blueberrypie
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Everything posted by blueberrypie
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in_the_mirror: thanks for the quick reply. I'm writing an email not including the fact that I know he might be back. I'll try not to send it right away. Just want to see what I'd like to say. Scout: he was all nonchalant. He said he would love to hear how's my life here if I had time since he's so out of loop there. But since it was just 'being-polite-to-your-ex' message, I didn't reply. But I thought I could use that as an excuse. maybe a bad excuse, but still an excuse. Jayar: I get your point. But since he thought I was really mad at him when he left, it would take a lot of courage for him to contact me first--especially after me not responding him. I thought I could send one email to check if he's really not that into me and if it turns out that that's the case I can move on. Just doublecheck. If he's already moved on, what is there to lose?
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It's been long time since last time I wrote here. I've been trying to be busy and thought that I got over him. I realized that I was still loving and missing him, but I wasn't desperate about getting back together with him. For the people who don't remember my story, my ex-bf of 10 months broke up with me in the end of May because he was going abroad for 6 months and he didn't believe in long-distance relationships. He wasn't supposed to come back till mid-December, but I found out that he might be back. Thanks to facebook's new feature, I didn't even have to his personal webpage to see that he was 'at home'. Since I saw that, I can't stop thinking about him. I thought he would contact me after he comes back. I feel like I've been dumped all over again. Still, I'm still waiting for his contact which makes me really anxious and depressed. I was doing NC and didn't reply to his email 40 days ago. But two days ago, I finally replied to his email saying if he's missing home. I know, it was cheap, but for some obscure reason, I really wanted to know that if he's back. If he's back I want to see if we still have chance. I'm not gonna beg or cling. I'll simply ask him where we stand now. Since the only reason of the breakup given by him was him going abroad, he wanted to leave the possibility of getting back together open when he comes back. Can I just send him an email saying I found out that he might be back and was wondering where we stand? Does this seem too desperate? I'm so upset about myself that 3 months of working on myself just fall down like this. help me!
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Congratulations Rob! just one small question. What made you break NC? three months passed after my breakup, but I still miss him to much that I'm not sure if I could be cool with him.
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It's been 2 1/2 months since my ex left me. I was waiting for him till few days ago. Two nights ago I met my friend from college who just broke up with his gf few days ago. What he told me was so similar to what my ex told me when he broke up with me. I could feel how much my friend loved his (ex-)gf and why it didn't work. He was missing her and loving her so much but knew that their relationship was over. I was confused by my ex's behavior. I thought he loved me, I thought I felt his love even when we were parting, but if he did love me, how could he leave me like that? Did I imagine the love all the time? Was I in denial because I didn't want to lose what I thought I had? And my friend let me understand the situation. Sometimes you have to let go a person who you love. And love doesn't just fade. I was afraid of falling in love again. But now that I understand that the feeling we shared was not fake, I believe that one day I can trust someone and his feeling again. I still need to grieve of loss of him. But I can't wait till I get healed and be ready to meet someone else. Hope this is not a temporary phase. Thank you all. I wouldn't have been able to get this stage without your support.
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So I just read " So you want your ex back - tips, do's, and don'ts! " by The Morrigan. I'm all for NC. But looks like Morrigan advocates NC-->LC if the ex initiates contact. My question is...in my case did my ex initiate the contact? He did call me before he left for another country. But since I broke the NC after that by sending a message and he simply replied to that message after few weeks, should I just keep NC till he actually 'initiates' the contact? I think I know the answer, but sometimes it's really helpful to hear from others. =)
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I don't think what you are doing there is actually staying friends. You said that you two still have sex. What kind of friend is it?
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blender, Thanks a lot for reading the earlier posts(I know they were quite long) and for the comments. Nobody put it like that before. What I'm afraid most is that I may not be able to believe in 'love' anymore. I really like those moments and I believed they were real. Right now, I'm afraid of those moments because that's what caused the pain now. But maybe someday I'll meet someone whom I think is worth that pain. This is how I feel now. I'll keep you updated. Thanks for your support again.
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I like this! anyways, teddybear, my focus was not on doing NC and getting the ex back but on not 'contacting and getting the ex back just to be broken up soon'. But I got your point.
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I was watching sex and the city trying to figure out how/why Mr. Big comes back to Carrie. What's their secrets? At first I wanted to know why it worked out for them in the end. And the I began to focus on 'in the end.' It took so many years and breakups for them to figure out their way back. I don't want to do that. As much as I love my ex, I don't want to go through that. Then suddenly I realized something. They were on and off because they tried to keep their friendship-or-whatever-you-call-it after each breakup. It was after Carrie decides that she had enough and tried to lose all the contacts when Mr. Big comes back. This is an analysis based on TV show. But I think it says something important. You can't stay friends with your ex and get back together. It may work in the short run. As long as you stay in touch with your ex, you two are still in a grey area. You seem to be broken up, but not quite yet. So if you hope for the second chance you have to cut your contact totally and hope that your ex will realize his/her mistake. If not, well, they would have left you eventually, so why waste your time? I wasn't sure if NC was a good way to go when a person want to get back together, but now I'm convinced that it is a way to go no matter what. yeah, easier said than done. I still want to contact my ex. The only reason I don't do is for it to be real, he should find his way back by himself. I really hope that he's gonna find the way, and soon. 'cause I don't want to wait for ever. I set the final date of my waiting for him. There's a reason I chose that date but it is a long story so I'm not gonna get into it. The time is coming, so I just wish it would happen. Wish me a good luck everyone!
