OmegaMan

A high in a way. That is funny! Thanks for the answer. Etienne (It is my name, it'a french).

Oh I forgot. First of all, the code. Humans have established a code of interactions. Start slow, don't go in too deep too quickly. Remember, humans are animals, if they feel threatened, they will run away. I asked a girl and she told me to talk about her interests, you can't go wrong with that. Etienne

Is it me or is bisexuality a trend just now? It seems awful popular to be bisexuel if you're a teen? Oh weird and funny. Seems like our society is exploring new horizons. As for women, the best is really someone relatively thin with nice breasts (not flat) and a small behind. But no one is perfect. I really don't like supermodels. I don't even know why they call them that way. What's sexually appealing about a bag of bones? Show some shapes! ahhhhh... yeah. I would prefer a slightly overweigth girl to some bonebag any day of the week. I hope this answer your question, kind of. Etienne

Yes, indeed. That is some good wisdom. Could someone answer me on this one?: I don't think women stare as much as men do. I sometimes find myself staring at a some pretty women. But women seem to be more subtle about it. Am I wrong? In other words, take the compliments, and don't draw hastly conclusions. If it all come to the worst, wouldn't it be nice of her to actually say something to make you feel good. Although women do say the truth usually when they compliment someone. Hang in there. Etienne

It's all about making a choice. A choice means excluing something from a crowd of options (each with their advantages and disadvantages). What is the priority here? What is is that you really want. As far as asking: I am not much of a fan of asking. If these things are going to happen, they will. They will just happen naturally. You're not making a contract there, so.. asking? No. Well at least not in my perspective on things. Follow your instinct. And as far as waiting... I am going to be honest with you. When it comes to loving someone you see rather often, if will come out eventually wether you want it or not. Your head can control some things, but there are some things you just can't fight. I know, I am in the same situation. I used to feel guilty about this, like I wasn't being honest about the whole thing. Don't be. What you are feeling towards her is something very noble and respectable. All the best. Etienne

Well, just to reassure you, you're part of the majority. Some of my friends have truckloads of girlfriends but are still insecure about approaching them. As far as being ashamed, don't. As least you tried. I sincerely believe that if you try enough, you will get better at it. It's just doing those few first times which are more uncomfortable. I'm glad you know what you're worth. I can only hope you are sure of it, without a hint of a doubt. That would mean confidence and with confidence, comes women. Etienne

Yeah... you're right. I don't want to use violence against him. I guess I was on a furious strike. You know how you sometimes say things but you don't really mean them? It's just so hard to discuss with him... oh well. It wasn't that I was trying to control him or not, it was that he wasn't being honest about it. I was disappointed that he would lie to something so trivial as to being vegetarian just not to displease someone. Because, he has all those arguments when it comes to not eating meat and he gets pissed off when you don't agree with him. But when it comes to cold hard facts, when confronted to reality, he doesn't hold true to his word. He said he was against killing anything with pain receptors. He said he would never kill insect. I asked him "That's all very nice to say in wonderland, but tell, what would you do if your appartment was infested with c-ckroaches? You would just live with them, as pets? (Not exactly common in North America)" Well he replied that he would break his engagement towards the owner, pay the fine for doing so, look for another place to stay, move all of his stuff and so on. Now, we both knew he was lying, nobody, except maybe a millionaire, would do such a thing. And my brother doesn't have much left at all. This is what infuriates me, why does he try so much to be someone else that is not himself for others? I think this is why I don't feel confortable with him, I can never tell wether he is being himself or Mr Nice Guy. I feel insecure in that. I think I've turned a few isolated events in something similar to a drama. I was very tired yesterday, and when I'm tired, I tend to see things differently, in a very theatrical sort of way. I really try to get along with my brother, I know it's so important for my parents, but I sometimes feel we come from different planets. We're just so different. He's leaving tomorrow. I don't really want him to leave, I would've like for us to get along better. But when he was there, I sometimes thought living with him was so annoying that I did wanted him to leave. In other words, I do love him. He's always been very supportive of me. He is a great person with many many qualities. But personnality-wise, there are often clashes. Authenticity for me, is crucial. I think kindness is more important for him. Different valors, different points of view. I guess this is something I will have to learn to live with. Etienne

This message is about my brother. He has just moved in with me for a few days, and I find his presense to be most irritating. You're supposed to love your family, so I heard. And I believe that I do love him. However I sometimes feel that we are just sooo incompatible. My brother isn't always honest to himself and to others. He just want to please other people so much. He pretends he knows, when he doesn't, pretends he understands when it doesn't, pretend he is interested when he isn't. He has just decided to be vegetarian. Well, he is when he is with his girlfriend (whom converted him to it) be when he is with us, and someone asks them if he is vegeterian, he lies. Says he isn't. I find this habit of pretending weak. I also find it annoying, because I am often witness of his fake behaviour. He is careful about others, the strangers. But when it comes to me, his brother, the true nature comes up. He is careless, disrespectful, argumentative and most importantly gets upset when you don't think like him. Does this sound strange to some people? If not all people? Next time around, I think I'll punch him. Etienne

Stop being afraid, fear is probably one of the worst adviser one could ever get. Go for it, ask her out to do something. Don't pressure yourself too much however. E.

