John4887

Glad it worked out for you! here is what happened to ME: I met this girl online, we chatted for FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT. Everything seemed to click. We liked the same things, shared similar views, bitabam, bataboom. Sex came up; we chatted on thru the night. She described herself as pretty, with some curves but she wasn't a bbw (wasn't fat, so she claimed) even said she had a guy cry over her on the phone because the first date didn't work out, and another guy, she was angry because he wasn't falling all over her like the others did. By now, understandably, I was imagining this beautiful girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, not skinny, but nice, you know? We agreed on a meeting. So, we did. She said she'd be at the park wearing a dress because it was Sunday. So off I went. I found her, walked up to her, only to see she was NOT the same as she described. She was rather large, her hair was a dishwater blonde, dyed, and LO AND BEHOLD! Was that facial hair? She had a 5 o'clock shadow, EVIDENCE she shaved (but must've forgot to do so that morning) she did NOT take care of herself (TOENAIL FUNGUS) and ugh, need I go on???? Me, trying to be the nice guy, hung around for an hour and promptly vacated the scene. NO MORE CHAT ROOMS and NO MORE CYBER-ANYTHING for me!!!!

You made, how does one establish that? The risks of thinking you're talking with a 34 yo vice a 13 yo, for example, is a bit risque! I agree with the poster, meet them in person and don't let the mystery build. YOu just never know who you're chatting with until you meet them. I know one guy who flew all the way to Australia to meet this "dream girl" he kept on talking about. Turns out she was lying, even sent pics of her friend instead of her. Turns out she was a beefarilla and was even missing some teeth, and she had a 5 o'clock shadow, too!

IGNORE those "dates" that might throw THIS on you: "oh. You've only been separated for 3 months?" That's a bunch of rubbish. Men AND women crave attention from the opposite sex; it's only natural that you may want to get out. Matter of fact, I highly recommend it! Again, find something to occupy your mind during these difficult times. I've been there and I know there are challenges ahead and am preparing for them. Any questions, reply back, this is good therapy for us both.

You've got to ride this out, let it all go. Is there a hobby that you do? I'm a part-time musician playing bass guitar for a local band, and that keeps me busy and my mind off of other things. I am generally pretty lonely and it sounds like both of us miss that female companionship thing - something ALL men would miss. But it's my bed and I made it; thereforeeeee, I must sleep in it. I am the one who moved out on her. So your counselor said no contact with you and her for three months??? Jeez, hope the counselor's not a guy...............(only kidding) It will work out for you in the end, we share similar circumstances. We need to find women who'll talk to us!!!

Turns out that we are going through somewhat same circumstances. I separated on June 1st from my wife. We were married for 12 years. Since then, I still have bouts of guilt and of course there's the moments where I miss my wife, but there's also times that I do not. I have also tried the dating scene, been on about 4 dates so far and not much has happened; not that I was expecting it, but my issue is that I am craving basic female attention - of course, I miss sex, too -- but it's just that basic NEED to being able to TALK to a woman that helps me a great deal. Makes me wonder if there's any women out there who would be willing to talk to a 42 yo guy on the fly? Not seeking sex, just friendship at this time - no commitments, just plain old female friendship.

Men can be such animals.....but women LOVE that, secretly they do!!! Come on ladies!! Admit it!!!!!!

I'm the one who chose to leave. We were growing apart, too. Strange as it may seem, I went through the guilt and left her emotionally scarred, stunned, but it was coming. Now, I feel a bit better, she does too, and has told me we'll never get back together again. I was expecting this, so I must go about my ways as I have been. The strongest man can walk away, just remember that.

