jclaam

Hey there, I agree with everyone else advice to you. I totally understand that you want to back off since he is moving to Salt Lake City. You don't want to set yourself up to be really hurt by this guy because you don't see any potential there. But just think this way!! Take it easy, if you feel like you are comfortable of telling how you feel then you should because you never know what will happen although it won't stop him from moving. But I think you would feel better. My philosophy is that don't ever go thorough life without any regrets. Go for it what is there to lose, if he turns you down. Well just think it this way that he is leaving soon and that you will forget about him with time. Take care yourself!!!! JCLAAM

Hello everyone, I need your help once again. It has been long time since I have been back to this wonderful site. Once again come back for everyone' support / advice. First off, I like thank everyone who is willing to hear my story and also willing to give advice to my problem. I thank you for your kindness and patience. This is going to be long story and so I hope everyone could be patient with me. I'm in love with an girl that has boyfriend already and they have been together for about almost four years. I know some people have been down this road before, so please help me. I have know this girl for about ten months and we have developed a something. I don't know what to called it? We like each other and that I fell in love with her. I know she doesn't love me. But she keeps on telling me that she could see herself with me in the future. Like us getting married and having family together. I don't know why I am so stuck up on her. It just tears my heart that I put her first in everything and that I know in my heart. She doesn't do that for me and that she always puts me behind her boyfriend. She told me that if I love her than I would wait for her. She told me that doesn't want to make decision right now and that she is young. Plus just doesn't have the guts or nerves to leave her boyfriend right now because he loves her so much. He has proposed to her four times and she has said no, four times to him. She says that she is not ready, but I think that is bunch of BS. She told he needs time to accept for who he is? I think her boyfriend is good man. The reason that she doesn't accept him is that she knows he is not going to give her the life that she wants, but I can. He works at factory and only graduate from high school. I told her this numerous time and that how can you love someone and not accept him for who he is? I just don't understand even her mom says that if she marries him, she is not going to truly happy for the rest of her life. She told me that she can't stand of leaving him because she doesn't know that if anyone would love her as much he does? But I told her that how would she know that if anyone else could love her as much or more than her boyfriend. I told her that nothing in life is a guarantee. Everyone wants a guarantee. Everyone around tells me that she is bad for me and that I could do so much better. She cheat on her boyfriend with me, although we didn't have sex but we pretty much did everything else. I feel really bad about this because I'm not the type of guy who do something like this. But I'm just so stuck on her. She is so sweet and when she smiles at me. She just makes my heart melt I guess. I know that she just string me along and that I'm just her backup plan. I know all this, but I just don't know how to let her go. I tried not picking up her phone for couple days and than my heart goes soft than I pick up the phone couple days later. Please help me and thanks for all ur help. Sincerely, jclaam

Hey there, I didn't know that you had that much frustration build up in you about your ex. I know that you were really upset and still think about him alot. I'm sorry to hear that you suffering so much from this right now. I believe that alot of us on this wonderful site understand / feel your pain. I don't think is going to hate you for the rest of his life. He might be hurt or offeden about your email. I think you just want to really let him know how you really feel inside. You wanted to let him know all the feelings that you are going through right now whether is saddness or whatever. You thought it be good for him to know. Like I said many times before. We all wish that we could go back in time and take somethings that we said or done before to others around whether is our family memeber, friends, or love one's. We can't take it back what is done, is done and you have to face the fact. I know that you are really scared that he won't ever talk to you ever again. I know that is really easy for to tell you that things will be alright and that you are going through rough period right now. Just stay calm for a little bit, don't get all freaked out. Don't call and just leave him alone for while. Maybe couple weeks down the line you can email or call him tell him that the things you weren't trying to mean or hurtful to him. If he is reasonable guy, he should understand that you really didn't mean any harm and that you have just build so much inside of you. I hope this helps. You want to talk more, you know how to get hold of me. Take care!!!!!!!! Jclaam

