Is he just not into me after all?

[Starlight925]

I'm sure it's on.

 

I'll give $100 to my favorite charity if Lex doesn't come back next week with the following:

 

We had such an amazing date! He drove to me, we got so close, he opened up even more!!!

 

Then, on around Wednesday:

 

I haven't heard from him since our date. Not one little text, not even to say hi.

 

Then on Thursday:

 

He was in my building today, and he looked over at me, but he only gave me barely a smile.

 

I don't know if we're on for this weekend or off. I'm so tempted to text him.

 

Then, after 100 more posts about why she should wait to text him:

 

I gave in and texted him. We are on for next Saturday!

 

I will provide the receipt to my charity late next week.

[Starlight925]

Update to my last post:

 

I had originally written that I'd give $100 to everyone on this board, but then I realize I'd go broke, lol.

 

Lex, I do hope you realize that while I'm being tongue-in-cheek, this is a wash, rinse, repeat cycle that we are desperately trying to help you get out of.

[Jellybean9]

Update to my last post:

 

I had originally written that I'd give $100 to everyone on this board, but then I realize I'd go broke, lol.

 

 

Oh no! We would have all been quids in!

 

I'm curious to see how this all plays out too. I've been keeping up but not getting involved.

 

A lot of you are spot on with it all. It is a bit of a cycle.

 

Despite all that hope what ever the outcome. Everything works out to Lex. Seems like a long old month!

[Batya33]

I'm sure it's on.

 

I'll give $100 to my favorite charity if Lex doesn't come back next week with the following:

 

We had such an amazing date! He drove to me, we got so close, he opened up even more!!!

 

Then, on around Wednesday:

 

I haven't heard from him since our date. Not one little text, not even to say hi.

 

Then on Thursday:

 

He was in my building today, and he looked over at me, but he only gave me barely a smile.

 

I don't know if we're on for this weekend or off. I'm so tempted to text him.

 

Then, after 100 more posts about why she should wait to text him:

 

I gave in and texted him. We are on for next Saturday!

 

I will provide the receipt to my charity late next week.

 

Same prediction and no money offered by me lol.

[bluecastle]

I'm sure it's on.

 

I'll give $100 to my favorite charity if Lex doesn't come back next week with the following:

 

We had such an amazing date! He drove to me, we got so close, he opened up even more!!!

 

Then, on around Wednesday:

 

I haven't heard from him since our date. Not one little text, not even to say hi.

 

Then on Thursday:

 

He was in my building today, and he looked over at me, but he only gave me barely a smile.

 

I don't know if we're on for this weekend or off. I'm so tempted to text him.

 

Then, after 100 more posts about why she should wait to text him:

 

I gave in and texted him. We are on for next Saturday!

 

I will provide the receipt to my charity late next week.

 

LH, how did you enter my brain and write what I was about to write?

 

I remarked, many pages ago, that we will be here, on this thread, years from now, assuring Lex that he meant "I do" at the altar. Because, AMAZING as the wedding was—he was so PRESENT—48 hours later there was just this feeling that something was...OFF. After the wedding he used not only the red heart emoji, but also the pink double heart one. Then he stopped using emojis, for DAYS.

 

I don't mean to be flip. Well, actually, I mean to be flip. But it's with affection, really.

 

Lex, I'm on your side. But this guy makes you crazy. That ain't ever going to change. At some point you're going to have to decide if you're into this brand of crazy or not.

[katrina1980]

I think I am crazy for continuing to post lol, but when someone is in the the throes of an addiction, in this case "love addiction" which I asked Lex about earlier and she hasn't responded, despite how "crazy" we feel, we are at a loss to walk away, all we think about is getting our "fix."

 

Which she's getting now.

 

She had sex with this man very early on (first or second date), and thus became very attached, too soon. IMO in a very unhealthy way and now she's a bit addicted and unable to break away.

 

So no matter how many pages this thread goes, however many posts trying to help her recognize the issues and either make changes (within herself) or walk away, all she is thinking about is getting her fix.

 

So I am pretty much done here; what's that saying about the def of insanity?

 

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Or something like that.

 

Wish you the best Lex, good luck!!

[MAXX]

I think I am crazy for continuing to post lol, but when someone is in the the throes of an addiction, in this case "love addiction" which I asked Lex about earlier and she hasn't responded, despite how "crazy" we feel, we are at a loss to walk away, all we think about is getting our "fix."

