Confession: Ending an affair

[LaHermes]

Oddly enough I agree, Bolt.

 

There are people vulnerable not just to married men but to single men, abusers, psychopaths, chancers...the list is long.

 

I believe in telling the truth.

 

A short story: a friend, more an acquaintance, now dead quite young, married, told me, in her car driving into the city, out of the blue, that she was crazy about this other man. I was so stunned for a few minutes I couldn't even react. This was quite a "religious" type of woman, among other things. She had three lovely almost adult children, a terrific husband, a wonderful job, even in some aspects a luxurious life. At this time she was about 50. She was thinking of leaving her husband (who she said didn't know about this affair, but I wonder...) and go off into the blue beyond with this man (he 56 I believe), and she said she would live even in a rented room with him and didn't care.

 

I listened to this dismaying outpouring. And the question came" what would you do?". An aside, I seem to be considered as some sort of oracle by people I know LOL.

 

So, I gave her the full-on talk. I warned her not to leave her husband, not to even think of it. I did not tell her she was a low-life slag or any words like that nor did I berate her. I could see her intense suffering. She was crazy off the wall about this guy (who was no great shakes in looks or anything else). She told me she couldn't bear to have her husband touch her. I warned her that her husband would notice something was off, and to get into the marital bed with him, down a bottle of champagne and get going. Yes, rather worldly advice, but necessary IMO.

 

She was like someone on a hard drug. So, instead of having it off with the other man in a car in places like car parks, where someone could see them, I told her to F herself blind with him in a hotel room somewhere until she worked the fever out of her blood. Yes, worldly advice again. Some may not like it and I don't care. I asked her: "What else can I say to you".

 

The other guy was transferred somewhere, so a solution was found. I heard afterwards that he requested a transfer.

I also think her husband, a very intelligent man, had an inkling.

But life got back to some semblance of normality for her, I think. She did not leave husband for an adventure into the unknown, and she and I never spoke of it again.

 

 

Anyhow,

[Hell_On_Heels]

I am endlessly curious about why people cheat.

 

I was a working adult going to college, and once, after I'd finished a series of classes with a professor, he asked me to dinner. I said ok. He was cute, and obviously employed, and we'd gotten along well over the prior year. Dinner sounded nice. During dinner, he told me was married, his wife hated him, and if he divorced her she'd take their baby back to China where they came from. I said I wasn't interested in an affair, and - I'll never forget this - he said, "Is that fair to me?! What about what I want?"

 

I left. There really isn't a response to that. I don't know why he wanted to cheat. I was too blinded by his colossal selfishness to ask, or care.

 

I used to run into a guy from work sometimes. We'd tell jokes, very casual. One day he asked if I'd have sex with him. I said, "No. Why would you want to? I've met your wife, and you two really care about each other." He said that yes he cared for her, she was great. But he gets bored sometimes and is always looking for some new excitement. I think he was the most honest cheater I've ever talked to about it. He was also self destructive. We've stayed friends for years...and he did turn his life around after coming close to dying.

 

A coworker's husband told her he wanted an open marriage, and if she didn't agree, he was going out with other women anyway. She was devastated, but also really mad. So she ordered flowers, had them sent to her work with a card that said, "You're amazing!" When she brought the flowers home, her H was instantly angry and jealous. He decided he didn't want an open marriage after all. She figured he'd cheat on her, and keep her to himself, so she ended it.

 

One last story. When I found out the man I'd been dating had a wife, I was devastated. It twisted my whole world sideways. I really thought he loved me. I just couldn't conceive of a lie that size! I couldn't believe I was that stupid. It was so tempting to keep believing he loved me. Every time I considered him or his feelings or tried to figure it out, I felt like I was drowning in someone else. I felt like my reality was warping.

 

It was terrifying and so painful to walk away from him. Every time I was tempted to go back, I'd remind myself I'd survived the death of my husband, so how much worse could life ever get? In spite of that, it was still one of the most screwed up, painful, faith-shattering experiences I've ever faced.

 

I've had several years to sort it out, and I still don't get it.

[LaHermes]

Yeh. HOH.

 

I think nothing surprises me any more. That's a fact.

 

There are reams written on why people engage in infidelity. Cheat is a strange word and always reminds me of poker games.....

 

People are not just cut and dried. And I have no time for that expression "moral compass". Ethical compass, yes.

 

What would any of us do in a given situation. I don't know.

