SaraJane

While it sounds awesome, and would probably get my attention it would probably not be something i'd want to see every day. Simple tattoos are a turn on for me, depending what they are... while I dont want to see butterflies on my man I dont want to see bloody skulls either. Dragons are cool though I like tattoos, well... some of them. I have some, on my arm that I regret getting some days, and absolutely adore others. I've contemplating getting another, but I have all too often wished I had never gotten the one I have, so I've continued to talk myself out of it everytime the thought crosses my mind.

Perhaps you should give her this message, tell her what you just told us... it could make a world of difference. You may try to get the point accross to her, and go about it the wrong way so that the communication doesnt get the result that you would hope for. Causing reactions that cause reactions that cause pain... I cant imagine that if she read this word for word that it wouldnt make her understand and appreciate what you're going through, and try to help make it better.

If he does, and if that's what it takes for him to come back to you I hope to God that you stand tall and realize that you deserve much better than that. Being a single mother is not only hard, its just impossible at most times. But, you can do it. Dont depend on him to be a full time father, because he's not anymore... he's no longer going to be able to be there every night to help you put the kids to bed, or come running every time the kids get hurt... he didnt only chose this other woman over you, he chose her over your children too. You're pretty much on your own, I think you need to accept that... and I promise you in time you will appreciate yourself so much for the job that you've done as a mother that all the 'difficult times' will make you realize what an amazing person you are. Your children will become more independent, and it will get easier on you... right now your kids are very young, and that's hell... I've been there. My ex and I divorced before my second child turned 1, and my oldest was only 2 years older. It wasnt until they were both in school full time that I was able to take a breath, but it was worth waiting for. Look forward to the time in life when you will be able to look at your children and know that you were the sole person to make them who they are... that's a damn good feeling. Being a single mother isnt the ideal situation for anyone, but it is a blessing in its own ways.

That's going to be up to you to determine... while you can be on your knees strattling him, you can also squat above and do the bounce type method. While you're in control of the actual penetration, he should be using his hands to add to your pleasure... while being on top allows for deeper penetration this is a great time for him to explore your breats, fondle your clitoris, and ultimately explore your body from a new position that may be quite enjoyable for both of you. Try both! Often my legs get sort of tired and uncomfortable and I'll lean forward... sometimes I'll hold on to his arms or even the headbord for support. But there's no reason why you cant lean forward for an occasional kiss anyhow =P All of the above! Girl... work it and see what gets a good response from him and what feels good for you. Move up and down, back and forward, side to side and around and around. Find a position that's comfortable for you... if you've only tried it on the bed, do it on the floor as your legs wont be sinking down. Stop thinking about it so much, and the how to's... and just give it a go. It might take some time to get used to, but when it comes to intamacy and sex with your partner... relax. I know that with us I cannot stay on top for too long, it just starts to hurt after a while, and he understands that... so I dont do it all the time... but it is also very enjoyable for both of us while I am on top and its something that allows for our sexual experiences to not be 'so routine' all the time.

Focus on your health and your baby right now. That's the most important thing in your life at the moment. If I were in your shoes I would feel hurt, and be very troubled by his online behavior... however, I also feel that if I were in his shoes I would be VERY troubled by the snooping. You do not have to marry this man for him to be your partner and/or your child's father... remember this. Do not marry him because of the child, or because it's the right thing to do. Take time, plenty of it, to make sure that you two will be able to stay together and work through these issues. I've been involved with men who have done similar things, and while it may not have always been innocent, there are times when men just love the thrill of the chase, and the ability to know that they 'can' have someone else if they chose to... and may never act upon that. In some cases it may be because they are fearful of settling down, and want to remind themselves that its a choice, not something they have to do... how far they take it is the big concern. Dont give in to the promises tears and the apologies... let him prove himself over time and make your decision when you feel that you can trust him and be happy with the way that he's changed (if he does)

