AngelsFire84 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I am currently with my girlfriend of 1 and a half years. We have known each other for over 7 years. We have been together off and on and broken up off and on over the course of the 7 years period. We were simply friends in the beginning and I honestly was not that attracted to her. She was a nice girl though and she cared for me very much so at one point I decided to give her a chance. Things went well for a time but there were too many issues within our relationship from outside sources and other things that caused us to break apart over and over again. Here are just some of them and some that are persistent today: - At the time we first started dating, she was involved in some heavy court cases involving the divorce of her ex-husband and child custody. - She has a child from her previous marriage, who is a teenager, who started off liking me but no longer does and I honestly can say I don't care for him much either. - The child's father is still very much in the picture (not as in they have a relationship, which they don't) and I'd rather not deal with him or the child's issues. - She has a ton of debt. Both from the money she pays for her child's schooling and from wasting on useless stuff that shouldn't be. I tried to help her, she won't go along with my budget plans. - She works very late some days and when we are together all she talks about is her child, his schooling and her job. This hasn't changed much but has gotten worse in the last few weeks. - She has some 'physical detraction's' that she herself caused that make me feel a little cheated and honestly not as attracted to her as I might have once been, which might not have been enough to begin with. There are more, but that's just the basis of it. The real issue I suppose, with us being back together again, is that she is desperate to get married. She has gone as far as to say that she wants to skip the marriage ceremony all together and just get legally wed in the courthouse. I honestly can't see myself married yet. I 'LIKE' the idea of Marriage but I also 'HATE' the idea, if that makes sense. I don't want any children. I feel I wouldn't be a fit parent or that I wouldn't have the energy or patience to deal with a child of my own. We get along well, she and I. We like a few of the same things and we have a lot of the same beliefs. We met at a Church gathering to begin with and that's how we became friends. However, I don't know if I am ready for this biggest commitment. My biggest fear is being alone for the rest of my life. That's not because I don't mind being alone. In fact, I prefer being alone, by myself, to do my own things with my own time, rather than have to compromise. What I don't like is feeling 'lonely'. It's that feeling of 'loneliness' that can drive people to suicide. This I know perfectly well. I know there are issues here. All I have to do is read back everything I'm writing now and it's not hard to see. She loves me dearly. I am pretty sure I love her too. I've gone well far and above and beyond what would be considered reasonable for a boyfriend at this point in time. We care for each other... but I'm not ready to get married or have kids... but she is desperate for both... What options are there, really? Get married to her because she is a nice girl and we get along well so that I don't have to feel 'lonely' during the rest of my life time? Even though this means we are probably going to have a whole ton load of marital issues because I'm honestly not ready and I am feeling pressured and suffocated at this point. It would mean that I'd probably not feel much of an attraction to her at some point in time anymore and that might lead to other issues between us that won't end up being healthy. Or? Do I ATTEMPT to break her heart and let her move on with her life? The biggest problem with this being, I ALREADY HAVE TRIED!!! I've told her before anything else that I am not really interested in getting married any time soon and not really interested in ever having children. I've noticed she attempts to 'compromise' with me about the children and other issues and sometimes says she doesn't want them either... but then says she does... Seems like she is compromising her own desires for me, which makes me kinda sad but also makes me wonder if she is too good for me. So, to re-iterate, I am wondering if I should Marry her anyway or NOT get married and ATTEMPT to move on? Again, for those who need to ask, 1) NO, I do NOT want to get married (AT THIS TIME). 2) NO, I do NOT want children(MAYBE EVER). 3) YES, I have ALREADY told her this. 4) YES, I have already ATTEMPTED to explain that we might not be fit for each other and should maybe move on, but she doesn't really want to accept it. I know some of you are going to JUDGE me and call me names and crap and frankly I don't care 'cause I probably deserve it, but I'm asking you refrain from doing so at this point. You can always just keep that to yourself or send me an IM/PM with that. What I am really looking for is honest and true advice and maybe some suggestions on where to go from here. Thanks in advance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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