 

One thing is for sure. Some people should not get married, far too many get married for the wrong reasons, some are trapped into marriage, the list goes on.

[Annia]

Thank you all.

 

I posted this thread because I did want honest feedback. Even if it was harsh.

 

For the record, I DO feel remorse. Not sure how anyone can come to the conclusion that I don't. His wife doesn't know, but I am remorseful of the fact she eventually might know and I don't want to be any cause for her...because I didn't say it in the first paragraph doesn't mean I don't have a conscience,

 

I commend you for having the courage to admit your mistakes and for putting an end to this situation, but I just wanted to tell you that very often the "wife doesn't know" isn't that black and white.

 

Sometimes people don't know "officially" because they don't express it and pretend everything is fine, but many people actually know or suspect... many times they simply don't want to admit. They don't want to see the truth because it's too painful and they don't want to deal with it nor that other people know, but they know something is there. And lets suppose that she really has no idea and doesn't have any suspicion... quite often cheaters might neglect their partner to be in the affair. Sometimes the person might feel that their partner is more distanced and that they don't communicate so much and get absent more than usual. There are of course cheaters that overcompensate their partner by being very attentive and caring to hide what their doing and to mitigate any ounce of guilt they might feel... but I doubt that he has kept the overcompensation for so long if he ever did so.

 

There are many layers to this. Many cheaters and people involved in affairs think that it's ok because the person doesn't know and therefore they're not causing any suffering. Some people even use this excuse to continue affairs for years without ever telling their partner because they say "oh, if they knew it'd be much worse... I'm protecting them".

 

 

I'm just saying this so that you know that this things have more consequences than those that meet the eye at first sight. By knowing this and the sprectum for these actions, it can also help prevent yourself from engaging with him again or in a similar situation.

[Capricorn3]

maybe there was a reason she didn't tell the full truth of the relationship on the forum since day one? hmmmm

 

Glad someone else noticed that. I think that's where I have a bit of an issue. Having posted a thread about breaking up with a boyfriend and getting tons and tons of genuine and sincere advice and loads of sympathy .... and all the while the "boyfriend" is actually a full blown affair. That to me is deceitful and dare I say, even shows disrespect to the ENA community who, for the most part, a genuinely warm and helpful people. Just something wrong with that (imo).

 

reinventmyself ...everyone can view it differently.

 

If her purpose for writing the post is to heal . . Then my personal take on it is, healing begins when you hold yourself accountable for your actions.

There is not much to be learned by deflecting part of the blame.

 

I can be compassionate, but only as compassionate as someone who is willing to take responsibility for their part.

 

This is just very early in the process for her.

 

I agree.

[katrina1980]

 

He's been married 32 years. One grown daughter.

 

The decision to end this is mine. I love him and I know he loves me...but like ALL affairs, I know he is never going to end his marriage for me...and rightfully so.

 

I haven't read this entire thread, just the first few pages, so if this question has already been asked and answered, I apologize.

 

First off, many men DO end their marriages because of an affair with another woman, my own dad did, so let's at least get honest about that.

 

That said, JA, I'm not gonna judge you (trying not to anyway) but you seem to believe that somehow you should be rewarded or given points for choosing to end this affair.

 

And that you deserve this because in the end you chose to do the right thing.

 

So if I may ask, why did you, after one year, decide to end it?

 

You posted above that you knew he was never going to leave his wife.

 

Did you know he was never going to leave his wife from the beginning?

 

Or were you hoping he would leave her, but after a year you finally woke up and realized he wasn't, and THAT is why you ended it?

 

The reason I ask is because I think it's important, in order to heal and forgive yourself, you come to terms with exactly (1) why you entered into this illicit affair in the first place, and (2) why you chose to end it.

 

It's not enough to just say well "I chose to end it, I chose to do the right thing. Shouldn't I be given some credit for that'?

 

Which is what I sense from reading your posts. A form of self-righteousness if you will.

 

Your reasons for doing so are important and if those reasons were because you realized after one year he was NEVER going to leave his wife, then I am sorry but in my world, that does not deserve to be rewarded or given a pat on the back for "doing the right thing," it's actually quite selfish.

 

Again, not judging, that's not my style and we all make mistakes. And we learn from them.

 

But self-reflection, introspection and total honesty (within yourself) are so important not only for your own healing and self-forgiveness, but also in determining your own moral compass going forward.

 

Best of luck on your journey towards achieving these things.

[journeynow]

I have never had an affair before and it's one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever been through. I will never do it again .