I've seen many doctors, gotten lots of advice and it has always boiled down to one thing... Results do not happen over night, you need to evaluate your diet, your exercise plan, realize and admit that it needs to be changed and change it. Most doctors that I have gone to will not prescribe medications, its not necessary because no pill can do the work for you. They have brought up the idea of weight loss surgery, but after reading the expectations of how I would have to change my life for that to be a sucess, I've realized that unless I can live that lifestyle now, I can not depend on the surgery to do it for me. The #1 reason why we stay obese is because we make excuses in our mind as to why we are that way. There are so many different steps and routes that you can take to change it... its just very hard to do because our minds tell us that we've failed before and we'll fail again, and we remain in a cycle of self neglect that prevents us from adjusting in the way that we NEED to. My advice... Start with little steps to change your lifestyle, not to lose weight. Find one thing you do that is NOT helping your problem and change it. Tell yourself that you're not going to eat at McDonalds ever, or you're not going to drink soda pop anymore (diet or non diet), or that you will drink a certain amount of water every day, or walk for 20 minutes a day... make one change with something that you know is not helping and once you have made that change, find another... in time you will find that your self confidence will increase drastically because you'll be winning these simple small battles one at a time. And once you overcome these changes in your life you WILL notice a difference. You will not drop 20lbs within a month, and that does not mean that you've failed... this is a battle that you will have to fight for the rest of your life. Dont give up on being healthier and looking better... make up your mind that you can do it, and you will be able to. You are beautiful... no make up can define who you are... but your confidence is hurting you more than your appearance (or make up choices)

While you're correct that it isnt 100% true, you need to understand that while genetics may determine body size / shape... it does not determine that you must be obese. I've stopped blaming genetics and the fact that my family is large, and mostly overweight, and that my metabolism has always been poor and accepted the fact that I do in fact consume too many calories and I do not exercise enough. My diet is poor, I dont eat more than 1 meal a day, and when I do eat, I dont eat healthy enough. I should be eating several small (healthy) meals all day, and exercising... but I dont. thereforeee it is MY FAULT that I am 300+ lbs. There is no one to blame for a poor lifestyle but yourself. Surely it is possible that you have a thyroid disfunction, but it is fairly rare... and its still not an excuse. You do have the power to lose weight, whether you want to believe it or not. You just have to make a commitment and stick to it... and I personally know how hard that is and have yet to succeed. But I have taken the first and most important step in overcoming my weight... admitting to myself that it is no one's fault but my own.

Also... You're wrong... I happen to know for a FACT that not everyone feels that way. There are too many people who do not hold weight against you that you need to stop generalizing. There are even men *gasp* who would prefer an overweight woman to one who looks like Britney Spears (Thank God!) I think you're beautiful, there are others who do as well... and unless you can look at yourself and find something you're happy about you will always think the worst of yourself. You 'think' you look like a cow because you keep telling yourself that. You need to love yourself and appreciate yourself before you can expect anyone else to. Really.

You may not think they notice but they probably do... or really love themselves and who they are too much to give a damn what others say. Im over 300lbs myself, I feel that I am very unattractive even if I wasnt overweight (my nose is too big, my eyes have bags under them from allergies, my feet are too big, etc, etc...) At one point I "knew" that wearing make up or doing my hair, or wearing nice clothes wouldnt change the fact that people treated me like trash... but there were a few things I was wrong about. Certainly you can make a change in your weight, that's your choice, you dont become overweight because God hates you... you're overweight because you have an unhealthy diet and dont exercise enough. You live a lifestyle (like me) which has caused us to be overweight. If it kills you this much you NEED to do something about it. Dressing nicer, wearing make up, and taking time to do your hair each morning may not make you prettier in your eyes, it may not make you thinner but it WILL PROVE TO OTHER PEOPLE THAT YOU DO IN FACT CARE ABOUT YOURSELF enough to make the effort and may increase your confidence in yourself. Try seeking out a professional with the make up thing... you dont have to wear bright red lipstick and blue eyeshadow and be drastic to be pleased with it, my make up is very subtle, very warm, and really does give me hope when I look at myself at times. (I had gone to a Mary Kay party and had my face done... and though I did not buy any of their expensive stuff... I did have an idea of what worked for me and I went to my nearest walmart, spent about $25 and I was pleased with what I could do) I also had to get out of the habit of wearing "oversized clothes" that I felt were hiding my body when in fact they just made me look bigger. I was afraid to wear clothes that fit, were colorful, or bright... anything that would make me stand out... when reality I already stood out, so avoiding it didnt help... atleast when I accepted the idea of change I was met with several compliments about how I looked "healthier".. not not prettier, but I looked healthier, and that itself was enough to make it worth it for me. -Edit- I actually did get compliments on losing weight when I started wearing clothes that fit, when in fact I hadnt lost a pound. Which was generally followed with "nope I havent lost any weight" and then the reply of "well you look much better". I lived in Mobile Alabama for 2 years and could not get a job because of my weight... no one believed me that it was the reason... but it was. I couldnt get a job as a waitress, or in any customer service type of position... even if a business had a huge "NOW HIRING" sign on the door they would reject me immediately. It got me so down I thought that I would never fit in with the world again, and I gave up on MYSELF when really I shouldnt have given up at all. My weight problem hasnt gone away, but my confidence has increased and my ability to love myself has made a great difference in how I feel when I walk outside every day. Whether you like to believe it or not, a little bit of self confidence will allow you to stop noticing the staring, laughing, talking, etc. Everyone has flaws, and even the 'beautiful people' have insecurities... you are NOT ALONE and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and hate yourself before you can overcome the effect that the rest of the world has on you. People are cruel... but we are also STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERCOME ANYTHING. Over a year ago I was actually told by a woman that she was prejiduce towards overweight people because she felt that we were obviously lazy and not capable of 'hard work'... we had worked together for 3 weeks before she confessed her feelings to me, and how she was sorry for judging me, as she could see that I lived a very 'normal life' and did in fact work very hard for everything I had and that I was definitely not lazy. She told me she had so much respect for me as a person for allowing her to see how wrong she was for making assumptions about me... and it felt good to feel as if I had won a battle. If I had continued to feel sorry for myself, withdrawn, and unmotivated... she would have continued to feel the way that she did... but I will NOT allow people to think that I am lazy and dont care. Point is... you dont have to either.

