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  1. Good question. I guess finally getting a permanent job, buying my own place (moved to a different area), meeting a few new friends but losing more (marriage, moving away etc). So the latter doesn't help because I think introductions are a great way of meeting new people. But I do less social stuff not because I don't want to but because there are a lack of opportunities. I need to get more involved with my church community and try and meet more people that way. The vast majority, infact nearly every date, every woman I've met have been through online dating, apps and so on. Not ideal but it's something.
  2. Sorry to hear 😞I'm interested to know what you mean by not having much to offer. In what sense? As I feel somewhat the same. Not in terms of my looks or physically perhaps not rather my status and profession.
  3. You're right and I need to check my expectations. I think it seems easy when you see others who have got there and want what you have. Don't have much choice to be honest because it is a natural desire for me to want this. Infact just been on another one and done date. I mean like you I've been on so many of these. Occasionally they might lead to more dates. But I'm more open to going on a second if there isn't anything obviously wrong or there are no obvious red flags. Then again you get a sense of the vibe when you're with that person and if you don't see it being any different, if you met Sharon then there's not too much point.
  4. This month marks 6 years since my last proper relationship (which was only a few months anyhow). Just wondering if anyone else has been this unfortunate? 😔
  5. You're right our parents married way younger and it was normal back then. Well your relationship history is more successful and fruitful than mine. When you've been single this long it's hard to really stay positive and not anxious about the future. What do you mean having an arranged marriage effectively?
  6. You're right perhaps ending things now was going to better in the long run. Less time wasted. Even so, I really thought this was going in the right direction. I guess your brother's story encourages me to an extent. How did he feel throughout those 8 years? Did go on dates but like me could not find that connection with someone and vice versa? How did they meet? I am a Christian yes and I mostly try to meet women at church or other social events related to church and faith. Then there are the apps but I only stick to the Christian ones as I want to find someone who shares my faith. So that already makes things tricky.
  7. Thanks for your comments. Only since the pandemic? I feel I have plenty to offer too or so I thought but it seems I can get matches, I can generate interest and attraction in women initially but then to progress to a relationship seems impossible. As I said there have been women who have been very interested in me and if I wanted to have a relationship for the sake of it that would have happened. For example, a few years I went out with a girl for a few months who I found attractive but there was no real connection and I knew that from early on but I carried on thinking that might develop. It never did. Then more recently 2 years ago I was very close with another lady who I had an amazing connection with, many similar interests but no physical attraction. Again I gave that a go for many months because I thought the physical attraction would develop but of course it never did. Deep down I knew in both cases, it was going nowhere but I wanted to try as people kept saying give this a go, you have to do things differently etc etc. So that's why this latest situation hurts. I finally met someone who I actually genuinely wanted to pursue because there was enough there for me. Sadly not for her. I think part of the healing journey you describe can work on your own but also by having more relationships it teaches you more about yourself. So I am keen to get back out there but once I try and regain some confidence and positivity.
  8. Thanks for your comments. Disagree in that of course I am interested in women and seeking a relationship, it's been my heart's desire for a long time. But I do agree in that yes I have had this apathy and disappointment with life in general I would say. And that may well stem from the lack of romance, love and relationships. I mean if someone had only 1 lousy 3 month relationship in almost 10 years, I think that would be enough for anyone to doubt themselves and feel fed up. Maybe not, I don't know but that's been my experience - not enough positive experiences but instead a series of setbacks, disappointments and heartache. Ironically, that's why I am so cut up about this latest experience because I was genuinely feeling positive and encouraged by it. I really thought it was going in the right direction and I was finally going to have a relationship. I have seen doctors numerous times but never been diagnosed with anything clinical. I have been on meds for depression in the past but I don't think it led me to feeling or acting any different.
  9. Some of you may be aware of this story as I have told you of my recent experience dating this lady over the last month or so. I thank you all for your time and comments and advice. Much appreciated and I thought it was time to post on here as well given the aftermath of what happened (and there were a few of you who encouraged me to do so). Without getting into the specific details, I was dating her for about a month, slightly long distance and we texted every day, quite a few lengthy phone calls and we spent two entire weekends together after a short initial meeting. Although that doesn't seem very long, we really did connect or so I thought at least, found each other attractive and so on. Last weekend which was my birthday infact I decided to spend it with her. I now realise that was a mistake as for most people your birthday can be an emotional day and spending it with someone who you don't know that well is a risk. And in this case it's a risk that didn't pay off. In brief, although there were some nice moments, I made some silly comments which did not go down well with her and as a result it led to probably killing the attraction. Some of you will know the comments that I made and many of you have said that they were not extreme. But I do think they were inappropriate despite the fact that I was joking and I apologised profusely. Regardless, she didn't feel they were right and the day after I got back from seeing her we spoke on the phone and she said she wasn't at peace and couldn't get over the comments I made and she would take some time to think it over and decide whether we could continue dating. A few days later, she texted me to say she hadn't changed her mind and wished me the best. I reiterated those comments were out of character and I hated that she was hurting from them. I wished her the best as well and that was it. This was the closest I've come now to a relationship in more than 6 years. I finally meet someone I am genuinely interested in (because that has been really difficult), have an attraction and a good connection with, only for it to end so abruptly. I genuinely thought that this could work out and I would finally have a gf after all these years, and in a way that's why I went up to see her for my birthday. I was feeling positive about the whole situation. I sometimes think maybe a relationship/marriage just isn't going to happen for me, no matter how much I want it. I know dating