 

JA, I won't bash you. And I'm sorry you are going through the pain of heartbreak. Thank you for being honest. While I'm not in your shoes, I would appreciate any insight or advice you feel like sharing, looking back to the beginning and how this happened. All of us here on ENA are human and have our vulnerabilities, along with our opinions and beliefs. I know I hold onto some of my opinions, beliefs, and values primarily because of my life experiences, along with a bit of observation and a touch of upbringing. We all have a different conglomeration of life experiences. In your case, why do you think it happened, why did you chose to be involved, and why now at this phase of your life? You don't have to answer, and I'm not asking you to justify anything, just wondering about any wisdom you've gleaned that might help others.

[JA0371]

First of all I am mot going to try to justify my affair. No one except me and the MM knows what happened.

To sit here and say 'he never loved you'...how exactly do you know that? I believe it IS possible to love more than person for different reasons. I have always had slight commitment issues and perhaps I chose this for that reason. Not consciously of course.

 

Regardless....it doesn't matter. The affair is over, so to tell me what I 'should have or should not have done is pointless. Again, I knew I wouldn't get sympathy but I don't think I deserve to be lectured over doing what I thought was the right thing in ending it.

 

This will be my last response on this thread.

I have taken everyone's comments....good and bad to heart. Thank you.

[katrina1980]

JAO, I for one believe he did love you and still does.

 

Nevertheless you continue to say in the end you did the "right" thing by ending it.

 

Did you read my post 81? You didn't address it.

 

I asked you WHY you ended it? Your motivation for ending it.

 

One has to wonder as you did, after all, choose to stay for ONE YEAR.

 

Most women who choose to have affairs DO hope he leaves his wife "for them." And many men DO leave their wives for them too. Like I said, my own dad did, so I KNOW.

 

You don't have to answer here, but do think about it.

 

Because if you did end it because you finally realized after one year he would not leave his wife, as you alluded to in your original post (which I quoted in my post 81), then you didn't end it because it was the "right" thing to do.

 

Oh maybe it was the right thing to do FOR YOU, because it was a no win situation FOR YOU, but not right in the sense of it being the morally and ethically right thing to do, for all concerned, including his wife and children.

 

Again, just things to consider and be honest about within yourself. No need to defend your position here. This is between you and your own conscience.

 

Best of luck moving forward!!

[reinventmyself]

Doing the `right thing' by ending it might have merit if he was actually going to leave his wife and family.

Doing the 'right thing' in this case would be to bow out and say you couldn't be a part of that. Your conscious wouldn't allow it.

 

Ending it because he wasn't going to leave after all isn't an honorable act.

I may have been the right thing for you.

 

I suppose you deserve some credit because you didn't want to continue to be part of a triangle.

But who does that serve, him, you, her, the kids. . all of you?

 

I don't know. I wasn't there.

 

I know this might seem harsh. I had to reread it a couple times before I sent it.

[annie24]

I only read a few pages of this thread. Reading this, I'm reminded of a good friend of mine who was, until recently, seeing a married man. I think that dating him worked for her on many levels - he was there for her part time, but it wasn't a full relationship. There are plenty of other men who want her and ask her out all the time, but I think she wanted the challenge of this "taken man." They were together for YEARS. I suspect on some level, the wife knew and just didn't care, as long as he came back to her at night. Who knows.

 

Anyway, after years of this, MM just broke up with my friend, because he said he "fell out of love." In addition, IMHO, he doesn't want to go through the stress and financial headaches of divorce and child custody agreements. And then, there is the pressure from his devout catholic family to stay married. I think those factors keep him with a wife he obviously doesn't respect or love anymore.

 

Obviously, some men do leave their wives for their mistresses, but some are just looking for some side-fun. I agree with Katarina1980, that you would spend some time and examine your own motives for dating a married man. Is it because you just wanted a part time boyfriend? Aren't really ready to commit? Like the challenge?

 

Hang in there.

[IAmFCA]

I only read a few pages of this thread. Reading this, I'm reminded of a good friend of mine who was, until recently, seeing a married man. I think that dating him worked for her on many levels - he was there for her part time, but it wasn't a full relationship. There are plenty of other men who want her and ask her out all the time, but I think she wanted the challenge of this "taken man." They were together for YEARS. I suspect on some level, the wife knew and just didn't care, as long as he came back to her at night. Who knows.