Though I agree with the fact that the name calling and threats arent major, the background and the favoritism are enough to believe that this man has little respect for the feelings and emotions of the adopted children. If he doesnt want to see them (which he stated when the separated) and the children arent comfortable with him, even if the verbal abuse is extremely minor (or not abuse at all in some's opinion)... I personally see no reason to force the visitations.

I have never been fond of any KY product... I've been selling sex toys and functional items for about 8 years now and I personally recommend "Wet" to anyone and everyone. Its fairly inexpensive compared to other top brands, you dont have to use as much, it works wonderfully, its not goopy or sticky, has no taste to it, and its actually a great product for women who have problems with odor (even though it has no scent itself)

I too am very sorry for your loss... I could not fathom what it must be like to deal with the loss of a child, and it is by far my greatest fear. It is great that you have made friends and found people to lean on, sometimes just expressing your feelings to a person who sincerely cares about you and your situation can make a world of difference. I lost my father 6 years ago and the circumstances of our relationship made his death a very very difficult thing for me to cope with. If it had not been for the few people I could turn to (most of which were online friends) I may have had a much harder time handling the emotions. Your precious child is still your child, and your love for eachother will never fade... though he is not with you, you can still treasure and embrace the memories and the joys that you shared. He is. Your other child (chidren?) need for you to be strong and take care of yourself. There is nothing that can be done to erase the pain and anger, but it doesnt mean that you cannot still have joy and laughter to help you through.

That was just the beginning... the sex was even worse

I broke up with a guy and told him it was because he was too nice, and I didnt think I could get used to it. In reality it wasnt just the fact that he was nice, it was the combination of that and the fact that his insecurity caused him to be just downright annoying. Are you ok? Is something wrong? What are you thinking about? Are you alright? Is everything ok? Are you having a good time? Do you need anything? Do you want anything? Are you ok? Is something wrong? Im not bugging you am I? Is there anything you want to talk about? Is everything ok? AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Granted, I liked someone who respected me enough to care about how I was feeling, and whatnot... I care about the same things, but when there was nothing wrong or when I had never given any signs of something being wrong it was just too much for me to handle... and the more he asked the same questions, the more i'd get irritated and the more he'd ask Ask how my day was, I'll tell you and ask you how yours was too... but unless I say something's wrong... everything's just peachy!! Tell me Im pretty or something and make me smile, dont irritate the hell out of me with abnoxious questions

You're not crazy, this guy is completely wrong for behaving this way. This is a key factor in why I would not let my husband adopt my oldest son... in fear of how he might treat him if things didnt work out as opposed to how he'd treat the child we have together (considering I knew that unless he quit drinking I would eventually leave). Though both him and my child wanted it, Im too fearful of the long term outcome of it with the uncertainty of our relationship. And I was certain that his desire to adopt him was a key in trying to give me more reason not to leave. You should put your children's best interest before his, of course... if this man is hurting your children's feelings, and upsetting them dont make them go, he's not taking their feelings into consideration and possibly hoping for his behavior to lead to what he ultimately wants... NOT wanting visitation w/the 3 he adopted. Its not your childrens fault, and they need to know this... it has and will probably continue to hurt them if he acts this way, and if they do not wish to go with him... dont make them.