 

Which she's getting now.

 

She had sex with this man very early on (first or second date), and thus became very attached, too soon. IMO in a very unhealthy way and now she's a bit addicted and unable to break away.

 

So no matter how many pages this thread goes, however many posts trying to help her recognize the issues and either make changes (within herself) or walk away, all she is thinking about is getting her fix.

 

So I am pretty much done here; what's that saying about the def of insanity?

 

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Or something like that.

 

Wish you the best Lex, good luck!!

 

Sweetheart, like the Terminator said "I'll be back!!!"

 

Maybe you wont post, but like any interesting thread, you will come back to see the outcome of it all. ;)

[katrina1980]

@MAXX, oh yeah I will definitely be reading again for sure!

 

Hell I may even post again, right now don't think so, but that could change!

 

I've often said I won't be posting anymore on a thread, then have.

 

I admit I can be a bit full of s*** sometimes, I always mean well though. Lol

[Honeycomb8]

I hope Kex updates!! And that everything works out eventually.

[Lex00]

Hi all, not much of an update, but we did see each other on Saturday. Things seemed normal although there may have been a tad bit of distance. Not sure if that was stemming from my insecurities about the relationship but he was still affectionate, very talkative, almost like a friend. But he’s grown to be very comfortable now, really opens up.

 

You’re all right- and I’ve known this, just hard to accept, but this is done. On the way to the restaurant, he made it a point to mention to me, just so I’m aware and don’t expect to see him the next Saturday we have together- that he is having a very small (less than 10 people) get together at his place for Christmas. His friend asked him to host and it’s just his very close friends, not sure if I remember if it’s famiky too. But he doesn’t have his kids that day so I’m assuming close friends and perhaps their wives. Of course I wasn’t invited.

 

So that’s that... if we ever do have another Saturday together, it won’t be until the end of the month, but by then, things would’ve already died it’s natural death. And he hasn’t offered up a Friday in a while so sadly this is done. Thank you all for investing in this long, exhausting thread of mine. Wish I would’ve listened a month ago. :(

[MAXX]

Hi all, not much of an update, but we did see each other on Saturday. Things seemed normal although there may have been a tad bit of distance. Not sure if that was stemming from my insecurities about the relationship but he was still affectionate, very talkative, almost like a friend. But he’s grown to be very comfortable now, really opens up.

 

You’re all right- and I’ve known this, just hard to accept, but this is done. On the way to the restaurant, he made it a point to mention to me, just so I’m aware and don’t expect to see him the next Saturday we have together- that he is having a very small (less than 10 people) get together at his place for Christmas. His friend asked him to host and it’s just his very close friends, not sure if I remember if it’s famiky too. But he doesn’t have his kids that day so I’m assuming close friends and perhaps their wives. Of course I wasn’t invited.

 

So that’s that... if we ever do have another Saturday together, it won’t be until the end of the month, but by then, things would’ve already died it’s natural death. And he hasn’t offered up a Friday in a while so sadly this is done. Thank you all for investing in this long, exhausting thread of mine. Wish I would’ve listened a month ago. :(

 

Lex, if I can offer any advice is to take this time to reflect on the relationship, where it is now, and how you ended up in this spot. It may or may not be done, but that shouldn't be the focus. In these instances re-attraction can still occur, but only if you remain calm and not needy!!! For now step away and do not text! IF there is any interest left he will reach out to you...if not, that's fine too.

[Lex00]

Lex, if I can offer any advice is to take this time to reflect on the relationship, where it is now, and how you ended up in this spot. It may or may not be done, but that shouldn't be the focus. In these instances re-attraction can still occur, but only if you remain calm and not needy!!! For now step away and do not text! IF there is any interest left he will reach out to you...if not, that's fine too.

 

I’ve been playing things over and over in my head trying to figure out what went wrong. He was so keen the first month. I’d say things changed a little towards the end of October but I can’t think of anything that I may have said or done. I’ve been pretty consistent, and I honestly don’t think I’ve been needy or too eager because he would mention a date, I would agree. I would mention a date, he would agree. Perhaps we have been doing the same routine and he’s bored now. My house, restaurant, back home, stay the night, coffee in the morning. Same with his house.

 

I appreciate the reply, Maxx, and I will do just that. Step away. I hadn’t thought of it before because he still showed interest, even if it wasn’t as much as before, he still did. And that’s why I was still engaging and making plans with him and reaching out. But now there just isn’t anything left to hold on to really. So I think it will feel more natural for me to back off now, as hard as it will be.

