Daedalus

I still do not plan on calling her. At this point, any occasion where we get together to hang out will have to be initiated by her. I'm not putting myself out there to get hurt again, plus it keeps her guessing what is going on in my head.

She initiated the break-up. She told me the reason was because she is 19 and she is afraid that she is missing out on something. She wants her freedom and wants to be able to go out and party. I translate this as her wanting to be able to go out, get drunk and sleep with whoever she chooses. The funny thing is that now that she has her freedom, she doesn't really go out to often. I go out more than she does. At this point I don't really know what she wants. Maybe she is contacting me because she just misses me and wants to see me. Maybe she wants to see if I am still pining. She told me before I initiated the no contact that she was 100% comfortable with us just being friends and hanging out. I said I couldn't do that right now and that it would take me some time and I would call her when I'm ready. Could I deal with just being her friend and watching her date other people? At this point, no. I just went out last night to basically see what her intentions are. I will attempt the casual contact and see where it leads, but if she starts talking about seeing other guys, I'll be walking away.

Here is the recent history. Over the last month and a half I have not called my ex girlfriend. She broke up with me on Jan 11th. I initiated no contact on the 30th. She has called me on numerous occasions asking if she has mail or if there are any phone calls for her in regards to auto dealerships calling about her buying a car. Her mail still comes to the apartment which is fine, she has a key to the mailbox. One night I picked her up from work because I knew she would be waiting at the bus stop as her car was messed up from a fender bender. I was completely fine, and actually I was rather guarded as I drove her home. I didn't talk to her much. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and apparently looked depressed when she walked in, according to her roomate who is a buddy of mine. She told a close friend of mine about a month ago at a fancy military social function that she still loves me and misses me, but then the same night, drunk she sleeps with her friend/date. She had also asked how I was doing. She has inquired about me through a friend before and still has called and left messages. I never called her back…only would leave short impersonal e-mails. When she calls I am very guarded and keep it very short, like 3 minutes. Well, she calls me Tuesday night after she's done work (it's like 10:30pm) to explain something about her cheques having to be changed and she will drop them off later (complicated situation which I won't get into). We end up chatting about whatever for almost a half hour, nothing about the relationship or us. At the end of the phone call I basically say, "Listen, I better let you go, I have to get to sleep. If you want to go for coffee sometime, just give me a call." (I'm attempting Step 3 now I assume). She e-mails me the next day. Hi!! Are you doing anything tonight? I work till 9 but do you want to go for coffee or something…I've been craving chicken nachos for a week. Anyway, let me know. Bye Bye!! So I call her, for the first time since Jan 30th. I tell her that I'd be interested in getting together after work and for her to call me at home when she is finished. She calls me back, comes over and we go to the Hard Rock Café for her Chicken Nachos. We never spoke about us, or the relationship. There was no way I was bringing it up. I kind of wanted her to ask me if I was seeing someone, but she never asked. (I'm not) She basically did a lot of talking about trying to get her new car. She also spoke about going to a bar with a good guy friend from school. She mentioned doing a few things with her friend who I know she slept with after the function. It was all kind of strange. I wasn't sitting there pining and thinking what am I doing here, I want her back etc… I was just somewhat detached from but involved in the conversation. I wish I could describe it better. She asked me if I enjoyed my 3 day snowboard trip, which I never told her I had gone too. She had asked one of the guys she is on course with who is a friend of mine if I had gone with him and a few other people on the same course. I also told her that I go out clubbing all the time and that I have been real busy (which is all true). Anyway, I don't know what to think of this. I felt it strange that she wanted to go out the very next day. I guess I'll try a few more casual encounters and see how the cards get laid out. Luckily I am busy and will not be able to hang out all the time so it will give me the opportunity to decline. Anyone have any insight or suggestions? Thanks.

