mr_ripley

I think she has made it clear that she doesn't want to go down that road with you. Following that, after new years she didn't reply to my txts. I asked her what was wrong, she said that she didn't feel anything for me other than friendship. I thought that was alright... I think that just about says it all really. Another thing is that she may be somewhat "weirded out" by all your attention and gift giving. You could just calm it down a bit. i.e stop contacting her. That means no txt's, no popping over to her house and certainly no more gifts. Play it cool and see what happens.

Personaly, I think it's great if you don't need anyone to share your life with. Sure, being with someone is nice but being alone is nice too. I've done both for extended periods of time and like them both for different reasons. You say you have limited options because of your age. Your only 30 years old! There are plenty of women out there who havn't had (nor want) a child at around the 30 mark. btw. I don't mean to sound cheeky but if your life isn't so bad then why are you here posting this?

Many thnaks to all for the helpful posts and PM's. I really don't know if I could honestly say I love this woman, although I may just be in denial. It's a moot point now anyway. Today is the day that she picks her ex up from jail. No doubt they are currently in a hotel room somehwere. Good luck to them. I turned off my mobile phone a couple of days ago and gave it to a friend to keep for me. I won't be asking for it back until I'm sure I can resist replying to any text messages or calls from her. Thats the thing, I know she will call. She is currently living a fantasy with a man who simply cannot change his ways. It won't take long before they both realize this. The first hint of trouble she will be on the phone to me. One things for sure, I won't be replying.

It never fails to amaze me why some people are so disturbed by someone who is content to live the single life. I have found through my own experiences in the past that such a life can be just as fun and rewarding as any relationship. In the end, you don't need to justify your existence to anyone.

Damn. You really showed great strength when you told her that she shouldn't have contacted you. Unfortunately, you completely buggered it up by calling her back. I know how it is though, I've been there. Although, exactly what were the items that she wanted to give you back? I've found in the past that the ex will generally use this as an excuse for contact (isn't that what you did?) Let me tell you something though, you are not doomed to think of this women for the rest of your life, it just feels that way now.

Yes and no. I've used the no contact method on a few women now and at least a couple of them have contacted me with a view to getting back together. The only problem is that by the time they did contact I had already moved on or at the very least realized that they were not right for me, which is not a bad thing in itself.

It is indeed a good sign, in fact it's a REALLY good sign! This is all the more reason to leave her alone a bit longer. If she hasn't forgotten about you in the last six months then she won't be forgetting about you any time soon. Trust me.

definitely leave her alone. I'm afraid it's no contact time again. Let her come to you in her own time. The next time she calls do exactly what you did before, act happy and natural but this time don't suggest that you and her have any sort of relationship, even if it is purely friendship based. I have a hunch that this is what scared her away. If she wants any kind of relationship with you she will call again but please be patient, otherwise you will lose her for good. Good luck mate

Welll I've recently split with someone who gave me that bad feeling whenever I was with them. Sometimes, in fact all the time you really have to trust your gut instincts. Even psychologists believe this. If something isn't right your subconscious mind will tell you. You shouldn't feel guilty, you did the right thing. This feeling would only grow in time and destroy your relationship no matter what. If you feel guilty about ending the relationship You could always send her a letter, telling her that your sorry, yet at the same time make it clear that your not trying to weasel your way back into her life. Still though, you would be doing this more for yourself than for her and that may not be a fair thing to do.

