Socalsteve

I am really confused. I went to Miami about a month and a half ago, at which time i met a great girl from NYC. The problem is i live in LA. We spent the entire week together, and actually she prolonged her stay by 3 days just to be with me. She came on VERY strong saying she had a feeling we were meant to be and that possibly i was her soulmate. This was great and all however, i couldn't see a future with us. I viewed her to be a "good time" while i was in Miami ( i know that may sound bad but i am just being honest), and that is all. When we both returned home she took things to the next level. Before long she was saying she loved me and begged me to come see her. I noticed that as we would talk everyday i started developing "feelings' or at least what seems like feelings for her. I decided to purchase a ticket to see her. that is when things went down hill. She dosen't seem to call as much and when we do talk it is for a split second. She keeps saying that she is "scared" of her feelings for me, which in turn leads to paranoia and doubt on both ends. I started "overanalyzing" things which seems to make her mad. Last night was the last draw. She had been really sick for about 5 days, and decided to "go out" with some friends to get drinks. Call me insecure but she stayed out until 5 a.m. at which time she called me over and over. Finally i picked up and she was more concerned with what i did that evening. She went as far as to ask me if i "hooked up" at a dinner i went too. What is going on?? I now wonder if going to NYC in less than 7 days is a bad idea? Am i jumping the gun or is she moving on? Thanks all

Hi all, i have posted a few times on here about my saga with an ex. I begin to get over her and things will begin to calm down for me emotionally, that is until she calls. I haven't heard from her in a week and a half, yet i feel more confused then ever. Do i want her back? DO i want to call her? I know the "right" answer, but why can't i just let go. This girl treated me like crap, disrespected myself, my friends, and my family, yet i insist on thinking about her. Anyone know what is up with me? I could really use some good advice. It would be easy to run out and jump into another relationship, but i think that is bad if i can't resolve these obvious issues first. Advice is greatly appreciated. Steve

Wow, i have been writing on this forum now for about a month. My ex left me after two years on Christmas day. In her eyes this was ok, "people breakup all the time". Her favorite way of subsiding her guilt, obviously. Anyway, she changed her number so i could not contact her. Though it wasn't like i was trying to. I have had zero contact with her, because of some great advice from this forum. Nonetheless, she has called me the last two fridays wanting to "return stuff". We used to live together so everything i WANT i got back. Clearly this was an attempt to talk. Though, yesterday the bomb came down. She called me yesterday and started badgering me about various things that went on during the relationship and even after. She was even pissed that i got MY bed back from her when it was only her roomate home. So i am the bad guy for trying to avoid contact with her. Well the conversation was not productive. She continued her rant of "all things bad" i did, and that she is still angry at me. Yet happy to be away because she is dating and having such a good time. She went as far to drop names of guys she had been hanging out with that her and i used to fight about. If this girl "hates" me why is she calling me and still ranting, even after changing her number? She hung up on me once and then shortly called me back. I would not answer so she continued to call. When i picked up her stories of her "new great life" continued. Growing bored i said to her, "since you changed your number and i have no way of contacting you, clearly you do not want me calling you right?" Her response was yes. I said," I think that is all i needed to here to move on. thank you, nice knowing you, so long". I then hung up. SOmehow i doubt this is the last i will hear from her, can anyone make some since of this mess? Thanks.

Wow, i went so long with the "no contact rule". I was with this girl for two years, and we broke up Christmas day. It was tough at first because we lived together and she moved out and in with a roomate about a week or two before the split. (should have seen it coming huh?) Anyway, she finally called me last Friday to "give back some meanigless petty items". Well i just said basically, "i wish you would have never called and threw the things out". She hung up and that was that. However, i am weak, pathetic and really screwed up. I called her today, before work. I wanted to talk but didn't know what to say. So i decided to play the "lets exchange useless junk thing". Yet i played it all cool and sai, "not this weekend though, i am too busy." At which point she stated the same, almost to the extint that she was busy with someone else. Whatever. I am doomed to think about this girl forever i guess. I tried and failed, she obviously is with someone, happy about it, and i should have never callled. Anyone have any good realestate in the far corner of Alaska, alone, very alone?

Thanks for the replys they are all very encouraging. The way i am handeling this breakup may not be the best but when it first happened i felt so weak. To the point that i didn't recognize myself. I didn't like that someone had so much control over me, and to make things worse seemed as if they enjoyed it. Bottom line is even if she wanted to be friends i wouldn't do it. Not only for myself, but i would completely lose the respect of friends,family, and co-workers that were there for me during the hollidays and know the crap she put me through. With so many women in the world i would rather move on and keep my dignity then to crawl back and admit defeat to someone who only wants to "win". I will never again allow myself to be weak. Even if she wanted me back, i feel like she made her bed (with whomever) now she (they) can lay in it. To say i feel nothing is foolish, i loved this person at some point so anger is a natural emotion in removing my emotional attachment from this person. Hope to hear back from all of you soon. Thanks.