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Hey blender, Right after I posted last one, I searched your post and read your earlier post: "How should I respond after he's contacted me?". I hadn't read the second one yet, but the title sounds helpful. Anyways, I found one phrase of yours I really like: "I need a person who will stand by me, not be "convinced" to stand by me." This is exactly how I feel. Reading your posts and advices others gave soothe me. It's good to know that there's someone else who's going, or who had gone the path I'm going through now. My ex actually called me two weeks after breakup. He said he missed me and that's why he called me. I know this would be a lot to ask, but if you have time at all, could you read my earlier post and tell me if you think there's any reason my situation can be said different? : "Timing was not right?" and "fear of letting go" Thanks a lot for your help! =)
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thank you for the reply. Beyondthesea: Why do you think NC is the best way if I want him back? I'm a little bit worried that he would get discouraged to contact me again if I just ignore his message. Or is that what I need to do? Since he broke up with me, should I just let him go if he is timid to contact me after I ignore just one message? blender: Actually it was almost a week ago when I received this message from him. I wanted to reply to him but my friends told me I shouldn't reply right away. If I decide to reply I can always do it later. But after reading your message, I feel like I should just ignore his message (at least time). Since you said that you were in this exact situation, could you tell me what happened to you after that?
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My ex who dumped me about 2 months ago sent me a message asking how I was doing. This was kind of a reply to my message few weeks ago, which I sent after I found out that he could use internet from where he was. My message had a format of belated bday message with few more lines. I made a mistake signing 'miss you'.(he signed 'hope to hear from you' ) My question is, should I respond to his email if I still hope for a second chance? Or since his message was very neutral(didn't even mention how he was doing, just asked me to tell me how I was doing if I have the time for that) I should just ignore the message and keep moving on?
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What did you hate about your ex?
blueberrypie replied to Karibo's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
he left me. -
I don't agree with that the pain will never go away. But I agree with that we don't need to forget everything about our ex's. For the past few weeks I tried to forget about my ex and it caused lots of pain. As soon as I realized that I don't need to forget all good memories and try to learn live with them, it began to remove the pain.
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Thanks chai. I just began to wonder if I'm actually moving on, or I'm just in another kind of denial. I began to accept that he left me, he's living his life without me now, and I have to live my life without him. But just for now. I realized that I have some issues to work on and this is the perfect time to work on those issues, I wouldn't have time to work on my issues if he didn't leave me then, so it's actually good thing that we are taking time apart. But I still believe that he would come back later and it would work well since we both worked on our issues. Well, who knows. maybe i'm thinking too much. =)
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For the people who were following my story, I just wanted to say that I'm doing a lot better now. =) I still miss him, love him, but I realized that I don't 'need' him. (yeah, I thought I *need* him in my life for me to be happy since I love him.) I realized that I'm lucky that I had that 10 1/2 months in my life. It's bad that it ended like that but it may not be the end. I'm still wishing for get-back-together, but wouldn't just sit and wait. I'm feeling too happy that is feels almost fake. When I'm alone I still want to cry. no, I don't *want* to cry, but I feel like i'm gonna cry and need to put some effort not to. But I know it's not because of him. Actually I don't know why I feel that way. I feel like crying first and try to figure out a reason and it makes me depressed. So I try not to figure out. Hopefully it will go away with time. I even cherish time I suffered from breakup. I wouldn't volunteer for going through that again, but I learned valuable things through it. I wouldn't have find out so much love and support around me if it wasn't for that. Hope from now on it would be all moving forward, not falling back, even if it means a really small and slow step at a time. Maybe it's too soon for me to say this, but those of you who just experienced breakup, hang in there. It gets better. It doesn't matter how long it takes. Just take your time.
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In What Stage of Grief Are You?
blueberrypie replied to blemished's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
blemished: it's tempting. But I still want to believe that not all of him was real. There was some part of him which was real, but I began to lose balance. It's what I want to believe anyways. -
Frustrated! Now What??
blueberrypie replied to Orlander's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I don't consider myself as 'successful', but I am "interested in meeting an attractive, funny, well-mannered and family oriented guy" I totally agree with amb1873. Whenever I tried to find a 'guy', I couldn't find anyone interesting. When I stopped looking and tried to find myself someone perfect came along. well, maybe not perfect since he left me. But you know what I mean. Try to have 'your' life. Then it will come along! (that's what I'm gonna do from now on anyway.) -
In What Stage of Grief Are You?