I'm separated now for 3 months. We went through the process of marriage counseling and had a PATHETIC time with it. First of all, here is how it works: To avoid hassles from insurance, usually they will only cover the female spouse (I don't know why). Have her apply; it will be covered. For the copay it's usually around $25. For the first session, he sat there and took down notes - family histories, problems, dysfunctionalities, etc. For the second session, this is where it all went wrong. He started reading SCRIPTURE to us and passed out biblical stuff. We NEVER wanted THAT. BEFORE you select a counselor, and if you are not accustomed to Christianized counseling, ASK him before the sessions begin. It basically messed us up even more because we are not church goers nor do we practice any religion. GO FOR IT otherwise...it will prove that at least as a couple, you tried, and gave it your best shot.

THIS gives ME something to look forward to (NOT) I have been separated now for three 1/2 months and I'm just starting to break over the guilt phase. Finally letting go now, but come divorce time, I don't know what I will face, to be honest with you. I am a bit scared, I guess that's normal. Personally, I wish I weren't living in this state, where divorce is a royal pain in the --s.

The above poster is absolutely correct. She's been there, and so have I. Breakups really suck terrible. On my last breakup all I did was moan, lie in bed and listen to The Cure all day long and at night I'd stay up and write until I fell asleep. The BEST thing to do, as femme poster above points out, is to get out and be with friends and try to forget her. If she loved you, she wouldn't hurt you. How truer can words get like that? What a revelation to you, this is your mantra to live by. Do it, and you'll find yourself looking back at the sorrow and the pain. Just stop thinking of her, and if she wanders back into your life, tell her not to, and tell her what it does to you.

Since I'm a guy, I won't be able to tell you, but when you're having sex with him, just relax and don't think about orgasms. Think of him as your one and only love, and think about the unification you two are undertaking and that it's very beautiful. If you relax, you might start to feel a tingle, and that might be the onset of an orgasm. Women here will be able to describe it a lot better than I can. Al I can tell you is to not think about it as being important right now.

If I were you, I would cease ALL CONTACT with this woman, ESPECIALLY if you're talking about having sex with her, and the kid might be yours! Let's say that this kid DOES turn out to be yours, DNA wise. Would you want a relationship with a 'ho' who sleeps with her landlord? Wisen up, friend, and get away from her as far away as you can! She is NOT WORTH THE EFFORT or even thinking about! I hope I have helped and I don't mean to cause you alarm, but THIS ONE is BAD NEWS.

Any woman who walks up to a guy and hugs and then asks them to buy them a drink paints a picture and it's not a pretty sight. No, I'd abandon this one altogether. Spells trouble. Maybe it's hard for you, but you have to try and get away from her. Just don't go to that bar anymore.

1. Get out of the house and stop moping- imagining what she's doing, if she's having sex with the other guy....please, get over it.] OR 2. Join a dating service online - for only 25 bucks you get to see the women who are looking for men in your area. Contact them and go out with them. The golden rule of online dating I found to be true - if they don't ever call you, and you're doing all of the calling - DROP THEM. Get on with your life and forget about this one.

I am living proof of that. When I was in the service, during a deployment, I called my house from overseas one evening, only to hear another man answering my home number. When I returned I learned that this was just a "friend" who was there at the time. Eventually, spare keys, finding an odd spoon in our silverware drawer, wine, etc. and finally she confessed she was having an affair. I blew up initially but realized quickly that it was time to leave the marriage. I filed for divorce and got it. Second marriage - this time, it's me cheating on her. The circumstances were different this time. Lacking the attention from my wife, I turned and found someone else who talks to me all of the time and our conversations sometimes last hours. We are very close friends. This has been going on for months now, and very soon, I plan on meeting her for the first time. For the record, I AM separated and have been for a few months now. Guilt? Oh, you better believe it. But I am taking care of my wife financially as she is going through college, and I am taking care of my children and I visit them all of the time. I have simply fallen out of love with my separated spouse, but the guilt still reigns because I was the one who "cheated" (I consider it cheating even if we never had sex). I came close to my friend and we confide in everything. There's not a moment that I would ever hold anything back from her; she's the same way with me. We have been talking now daily since February. The guilt is something that I must eventually overcome. Understand my position here and you'll get the picture.

