karenin

no, if we move to a new place it will be our home area - near Leeds, a few hours away. i am either moving near him in london, or he will come here to birmingham. however i have a relationshuip 'issue' to bring up with him so i could be single again by the time that happens!

try do special things, like you did when you first met. post her silly letters, send her an ecard just to say hello...tell her how you feel as well as she'll probably sense it. i did that with my bf and he's just not as spontaneous as me, we talked through it and we'll get there...hopefully!

YOu ask them!!!! You dont want to scare someone off by asking if they eventually want to move closer to yuo, just see how it goes

I've been in an LDR for the past 10 months with my bloke - I'm in Birmingham, he's in London - it's close enough to see each other most weekends and going great. So great we've decided that next summer one of us will move - we won't decide who til June 2007 as we both have our own careers and things - then the person will make the move in September. He's a well-established accountant so it'll probably be me moving to him. We've decided to live basically within walking distance of each other. We've talked about marriage and stuff but he's decided that we need to have a 'normal' relationship before we get engaged. Also, we're happy about taking it slow, if we plan to have the rest of our lives together, why rush it?! This is why we have chosen not to move in together - I'm a very sociable person and will need to make my own friends so will move into a shared house! It's very exciting really, but daunting at the same time - I've lived in many places where I know nobody, but doing it for someone else feels very strange! I was just wondering, do you have any tips or advice to offer us? Anything would be great - thanks

btw we're both mid 20s and together 10 months. im on the pill, have been for years, and a few months ago my doc changed it cos of the pmt but still nothing. its awful. i have explained to my boyfriend i get like this and he is ok and understanding. pmt is not the excuse here. i am a different person. i cant concentrate at work, i cant sleep for a week, cant think properly, in so much pain, anything, really hormonal and insecure!!!

So one week out of for? I think that's a bit extreme. What about when and if we lived together?!

im taking chocolates! cant be too personal!

Thanks for reading this first of all. My poor boyfriend has got it again - I'm on my period and I get awful PMT - luckily we're in an LDR so he's not normally around to get the brunt of it but he does on the phone. My main problem is that I get very insecure - this is on top of a lot of pain, tiredness, the usual ill-feeling, unable to concentrate, etc...have been to see my doctor and he changed my pill but still nothing...! I get insecure about allsorts, about people at work forgetting to invite me to the pub, about not having many friends where I live, allsorts. Who doesn't! So, back to my boyf. Once I tried to break up with him every night in a week as I didn't think I was good enough for him. Last week we had some issues about how I feel we're in a rut and stuff and don't feel very special to him and I felt funny about things although I didn't want to break off. Anyway, we had a talk and got most things sorted out. Last night he went to a work party for Xmas. Normally we talk on the phone every night but as he was at the party I didn't even text him. He texted me when he was ready to, then I replied and got nothing. I got an email about pm saying he went to a party after that party and stayed over at someone's house, and only got to work at 11.30am...he didn't even text at all to tell me that. It's not that I want to know where he is all the time, it's more that I need to know he's thinking about me. Surely if you'd have had issues with not making your girl feel special, a little text or something to brighten her day would be the way to go? Especially when you know she gets like this? If I were him I'd have sent an ecard or something silly in the post but no, I'm more thoughtful that he and I guess that's just one of our differences. I'm not sure if I have a point or not. I told him in relationships I need to feel special. But my PMT is surely going to drive him away. I try to control it by telling him I'm busy during the evenings at this time so I can get out of talking to him on the phone - it means I can't start an argument and tbh I just prefer to be alone anyway!! Anyone?

i was going to say the same - i moved to a new city and my colleagues dont socialise too much, i joined a drama group and things are starting to go well there although they're a bit cliquey...i also moved into a shared house to meet housemates. still want friends to shop with but ill get there.all i can say is that people wont come to yuo, you have to also approach them. even if its a smile or a 'how are you?' to people at work, it will get you noticed and seem approachable.

have you guys talked about marriage before? like does he believe it in? you may be his world and he may not need a ring or certificate to show it

Be thankful she is being honest with you and willing to see someone about her problem. I do suspect though that she may just be stressed or need some excitement, and have lost sex drive in the process. Take it slow with her and be there for her when she needs it, I'm sure you'll both work it out

I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT! you must be heartbroken...and what an * * * for doing it by text. please just ignore this scumbag from now on, even if he creeps back. what kind of person can do that to another?!

really? if i waited around for my bf to call he never would....nah thats a joke, we're in an ldr so i guess its a lil different. but she cant leave the oweness on him all the time. he will and is feeling rejected as he feels like he's doing all the work...as i understand the post. either that or he wants to see her more than she does him - and if that's the case, i think you both have some talking to do

I agree. Her problems don't sound like they're with you, they're from before you came along, and getting in the way of your relationship. Can you get her to sit down, talk as adults, calmly, about how you both feel? Maybe you can establish a sign when she's feeling bad, to take some time out, like when you're arguing or something escalates, she shouts a word then you both sit down and talk it through? If you both love each other and it's worth it, you will sort it. But getting back together and breaking up like a yo-yo isn't good for her or you, and you'll resent each other for it if it carries on. Has she seen anyone about her problems, counselling etc?

you dont need to picnic outside! do it in your room - lay out a blanket and di it inside, in your pjs!!!! and then it can be candlelit!!! hope it goes well!