Okay, I'm a hypocrite....last night I did something weird, but it hasn't set me back emotionally in any way. My ex had gotten into a fender bender and when she went to get her car fixed, it turns out there is a plethora of other problems due to it having been a previously used car. Now it is likely to cost her over a $1000 to fix a car she bought for $2000. She has had no car for about 6 days. She has to bus to school and work which is a big hassle due to where she lives now and where she works. I know she works Monday nights till 9 and I also know the bus doesn't come by until 9:45. I was on my way home from a night school class (taking french classes) and for some odd reason I thought I'd do her a favour and give her a lift home. I thought about it quite a bit and figured I'd be OK with seeing her as I have been doing so well and it would get her home earlier to work on homework. It is somewhat out of my way but not too bad. I pulled up to the bus stop where I knew she would be waiting, she came up to my car surprised and I said, "Come on, I'll give you a lift home." I was pretty quiet and guarded, I didn't act depressed, needy or enthusiastic for that matter. We made small talk about her car and I so wanted to confront her about sleeping with someone already but I figured why bother. It was a fairly one sided conversation with her doing most of the talking. I never mentioned anything about US or me and how I was doing. I never asked her how she was doing only if she was OK and wasn't hurt in the accident. Anyhow I dropped her off and she said "thank you", gave me a kiss on the cheek, I said "be careful" (in reference to her driving....horrible) she said "I will", "see you around". Then I drove off. I am strangely comfortable with my decision. I don't feel any emotional turmoil whatsoever. I guess that is a sign that I have come a long long way in the heeling process in the past 30 days. The only thing I am mad at myself for is breaking the No Contact rule. I wanted to go a long while to make her miss me. I just hope she doesn't think I did it as a means to win her over again, because that was not my intention at all. I was just being helpful. What's important is that I feel fine. I'll start No Contact again with no problems. I guess I want to point out that if you have healed sufficiently and you are not pining anymore and can handle seeing the other person without becoming an emotional wreck back at square one, then breaking No Contact may be OK. In fact it may mean you are ready for the next stage, occasional contact. Personally I don't think I will bother moving to that stage just yet as I still want to maintain that distance for my own personal well being. I'd be afraid that if I hung out with her and had a good time, that I would read into things and do something really stupid. The ball is still in my hand, but she can still try and take it, but good Luck.

Do yourself a favour.....don't call. You can be rest assured that she misses you. It is a natural feeling, however to be brutally honest, and I have had to accept this myself, she may not miss you in the way you want her too, but I guarantee part of her misses you in a way. I've only gotten half as far as luckystar in that I am on Day 30 of No Contact. Has it been hard?...hell yeah. I have had good days and bad, but the good days have outnumbered the bad by like 8 to 1. I have shown incredible personal strength in not calling her, and I feel stronger and more confident in myself for it. When I get in a down mood and want to talk to her, I call one of my other close friends and shoot the $hit. I have some great friends who care about me and have done so much to keep me busy. I unfortunately have had to e-mail her, but I kept it short, bussiness like with no emotion. I didn't consider this breaking the No Contact rule as it was necessary and it didn't mess with my progress at all. What I have done to keep myself from not calling her and thinking about her is what everyone else on here preaches. Keep busy and stay active. You need to concentrate on yourself and build up your confidence again. This has worked so well for me. I started working out in September and was making some good gains in the Gym. Since we broke up in Mid January I stepped up my efforts and have increased my strength at a surprising rate and am noticing the gains in size more so than ever. My confidence is up so much now. I have bought new clothes that show off my progress and almost all my female friends compliment me on how good I look. I go to clubs now with my friends and I get checked out by almost every woman in the bar now. This never used to happen to me before and it feels great. Anyway, I'm not trying to toot my own horn, all I'm saying is take care of yourself and do whatever you can to take your mind off her so you don't break down and call. It will be hard. Hell, I remember Day 9, it was hard, but now 3 weeks after that phase I don't even feel the need to call her. She calls me sometimes but I keep the conversation short. If she leaves a message, I don't call back. She actually called me Yesterday morning and left a message. I'm not sure, but I think either she was going to cry, or had been crying. She has also asked some of our mutual friends how I have been and if I had gone with them on a snowboard trip to a resort that she and I were suppose to attend together. In short, she misses me, if not, she wouldn't be inquiring about me. Will your Ex miss you? Well if you carry on with No Contact, damn straight she will. Another thing, before I forget it as I tend to ramble on, is DO NOT READ INTO ANYTHING. This will set you back. Unless she straight out tells you that she misses you and wants to try it again, don't fool yourself into thinking that any sign of contact means things will go back to the way they were. Good Luck Prestin. In the words of Rob Schneider as the Cajun redneck in The Waterboy.... "YOU CAN DO IT!" luckystar... congrats on your strong resolve. I gathered some of my strength from reading your posts a month ago, as well as Michael2, Emma and others. Everyone here has helped eachother out selflessly, offering advice and praise. These forums rock. Sorry for ramblin on.....