Hello everyone, I haven't been on this site for while because I thought it would be good for me. I have been doing well trying to heal from myself from the previous relationship. Actually I don't know if I would say that I was in a relationship with this girl. But anyway, I got myself in trouble once again. I like a girl that has a boyfriend and I really don't know what to do. She says that her boyfriend treats her well and I believe her. I seen him once and he seems like a really nice guy. I also hear everyone else talk about how he treats her so well. But they fight all the time. She says that she has feelings for me and now she is really confuse. She said is really hard for her to leave such nice guy. I think she just really scared to leave him that is all, even if she wants to be with me. I am just really confuse right now. I don't know what to do. She says that she can't look at me straight in the eye because she knows that she won't be able to control herself from kissing me. I think I really made a mistake by tell her how much I like her. I know everyone out there is going to yell at me because now I just gave her the upper hand. I know is really wrong to talk to a girl that has a boyfriend. I really do like her and that I think there might be possiblity between me and her. I don't know to react because we work together on the weekends at a resturant. Should I just avoid or just play it naturally. I want to be with her. I don't know why I like her so much, but there is just something about her that attracts me so much about her. To be honest with everyone. I don't think she will ever get the guts to leave her boyfriend. I even told her that I don't think she will leave him. I just don't understand myself that I know that why am I still trying to think that things might work out between me and her. The problem is that I don't know how to say no to her. Everytime she has fight with her boyfriend, she run to me for comfort and of course what I do everytime? I comfort and tell her everything is alright. Man!!! I feel like dumb A$$$. Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really need everyone help on this everyone. Any kind of advice would be great. Thank you so much. Sincerely, Jclaam

Hey Daedalus, I'm sorry to hear about what you found out from your ex. I bet you are really confuse right now. I know is really hard because you still cared about her and that you still want to get back together with her. Like you said the no contact has work and that she has contacted you twice within the 29 days of no contact so far. I really think that you should continue with this no contact because the most important thing in life is you. You need to really figure whether you want her back. Take this time in really firgure what you really want. I really think that guy is just a rebound guy for her because she just wanted to see what is like being with someone else and plus she is young. You said your ex is 19 right. Many people at 19 don't know what they want especially in relationship. It is just unforunate that her being young and undecisive has brought so much pain to you. Keep your head up and I hope things will get better for you. P.S> Nice guys don't always finish last, it may seem that way. I know that for a fact because I would consider myself one of them. It just takes time to find someone that actually appreciate you for who you are and what you do. Sincerely, jclaam

Hello everyone, I guess I just want to share my break though with everyone. Like everyone else I was in a mess like two months ago. I was feeling really downed because this girl and I dated for about four months although it wasn't very long. But my feelings grew very quickly for her, however all that changed within twenty-four hour span. She decided that she doesn't know if she wants to be with me or go back to her ex. She was with her over poessesive ex for about three years and he was her first and I was her second. I was really sad at the very beginng and that I felt used by her in a way. I feel so much better now by the support of everyone on this forum. I specially like to thank Avman and Michael2 these two guys have been really supportive of me and my continuation of no contact from her. I realize that in life we think that we always need someone by our side. "Realize this that you don't need your an partner or lover. Sure you want them, but they are not an absolute be-all to our lives. There are so many potential mates out there that you and I can meet and fall in love with at least one, if not dozens. We feel that we truly cannnot live with out partner, so ask yourself how much of these feelings stem from the thought of the loss of them and how much actually stem from our own feelings of worthlessness or inadequacies. It may be time to face our own needs and rebuild ourselves as a separate, independent entity worthy of joy, happiness, and mutlal love. We all have the deisre to be loved, to be wanted, to be approved of, and to be agreed with. But that's all it is a "DESIRE". We don't need to be loved, wanted of, or agreed with. and we all have the deisre to be with our loved ones, to make them happy, to feel them within our arms. All this is a desire and not a need. Yes, we all want these thing so bad, but however we can live without them. We devalue oursleves, taking away our credibility, our indivdulaism, and our own sense of self-esteem. We strip ourselves of our dignity. Be strong for yourself and take charge of your life. I know that not being wanted or cared by someone that you dearly love can be very devasting to deal with. Of course, I miss being with somebody, but I realize the most important thing in life is me, myself. I just can't let myself slip into deep depression over this. I just won't. I know is easier said than done. I will have moments time to time that I will miss my ex. But is okay because this is life and that you take it day by day / you try to make the best out it everyday. I really believe that if you really want to increase the chances of getting your ex. Please used the no contact method. Use this period of no contact to heal yourself and let yourself move on and if she or he comes back is like additional bonus. By then you would have evaluate whether or not you want your ex back or not. I have read that the no contact is not everyone and I guess it just depends your own situation. I really thankful for everyone that has helped me through out this. I know that I will probably still hit some rough spots down the road. I wish everyone the best on this form and may you find closure or whatever it is that you wished for. Sincerely, jclaam