Well those who have read the previous instalments of my saga will no doubt know that have had some serious problems with my now ex GF. Previous posts are available here: link removed link removed To update, we contacted each other a few weeks back (she called me). She told me that she was going to meet her previous boyfriend who will be getting out of prison soon. She also stated that she didn't know if she even loved him but that she had to see him and in doing so would move on in one of two ways. I told her that I cared for her, and only wanted the best for her and her daughter. She told me that she didn't feel anything for me anymore and that we should cut contact. This is strange since up until last week she has been contacting me every day for no reason other than to talk to me. Also, we went out to dinner last Sunday and all the while she flirted with me, touched me and continuously told me how great I looked and how nice it was to see me. Yet still, she has buggered off to her ex, leaving me for good. I now realize that this is a good thing though for the following reasons. 1. There's a very good chance that the woman has some minor mental health issues. 2. She is rather boring in conversation. (She basically talks about herself constantly.) 3. In fact, I can't honestly remember us ever having a proper conversation. 4. She can't be trusted. 5. She is manipulative. 6. She can't have any children with me due to her age. 7. Our tastes in music, films and books are worlds apart. (She doesn't actually read much) 8. There's a distinct possibility that she is a compulsive liar. 9. I have a bad feeling in my gut whenever I'm with her. 10. We have absolutely zilch in common. It's strange; I can't sleep, can't eat and have cried several times yesterday. Yet, I don't know why. This woman is simply not right for me. In fact, I doubt she's right for most of the normal sane men on the planet. Now here's my question. Why the hell do I miss her? In fact, do I even miss her at all or do I simply miss the idea of her? Am I just lonely and pining after her for lack of anything better to do? Is this an ego thing (quite possibly)? Has anyone else experienced anything like this, where you miss someone who is simply not right for you.

When in the midst of a good romantic relationship it has to be "Something" by the Beatles. When breaking up it would have to be "Who loves the sun" or "OH! Sweet Nothing" both by The Velvet Underground. In the midst of the getting over them phase I like a shot of Limp Bizkit with My Way which has some pretty relevant Lyrics to it : You think you're special, you do I can see it in your eyes I can see it when you laugh at me Look down on me And walk around on me. Just one more fight About your leadership And I will straight up Leave your sh*t Cause I've had enough of this And now I'm pissed (yeah). This time I'm a let it all come out This time I'm a stand up and shout I'm a do things my way, it's my way My way or the highway.

Well, if your using the contact rule in order to win this girl back, I think you'll be waiting a good long while if your "I never want to see her again" statement did indeed get back to her. She may want to call but won't mainly because she thinks you don't want to hear from her. I don't know how exactly you could go about rectifying this situation without coming on too strong. You want her to know that you care but you don't want to come right out and say it. You could perhaps say something to her friend again. Maybe just a simple enquiry about her coupled with a "hope she's doing fine" should do the trick.

Excellent post! I'm very encouraged by it. I've used the "no contact rule" myself and it works wonders. I've had two ex-girlfriends come back to me using this method. Of course, by the time they came back I wasn't at all sure if I really wanted them back, but thats another story.

I wouldn't worry. I know a lot of men that wouldn't go to a strip bar, myself included. The women are just big fleshy fakes. If he is like me then he'll find the sight of a natural woman far more appealing.

Thanks for the reply raggamuffin The whole thing seems a bit icky to me too! I called her last night and told her that I care for her. I apologized for any things I may have said to her which may have hurt her (I had indeed said a few nasty things to her over the last few months). She seemed pleased to hear this, although she told me that I had hurt her with some of my past actions i.e. the way I ended our relationship. Anyway, I'm going to see her tomorrow and see what happens. AT the very least I can get closure and start to move on in earnest. I have a question though. Should I bother going to see her (I said to her that I would)? I do care for this woman but the whole horrible situation is making me withdraw from her somewhat. I know no matter what we need time apart from each other, we both agreed on this. If I do see her tomorrow I think I'll just tell her that I care for her very much but for now I can't be part of her life in any way. Then I'll just apply the no contact rule and move on. If it was meant to be then it will happen.

Thanks for the advice man. Well she came round today to give me some money she owes me. We talked and it turns out that he called asking her if she would meet him next month when he gets out of prison, to talk. She has agreed to go and see him. She told me that she doesn't even know if she loves him but she has to get him out of her system, either by being with him for a while or by regecting him outright. Either way, she has to see him. To get rid of (or live) the fantasy, I suppose. Needless to say, I feel like sh*t. I can understand why she's doing it though, she was with me but never really with me if you know what I mean. Even when we were together I felt as though there were three people in our relationship. He was the unseen presense in so many of our moments together. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. God, I'll miss her.

She didn't get "the last word". Your silence is the last word. If you don't reply, which I'm sure you won't then you have made a bolder statement than she ever could.