Confidence CANNOT be earned instantly, just like that. It doesn't appear magically just by deciding: "Now, I'm confident!" How will you become confident sexually??? PRACTICE. Just like anything in life, we start insecure because it is the world of the unknown, then, if we keep trying and persevere, we become better and what was unknown before becomes known, understood, simple. In other words what starts as obscure, unclear, complex and scairy will become clearer, simplier with practice. Have fun! Etienne

How could it not be good? Good for you buddy, right on! Etienne

Hehehe... Indeed! Etienne

Maybe he manages to type while doing it, I think it's possible. Etienne

Amen to that. Etienne

You know, the worst thing anyone could do just now is take you in pity. You are living what hundreds of thousands of human beings are living every day of the year. There is nothing worse when people take you in pity, it just doesn't help and it makes you perceive your reality in an even more dramatic way (sometimes leagues away from reality). I would recommend seeing a psychologist. I am seeing one weekly and I am beginning to understand so many things. Once you understand how your mind works, It's easier to fix it. Etienne

This is a good question. Option A: Most politically correct people would say, just ignore them. But the price to pay for staying quiet when people are insulting you and spitting on your dignity is high: SELF-ESTEEM. You have to protect your self-esteem with everything you got. Too much insult, and you will bad because you allowed so many people to walk on your back. This is what I did, I didn't say a word, but it ruined me for years inside. Option B: Smash their face in. Satisfying but: 1-You might get your own @ss kicked. 2-You might seriously hurt someone and be sued. 3-Just because you beat someone up doesn't mean the whole deal is solved afterwards. Actually the conflict might turn even more vicious. So you see, fighting has it's advantages, but also has risks. Option C: Gain their respect. By blowing up and getting affected by their comments, you just show weakness. I am often with people in conflict in my job. I sometimes use the paradox, in other words, the complete opposite as to what they are expecting. If someone tells you: "I hate you, you're ugly." You could reply with something like Well I thought you were I kind of cool and I'm sorry you see me this way." Believe it or not this reply is gold. It's kind of passive-aggressive but it makes the other person realise how cheap and vile they are. Not only do you tell them you like them when they insult you, not only do you tell them that you're sorry they see you that way (in other words, you are informing them this doesn't affect you but still consider their opinion). This gives the person the impression of guilt and realise of how uncalled for the reaction is. I kind of like Option C. I think it's brilliant and very strategic. Gives the impression of defence whereas it also acts as an indirect offense. Option D: Talk to them. This is an instance where I don't believe in communication. I've tried it. They tell you they're sorry when you are by yourself by re-start the same thing when they are with other people. It's up to you buddy. Etienne

This is actually a very interesting topic, thanks for briging it out. It could prove to be fascinating to say the least, oh yes, fascinating indeed. Etienne

Maybe they are just disappointed, maybe they hope someone good looking is going to show up for work and drop her pen or something. Honestly, I am looking forward meeting new co-workerette. I'm curious as to how hot they are going to be. This being said, I think it's only natural. I think you would react the same way if some new guy came to work in your place. You would be curious as to what he would be like, look like. The comments are obviously out of place however. You are right, this could be considered sexual harassment. etienne

To be honest, I wouldn't be very happy about it. That doesn't mean you aren't doing the right thing by doing so, but even if you do the right thing, it doesn't mean it's gonna have the right consequences, at least not on what you can't control, i.e. his reaction. Good luck anyway. Etienne

Thanks for the advices, I have told her in a message that I don't like much what she said. She didn't talk about it again, Soo... I guess she doesn't want to admit she did me wrong. As my psychologist said, I don't have any power over that. Etienne

Well, I've been there. I resorted to alcool and the cyber-life as my way out of things. Could you explain a bit more about your situation (what's going wrong)? I promised I will reply as soon as I know a bit more. Etienne PS: BTW I got out of it, so can you.

Hi Sister, I see you've made it to the Royal Member status! Congrats! You've earned it. Thanks for your comment. I have left a messag on her phonebox, I think I've done things properly. This still doesn't give me a clue as to how not to let everyone's comments get to you. I really have to figure this one out. O. M.

Mmm.. thank you for your reply. You know, when I think about it, it kind of ruined my day. I know, I know, it sounds silly. She didn't really say something that bad. I REALLY have trouble making an abstraction of what people say to me. I don't understand why people say mean things, so I don't know how to react when someone does say something. I feel like kicking their ass, but does it really help? To me, being mean without reason towards someone is completely illogical. I just don't get it. If somehow I could understand that, I could react differently. You know what makes me afraid in mentionning something I didn't like to someone else? I'm afraid It's going to ruin the relationship or cause a dispute of some sort. What do you think? Etienne

Hmm... I think she did (sorry). Ahh... being nice, this is one of the most complex human reaction to understand. Seems so natural, normal but somehow doesn't exactly bring in return what is expected. Omega Man.

I have this weird friend at work. She is a beautiful, funny person. Everything is perfect when we are together and we have loads of fun. I always try to be kind to her (not nice, kind) and have been very comprehensive of many things. She sometimes have reactions which I just don't understand. She sometimes make jokes which are quite simply hurtful. They're not even jokes (since there is nothing funny about them), they're just mean comments said in a jokingly way. She also has the tendency to make comments like that when we're in a group, so I look silly, stupid or to humiliate me. The thing is, from what I gather, I have not done anything to instigate those kind of behaviours. Every time I don't say anything, it then burns me inside. Like some kind of venom. Writing it does some good, however it doesn't go completely away. I think I still live in a world of fantasy where if you treat someone right, they will treat you right in return, with respect. But she doesn't. I know what some of you will say, that she isn't a good friend, that I should dump her. But she is so genuinely cool sometimes and I do have a lot of fun with her. I know, I know, I probably should talk to her, explain to her what pisses me off about her comments. I have trouble with self-affirmation. I either don't say anything or I burst up and overreacted and praticly slaughter the person in front of me (in a litteral way of course). But If I don't say anything, it stays down there and boils and brews. Well, I will read any comments with great interest. Thank you for reading. Etienne aka Omega Man.