Hey danimal77, I know this is really hard for you to recognize all this. If you really want to get her back. Please stop all contact. I know it goes against all your rational thoughts. Listen to what Michael2 / Luckystar. I think we are just really trying to get you to realize that. The most important thing is whether you get her back or not. The most important thing right now is for you to heal. I know the no contact has been really difficult. I am on day 40 of no contact. I am feeling great however like everyone else on this board. I have my moments that I get depressed and break down. I really wanted to call or send her something for Valentine's day. But I told myself why set myself up for getting hurt. To be honest with you. I get downed on myself and ask that why haven't she call me. Does she still think about me or not? How about all those things that she said to me, were they all just in myth or fact? I wonder all these things, but I told myself that is going to be okay because it is. Do you know why? Take charge your life and be strong for youself. I hope everything goes well for you. I also want to say is that congrats to luckystar on your day 50 of no contact and also to Michael2, hang in there buddy. Hopefully your ex will come to her sense and leave you alone. jclaam

Hey rhone 101, I really sorry to hear that your ex has all sudden catch interests in you once again. I don't know for what reason whether is with good or bad intentions. I want you to ask yourself this question and answer honestly. Do you really want her back? Is it worth while to have her back? Is it even worth? Will she just hurt again? I know that by saying all these questions to you might not really help you. Like you said, you really don't know why she is all sudden calling you everyday. Is it that she is lonely and just wants someone to satisfy her needs. The most important thing is to be strong and I know is really easy to say. Be strong and stand up for yourself. I know we can all sit here and tell all sort of advice. However the most important thing is to do what makes you happy that is all. That is the most important thing is what makes you happy. If you think that she will hurt you once again. Then you need to just put your foot down and let her go. If you really truly love someone then you will let them go. If they dont' come back to you then they were never yours to begin with. Maybe you need to tell her that you need some time to think about things. I would say that continue with the "No contact" and follow with small talk. remember to just take it easy and go with the flow. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!! jclaam

Hey Morrigan, Great post once again and I want thank you for your effort and wisdom to help everyone on this forum. It is just really encouraging to read post like to lift your spirits and strengths to face the hard times and painful memories. I am going to continue to be strong and tomorrow mark the one month of no contact from my ex. Although she did come in to my work place this last Friday though. But I didn't give in and I didn't go talk to her or say hi. I don't know if I want her back anymore. I won't lie that just little part of me hoping that she would call me and telling me that she made a mistake by leaving me. But don't worry guys, I won't have that kind of fantasy in my head because I know it will probably never happen. I will just continue to be strong and try to find what makes me happy. Take care everyone and hopefully everyone will find peace and happiness soon or later!!!!!!! jclaam

Hey SocalSteve, I just want to tell you way go in being strong and stand up for yourself. I think you did the right thing. Like you said after a month of no contact. She all sudden calls you up and tell you that she has some of your stuff. I think a lot of us are really proud of you the way you hand it. Don't question yourself now. You can't go back in change it right. You didn't do anything wrong. I think she just wants to come back to see or hear how you are doing. Hopefully, I will be as strong as you if I put in that situation. Well at least your ex didn't come in to your work place like my ex did to me. Well if you or anyone get an chance. Would you mind take look at my post. Is listed under healing after a breakup or divorce and title is " 22nd day of no contact and she came into work". Thanks and good luck buddy!! jclaam