isn't easy and for many of you on here you will be feeling the same. I am battling against falling into self pity and a downward spiral of negativity but after 6 years, what hope is there of a breakthrough? The two previous relationships I did have at 32 (3 months) and then at 29 (1 year) were both psychologically abusive as I didn't have boundaries and I let these women take advantage of my patience and tolerance by constantly testing me, gaslighting and disrespecting me. So yeah I'm approaching the end of my 30s and I've had one pathetic relationship of 3 months. I have dated alot though in this time, we're taking tons of first dates, a few second and third dates but it doesn't generally get past that stage. Why? Because I can never find someone who I want to pursue and have a connection and vice versa. All the women that are interested in me, I'm not into and the few ones I'm into, aren't into me. This last girl who I spent the last month dating was the first girl in 6 years that I genuinely felt attracted to, connected to and wanted to pursue, hence the disappointment and sadness. There are some great women out there but I don't know how many more bad experiences and setbacks with dating I can take. I'm not perfect and I will continue to make mistakes. I just want to meet my equal. That can't be too much to ask for but it seems, as a man I sense perhaps I don't have what it takes. I'm 38 now, 6"2, sporty, have my own flat, a job that is nothing special but a comfortable salary, well travelled, fairly knowledgeable but none of this appears to be enough. I have had many years in therapy and counselling when I was younger and most recently a few years ago. I'm not sure any of it has really helped in terms of my overall progress but it helped that I had someone to talk to. Perhaps I need that again. I don't know what else to do. I continue to go on dating apps, websites, try to meet women at church and other social events but it seems super hard to have what I see as the three essential aspects - a physical attraction, an emotional connection/compatibility and enough similar interests and for me as a Christian, a fellow believer. I have gone on dates with many women who have had 2 or 3 of those key areas. This last girl I felt ticked every one. I messed up an opportunity but maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
  10. Yes well remembered Wiseman. That's right things are going well between those two and part of me is happy for her because she deserves it. She meant alot to me (still does) and I've been looking back on our friendship which to be fair was more like a marriage. We went on trips together, she slept in my bed, she wore my clothes, we just felt so comfortable round each other and I did think many times that I could easily see myself married to her, from just a relational point of view. BUT of course it was never enough because for me the spark, that physical / sexual urge was missing. We both knew it and that's why deep down it was not going to work. I wish things would have been different and she said the same but you can't help who you are attracted to.
  11. A philosophical approach. I've been single now for around 5 years, yeah. Last relationship was May 2015 and that lasted around three months. Since then though I have dated plenty, been on so many dates with different women but something has always been missing - either no physical attraction or emotional connection / lack of things in common / no real spark. I could really elaborate here but my main point is that despite not having trouble getting interest from women, they are never the women that I want to date! Whether it's online or otherwise. Few years I really tried dating this girl who I found attractive but there was just no connection and she was super quiet, we could barely get a conversation going. Then for all of last year I was really good friends with someone who I got on with so well, we were like a married couple but there was no physical attraction for me. You mentioned faith, and it's important for me that the right person is of the same faith and we're sharing the same journey together so there is that as well. Are you single ?
  12. Thank you Chocolate. Like you imply, I do sometimes think that perhaps these things are not meant to make any sense. It is what it is. Sometimes life doesn't work out for some people and not everyone gets what they want no matter how hard they try and even more so with something like this because as you say when it comes to love, dating and relationships, so much is out of your control. I just hope that I will feel fulfilled to the point where I can tolerate and accept that I may be alone, and not end up marrying someone just for the sake of it, just so I will have achieved my goal of finally getting married. I hope your bestie's words are right in both our cases then...maybe the best is still yet to come.
  13. Sorry to hear about your marriage. I suppose if you are still in touch with kids then that's something. Yeah during the day and esp now with lockdown, when I'm not working I can keep myself occupied with reading, watching tv, gaming, cooking some new recipes, going for walks etc. and for the most part I don't feel that intense feeling of loneliness. I don't know about you but for me, that dreaded panic feeling turns up the moment the lights are out and I'm trying to sleep. In total darkness and silence all you have are your thoughts, so it's inevitable this is what my mind wanders to and at times I feel suicidal thinking I'd rather not be here anymore than the thought of living the rest of my life like this. I have just got used to it now.
  14. At 36, I'm still very much single and not even come close to being engaged or having kids. I can't help but feel a failure. I have a stable job (for now) but it's not really a career, failed at relationships due to a few abusive ones which have wrecked my confidence over time. Despite battling self pity and hopelessness, I am trying my best to stay positive and continue to pray that I will meet someone but I've been single for so long now it feels illusive. I'm always getting the short straw it seems - always happening for people around me but never for myself. Nearly all my friends are with partners, engaged or married. I'm grateful I have my health, a job, food to eat and a place to stay, but an entire lifetime without love and sex is a depressing existence and soul destroying, and one that will eventually lead me to a complete breakdown as I feel as I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life alone and dying alone. Something that has always confused me is when I hear stories of many people finding "the one" or finally meeting when they're not looking or least expect it because they're content in their singleness. I really wish this could be me as well but I don't think I've ever been truly content. Is it possible to be content and still suffer in loneliness? I think there is an extra urgency for myself as well because I feel entitlement due to waiting for so long and having had more than my fair share of bad luck and mistreatment but I know life, especially relationships don't work that way. I realise it's not too late yet and there is still time for me to have a family, enjoy a happy marriage but I was voicing these same exact fears, worries and thoughts, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. The only difference is I was less scarred and emotionally exhausted than I am now. Quote Edit
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