[Jellybean9]

I'm really sorry to her this Lex, I've been keeping up with the thread on and off.

 

I was hoping things would work out. Espicially after you said how you kept a lot of your anxiety away from him.

 

The level of anxiety you was exhibiting was very normal with his behaviour. You hid it so that's obviously not an issue. So please don't beat yourself up with that.

 

I know that stage! Most of us on this thread do! That going over and over. Things that was done and said. Things you wish you did differently. It's all part of the "getting over this" stage.

 

I know you said you wished you had listened to everyone a month ago. But if you did you wouldn't have learnt all you know now. You would have regreted not trying. At least you can say you have given your all and know there is nothing more to give. So you can go forward with no regrets.

 

It's baffling and we will never understand this whole "dating". So many of us have been there. They come on so keen then feel like they've "lost interest". Will any of us now why? Nope. It just happens. It's all a part of dating really.

 

Like Maxx said it may not be over and you could rebuild that attractive.

 

My best advice would be focus on Christmas with the people you treasure. If he wants to keep in touch he will. If he doesn't then who cares are you are enjoying the festive season.

 

Best of luck with it all x

[Batya33]

Hi all, not much of an update, but we did see each other on Saturday. Things seemed normal although there may have been a tad bit of distance. Not sure if that was stemming from my insecurities about the relationship but he was still affectionate, very talkative, almost like a friend. But he’s grown to be very comfortable now, really opens up.

 

You’re all right- and I’ve known this, just hard to accept, but this is done. On the way to the restaurant, he made it a point to mention to me, just so I’m aware and don’t expect to see him the next Saturday we have together- that he is having a very small (less than 10 people) get together at his place for Christmas. His friend asked him to host and it’s just his very close friends, not sure if I remember if it’s famiky too. But he doesn’t have his kids that day so I’m assuming close friends and perhaps their wives. Of course I wasn’t invited.

 

So that’s that... if we ever do have another Saturday together, it won’t be until the end of the month, but by then, things would’ve already died it’s natural death. And he hasn’t offered up a Friday in a while so sadly this is done. Thank you all for investing in this long, exhausting thread of mine. Wish I would’ve listened a month ago. :(

 

I would be absolutely done if you are not invited to his party. I don't care if he is hosting "for his friend" - please. Is he a professional event planner?

 

Yes if his kids are going to be there I would understand. And if that was the case and he really wanted to be with you he'd have told you "I wish I could invite you but my kids will be there and it's too soon for you to meet them."

 

That plus not seeming to care if he won't see you until the end of the month (especially if you celebrate Christmas) is just all the more reason for you to step away. Even if he does ask to see you.

[Wiseman2]

Is it done in your mind or did he say this? It seems he's giving you the heads up that he will be doing a holiday thing on as you put it..."doing the same routine. My house, restaurant, back home, stay the night, coffee in the morning". And this would be a departure from that pattern. He also mentioned that he has a few things going on in Dec last time he say you. It sounds like he is assuming he will see you on the next available Sat.

he was still affectionate, very talkative, almost like a friend. But he’s grown to be very comfortable now, really opens up. just so I’m aware and don’t expect to see him the next Saturday we have together- that he is having a very small get together at his place for Christmas. if we ever do have another Saturday together, it won’t be until the end of the month.

[Lex00]

Is it done in your mind or did he say this? It seems he's giving you the heads up that he will be doing a holiday thing on as you put it..."doing the same routine. My house, restaurant, back home, stay the night, coffee in the morning". And this would be a departure from that pattern. He also mentioned that he has a few things going on in Dec last time he say you. It sounds like he is assuming he will see you on the next available Sat.

 

Well it’s done in my mind. No, he didn’t say it, but he doesn’t have to say it’s done as I feel his message was alluding to that. Basically giving me the hint that “hey, I’m continuing to distance myself, showing you I don’t want you to be involved by not inviting you to my get together, and by me totally being ok with not seeing you all this time”. That is the message I received.

[Batya33]

Well it’s done in my mind. No, he didn’t say it, but he doesn’t have to say it’s done as I feel his message was alluding to that. Basically giving me the hint that “hey, I’m continuing to distance myself, showing you I don’t want you to be involved by not inviting you to my get together, and by me totally being ok with not seeing you all this time”. That is the message I received.