blueberrypie replied to blemished's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I just hit 5 two days after I read this quote: I dont miss him, I miss who I thought he was. It takes time for me to digest it, but it felt so true. I'm not sure if he's the person I think who he was any more. I think that's one of the reasons why I was/am depressed. But it's also good because I didn't lose anything by losing, I just made a mistake when I judge him. I just need to improve my judge skill. (Or I'm in denial about my feeling.) I still experiencing 4, but not sure any more if it's because of the breakup. hope I wouldn't go back to 4 that often or any other stage. I'll probably will, but I feel good now. -
So yesterday I hang out with ex-roommates of my ex. They are couple. We used to hang out together. So I worried that it could be weird. I was prepared for the event when his name is mentioned. But it didn't happen. His name was mentioned several times, but casually. Like when we normally mention one of our friends who left town. (It's partly true except that the one friend is my ex who broke my heart. Of course, I missed someone who was next to me, but when I secretly imagined my ex being next to me, I couldn't do it. It didn't seem natural. Probably because I spent whole 7 weeks thinking about us apart. Now I can't imagine that him being next to me holding my hands or whatever. When I looked at the other couple I felt jealous because they were so into each other. And then I realize that my ex and I don't have that. Whatever he said/promised me before, he left me to feel free after all. He may realize his mistake and come back to me. But that's then. And he might not make a mistake. Maybe he was right and I was way too emotional. This morning I woke up and didn't feel desparate about him. I still hope that he would come back to me eventually, but I wouldn't sit and wait for him. I'll find my life without him. Hope this feeling lasts at least few days, not just temporary feeling.
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we dated for about 10 1/2 months. He broke up with me because he wasn't ready to commit(I've never brought up the topic, but he often convinced me he's not afraid of commitment. He probably felt the pressure because I was 5 years older than him). He just graduated from college and was going abroad for 6 months and when he comes back he wanted to have all the possibilities. He planned to go to grad school but thought everything may change while he's abroad. That's why he broke up with me. It was more like 'taking a break' because he wanted to have an opportunity of getting back together open when he comes back. My question is, is it normal for a guy of that age to be afraid of commitment? Or is it just lame 'he's not that into you' situation?
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Tribute to Calgaryguy: How many of you Part II
blueberrypie replied to backinlife's topic in Getting Back Together
1. Are you Dumper or Dumpee in this relationship? Dumpee 2. how long was the a.) relationship before breakup b.) break c.) time of NC d.) relationship after getting back together (if applicaple) a) 10 1/2 months b) 7 weeks ago 3. Who initiated contact after NC (Dumper or Dumpee) (answer no matter whether you are friends now or got back together) Dumper 4. If applicable: Who initiated getting back together? (Dumper or Dumpee) N/A 5. If not back together: are you friends now (rate friendship on a scale from 1 for "we kind of still talk" to 10 "Best friend" 0~1 6. Do you think getting back was/ would have been a good idea? would be. I hope so. 7. Reason for breakup given by the dumper (check one or more) c.)Change in living situation (like going back to colleague, changin jobs, etc) d.)Distance (physical) h.)Wants to see what else is "out there" m.) too young for serious relationship 8. Real reasons (make a guess if you are not the dumper) n.) other: (please specify short) Think he got scared of a serious relationship and wanted to see what's out there. also pressure from graduation and going abroad. 9: Rate this relationship according to importance for your life in retrospect from 1 "just a crush, now that i think about it" to 10 "This was the one" 10 10: Rate you feelings about this relationship now from 1-10, 1 being " I am completely unsathisfied with this relationship, it leaves a bad taste" to 10 "something real good came out of this for me" still trying to figure out. 11. Comments: Crucial things we need to know about this relationship it was reverse age-gap, interracial relationship. I've never even dreamed of being in this relationship. But aginst all these it felt so right when we were together. He always said it felt so right and rational. He doubted the relationship once because it felt so rational. Cause there was no irrational part(this was what he said). Maybe he will come to his mind and come back to me? EDIT: 12: If applicable: What was the reason for getting back together on your side a.) Love b.) Hurt feelings c.) Problems had solved d.) Trust that problems could be solved e.) missing the partner f.) realizing the partner was the one g.) didn't manage to find someone better h.) friends told me to i.) other -
I finally sent him a message. He may not respond. And I wouldn't know if it's because he couldn't use internet or because he didn't want to, or he meant to or forgot doing it. But now he knows that I'd like to hear from him. And it makes feel better. I may feel terrible soon, but hope it wouldn't happen. =)
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he broke up with me...
blueberrypie replied to butterflies's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I gave a lot of thought on it. My ex's bday was one month from our breakup. At that time I decided to do total NC, so I didn't send any message. It's been 3 weeks and now I'm regretting and planning to send a belated bday message. You may think differently. But I thought you would want to hear from someone similar to your situation. (our breakup was caused also by the fact that we were going to do a long distance. We didn't actually do the long distance yet, but he thought we could ruin what we had by doing it, gave up on us, and left the possibility open for when he comes back which is 6 months from then.) -
I don't know his number. If I would contact him it would be a message on facebook or an email. I'll probably do it soon. Thanks for your support. =)