Good advice, but if my bf called me all the time it would scare me away. Perhaps your gf does really value her independence (no offence but from your posts you come accross as insecure) or maybe she's too shy to ask you out. Ask her - only she has the answer

what an ordeal! i'd have broke it off just for him stealing cars!!! i hope you meet someone that you deserve, dont contact this cheating scumbag, make a new start for you and enjoy life without him. he has to live with knowing he did that for the rest of his life! good luck!

I agree with what you are saying about it working long-term - do you want this to be a long-term thing? It is strange that he seems to slack off and things - but you describe him as a good man. Perhaps you are just bored, or in a routine, and need to spice things up? Think about the things you used to do on dates. Also, with your kids - do they get on well with him? Is he a good father-figure for them? This is the thing, if he wants you but not your kids, he's the wrong guy. Have you talked to him about how you feel? *edit* you sound very much like me in the way that you get bored easily and need that stimulation. I'm going through that kind of thing with my man of 9 months, normally I'd have dumped him by now but I love him and he's a decent guy, and I want to make it work. I told him how I feel and we're going to try and do things - at the moment we work around our weekends as in LDR and seeing/meeting each others' friends. Good luck with it!

I'm similar. We see each other every weekend pretty much, talk every night on the phone, and usually email while at work a few times during the day...

I do think men and women see romance differently - and for you to smile and find it romantic, you have to be that kind of person, to think it romantic. Otherwise you could smile at everyone in the street and the smile for your s/o is no longer special. The reason I was curious is because I'm having a few thoughts about me and my guy. About us long-term, about how we fit together and if he's right for me. We're very different, but in terms of personality - we have similar interests. He says that everything adds up to 100% - I am 80% talkative, he is 20% - so together we work as we make 100%-kinda-thing... I love him but feel like we're in a rut or something. We have been together for 9 months. When we first me, we went out for meals, picnics, went places and this kind of thing but we don't anymore, we sit around, spend the day in bed together, that kind of thing. Perhaps it's because it's cold outside now. I don't know. I have a short attention span, a typical Ariean, I get bored easily. Of everything. I don't want to get bored of my boyf but I hate the routine. The only routine we do not have is that we do not alternate weekends at each others' places...depending on our schedules we'll have 2 weekends at mine and that kind of thing. I like how it's mixed up. I always seem to get an itch after being with a person for this long, and it's usually some kind of boredom-related thing. Our sex-life is also very routine, and I have told him this. After 9 months, I really don't think I should feel like this. I have told my boyfriend how I feel and he is understandably very hurt, and now convinced that this is a prelude to me breaking up with him. This is not what I want - I have recognised a problem and am looking for solutions. I hate the idea of upsetting him and hurting his feelings and confidence - as he is not a very confident person in relationships. I know it sounds immature perhaps but I do need to be kept interested. Has anyone ever felt like this, or had a similar situation with a s/o? What did you do? Me and this man have talked about marrigage and moving to the same city to have a 'normal' relationship first, but I need to get over this hurdle. However, my boyf is completely happy, and I think he's just very settled and comfortable - which is not a bad thing - but I don't want to feel like I've been married 20 years even when I have been married for that long...! Thanks to everyone who reads this message Karenin

its lovely!!!!!!!

I suppose I should answer my own question if I want others to! I think relationships need romance to maintain that spark and stop you both from getting settled/bored. To me, romance is surprises, the little things you do to make your s/o happy/remind them how you feel about them, that sorta thing. I'm always wanting to do lil things for my bloke, cooking his favourite meal (well, althuogh that doesn't count as one of us has to cook really!), buying him a lil something he needs, organising a picnic (ok, we have done this!), stuff, but I think he would reject it, he's not the romantic sort. HE thinks cooking for me is romantic - but if he didn't do it, we wouldn't eat! Thing is, there's things I want to do for him that I sometimes can't afford - tickets to see a band and stuff like that, and we're in an LDR too, so we always make the weekend for each other.

We acknowledge it, usually my boyf before me!! 9 months down, we're a year in feb so I'm expecting something for that!!

Some good advice here. You are her boyfriend. You are perhaps also her best friend, but she needs others. Imagine if you and her broke up - she would have nobody!! Also, the fact that she has no other friends will affect YOUR relationship. Doesn't she want to meet other people or do you think she now has trust issues? Does she have interests? - I've just moved city and made new friends here so far by living with new people and joining a drama group. I wouldn't want the same friends as my boyf as I like my own space but i know his friends and we hang out. i do think your gf needs you right now - but how long ago did this happen? if it carries on i think that you will start to feel quite suffocated in your relationship and will be doing things with your friends, rather than as a couple.

What, to you, is romance? Cooking a meal for someone? Surprising them? Doing something or making time that you can't or do not normally do? What kind of things does you s/o do for you? Do relationships need romance? K