 

No need to read into what he said. He's been dating you almost 3 months, he's having sex with you and sleeping in your bed and he's telling you he doesn't value you enough to invite you to this party and he is not troubled by not seeing you this month and leaving it open ended when he will see you again. Part of that is analysis but surface/common sense analysis. No need to even think of it as "what message does he want me to receive" - he's being very direct.

[Starlight925]

Agree with others.

 

And I would be 1000% done with this, being told about a party to which I'm not invited. I mean, who does that? He's only doing it for the "loophole" effect. So you can't come back and say something about Saturday, and he can use the loophole....well, I did tell you about it, and it's only for "close" friends....which you are obviously not.

 

You are "close enough" to have sex, share my body with, but not a meal in front of other people. Nice.

 

Nothing changed. You keep asking, ruminating over, what changed? Answer: Nothing!

 

He wooed you. He love-bombed you. He was all hearts & smiles early on, and then, when he had exactly what he wanted: a F-buddy who wouldn't question why he was in her building weekly but would barely glance, he retreated into his normal self. This is who he is, not that early smiley-texting-lovey-dovey nonsense he faked you with at first.

 

Please tell us you're done with him once and for all.

 

You will hear from him again. He is going to get horny soon! Your choice Lex.

[katrina1980]

I am sorry too Lex and agree with others.

 

I am curious, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but did you have sex on Saturday? I won't judge either way, but I hope not.

 

You said the way he acted seemed more like a friend. This is also consistent with his recent texts in which you said they were more like something he would send to one of his buddies as opposed to a woman he is dating and has romantic feelings for.

 

Yeah he's on his way out, and I know others mentioned not reading into any covert messages he's sending by not inviting you to his party, but I think him not inviting you was sending you a very clear message and it was intentional.

 

He is setting you up to expect very little, if anything, from him; after three months, this would not be acceptable to me and it sounds like it's not acceptable to you either.

 

I wouldn't even be pulling back, per se, I would just be done. This "dating interaction" (I wouldn't even call it a relationship) is not even casual at this point, it's non-existent.

 

It's called "the fade" and he's being very clear here.

 

I would heed the message, and simply move on. Get back on the site, start meeting and dating other men.

 

Again, I am sorry it didn't work out Lex.

[katrina1980]

And if/when he contacts you again (which agree with LHGirl, he will), I would simply decline his invite, tell him you have moved on and wish him well.

 

No need for any formal explanations, you're just done.

[Lex00]

Katrina, I may rephrase- When I mentioned he acted like a friend on Saturday, I meant he was very talkative, like opened up as if I were one of the guys. But still affectionate. So that part didn’t go away. And yes, we did have sex. Not that the affection meant anything, any guy can exhibit that if he’s even just somewhat attracted to a girl, but I just wanted to clarify it wasn’t buddy buddy the whole entire time.

[milly007]

I agree with everyone else too. Plus, he isn’t even making plans to see you on the Friday, and from what I recall, you two were spending time together on both Fridays and Saturdays when you began dating, right?

 

I hope you get back on that site and begin meeting other people, Lex.

 

He’s doing the bare minimum, is complacent.

[Lex00]

I think after the holidays are over- with the parties, other commitments, Christmas stress, and the fact he said work was crazy this month but he will finally have a break next month, the he WILL be in touch. By then, I would have sufficient time to heal and look back at how silly I was for investing so much.

 

I won’t be going on anymore dating sites though. I don’t want the same things to happen where I would meet a guy, then worry he’s still on it. So I’m hopi g one day to just meet someone great, organically.

[Honeycomb8]

Nevermind, onwards and upwards Lex!

 

Just a word of advice: next time slow down on the sex and never reward bad behaviour with more affection. I wouldn't have had sex with him in the weekend after how he acted. Soooo try not to do that again.

[Lex00]

I agree with everyone else too. Plus, he isn’t even making plans to see you on the Friday, and from what I recall, you two were spending time together on both Fridays and Saturdays when you began dating, right?

 

I hope you get back on that site and begin meeting other people, Lex.

 

He’s doing the bare minimum, is complacent.

 

We’ve only spent about 3 Fridays together, because he needs that one night to unwind and “recharge” as he puts it, after his long work week and time with the kids.

 

I really wish I can just call him out on it and tell him how I feel. It will get me no where, I know this...