 

Anyway, after years of this, MM just broke up with my friend, because he said he "fell out of love." In addition, IMHO, he doesn't want to go through the stress and financial headaches of divorce and child custody agreements. And then, there is the pressure from his devout catholic family to stay married. I think those factors keep him with a wife he obviously doesn't respect or love anymore.

 

Obviously, some men do leave their wives for their mistresses, but some are just looking for some side-fun. I agree with Katarina1980, that you would spend some time and examine your own motives for dating a married man. Is it because you just wanted a part time boyfriend? Aren't really ready to commit? Like the challenge?

 

Hang in there.

 

i relate to your friend. the only MM with whom I have been involved is someone who was dating the both of us concurrently and with her knowledge even through engagement. I suspect she figured marriage would end it.. It is over now. Our lives have no overlap at all, we would have to be intentional else we will never see each other again.

 

If I fall in love with someone, I will fortify this boundary with blocks if needed (we don't communicate anyhow) .

 

That said, to have a random occasional perfect date with someone who loves me and treats me well and then goes away : definitely works, or has worked, for me. Its all vacation and no homework. It isn't real and it has to be infrequent and non binding so that something real has a chance.

 

It seems very different than your R/S, OP, and maybe is not a typical example. In the end, though, its the same. Having each other serves to soften the fear of being alone, without exposing us to the risks of actually depending on each other.

 

I am more comfortable alone now but also generally unavailable. He is more comfortable with her, I think, but I am not sure what is really going on of course. If we saw each other again, we would behave as a perfect couple as we always have. Its better we don't.

[ThatwasThen]

First of all I am mot going to try to justify my affair. No one except me and the MM knows what happened.

To sit here and say 'he never loved you'...how exactly do you know that?

Because as I said, you haven't had the opportunity to actually share day to day life with him. When you do THAT, and you see that you still have true feelings past lust, infatuation and fantasy is when you can say you loved and were loved... otherwise, it was just lust and infatuation and hopefulness that just did not pan out. If he loved you, he'd have left his wife no matter how long they were married. It is her he loves and wants to be with... you were a reprieve peppered with lust and infatuation. Do not fool yourself, you will indeed have a harder time getting over your addiction tot he oxytocin release that your clandestine sexual encounters achieved if you continue to make this more then it actually was.

 

I believe it IS possible to love more than person for different reasons. I have always had slight commitment issues and perhaps I chose this for that reason. Not consciously of course.

It IS possible to love more then one person at a time is also my view but one must know the difference between love and being shown value and lust and infatuation and not being shown value. You are not valued in a loving way if all the value you are being shown is sexual.

 

Regardless....it doesn't matter. The affair is over, so to tell me what I 'should have or should not have done is pointless.

Oh hardly. If you don't learn the difference or know when you are being valued beyond the sexual, then you are destined to fall into the same dynamic by yet another cheating turd of a man. You have broken up with him before according to your other thread. What makes this time different? What convictions have you realized and will be true to? What personal boundaries have you put in place to keep you emotionally safe from letting him hoover you back in for more fantasy?

 

Again, I knew I wouldn't get sympathy but I don't think I deserve to be lectured over doing what I thought was the right thing in ending it.

Like I said, you've ended it before only to re-establish under the exact same circumstances of his marital status. What light bulb moment makes you convicted to keep him gone.

 

This will be my last response on this thread.

I have taken everyone's comments....good and bad to heart. Thank you.

Yes... It seems that when the going gets tough, the "tough" get going.

 

I wish you the enlightenment you still clearly need to keep you gone from this man and to never let your lack of self-worth guide you to do this again. It would be in your best interests (and I say everything I have said with your best interests in mind) to get yourself into therapy or get yourself a Life Coach so that you learn and truly believe that you deserver more then a cheating turd who you put on a pedestal that he does not belong on.

 

Feel better soon.

[itsallgrand]

It depends what you consider love , yes? Warm feelings or loving actions or both?

I was someone who said I did not believe a man who would treat you this way and his wife this way to be someone who loves you. I do really see it that way. You are free to disagree of course.

 

Your post did make me think. What is it that you personally believe is love? When you talked about experiencing levels of love with this man that you hadn't before, what did that specifically entail?

 

You don't have to answer but it did make me think that maybe a difference between those who would consider an affair and those who wouldn't ( from any role in it, including the affair partner who has not committed to anybody), is how people deeply believe love is about. And that can impact everything- every choice towards ourselves and others.

 

Take care.