Hey Michael2, I know you are doubting yourself whether you did the right thing by avoiding her calls and telling her that you don't want to talk to her anymore. Bottomline is that she has boyfriend already. I don't know while she is doing all this to you. Maybe she realizing that she may have lost something great and that would be you. Now she wants it back or she just toying with your emotions and want to see how you would react to it. If we really understand how women really think then would all be trillionare's. I don't even know where to begin or how to begin to tell you while she is acting this way. You made a pretty strong point that you don't want her back in your life, am I right? I think you did the right thing, my brother. I know it sucks, but hang in there. I think you should still continue with the no contact and let yourself heal. Let us know how it goes alright. Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 jclaam "God grant me the serenity to accpet the things I cannot chnage. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference."

Hey RRISALEE, I know that you are going through alot of pain and anguish right now. I been there before. From your post it really sound that you really truly love him. I don't know anything I say would make you feel better. Like S4il said; ""If you Love something, Let it go. If it doesn't come back, It was never yours" It is so true because maybe he just need time sort out things. He need to go out and see what is out there. I know you really don't want to hear all this. Just let him go and that maybe he will come back to you later on down the road. If two of you are really meant for one another then you two find each other once again. I know the pain is so much right now and that you feel so lonely. Time will heal all pain, I promise. Now is just depends on you when do you really want to start your healing process from all this. Take care, if you ever just want to talk to someone. You can just pm alright!!! 8) "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference."

Hey Rivergirl, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Like you, I am not sure why you and your ex broke up in the first place. Don't hate it when people break up with you. They tell you that there nothing wrong with you. That is them that is not sure what they want. I know this going to be hard to do. But start doing the "no contact method". However I don't know how much the death of his friend is affecting him. I am trying to think how an death of friend affect your relationship. Were you not being supportive when this all happen. Well I still think that "No contact method" should be used here. Give him some space to think what he wants to do. I know is going to be really hard. Let him miss you. If you really loves / cares about you then he will come back to you. I am on 25th day of no contact from my ex although I did see her at my work this past Friday night. But I still being strong and that I going to heal from this experience. You have to realize that the most important thing is you. Do what makes you happy. I think giving him space to think would be good and hopefully he will come back to you. Good luck with everything!!! jclaam

Hey Michael2, I know we all ask this question why do our ex all sudden decided that they want to see what is going in our lives. I ask this question also. I think in way that they are curious and how are we doing without them. They may just do it because they want to see how we doing. Are we being panetic without them or are we being strong and moving with our lives. Also they are concern that maybe that we have also move on with our lives / maybe even started to date another person. Some might call with good intentions to really see how we are doing. However, I really believe that some just call to torture us and that giving us hope that maybe our ex would come back to us. But by reading your post Michael2, it seems that you are strong and that you are going to be alright. If you get an chance and that I would be really grateful if you look at my topic. Is listed under Healing after breakup. The title of my topic is "on my 22nd day of no contact and she comes in at my work" Thanks so much, jclaam

Hey corbo, I am kind like in the similar situation like eveyone else that answer to your reply. Like you said if she is happy with other person and than why she is calling you then. What is her intentions anyway? I think that even though she likes this new guy alot but she scared that what if things don't work out and plus maybe she still has feelings for you. I think she just wants to have backup plan just in case if things don't work out with this new guy. She just wants to string you around long enough to give you some hope that maybe she will come back to you. But do you want to be somebody's second choice or backup plan. No one deserves that and plus you deserve better, Corbo. I know is really hard for you because I am going through the same thing. I know that with time I will heal from this. Yes, part of me wants my ex back. But deep down I know that she is not good for me. Good luck with everything. If you get an chance could you look at my subject is listed under Healing after breakup, thanks so much. jclaam