SO after about a month of ZERO contact my ex girlfriend called. We had a bad break up after two years, and it was during the hollidays. At first i was torn up. I spent abou the first two weeks wanting answers, trying to get her back. All i came up with is speculation and drama. We lived together for about six months. However she chose to move closer to her work and in with a room mate she works with. A week later was Christmas and the end of our relationship. When i went to get my bed back and other items, i found some guys pictures from a trip he had taken as well as a silver ring placed strategically on top of her cell phone. What is this? Well whatever, i never got the answers i was looking for and realized i never would. My ex was a self absorbed, insecure control freak. SHe would manipulate any situation in order to direct attention her way to "improve" her appearance to those she worked with. Keep in mind that she works in retail clothing and dresses large plastic dolls. If i seem sarcastic it's because i am more mad at myslef than her. Simply because look at the time i am investing in her siimply by even writing this. If i learned one ting from this and can pass it on, become a SECURE independent individual before you get involved in an intense relationship. Now to my question to all, after a month of no contact, i mean zero, she fianlly called me on Friday (today is Tuesday). I hung up when i heard her voice she then called back. I asked what is it she needed? She said she found some more items and wanted to "bring them by" this weekend. Maybe i am a shmuck once by letting her bother me for two weeks, but not again. I said so after one month, never explaining to me why we broke up, and you change your number you expect me to believe you "found" some things that you want to just "drop off"??? It was like an old hat and cds!!! She still had MAD anger in her voice and i made sure to let her know that if i got over it after what she did, maybe its time for her to move on as well. That did it. BOOM! After her ranting, i said you know what i wish you would have thrown the stuff out and never called me. She then hung up? What do you thin guys?? Did i do the right thing or should i have taken the open invite and subjected myself to what seems like another chance to blow life into this relationship that i am finally gettin gover? I have to admit that it did upset me having to hear from her. My gut says i did the right thing but that stupid heart of mine is trying to doubt. Wow, where do i go from here? Anyone know what she might be thinking? SOrry for the long text, just needed some advice, i went this long and do not want to screw up now.

I am not sure what to say. Just when i assumed i would never hear from my ex again, she called on Friday morning. I just posted less than a week ago whether or not i should call her. Well i didn't know what to say so i hung up the phone. She then called back. "Uh..i found some more stuff and wanted to return it to you this weekend." So i thought wow, after a month of ZERO contact, this girl calls me up (still anger in her voice) and wants to return my stuff. This is minor stuff as well. like a hat and some cds. I already got all of my stuff back that was of any importance. The conversation turned sour within seconds. Saying she changed her number so i would not contact her. At the end, i finally said that i wished she would have threw the stuff away and never called me. WHile it hurt to say i know that i meant it. So now i am sitting mad, confused, angry, depressed. Who knows. I hope i did the right hting, i just am not in the mood to play games, especially with an ex that shut me out for over a month. I need a beer. ha ha

Christmas. She then ditched me on New Years after i purchased tix for the two of us, disaster. When i went to get my stuff a few days after we broke it off, she had a guys ring near her bed, along with photos that he had taken while on vacation. When i asked she said it was a friend, but i had never knew of her talking to anyone. The relationship was so intense that we really didn't talk to the opposite sex (which is sick). Either way she is gone and i am not so sure that is a bad thing. Am i wrong for missing such a dysfunctional relationship. Oh yea by the way she suffers from depression and is bi-polar. All of which i learned from her step mom, who told me, "you should change your number and run, i like you and you are to good for her". THis is coming from a step mom who raised her for 20 years??? Maybe i should quit searching for a reason why we broke up, maybe i should look at why i was with her at all?? Sorry for the rambling, i hope this all makes since. Nonetheless, thank you for all of the relpies and for taking time out of your day. Best to all.

It's been over a month since i have seen her. It has been over three weeks since we last spoke, yet i still miss this girl. No matter how much i keep reminding myself how she crushed me on Christmas and left me hanging on New Years, i can't seem to move on. I know this is for the best. We were not compatible and i needed to move on, but i just couldn't let go. My sensibillity says never call, but my heart says do it. Any advice? I feel like i have went this long i don't want to quit now. Help!

I really appreciate the time put forth to respond to my posting. Thank you. The only other new thing with the situation is when i talked to her step mother. I decided to call her because my ex informed me that she would be sending her family over to "retrieve" her stuff. Well, this was a lie. The step mom had no clue, in fact she thought we were still together. We spoke for over two hours and i learned so much about the girl i was with that i knew nothing about. It turns out that she almost destroyed her parents marriage because she is a control freak. She went on to tell me that se was shocked i stayed with Danielle as long as i did. Her reasoning was because i am pursuing law school and my ex is not the most educational sound person. Not that there is anything wrong with not going to college, i think she was just saying our relationship probably lacked substance. Which she was right. I found out she has a lot of emotional problems. For example her mother died when she was three, and her grandfather molested her at a young age. So wow, there is a lot of baggage there that i was unaware of. The step mom went on to add that i should change my number and thank God it is over. She said Danielle is very dramatic and lives her life like constantly adapting to whatever situation or people she may be in contact with. Apparently she has many identity issues that hse has went through counseling for. SO at this point i am really lost, i worry about her and care, but i am so angry that she would shut me out by changing her number. She refuses to take my calls at her work too. I give up i guess. I just can't imagine someone being this cold? Her friend called me about a week ago to tell me that she wasn't with anyone, the guy was only a firend. Whatever. Now what?

I recently lost my girlfriend of two years. She left me without notice the day after Christmas. We practically lived together for six months. She was accross the street so typically we would sleep over at eachothers place. The overall theme was always trying to get me to change. SHe said i didn't pay enough attention to her and always put my friends first. So at first i blamed myself, my friends, even family. Intimacy ended between us about a month before Christmas, and right around that time i began hearing complaints that she was "unhappy". She moved in with a room mate she works with about a week prior to Christmas. THings were really different then. We exchanged gifts on Christmas but it was weird. The very next day she called me and said she met someone at the mall where she worked, and that she was breaking things off. I was devistated to say the least. She refused to speak with me about why it is we ended things. She said, "People break up all the time, deal with it." I couldn't believe it, someone i knew for over two years being this cold. When i went to get my stuff back, she had some guys ring and his photographs from a trip he went on next to her bed. I was crushed. When i tried calling one last time about a week after we split, she let me know she was changing her number. What is going on in my life? Any advice?