[IAmFCA]

on the topic of love, i have a more forgiving view. i believe love is a gradient defined by one's capacity to love oneself, to respect oneself & others, and to manage oneself in a way that reflects that.

 

dishonesty is a way of hiding an aspect of oneself - which we wouldn't do if we were comfortable with ourselves.

 

an affair is a form of dishonesty.

 

love is there, but in limited amounts.

[ThatwasThen]

In its simplest of terms, Love is: "Patient, kind, trusting"

 

Patient? How can one show another patience when their relationship is not what they are free to have with one another?

 

Kind? What is kind about meeting someone with low standards and self esteem for sex and small talk and 'companionship' with a miniscule shelf life. What is kind about getting her to the point that she believes she loves and was loved when it is all dishonest and there are no actions to show love? Sex is not an action of love when that is all you share as a couple. Love is an action word.

 

Trusting: How can you trust someone that would do such a betrayal? How can you trust someone who is, at their core, untrustworthy? We are talking about monogamy and the promise of it and the dynamic of it... not polyamory.

"Love is there but in limiting amounts

I'm sorry, what?

[IAmFCA]

In its simplest of terms, Love is: "Patient, kind, trusting"

 

Patient? How can one show another patience when their relationship is not what they are free to have with one another?

 

Kind? What is kind about meeting someone with low standards and self esteem for sex and small talk and 'companionship' with a miniscule shelf life. What is kind about getting her to the point that she believes she loves and was loved when it is all dishonest and there are no actions to show love? Sex is not an action of love when that is all you share as a couple. Love is an action word.

 

Trusting: How can you trust someone that would do such a betrayal? How can you trust someone who is, at their core, untrustworthy? We are talking about monogamy and the promise of it and the dynamic of it... not polyamory.

I'm sorry, what?

 

Fair points.

 

If he was as aware of his choices and motivations as your post is clear, then he intentionally misrepresented himself. That is fraud, not love.

 

It doesn't matter and we aren't in a fair position to evaluate his inner mechanics. More generally, I do think love is possible within a love triangle. We love imperfectly and to different degrees, and other sorts of infractions are also intolerable, and also may occur in a love context.

 

Many of us have internal needs that disrupt our desire to live more authentically, more purely true to our intentions. It is human. It is deceitful to oneself and others. It is protectionist at someone else's expense. It is therefore an unloving act. We might still love.

 

In this case I don't know that we know; more likely heavy like, lust, and a welcome distraction.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

As I stated before, I still think of the wife and how she has dedicated her life to this man and how it would feel to find out that he was with you and that you chose to be with her husband knowing he was taken.

Pain like that never goes away. 30 some years, wow. She would no doubt feel like she did it all for nothing and gave everything she had, all for pain and betrayal.

God willing you never get back karma.

I was like this once. Took all my personal hurt and projected it towards someone else and made unknowing victims of those being cheated on. But sometimes the other person knows and it's not as cut and dry as you would think. I'm not defending the affair. I'm not minimizing the wife and her potential pain. But I know someone who was very unhappy in their marriage but instead of cheating on their spouse, they went honest with their spouse and said they aren't being fulfilled and if they want to keep the marriage together, they both should be allowed to see people on the side with no repercussions. That's not for everyone, and clearly not her situation, but sometimes people find they can't stay in the marriage any longer unless something changes. It's not tradition, it's not commonly accepted. But sometimes divorce is uglier for various reasons.

 

I have no clue where the truth of this story is and isn't. But the point I'm trying to make is you can't always condemn accurately because you just don't know why or how. This may have saved his marriage. Is that wrong? Maybe he should tell his wife. Hopefully for her this isn't a repeated pattern. But caution your judgement. It's easy to condemn.

[TheRawTruth]

You know what I always think about when I read posts like this? How the wife is sat there thinking her marriage is okay and might not be perfect but her husband is her husband.

She has no idea that another woman has snuck up to her husband and has decided to become a home wrecker and mess with a man who made vows and is wearing a ring.

I know you're all about you and he's "love" and so what if he's married? but these people have shared a life for over 30 years...it's matters!!

 

I will never understand why women like you has zero morals on what you are doing to another human being (the wife) and how she does not deserve this and how you are causing pain whether you think so or not.

She is a human being, she fell in love with him too and made vows to him, she carried his child, how do you get it in your mind to deface that and do as you please with someone else's husband?

It doesn't matter because he 'loves' you? You didn't mean to? You couldn't help your feelings?

