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KantSleep

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About KantSleep

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  1. The BF and I broke up about 5 weeks ago. It was necessary, but I still loved him at the time I walked away. It's been really tough. I am not myself. Sometimes I am, for a few fleeting moments. I foolishly went on a date a week ago, after I heard the ex was seen with another lady. It was wrong of me to go out on a date, and I spiraled downward the entire weekend after that, feeling stupid for thinking I was even remotely ready for that. I did it for self-validation and I guess you could call it a revenge date (thankfully no sex though, I would really be beating myself up if that was the
  2. Thanks so much Catfeeder. I Googled the 5 stages of grief. It does feel like he died. All that we had, the nightly phone calls, the texting, etc. simply vanishes. And I am left bewildered and hurt. But I am beginning to see things for what they are. I was being strung along. He was asking for a "break" so I would stick around, but I wasn't having it. Until he wooed me back, only to show signs of having one foot out the door again. And no commitment - no timeline attempting to take this relationship to the next level. But in retrospect I was trying to move a dysfunctional relationship a
  3. Hi Catfeeder, I copied/pasted your most recent post and sent it to myself in a gmail. I have since read it to my sister and adult son. It is profound and exactly what I was getting, the scraps. I deserve better. Thank you. My head is still not high, but it will get there.
  4. Thanks for the suggestions and advice. I do tend to ruminate and go down the negative path and beat myself up. But the truth is I never really got what I needed from this relationship, I just hung in there waiting for it to "get better". On one of our final days together before this break up, he was busy texting the ex wife in my presence. It was so unnecessary and nothing urgent or about the adult child. I believe at this juncture I can safely call the relationship toxic. It's a shame, because I had such high hopes. There was a lot of good times, but the core problems were always there.
  5. BF asked for a break about a month ago. Two days after that request I sent the good-bye break up text. After that, he worked hard to get me back, as initially I was resisting. Two weeks later, we are broken up again as he can't commit to me. I gotta say, this second round of upset was so unnecessary. I was stupid enough to go another round after the I love you so desperately text arrived. Lesson learned. A break is just a preamble to a break up. No one should need a break from you if they know what they want. This one, while I am po'ed, doesn't hurt as much. My phone is shut off, I won
  6. "School is ending soon, and he said he wanted to see if I was up for lunch to catch up, then followed it up with saying that he wanted to see all his friends one last time before summer. " Sounds like his initial invite wasn't "clear" enough, so he tacked on the "see all friends" so you wouldn't get the "reconciliation" notion in your head. I wouldn't do it, because it's too soon. If he said I would like to catch up, I miss you, or hinted he wanted to get back, and you were up for that idea, then I would say go for it. But I think this will set you back if all he is looking for is a friendl
  7. You seem like an amazing person who did everything for her, then got a big kick in the gut. You will find another lady. She sounds incredibly selfish. Letting you support her while she runs around with another guy. Cut the financial cord, perhaps get some therapy if you think you need it, then find someone who will appreciate all you have to offer. Good luck.
  8. He accepted we are done, no surprises there. At least I can move on now. I see my therapist tomorrow night to help deal with this. My friends and family are a great support system as well. I have mixed emotions, sometimes I feel incredibly alone, like what happened to my life, and other times empowered, kind of excited about the future, then sad, etc. I just want to be normal and not go through this. But I guess it's a process. I don't have much experience in the break up area. It isn't fun, I gotta say that.
  9. Text goes out tomorrow. It's time to say goodbye. Done with the nonsense, ready to move on. I have to stop being scared, like he is the only man breathing on this earth. I am smart, educated lady and I won't sell myself short anymore. Later BF. It was nice knowing ya.
  10. Thank you all. I wanted the fairy tale. I hurt but I will be OK.
  11. Oh, I missed the walk, just tuned it in. Thanks for sharing.
  12. We always blame ourselves for a break up. You are likely minimizing his "lie" now. No one wants to be lied to. I hope you have someone to talk to - a friend, a family member. If not, consider a suicide hotline and therapy. Life can make us very sad. As I type this I am in a sad moment in my relationship as well. Know that things will change. Work on your issues with a therapist, if you aren't already. Know you are loved and valued, it's just hard to see that right now.
  13. It's better you only wasted 9 months. It sucks that your guy was deceitful. Don't call him, he doesn't deserve you. I wanted the fairy tale too. Sometimes we don't get it. Sorry you are hurting. Try to focus on positive things and good luck.
  14. Hello. I am a lady in her mid fifties. I spent many years alone after my husband died young. I raised my kids by myself. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. It was my first BF in many years. I truly love this man with all my heart. But there has been a lot of drama, mainly with his ex and the adult child who is not into me. There have been times when I have blown up on him due to the stress of all the inappropriate ex interactions (my take) - no boundaries primarily being the problem. Tonight he called for a "couple of weeks break", because he is not happy, and he cited some o
  15. I agree with the others. Do not chase him. Give him his space. He knows you love him and want to be with him. If the plan is to meet up in a weeks time, I would ghost him until then. If he contacts you, I would say, see you in a week, hope all is well. I wouldn't engage him in conversation.
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