tainted

My intent is to talk about the situation, and to understand and work on it together as a couple. Not to hurt, point fingers. unfortunately sometimes the way i go about things, it comes out hurtful or to blunt. So in the being loving part yes.. If i didnt love her i wouldnt want to work things out and talk to her or fix things. I would let them all fall to pieces.

"One must be a loving healthy partner to ones loving healthy partner" I agree with the above, i believe i am half. I am very loving, and i know she never would dispute that, but my lately turn of unhealthy anger has made me a bad girlfriend. If it were feasible for me to get proffessional counselling, i would have already entered it. (due to my last relationship) My biggest problem is that when i try to talk about things that are of a sensitive nature, money problems, or things i feel like she's doing wrong. It always seems to come out hurtful, or she says i am trying to attack her as a person. Which i in return feel helpless about, because that isnt my intent. Right now i am strugggly a lot with my own issues, and issues in her life that i feel will be/and or are a problem in our relationship. My problems are, and i stated is my job situation. Right now Im a sitting duck, all my plans hopes and dreams are on the back burner. Im struggling with that the most. The things with her is i feel she isnt helping our mutual goal of being together permenatly instead of flying out as much as possible back and forth. She's got a HUGE debt due to her ex girlfriend. In which she may be paying for money wise, i feel our relationship is paying for it in the long run. When i mention her debt about her ex, she thinks i only do it to downsize her by reminding her more of then she already does when she gets the monthly bills. Im not! im just trying to express my feelings. Im always open and wanting to talk and share things, but it seems when it comes to things she's doing wrong, or..things that she's dealing with that i think are affecting our relationship she is more then not wanting to hear them. But if it comes to things she feels i need to fix or change..she steadily dishing it out, and if i point even that fact out to her.. she gets angry. She has said that i make her feel like failure in life. I really don't see it that way. If she only knew she is my biggest inspiration inlife to better myself, and strive for the goals of wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. When we are physically together, things are perfect. Granted this last time was pretty rough due to my own stress of having to come back home and feel like i have to start all over again. I love her..thats simply all i can really say. And im willing to work harder then anything, because she is the greatest thing in my life, i just wish she could see, that everything that i am angry about or depressed about is only because i feel helpless in not accomplishing my goals or atleast working on them right now. Having a job would ease a lot of my stress, and atleast mentally i would be moving forward.. i know this i a phase i am going through right now.. just i hope after its all said and done..she's still by myside... And i hope that i can find some strength in not always seeing the glass half empty, and just take one day at time.. even though im so ready for my life to begin with her. Employment - This in itself is my biggest draw back. Getting this one accomplished sets me off on the path to conquer all the other goals needing the income of this. With Employment the jobs i am seeking are transferable out to california. Income to Finish my Education to move up the Job ladder I already opened a separate bank account for Saving for my move to help put for deposit on a new place, and moving exspenses. Moving to California- This is my ultimate goal.When i am striving on accomplishing things, im a happier better person. Goals keep me focused. Right now not being able to focus on anything except the negative on what each day of not accomplishing these things and how bad they are setting me back. My goals are all realistic, i know i CAN accomplish them but i am so ready to get started. Patience is a big draw back. I have little of it. I like being Driven to Succeed. (Sorry for the overly post i got a little carried away)