I haven't posted here often, but I am reading you're posts all the time. A not so quick history can be found at... link removed She went to a formal function with a friend of hers on Valentines Day of all days, which many of my friends were attending with their dates. We were supposed to go originally but because we broke up it got quashed. She told me about two weeks before (the last time I called her) that she wasn't going. Well, she went with her friend who's date cancelled on him a few days prior. At this function she was pretty drunk and ended up speaking to a close female friend of mine who she has never gotten along with basically because she and I are close friends. She told my friend that she still loves me, that she misses me alot and it has been hard with me not talking to her, but that she is happy with her freedom and just wants to be 19. She also said that she was worried that everyone there was going to think that because she was at this function with her guy friend that people would think they were together. So this morning I find out that she slept with him either that night or shortly after. I know that I have to accept it but I am having a hard time actually tring to figure out what I should be feeling and what to do now. I don't fault anyone for wanting to fullfill their needs, and things happen when you are drunk and single, but I am upset because it had just been a month and 3 days since we broke up and that earlier that night she told my friend all that stuff. I also find out that they had been spending time together since and this guy was under the impression that they would get serious together. I guess he brought it them seeing each other and she ended up telling him the same thing that she told me, that she likes having her space. He feels like he was led on. I guess my question is how should I be reacting to this? Should I even want her back anymore? To be honest she has changed alot and many people tell me she is really bitchy nowadays and moody. I honestly don't know what to feel or what to expect from her anymore and so on and so forth. The no contact plan has worked in the sense that she misses me. She has called me on 2 occasions for silly reasons. It will be 29 days tomorrow since I have called her, but now I don't know what I am doing this for to be quite honest. I really had my hopes up that we would get back together. Should I continue with the no contact rule as a means to get her back or just use it to move on and forget about her. Advice and insight welcomed...Thank you so much.

Steroids are a double edged sword my friend. They bring up your morale and confidence because you notice the gains right away, but you need to look at the cause and effect. If you get off them, you will lose strength, and mass will dwindle somewhat. You will not be able to lift what you could on a cycle. Basically you are introducing testosterone into your body. Your own body stops producing it and when you finish a cycle your natural testosterone level is at an all time low as it was being introduced artificially. However if you stay on them, you may experience mood swings, aggressive behaviour, and I have also heard that there are a number of heart problems associated with over-use. Just train naturally and smartly using good form, and eat properly. Every 3 months experience with a new program so you don't get muscle memory. Change up your exercises or increase your weight. It is good to shock the muscles with something new evry once and a while. Also, don't be embarrassed because you may not be as big and strong as that HUGE guy that is at everybody's GYM because remember, he started somewhere too. I started off doing 3 reps of 8-10 for all my excercises, now I'm doing 3 reps of 4-6 using heavier weight and using some different exercises. It works well for me and I am happy with the results., except for biceps....haven't found a great routine for biceps yet. I'll tell you something though. I tried steroids in the past, about 5 years ago while on tour in Bosnia. I did a 3 month cycle of Testosterone B (it was the last 3 months of our tour). My partner and I worked out religiously on a 4 days on 1 day off schedule. I noticed a real difference as I could lift much more, and I noticed the gains in mass almost immediately. I just wanted to try it to see. I never had any mood swings and my 'balls' never shrunk. It was only 1 cycle. When I was done the cycle I kept my mass for a short while, unfortunately I was also re-deployed back home and my work out schedule disolved as my partner was no longer with me and I was too busy visiting friends and such and didn't give much time to it. I just got back into it last September. I have done it all natural, save for using Whey Protein powder to help repair the muscle. It took me longer to build up and I am not as strong as I was and it has been 6 months. However, it is way more rewarding doing it natural and I do look bigger than I did when I was on steroids and I feel healthier.