I'm in a very similar situation myself. I know EXACTLY how this feels, trust me. Obviously, it's up to you what you do but personaly I walked away from the whole sad, sorry situation. In doing so I kept my pride and my dignity which believe it or not is probably the most important thing of all. I am also comforted by the knowledge that one day, perhaps one day pretty soon the woman in question will realize that she has made the biggest mistake of her life by regecting me and hooking up with her abusive ex boyfriend. Of course, by that time it will be too late, I will have moved on. It will be the same with you. This woman will live to regret her decision, nothing is surer.

I'm pretty much the same as you. I'm very opinionated and absolutely despise ignorance and missinformation. I've had a lot of the same problems as you, with people telling me that I'm somewhat argumentative. Recently I've been trying to calm myself down before speaking by counting to five before commenting. It works, well sometimes.

Listen to apoc220. Don't rush it. Let her do the crawling, and enjoy it!

Oh my God, this is almost exactly the same as my situation. The fact is that in order for your GF to fully get over her previous BF she needs time alone.. In the end I walked away and perhaps you should too, if only temporarily. Sounds harsh I know but it's the only way the girl will be able to get her head sorted out. Good luck!

Thanks for the advice and support guys. I don't know how I feel at the moment. Part of me is glad that we have cut contact all together now. She sent me an SMS on Friday telling me that she has deleted my number from her phone to avoid the temptation to contact me, I did the same. To be honest though, I'm losing respect for her. She told me last week that her ex boyfriend had been sleeping with his half sister on a regular basis a while ago. Now knowing this she stilll has feelings for him and is actually considering being back with him? The whole thing is just sick.

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. I originally posted here back in August about my situation ( you can find the original post here link removed ) Anyway, shortly after I made my post the woman in question contacted me saying that she had split with her boyfriend. A week later she travelled the 200 miles from her house to mine to chat and maybe have a date. Things went fine, we had a nice romantic dinner and ended up sleeping together. We see each other over the course of the next few weeks, with her making the long 200 mile trek to see me. Still she won't commit to me, claiming that she is confused over her emotions for this other man. I tell her that I'm not an emotional battery and tell her not to contact me again. One week later she appears at my door and tells me that she is sorry and wants to make a commitment to me, she wants to be my Girlfriend. So over the course of the next couple of months or so she travels up to my house to spend the weekend with me and even takes me away on a romantic weekend (she pays for everything). She is affectionate towards me in public and tells everyone she knows about me. Perhaps the most bizarre part is that last month she moved house and job to be closer to me. She was going to move anyway, but she could have moved anywhere in the UK. She now lives and works just six miles from my home. Shortly she moves here she admits that she may still have feelings for her ex boyfriend. I tell her that I understand but it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore. She cries and I walk. Later that evening she sends me an SMS telling me that she doesn't in fact have any feelings for her ex boyfriend, I don't reply. Four days later she turns up at my mum's house when I'm there and helps my mum over the next few days with decorating the sitting room. This is obvious a way for her to initiate contact with me again. So we start seeing each other again. Anyway, things are fine for the next month or so until last week when I tell her that I love her. She tells me that she loves me but she's not "in love" with me. She later tells me that she may still have feelings for her ex boyfriend. By this time I've had enough so I hold out my hand and tell her that it was really nice knowing her and goodbye. She says that she doesn't want to end it like this. I insist, she holds my hand for a while then I walk away and don't look back. Now I know that she went through hell in 2003. Her brother died she lost her pub which she owned and to top it all off she met this conman who she fell madly in love with. Please note this is the same man she claims to still have feelings for despite that fact that he swindled her out of £10,000 and has treated her like cr*p. He's in prison at this very moment. Now here's my question, what the hell is going on with this woman? Did I do the right thing by walking away (I think I did)? What should I do if she contacts me again? Thanks for any help.

Do you think you could honestly trust her again? In my experience once the trust is gone then the relationship is dead.

Sorry man, you don't deserve her. You cheated on her, the trust is gone. What amazes me is that you don't show remorse for the fact that you actually cheated on her but merely that you were found out.