blueberrypie

Thank you for the explanation, swedeace. I do believe in that kind of soulmate, as well as romantic soulmates. I don't know if there is 'the' soulmate, or many of them in a romance relationship. Like Lovely8466, I have that kind of friend. Actually our bond was too strong that she actually thought about breaking up with her bf at that time, although we are not gay. The bond we had just made her realize that she didn't have that kind of bond with her bf. It was beyond usual gf-gf bond. We have gone through the not talking for years. No special reason, just that I went abroad and we were just not very good at communicating with someone physically far. Now we are at the other end of the country, but we still have strong friendship as before. Our connection was too strong for the distance to take us apart. Is this the kind of soulmate you were talking about, swedeace?

Can you explain what you mean by the "weird" moments? You used a lot of 'strange', 'weird', those kind of word. But for me your story sounds too confusing.

I agree. What you or your ex did while you were apart none of the other's business. You were not together. Talking about it can only hurt you. Karl, I'm so happy to hear that you are doing great. You give us so much hope. Hope you'll have bright future with you gf. No more breakups for you!

I agree with ebsmith1. If you love her and she loves her, and the only reason for the breakup is because you think she may want to meet other guys, should you be with her? Shouldn't you be trying to connect with her instead of breakuping up with her? What are other reasons which lead you to break up with her? Do you think you would have not broken up with her if you were (physically) not that far? Maybe thinking about why you broke up with her in the first place may help straightening your thought.

Has anyone met their ex hoping that they would get back together only to realize that you've grown out of your ex? Or were they exactly as you remembered, or even better? How long after the breakup did you see each other?

Thanks for sharing, psu. I wish I could have done the same thing. Now I see that I should have done that, but I was too emotionally attached back then. At least I learned something. I wish all the good luck!

well said fatfaso. I'm still talking with my ex and was considering cutting it now but couldn't do it. I always had an excuse, but I think I just hoped for getting-back-together. Reading your post made me realize that. As for if I'm gonna cut all the contacts now, I'm not sure. But I'm definitely one step close to NC. Q10: So true. I think I can give it up now. But I'm afraid that I might regret that I gave up now. Actually, your comment is not entirely true. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. I know what I'm expected to do, but I don't know if it is the right thing to do.

Honestly, "let me know when you're back in town and let's meet up. Give me dates and i'll try to fit in your schedule" doesn't sound like she wants to get back with you now. She wants to see you, but she may just want to check how you are doing. If you don't want to get played, can't you arrange for your friend to give her stuff back to her? In that way, if she just wants her stuff back, she's gonna get it through your friend, but if she wants to see you, she'll ask you to bring her stuff.

TheGetUpKid: I didn't mention how the pics made me feel. I just kind of made a joke and said if he's gonna send me pics for the first time, shouldn't he send me at least one wearing more than underwear. He responded back saying the reason he sent me the pics of him wearing only underwear is because those were his only recent pics. Those with him wearing more than underwear are at least one or two months old. I still don't think this makes a lot of sense(he didn't need to send me any pics at all. It's not like I asked for his pics or anything.) but if that's how he's testing the water, so be it. Since his last email doesn't have anything for me to reply, I'm trying not to respond, at least not immediately. I hope I could delay till Thanksgiving--I think a short Thanksgiving card wouldn't hurt anyone--if he doesn't contact me again. Actually, what I really hope is that he would contact me again before Thanksgiving without me sending him anything. But...knowing him as he is, I shouldn't hope that. Sorry that it is so long. But now that I'm trying not to contact my ex, this is my only outlet. can you back me up here?

TheGetUpKid: what do you expect from sending that email? Do you genuinely hope for the 'closure?' 'cause I think you may get an answer from her saying that she still loves you very much and wants to get back with you when she comes back to the states but right now she feels so lonely that she needs someone to be with. What would you do if you got this answer? What I'm asking is, do you want to close the door between you two? is it what you mean by the closure? Or you're not sure and you are willing to give her up if she's not interested in you anymore. If you just want to close the door, I think you can just close the door. you don't need her answer. But if you still want to have a possibility of getting back together in the future, I think you can just ask her where you stand. Don't ask her why she said what she had said. It may look needy. Just make the question simple.

TheGetUpKid: I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Starting NC doesn't sound like a bad idea. I hope you will fully heal this time, and very soon.

no problem. Don't try to make an excuse for her--like 'her internet may not be working.' If she called you before, if her internet is not working, she could have called you, couldn't she? I see that you try to think it doesn't matter that she made out with another guy since you are no longer together, but as I understand it, didn't you two agree that you 'sorta wait' till december? I can see that why she had broken up with you before she went abroad. She might have been unsure about how her feeling would change once she went far away from you. But since she realized that she loves you and misses you even that far away and agreed to have a second chance after she comes back, shouldn't she show some respect to you and stop making out with other guys? Maybe I'm being partial, but I think it's okay for you to mention that her making out with other guys hurts you. Don't make it a big fight, but simply mention your feeling. I had something else to say in my mind, but I just forgot. I'll write again when I remember.

