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Starlight925

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Starlight925 last won the day on June 17 2019

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  1. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse and control. It works, because it leaves the other person on eggshells, flinching every time the phone dings, checking it constantly, looking for any signs of life from the person. What was the argument about? In many cases, the person who does the silent treatment causes an escalation in an otherwise normal argument, as this gives them the excuse to start the silent treatment. Ask me how I know all this.....BTDT.
  2. Yes, it's very true that companies use job sites to list fake job ads, as a method of increasing brand awareness, a sort of low-cost advertising. I worked for a Fortune 100 company, and we had to list every job publicly for at least 5 days, even if it was already filled from either an Inside person or someone that the hiring manager already knew that they wanted. We'd get hundreds, thousands of resumes for jobs that had already been filled. That company still does that today. In fact, the way the jobs are mostly filled is by the hiring manager asking co-workers and teammates for recommendations, getting their resumes, and interviewing only those candidates, then making a decision. THEN, the job is publicly posted for 5 days. After the 5-day period is up, the original candidate gets the official offer. It's unsettling and unfortunate. The best companies I've worked for have been smaller, private companies that don't do this sort of practice, as they are truly looking for talent, so increase your searches to include private companies.
  3. All you can do is recognize this situation, apologize for it, and keep it super professional from now on, with everyone, not just this guy. I'm sorry this happened. Sometimes, our sense of humor doesn't translate, even if said in person, and sometimes, the person is offended because they have a sensitivity toward what they are being called, even if another person would take that same thing as a joke. This isn't about work colleagues not being friends, this is about being sensitive enough not to make a joke that could be taken as an offense, even if you wouldn't be offended by it. You've done what you can do, and you've taken ownership and responsibility, which is more than most would do, so kudos to you for that.
  4. We can't know if he's flirting or asking these questions as a way to assess your living situation with respect to pain and recovery. But if you feel uncomfortable, use your best judgement, and find a new one.
  5. I don't blame you one bit for feeling this way. Especially since many of the photos aren't just old vacation pics with the kids; they're pics of them shmoopy-ing all over each other. All the excessive "soulmate, kissy kissy" social media stuff is so annoying, even while the relationship is going on. But once they've broken up, divorced, and are with someone new? And the new person has pointed this out? That's just a form of control on their part. I won't do it, and you can't make me. This was a problem in my last relationship. I won't bore you with the details, but after 2 1/2 years, it got worse, not better, I'm sorry to say. I expressed my feelings in a kind, thoughtful way, and eventually it led to huge fights and a breakup, but it took a long time to escalate. The P.S. to my story is that he now is married and has (what he thinks) is a hidden Facebook account. I found out because he friended someone I'm friends with, so it recommended him to me. That's where he keeps all his exes, hidden from her. I'm not saying this will lead to a breakup for you, but if you express something in a kind and sincere way, and it is still disregarded, then think about if this is the guy for you.
  6. My sister was just crying over a really bad, too-short cut. I unfortunately did the same thing as your mom: Enjoy it, it's just hair, it'll grow, etc. She said she wished people would stop saying that, and just empathize with her. I got it. I agree with @Cherylyn; just ignore her snide comments. Like literally, ignore. Gray Rock it: Literally, physically, just stare back. No words. She'll get upset, she'll pitch a fit, but literally, zero words, and walk out of the room.
  7. She’s guilty of Toxic Positivity. And of not validating your feelings. Will she live with you indefinitely?
  8. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I agree that if you can move out now, do it. Sleep on a friend's couch. Two words in dealing with your mother now, and for the rest of your life: Gray Rock. The Gray Rock technique in dealing with a difficult person is to respond as though everything is gray, bland, has little surface or structure. Examples: Mom: Why can't you be more like Susie? Why are you so difficult? You: Blank stare. Mom: Respond to me! Why are you such a horrible daughter? You: Mom, I think I'm going to order a pizza. You like pepperoni? Mom: I asked you a question! You're a horrible person!!! You: Should we also get a salad? I'm going to go ahead and order one. I'll be in my room till it gets here. Mom: I can't believe you. What an awful daughter you are. You: Blank stare.
  9. Just look at Nvidia's Market cap and you'll know that AI isn't going anywhere. Hint: It's above $3 TRILLION, and just had a 10 for 1 stock split. And Nvidia only employs 20,000 people. By contrast, Microsoft has approximately the same market cap, but employs greater than 10 times the amount of people, 220,000. AI is being designed to replace people, starting with the company poised to generate more AI than any other. No, I don't think it's cute.
  10. The best advice I have is to figure out how to move back out. Find a roommate, find several if you have to (a share house), get an extra job, but yes, you have to move out or you'll end up so resentful of her. I can't stand nonstop talkers. People who talk "at" you, rather than "with" you. Your mom is one of those. Since she is your mom, she's in your life, but it's best at a distance. You won't be able to change her constant chattiness because this is who she is. It's like her hair color: she can color it all she wants, but it is what it is, underneath it all.
  11. Great article! Seems one thing most of the list has in common is that people join activities or things where there is a repeat of that activity. Community theater, volunteering, mom's groups, etc. I've learned that it's almost impossible to make friends in a one-off situation. If I talk with someone and we really click, nothing will come of it unless we see each other repeatedly in that group. I did meet a woman last year at a bar lol, and we've become friends. I was waiting for a friend at a trendy restaurant, and this woman was alone with her laptop, new to town. Same age as I, married, and lives in my neighborhood. She and I, plus my friend that I was waiting for, have had dinner quite a few times. What it's taken is initiative: we group text, so one of us will send a "want to meet for dinner soon?", and we plan it.
  12. Wow, great for you that you are putting down 15K! That's quite a large down payment, which will make your monthly payments much lower! I agree with the advice you've already received: -Figure out what make/model you want and look for last year's models , previously owned, with low mileage. I was always a "new car snob", but I did this a few years ago and was extremely happy. As a surprise bonus, I found out once I owned the car, a folded expired insurance card inside the manual, from the previous owner, was a very famous person, the owner of an MLB sports team! I had purchased from a new car dealer that sold "previously owned", so even they didn't know. - Find out your own credit rating BEFORE walking in the door. You can do this by opening an account with all 3 credit reporting agencies, which is a good idea anyway, as you can freeze your credit so that no one can open accounts in your name. The better your credit rating, the better the rate they will give you, so if yours is 700+, they want you more than you want them, so know that before you walk in. -Once you test drive, agree on price, and are ready to sit down, they will try to sell you all the "Extras". This is where they make their money, so be firm! All the extended warranties, "free" oil changes, etc., can add thousands to your final price. They will pull you into a little office, just you and the finance person, and hand you paper after paper to sign, until you have added all of these in. This is where you have to be extremely firm about exactly which ones of these extras you want. Remember, if they offer an "oil change" program, that you will have to always take it into that dealer for your oil changes, which can be far away and take hours, rather than pulling into your place around the corner for 60 bucks. Or for "extra sealant protection", blah blah blah. Good luck!
  13. My thoughts are, why is it so important for you to analyze a relationship of a person you just met?
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