 

You're right, I am one of those that has no sympathy for you. You willingly decided to create a cheating type relationship and those are the utmost selfish and in my opinion, hateful.

Because you take someone else's life in your hands and their heart and you squeeze it with pain and twist it with deceit and you do not care.

 

One day you might fall in love where you will want marriage or a long term relationship and maybe some woman will cozy up to your man, only then will you know what this kind of pain is and you won't understand why someone would willingly choose to take something from you and destroy and not respect what you've built with a man.

 

I hope you never feel that kind of pain, because it is much worse than what you are feeling right now. Betrayal from someone you've given your life to and betrayal from another woman who does not care what she has done, is the worst kind of pain someone can feel.

 

Sure, let's blame the WOMAN because the MAN didn't respect his vows. That's not her fault, it's HIS. Granted, she certainly played a role, but let's stop IGNORING the fact that the REAL CULPRIT here, is the one doing the CHEATING. Not the temptation. If you were in a relationship and you slept with me, am I to blame your infidelity? No. (Purely hypothetical obviously, but I'm making a point.) Should the boyfriend, or an outsider blame ME for your transgressions while you get off scot free? I say no.

 

We spend too much time JUDGING instead of HELPING. She already KNOWS what she did wrong. What is jumping on her MORE going to do? She'll either do it again, or she WON'T. But it will have nothing to do with us condemning her previous behavior. If anything, she'll just LIE about it next time to AVOID such judgment.

[boltnrun]

Well, the OP has already stated she won't be back.

 

We may just be arguing among ourselves. I speculate she is reading the posts but not responding. But that's just my guess. I could be completely wrong.

[Hollyj]

Sure, let's blame the WOMAN because the MAN didn't respect his vows. That's not her fault, it's HIS. Granted, she certainly played a role, but let's stop IGNORING the fact that the REAL CULPRIT here, is the one doing the CHEATING. Not the temptation. If you were in a relationship and you slept with me, am I to blame your infidelity? No. (Purely hypothetical obviously, but I'm making a point.) Should the boyfriend, or an outsider blame ME for your transgressions while you get off scot free? I say no.

 

We spend too much time JUDGING instead of HELPING. She already KNOWS what she did wrong. What is jumping on her MORE going to do? She'll either do it again, or she WON'T. But it will have nothing to do with us condemning her previous behavior. If anything, she'll just LIE about it next time to AVOID such judgment.

 

It takes two to cheat. Equal responsibility.

[Batya33]

It takes two to cheat. Equal responsibility.

 

I don't think it's equal because she didn't take vows. Certainly we should strive to act morally and ethically and that includes respecting other people's vows, and not helping him facilitate breaking his vows but that is more second hand. He first hand took that vow, and she did not. But, she is still responsible and her motivations for ending it did not have to do with that responsibility but because she tired of waiting for him to leave his wife or cheat on his wife while she lived in closer proximity (from how I read what she wrote).

[Doc Blaze]

Sure, let's blame the WOMAN because the MAN didn't respect his vows. That's not her fault, it's HIS. Granted, she certainly played a role, but let's stop IGNORING the fact that the REAL CULPRIT here, is the one doing the CHEATING. Not the temptation. If you were in a relationship and you slept with me, am I to blame your infidelity? No. (Purely hypothetical obviously, but I'm making a point.) Should the boyfriend, or an outsider blame ME for your transgressions while you get off scot free? I say no.

 

We spend too much time JUDGING instead of HELPING. She already KNOWS what she did wrong. What is jumping on her MORE going to do? She'll either do it again, or she WON'T. But it will have nothing to do with us condemning her previous behavior. If anything, she'll just LIE about it next time to AVOID such judgment.

 

 

In all the threads before this on this topic she did lie.

[Doc Blaze]

It takes two to cheat. Equal responsibility.

 

 

I wouldn't say equal, but a big difference from knowing from the start..

 

 

But she knew what she was getting into..

 

 

you can see from the majority of similar threads when they want the cheater and they want to start their own relationship, this is when things start going south

[RainyCoast]

hasn't a thread that, according to the OP, no longer serves the purpose of advise/support for them, but instead serves the purpose of the community

 

run

 

its

 

course?

 

(much as i believe the discussion is genuinely appreciated as food for thought and growth by some of the responders, the discussion by those interested in the topic might more appropriately be had in a different subforum where a subject is addressed as a general, impersonal one, where arguments don't extend to evaluations of character, deeds, choices, of someone who is no longer interested in hearing them)