I figured it would take a girl to come in here and try to prove me wrong about orgasms (LOL) was just saying that deeper and harder has always worked for me! Well done on your answer though; it only adds to the mystery of women, and thanks for your insight!

THAT has to be the most difficult thing for me to say to anyone, but hey, it works. Find things to do. Go out with other guys, just on dates. You will get over him faster. There's other men out there who are dying just to find the right girl and will treat them right.

Yeah, I was the same way. Not really knowing the next step....UNTIL! I learned the direct approach...take it, they love it. Be nice, etc...(my last three posts are on this stuff so read them). You will catch on eventually. Just find out her number, and tell her you want to take her to dinner. Be sincere.

"then what do you do when the girl goes i feel an orgasm coming???" Drive harder, deeper...faster. Kiss the nape of her neck and start whispering to her in loving, comforting mumbles. She'll be like putty in your hands, believe me.

Smile at her and let her catch you looking at her. Look into her eyes. She will smile if she likes you. Yeah, you ARE in love with her, and don't deny it. Tell her how you feel. Let it all out. Women love honesty and sincerity. Get her a card and slip it somewhere where only she can get it. Write her poems. Tell her she's on your mind 24/7. Get her some candy now and then. Talk/communicate/listen to her, and never make it look like you're bored. Remember names she may tell you, little things - she'll be impressed if you bring names up a week later, things like that. Keep us updated and good luck!

CAP - Civil Air Patrol, for junior cadets interested in the US Air Force. Interesting group and it instills leadership in youth. A great program and very educational. They pay small amounts of dues and even get the chance to learn how to fly small aircraft. I agree on the other thing - yeah, be direct. Beating around the "bush" will get you no where. Go in for the attack and treat her like a lady....

For me, being a guy, I know exactly what you're referring to. I look at other women, even more so since I've separated from my wife. For me, however, it's mainly the missing of the female companionship thing that eats me. Although my wife and I stopped talking intimately, I still miss the other talk we used to do. Now, there's times when I'll look at women and want to bed them. I admit that. I think it's the "animal" in men or maybe it's just human instincts. We are all hunters, and when it comes to women, we look, stare, and even sniff the air for females. It's just a natural reaction. Be proud if a man looks at you, but there's ways to do that without making the lady feel uncomfortable. I don't whistle or make lewd gestures. I smile and sometimes even wave. Women wave back. Others get the wrong signal and sometimes flip me the bird!

Take the DIRECT approach, walk up to her, and say: "hi, my name is _____, and I wanted to introduce myself to you and I'd like to get to know you better." Be polite, don't be too forward with her. During CAP meetings, sit accross the way from her. Let her see that you are looking at her, and smile. She'll get the hint sooner or later. When it's time for a break/refreshments, talk to her again.

Although my wife did not have a drinking problem, I can totally relate to where you are coming from. My wife and I have recently separated and it was all my doing. I wanted it. Finding a reason to tell her why I wanted to leave was perhaps the toughest decision of my life. The reasons I left her, were because we were drifting apart and she didn't hold any interests in what I was doing with music or any of my friends. Mainly, I wanted some time to be alone - even if it meant the rest of my life. That day in telling her was the most painful day for me. But there are times when a man must do what he has to do. By doing this, you are facing some tought times ahead - the loneliness will eat you alive if you're not careful. And once you've separated - give it time. DO NOT make this decision, and then discover you miss her. IT IS INEVITABLE; be careful. Tell your wife that you need to spend some time alone. Research your financial obligations before you make the decision to tell her, and make sure it doesn't hold a financial burden on any children as well. I decided to leave my wife, but I will support her financially until she graduates from college and gets herself a teaching job. Go for it - and may God bless you for taking the guts to make this decision.

To add more detail, he's younger than she is. I think more now that she's just enjoying his company because they share interests, that is all. Time will tell. Next month I'm going to see her for the first time anyway.