’t aware that the communication changed between them over the course of their dating until I read one of Lex’s most recent posts.

 

I take it that, despite him saying he wasn’t keen on texting from practically date one, when they began dating he was initiating more communication with Lex between dates (the types of messages Lex is now saying she doesn’t receive from him anymore). So her concerns seem to stem more from the dwindle in communication (not just lack of communication).

 

Just wanted to say, can’t blame Lex for wondering about this change/drop in communication.

 

May just be what everyone seems to think - lack of compatibility.

 

But any time I’ve pulled back on communication, I’m either questioning something in the relationship, or losing interest.

 

Plus, they’ve only been dating for a short time. Normally the cute/funny texts I find increase or at the very least remain consistent if there’s a strong connection and both people are really into each other so early on.

 

It’s one thing if someone doesn’t engage in texting or communication between dates from day one. But if he was making the effort before-hand to reach out, and no longer does, one has to wonder.

 

Also, hoping that Lex has learned to reserve any concerns she has about relationships for in-person, face-to-face discussions. Texting just doesn’t cut it for concerns like this; especially when you’re already feeling anxious and dealing with someone who admittedly dislikes texting.