First of all, i am really not sure i should be putting this, in this catagory. The only true reason i picked this one. Is because I am a lesbian, and this is about me and my girlfriend.. On to the problem.. I have wrote here before.. about meeting someone from the internet and all the scared stuff. Well things have actually been great.. except for the fact of the distance. She lives in So. Cali. I live in Houston, TX. we've been together for a year. She's been here to texas once, ive been to california twice. I just got back from california a few weeks ago. The trip..had really not been the best. On the most count because of me. I have been worried about my job situation, and come to find out the day after i got there.. I was perm. Layed off.. Another thing.. i want to move out to california.. and i am bothered by the fact that she really can't help me. She's still way in over her head with debt. Due to health, and Ex Girlfriend reasons. She lives at home.. and 35. Im going to turn 23 this year. Im ready for the little house and the white picket fence..and i feel its not coming soon enough. Im more then ready to be settled down. Have been wanting to for as long as i can remember. Before her i was in a bad 4 year relationship where i was abused mentally, and on a few occasions physically, she cheat lied etc. I should really get to the point of this before it comes a novel..but my issue is.. Im jobless, i feel like a failure, things arent coming along as i want them. When i am working, i feel i am striving for the day i move to california to be with the love of my life. Well im stuck in that rut...and im angry.. me and her fight.. constantly.. mainly about i dont feel she cares about my feelings i get uptight and feel like she's constantly telling me im stupid for things i feel. unfortunately i need a shoulder to cry and she's not here. I really rely on her for being my bestfriend, my girlfriend and my rock. And the distance is making it hard. I lash out at her a lot..for my own unhappiness. I'm in desperate needs of other outlets for things before i ruin my relationship, because the fights are to the point where we both know we love each other but the fights lead to mutual hurting, im at my witts end. I love her a lot and really would like inputs from an outsider..or maybe someone who's been in similar shoes. Im always open to suggestions. And i could use a handful right about now. Thanks!

I came out to my father when i was 17 years old. It was actually the wrong way to go about it, i wish we were having a more civil conversation besides fighting at the momment i blurted it out. When my father finally heard it from me, he thought since he was a single father raising his only daughter the reason why i am choosing to be a lesbian is because i never had a mother figure in mylife. Now that i am almost 22 he knows that it is my life style and that it's not a phase, i didnt appreciate him telling my extended family (grandmother & aunties) about me being gay, but they kept asking him why i dont have a nice young man as a boyfriend, and finally told my grandmother and it spread like a virus after that. i am not sure what everyone thinks because i dont talk to my family, if they say stuff being my back thats their choice, but i feel better knowing that i am not living a lie. It gets hard and harder as years go on, i am glad i did it while young. i wish you luck, and if you and your mother are close, it may come as a shock at first, but you are after all her son, and just like my dad told me, no matter what my sexuality i am still his daughter and he loves me to no end. I Hope that will be your case too, but if you can't say it outloud to yourself that you are gay, then you are probably not ready to tell your mother either, it definatly is hard, but once you do it, it'll be like a ton of bricks lifted off your shoulders. Good Luck! Keep Smiling and looking for those brighter days.

Ah yes, i have been in this similiar situation with my now ex. Her and i had been living together for two years and the last year of it, we had been fighting over stupid stuff, we where really unhappy, she started a new job which got her out in the public more with a bigger company, and more lesbians, and since we where having rough times and she found someone she could talk to, and well ended up having feelings for her. she still told me she loved me, even more when this girl came into picture, like she was trying to tell me she loved me, so she could convience herself, finally i accused her because i had that gut instinct, and she told me she was finding herself attracted to someone else besides me for once..after that the hell broke loose, and we ended up breaking up for good. I guess i knew it all along, but i definatly know your situation. i don't think your over reacting, because if your inlove with someone i don't think you would be telling another girl, that she's good lookin. You two really need to have a serious talk before your heart gets broken even more then it already sounds like it, by her actions. Keep strong, and i hope everything works out for you two.

I think you should split from the interacting. my ex and i have done what you are doing for the last 5 months since she moved out of my house (we where broke up for over a year before her moving out) well her moving out caused drama to re-occur, and interacting now isnt a good thing because now she owes me quite a bit of money and since i've been avoiding her, i feel much relief and not as much stress. It's hard if your a caring person like i am..but i owe it to myself and you should too. Taking a break from having contact with her is the best thing. I hope things get better for you !

