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beebee

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Everything posted by beebee

  1. beebee
    thats why i went nuts because there was no "closure" at the end of my relationship... i thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown... how did yours end?... he just walked out?... you just walked out?... amazing... i was told that it was over because i didnt rollerblade amond other things that were as equally inane... ... when i finally got him to tell me the truth (3 years later), he said i didnt do anything wrong... another ... that he felt he wanted to end the relationship months before but was afraid that i would leave... now does that make sense?... so i gave up everything for nothing... its killing me...
  2. beebee
    thank you sandy... sweet words from a truly sweet individual... but (isnt there always a "but"?), its been way too long... i am so far out of his radar that im not even a thought in his mind and yet i think of that time with him constantly... crazy isnt it?... im crazy... thank God i dont talk about it anymore to people... they dont want to hear about it anyway...
  3. beebee
    morning friends... hope everyone is better this morning... is anyone looking after my little friend the cat?... im having a hard time folks... nothing is working and i think im loosing my mind... its been way too long for me to feel the way i do about him... i swear i cant distinguish between love or hate for him... im so confused... im on the right anti depressants and i just found a free therapy clinic so i feel a little hopeful... not much, but a little... the therapist told me that i must stop drinking because its a depressant and may effect the anti depressants from working, so i actually went to sleep last night sober... i dont feel any different sorry to say... im just glad that i showed i had the strength to not drink... i look back on my relationship with him and i see all the warning signs... i see all the things i should have seen then, but i was in love... i trusted him and his words... id defy any woman on this earth to not fall for his con, it was that good... 4 years and because of that i lost everything... ok... now im crying... i just LOVE feeling sorry for myself... these pity parties are getting on my nerves... the one thing i cant stand is the fact that hes happy... he hooked up with someone immediately after me because he is so afraid of being alone... that quick... imagine... hes been with her for 3 years now and it still gets to me... i could go on and on but i would bore the heck out of all of you... its just me rambling... i should be happy i have my health and i have brought myself up from the depths... believe it or not the therapist thinks im suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome... aint that a riot?... i cant get over the betrayal... silly me... i need a cup of coffee and a cigg... sigh... and to grow the hell up and get over this!... thanks for listening group... just some free thinking put down... love and peace...
  4. beebee
    hi everyone... after eating gc's pig last night, i feel so much better today...!!
  5. beebee
    by the way... we are having pork tonight for dinner... lol...
  6. beebee
    pretty bad when you have to explain your want for revenge that way?... lol... got my point accross though didnt i?...
  7. beebee
    i know someone (my brother) who SWEARS that money can buy you anything... you can argue with him forever and he will still insist on it... maybe hes right... who knows?... who cares?... at this point in my breakup i just want revenge... i dont want to see the bastard happy... some would say that i am still in love with him because i invest too much into this feeling of hate... i hate to burst their bubble, but id rather lay down with george clooney's dead pig then be with my ex... is it too early for a drink?... "a man is judged by his exit, not his entrance"...
  8. beebee
    Limoncello - Liqueur of Sorrento, Italy and guaranteed to knock your socks off... lol... (lemon flavor)... your definitely forgiven Lone and thank you all for the invite into your group... "there's a tool to fix everything but a broken heart"...
  9. beebee
    i realize this thread is about pain, but you all seem to be having alot of fun, which is a good thing!... personally i think the cat is a genius and should open its own business as a therapist... lol... im making dinner tonight... your all invited, especially the cat... i just bought Limoncello... that should fix everyone's problems... ...
  10. beebee
    "there is a tool to fix anything but a broken heart"... silly little saying i know, but so true... still following your thread donster... love to hear about your progress...
  11. beebee
    so he gave me a locket in the beginning of our relationship that he had from when he was a child... he said it meant everything to him and he wanted me to have it because i meant so much to him (im sticking my finger down my throat)... i realize now that the entire relationship was a lie and he has no clue what love is... i put it away in a box with all the other things he gave me... i didnt want them around me anymore... so much time has passed (2 yrs) and i dont know who to give them to and i dont want to throw them away... so what do i do with them?... also... i dont want the locket anymore... it represented a lie... what do i do?... send it back?... am i deluding myself into thinking that he will call?... im not sure what my motives are... i know (yes, i KNOW) i will never be with him again... im on a different path and i see my future... it is not with him and ive accepted that... i dont want the locket nor do i want the other things... so my fellow enotaloners... what do i do?...
  12. beebee
    from what ive been told, its called the "push/pull" theory... "i want you close, miss you, blah blah/oops, dont get too close"... im not a therapist so dont quote me too much on this... im just passing on some info... but this does seem to happen alot... whether the dumper (gosh i hate that word) is scared or unsure or wants you close just in case or needs reassurance that your love was genuine, i have no idea... i just know that it seems to happen often... good luck and keep your course... try not to over think about what she means (i know, i know, thats the hardest thing to do)... just try...
  13. beebee
    theres a demon that possess's us that we cant seem to stop... we end up doing things that we wouldnt normally do, such as breaking into her account... its so hard not to... it takes immense amounts of self control not to do these things, yet we sometimes break under the "possession"... is it obsession?... i dont think so... i think that its part of the pain and its natural... its a sickness... you were with her for so long and she was part of who you are as a person... you werent "one" but "two as one"... now shes decided for whatever reasons to go and baby, it hurts like hell... i have no advice to give you... you will find yourself doing things you never thought were possible for you to do, so just go with it... i know you wont hurt anyone because in your sickness there is a part of you thats still sane... she may be too immature to understand where your coming from... but believe me... one day, because of the law of averages (not karma), she will feel what you feel... its just part of life... i wish you well... God Bless...