Wow... Its a bit too late to preach about birth control obviously, but this is a terrible mess for you, and them, to be in. I cant help but wonder if both women are actually pregnant, or if they're even yours. I've seen the "pregnancy card" played all too many times in relationships for far too many reasons. All parties involved must have known the risks involved with sex, unprotected sex I'd assume from the circumstances... but what Im wondering is what their intentions and expectations are from you... do both want you to take upon the role of husband / father, or are they just expecting you to play the role as a father and support the child? As far as the one not having any place to go... I highly doubt that her family (no matter how religious) would give her the boot, it quite often happens that they may be more supportive than she'd like to admit now. No one can change what happened, but its really hard to say what you should do other than be a father. On a side note... When my mother was pregnant for me, my biological father opted to not be a part of my life, ever... and my mother agreed it was a good idea and later found a man who loved her, and me, and I was never truly hurt by it... in fact Im glad that she agreed with him and allowed him the option to go, because I truly feel that it was better for me to not have a biological father with a name than to have one who didnt really want me or was unable to provide me with what a father should.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the replies... it has made a great deal of difference in my mindset and Im very thankful for that right now. First few things I would like to address... As far as intervention with my husband its not really a possibility, he has very few friends / relatives here... just his sister and her wife (yes wife) and they are both very aware of the situation and the conflict, but they too are heavy drinkers and are often part of the problem. Out of desperation I've turned to his mother, who I believe would rather me leave than stay with him anyway, so she's been no help. (She's never liked the idea of us being together, or him taking on the responsibility of someone else's child). Yes, very much so. I do not hate him so much that I can deny that I love him. I care about him deeply, and he is not a monster, he just has an issue that I cannot cope with any longer. As far as everything else he has been a true blessing and I am very appreciative of what he has done for us, and what he has given over the past few years. If it wasnt for the drinking he would quite possibly be the 'perfect man'. He has a level of patience that I have never seen in another human being, and he is very supportive of everything that has come up aside from the drinking issue and he has tolerated much more than I could have expected anyone to... but he will not meet me on the alchoholism. Now as far as this other man, I do realize that for my children's sake, and for his it is not the right thing to do. I have told him my feelings and Im hoping that he will be supportive in my decision to sort my life first. However, If he presses the idea that we should be together, Im not certain I can fight that. His family is very opposed to the idea of him being with me, and with good reason... we both agree that if we werent directly involved that we would agree with the people who are trying to talk us out of this... but because of our feelings we chose to ignore them and believe that its worth the risk and the consequences. Im terrified of losing my best friend and scared that my decision is going to hurt him... but I believe that he is better off this way and Im hoping that he will agree in time. I've sent him the following email, using some of the information I've received here to validate the reasonings for it...

Thank you for the replies... I dont feel as if Im using this other guy to fix my life, but I guess in some senses I suppose I am and I dont want to realize that. In response to your question... He knows that his drinking is a problem, and he knows that it has already ruined our marriage... but since this is the way he's always been and since he's providing us with everything we need and not pysically hurting he doesnt feel he needs help, but instead its 'my problem' and I need to learn to adjust, accept it, and know that its not my fault. The most he's been able to do was 'cut down' instead of 24 'every night' he's gone down to a six pack and some singles on most nights, some nights are still the whole case deal, but the only time he wont drink at all is on Sunday if he doesnt have beer left over from Saturday and cant buy any... or the first day he's home from work (if he doesnt stop to drink on his way home) I am truly horrified by the idea of being alone, I cant deny this, and I know that this other man will not be a fix of all things, and I do not expect him to come into my life and take my husband's place, or make that easier on me... and I agree, I know I should work on getting my life situated and all things settled before I get into another relationship, but Im not sure if I can do that. If he had not come into my life I know I would continue to struggle through the times when my husband is home, and enjoy my life when he's at work and allow things to stay the way they are.

Sounds to me like she has some emotional issues at the moment, and doesnt know what she wants herself. Her intentions may be good 'generally' but she may have conflicts within her mind preventing her from being the way she would ideally like to be. Take your time with this one, I see a few things that are signs for some potential relationship crisis if you 'do' get serious with her.