I understand your point I probably wont pop up and surprise her because i am sure as much as she'd love the thought obligations like work & etc would crunch the time together. We havent set a date except for spending new years together for a few days. mslovable - that really sucks that happened to you but i definatly know its part of reality, But i am going to think optimistically about this before negative because if i think negative everything is doomed to fail. If all else fails, we where friends for a year before we got "together", and atleast i gained a great friend.

More input wether the same or not is still welcome though I will definatly keep ya'll posted. Thanks

Thanks for the input. Yeah, completely surprising her would probably not be the smartest idea. But most definatly will ask her what she thinks about me coming to visit a little bit sooner. As for thinking about the longterm as in not long distance. We've discussed it briefly before. She has a steady job she's worked at for many years, i wouldnt ask her to leave that ..so i told her even though i wouldnt do it with others, that i am willing to relocate. When it came out of my mouth i was definatly surprised. She really does make me want to do things i couldnt fathom on doing before because it never seemed worth it. She is definatly worth it.. definatly. Thanks for the wishes.

Well, where do i start? I suppose i could start off by saying i love this girl i am "with" so incredibly much. The problem you ask?? We live in two diffrent states. We mutually met, in a lesbian community, and talked for over a year as friends here and there, flirted online chats, over the phone etc. She was having relationship troubles with her ex, and i was still living with my ex.(which is all cleared up now) Well, finally one night while talking for hours (which we've done pretty much every night for the last 6 or more months) we admitted we had feelings for one another. It's most definatly strange because how can i have feelings for someone who lives so far away that i've never met, well after our talks and everything, she sent me a dozen roses to my house, and asked me to be with her. This is all new to her, i did it once before with a very bad ending so i am way hesitant but some reason i trust her. Well that was three months ago, and many roses and sentiments ago. We still havent met, but my feelings have only gotten stronger. We already have plans to get together for the holidays in december because i also turn 22 that month, But i want to see her sooner.. It's becoming increasinly hard and my heart hurts because i want to be with her. I was planning on going out there at the end of this month to surprise her but we got into a small argument and she is worried about her appearance & i am worried about mine too, but we've shared many pictures of each to one another and i think she's so incredibly beautiful. She says she wants to see me sooner, then my birthday but i feel she is hesitant. So i guess my question is..would it be wrong to just pop up and surprise her, i know where she lives works etc. I want to sweep her off her feet and show her finally how much she means to me. I really don't even know if thats my true question but i just wanted to really just rant about that i love this girl. We are appart in our ages she is 34 and i am only 21, but her personality and her spirit just makes me breathless. I just know i want to be with her..but the distance is getting EXTREMELY hard. Has anyone else been in this situation? Or having any thoughts? There is a lot more to this but i figured i would spare the whole entire story lol. Just getting this much out made me feel a little bit better. Thanks..

Sweetie! Oh thats so horrible. Just like the above poster said. "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" Hopefully your mother will come around and see by doing this when you are of the legal age that you will have resentment for her and loose out on knowing her daughter more. Just Tough it out is all i can say. Know yourself and love yourself. And don't let her words bother you because they are just anger. A lot of people don't mean what they say in anger. Just take it as that. "Whatever Doesnt kill us, only makes us stronger" Keep Strong and Smiling looking for the brighter days.

I'm sure it probably was sheer laziness, the only way i can actually condone that kind of situation is if that was the agreement previously and well it obviously wasnt. Take care of Yourself and Never second guess your initial action. Especially when it comes to someone who isnt willing to sacrafice like you have working two jobs and school, which is tough, just to make it work. Your lucky it panned out this way now instead of another year later and 10 months again with him not working.

It does sound like he was using you to take care of him. Just remember when life closes one door another is bound to open up. Fate has a lot instore for us, and he just wasnt it for you. i couldnt agree more about keeping busy or doing something you enjoy that doesnt remind you of him to keep you occupied, as well as talking to good friends Everyone definatly gave you great advice! Good Luck! Time eventually heals everything.