  14. beebee
    yes... of course they miss you... for a time anyway... then, just like us, they move on... but i dont think they forget... ever...
  15. beebee
    darling blackberry... there is no need for you to beat yourself up for how you have or are handling things as of up to now... believe me, we have all been there and done that... youve done nothing wrong except follow your heart which shows me that you DO have one and its a big one to give to someone special who deserves your love... you will do well... someone will love you dearly for who and what you are and what you have to give... God bless... benita
  16. beebee
    dont you feel that it was a bit cruel of her to "lead you on like that"?... i mean, she must have known how you felt for her all that time, yet she continued to "tease" you by going out to dinner with you, spending all her time with you, etc etc... after my big breakup, i dated... i knew in my heart that i had no future with any of them, but they were there for the taking... all i had to do was reach out, but i just couldnt do it to them... it would have been cruel... i made sure that they knew how i felt and where i stood as far as romance was concerned... then it was left up to them to either stick around or leave... by the way, all of them were wonderful, kind and loving men... i was the goofball... lol... when a relationship is over, its over... ive yet to see two people who have split (other then seinfield and elaine... lol) who remain friends and can talk to one another about their present love life... again i reiterate... she knows how you feel and felt and yet she still continued to take from you... not nice... not nice at all...
  17. beebee
    hi alaska... i just wanted to say how lovely it was of him to tell you how flat her stomach was... wasnt that just a wonderful thing to tell your ex?... talk about having a "sensitivity chip missing"?... and then to be "concerned" for you?... lol... im just shaking my head... how is it that there are people like this out there?... how do they get like this?... what would make him think that saying something like that to you had anything to do with anything?... it just makes me mad at how cruel a person he is... your very pretty and intelligent and hes a fool...
  18. beebee
    dear fris... your comment is kind towards her ex which is a lovely way to look at the world... your giving bad behavior way too much latitude... my view leans towards the other end of the spectrum... you say he didnt realize he was hurting her, or maybe other people put in that position didnt know they were hurting others... i disagree... i know when im hurting someone... noone has to tell me either at the time or afterwards... im adult enough to realize when my actions are not proper and my words sting... another words "noone has to tell me when im being an a***ole... i know it."
  19. beebee
    and i thought i was crazy!... you have all reiterated how i feel and my fear after all this time that i will never let him out of my mind... yes... im eating, functioning, laughing at the appropriate moments, talking, walking... (you get the point)... but im empty inside... i miss him terribly and i also hate him for what he did to me... talk about going nuts!... i love him and hate him at the same time... so ok... im nuts... what else is new... i will keep all of you in my prayers... please... whatever you do, dont be destructive by drinking or drugs or whatever... please... one thing i did learn was that they are NOT worth it... they dont even think of you anymore... you arent even in their hemisphere, when you once were... so dont waste any time on those thoughts... i think sometimes, how about i crash my car?... how about i take those pills?... Lordy Lordy Lord... thank God i get myself out of those thoughts... do you think he would care?... nah... maybe for a nanosecond... then he would be worrying about his new g/f... plus i have no health insurance... lol... i can thank him for that one... sorry... just going off the beaten track here... God Bless...
  20. beebee
    you dont want him in your life anymore?... you dont want any contact?... then my advice to you is to tell him by writing an e... also tell him why... tell him what an idiot he was for ruining a good thing... tell him what a fool he was to think that you could be so easily replaced... tell him that your GLAD that he feels rotten because HE SHOULD!... tell him those things... tell him "silly, silly, man... what a foolish little man you were for letting me go"... tell him "did it make you feel like a man to hurt me like you did?"... get your feelings off your chest and let him know that you will forever remember him as the worse mistake of your life and that HE DOES make you ill... tell him that maybe someday, just maybe, you will think of him in a much nicer way, but for now you just cant... believe me... you will get your point accross and also feel some satisfaction in the process... isnt that what part of this is about?... some satisfaction that your not that easily replaced?... would be for me... just my suggestions, but then again im mad as hell... lol... consider that when your make your decision as to what to do... Good luck and God Bless...
  21. beebee
    i adore all three of you and i do understand what you are saying and where you are coming from... it must be me then who resorts to being like a child with childish thoughts... silly me... but im angry... im angry that i was conned... im angry that i was abandoned... im angry that i wasnt thought about as a giving, unselflsh person who was a dummy in love... im just plain angry... ive read all i can read and ive done all that i can do and im still angry... i wish i could arise above it all but im resigned to the fact that im human... not like the three of you... again i will say what i told jen... i wish i had gone to his home and taken a bat to his car... now THAT would have been the proper way to handle things... then i would have walked away... to hell with grace and dignity and how it is perceived by my ex... he didnt incorporate any kind and lovely way to end things with me, when in fact i did nothing wrong... sigh... this was a great forum for a time... ive outgrown it and im now past it... i know now my own thoughts were right... unfortunately for me its too far down the road for me to do anything about my anger... i have to eat it...
  22. beebee
    this is fun!... lol... you go "to"... you definitely have your supporters thats for sure!... love... bb
  23. beebee
    your lovely kirbster... thank you for your sweet kind words...
  24. beebee
    hang in there darling... your in the beginning stages... i wish there was something i could say to you to ease your pain, but i cant... just know ive been there and done that and boy did i win the grand prize for pain!... i will be praying for you... God Bless...
  25. beebee
    what a fascinating thread!... sorry i came so late into the story... i havent made my bed, washed my dishes, etc etc because i became so engrossed in your story and the responses that i couldnt stop reading!... lol... anyway... the one thing i wanted to say other then "good for you foz... your doing well and God bless", was "a man is not judged by his entrance, but by his exit"...
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