I should also mention that he works oversea... he is gone for 2-4 weeks at a time and home for anything from 3 days to 2 weeks. And it seems as if our relationship is fine when he is not here, and that I do not have an issue with him being gone all the time, as that's the only time that my heart isnt breaking from seeing him drunk all the time.

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now, we have a 14 month old child together and my 11 year old son from a past relationship. We met on the internet 5 years ago and after a long time of building a 'friendship' with him, I had packed up and moved accross the country to be with him and our relationship started off ok, we both seemed to be pretty happy and enjoyed where we were at in our lives and having eachother in them. I had always questioned his love for me, and felt as if he had only wanted me there to replace an ex, or just to be there so he wouldnt be alone... as if he had made a choice to 'settle' for me because he didnt have the strength or determination to find someone better. Why? Mostly because he was an alchoholic, kept her things all over the house, and was very needy of attention and assurance that I wouldnt leave him. I had the mindset that he was also the last and only man that I would find, and despite the above things he was a great man, but I've never been able to get over those issues. He treated us wonderfully, and I did in fact love him, and I still do. I believed that maybe he would improve with the alchohol issue, especially after I became pregnant and we made the decision to get married. Unfortunately it never got better and it's caused me to resent him more than ever. Mind you he's not a violent drunk, he just drinks all the time... his excuse is "its just the way I've always been" and he knows how I feel about it, but he seems unable and ultimately unwilling to make a change (except for very short periods of time to appease me temporarily). Friends and family stand by the thought that he's only hurting himself, but I cannot agree with that no matter how much I try to. Its not just the drinking, its the fact that he stays up all night playing video games and only going to sleep when he passes out or when there's no more beer to drink... and I have grown so tired of going to bed alone and crying myself to sleep because I cannot compete with the beer or the video games. Could rarely have sex because he'd never be sober at night, occasionally we'd do it in the mornings when he's sober and it just became something I couldnt look forward to anymore, even though the sex was great... the situation made it unpleasant for me. He's got 3 DUI's and still has trouble not driving after he's been drinking, and Im scared that Im going to lose him anyhow. To me I feel that he's drinking because he's unhappy, though he denies this to no end. It's just made me feel like we're not enough for him and he's unable to stop because he's truly unhappy with where he is in his life. It has broken my heart apart and I had finally become numb to the whole thing and just focused on my children and my own little world here. Unfortunately here is not where I wish to be anymore. Im torn between the idea of my children having a father in their life and me being miserable, or me trying to find peace in my life and taking away the one thing that means so much to them. Especially my 11 year old being that this is the first time he's ever had a 'dad'... they love eachother very much, and though their relationship is not as 'ideal' as I would have liked for him, it is the best thing he's ever had and I know it means a lot to him. My husband has even asked to adopt him, but I have never been certain that I would be able to stay for the long haul if this continued, so I didnt want to put him in the position to be taken advantage of financially if I did make the move to leave. Anyway, in January my husband had picked us up from the airport after visiting my family for Christmas and he had beer bottle caps in his car indicating that once again he had been driving and drinking, and at that time I had told him that I did in fact want a divorce because I couldnt stand this anymore. And now there's a new twist on the situation... there's another man... someone else I met on the internet that I have been friends with for quite some time. He wants to be together, and I think he'd be much much better for me... for the kids Im not so sure. We would lack the financial stability that we have now, and the 'comforts' that we do have... but I believe that this is a chance that I can find happiness. I've been unable to make that move, because of the children, and also because Im terrified that me leaving him will kill him... so the problem is... him or me? And what about them... I dont want them to not have a father and be angry at me for it... but I also dont want them to grow up to have the same bad habits as him. I know that the love that me and this new guy feel could be nothing more than a temporary thing that could be fufilled and dismissed after a short period of time, a temporary infatuation, a dillusional need to be important to someone for once... I know this, yet I want it badly. Its as if all the bad relationships I've been in are the complete opposite of this one. For instance... rather than me being the one to pack up and move and give up everything for a man... I now have a man who's willing to pack up and be the one to give everything so that I do not have to give anything up. Anyway, I dont know what Im doing right now, and I dont have any non relatives to talk to who can give me fair opinions or advice, so Im hoping for something a little bit different here.