Thanks TGUK for responding to my post. As for the friendship with my ex, I'm not really interested in friendship in the longterm. But while he's abroad, I thought staying friends is better than cutting him off. Or...was it dangerous thought?

So I decided just to stay friends with my ex. We are exchangine emails once or twice a week. Then last time, he sent me pics of him wearing underwear. It was pics taken at the rehearsal of the 'fashion show' he's participating. So it's not like he sent me half-naked pics of him to seduce me(some other guys in the pics are also half-naked.) But when I looked at the pics, I began to really miss him that it sort of hurt me. When all I looked at was texts, it didn't feel real. I imagined him saying whatever was in the emails, but I couldn't actually see him. But now he's just there--smiling and half-naked. He gained weight right before we broke up, but now he has such a good body, which doesn't help me getting over him. It actually brought up all the old feelings I had about him. So I think our little communications became dangerous to me. He's gonna come back to the States in two months and we will have chance to talk then. But would it ruin our friendship if I told him how those pics make me feel? Should I just wait till he comes back to talk about any feelings? Or now that it became a little bit dangerous I could tell him and let him know that pics like them are out of limit? most of all, do you think it's possible that he sent those pics to show me how well he's doing there? I hate this. But I become extremely stupid when it comes to my ex. Please shed me some light, anyone!

Hey GUK, Remember me? I was the one who broke up with her ex because he went abroad. I'm still in contact with my ex, and getting more and more confused. Every day I think about sending him an email saying that I need more than friendship and that we need to stop contacting if friendship is all he wants. But then, I feel like I'm threatening him with the contact he may not die for. So, I just keep contact. Anyways, I really want to give you a objective viewpoint, but since I'm on the same boat, it's really hard for me to get objective. When I read her message you posted, I really wants to believe what she says, so it's easier for me to believe it. This maybe a stupid question, but did you respond to her email in which she said that she had made out with a guy? If so, what did you say? Maybe that's why she's not sending you another email?

And why are you doing that? Do you see it's possible to get back together with you ex? Or your emotion dried up?

My ex broke up with me 4 and a half months ago because he had to go abroad for almost half a year. We kept very LC for the first 3 1/2 months, but we began to have fairly constant contact past few weeks. I thought I was over him when we began to contact more often, but as the contact(which is only email-format since we are a continent apart) got more frequent, I began to feel different. I want to get back together when he comes back to the States which is the mid-December. We talk about everyday life, sometimes about things which happened while we were dating, but never talk about the relationship itself. It's good to communicate with him even through emails, but it makes me anxious about us getting back together. My question is, should I let him know how I feel and ask him if he's interested in getting back together eventually and cut the contact if he's not. Or should I just 'fake' the friendship till he comes back and talk to him in person? Any input is welcome!

My ex was 21 and I was 26 when we began to date. After we broke up, people kept saying that I should have seen it coming mostly because of our age difference. (I'm an asian born asian and he is a white american, so we have race issue, too.) Even my parents say that I shouldn't have get into a relationship with him, that I should have known better because I was older than him, so supposedly wiser than him. People saying that hurts me more than the breakup itself. Anyways, my point is that maybe those women was afraid of how people think. Or they thought that they shouldn't get into a relationship with a person way younger than them. If that's the case, I don't think lying about your age would be a good way to get rid of that problem. I have a question for you. When you were in a relationship with an older women, did it give you a pressure on you?

TheGetUpKid: Thank you for your response. I think I'm prepared to receive a response I don't want to hear, what I'm not prepared is to receive no response. Because I may wait forever for his response. Anyways, good luck with your girl. Keep me updated.

Thanks for checking this and commenting on it again! This is true. But I don't think clearly when it comes to him. So it's nice to get other people's opinion.

thanks everyone for the comments. Now I have two opposite opinions, so I'll sleep on it and wish that I would get more comments on the issue. Ms.Babydoll: can you give me a reason why you gave that advice? Is that just what you believe in general, or you think it may be better in my case specially? tangovito: I don't think that's a possibility. in all the emails, he talks about things only we would know. But thanks for your concern. aymee_lee: I get your point. It makes sense. But at the same time, if it's not gonna happen then, wouldn't I be better off by finding out it now than later? Or do you think that telling him now may just reduce the change of us getting back together?

Thanks nicholas for reading a long post and respond to it. I see your point. I'm trying to treat him as a friend, and I think I'm doing a good job at least as he sees it. If it began to hurt me treating him as a friend, should I come clean and start NC again, this time let him know that I'm gonna do NC till I can truly be his friend? Or would it be suicidal? (It's not really hurting me yet, but I think it might happen soon.)

Hello enotaloners, I need your help again. Since you wouldn't remember my stories, here's a quick recap: My ex of 10 months broke up with me almost 4 months ago because he was going abroad to study for six months. Since he thought you need to at least communicate with each other every day to be in a relationship, but we weren't sure if we could do that once he went abroad, we decided(or rather, he decided and I sort of agreed after I showed my anger about his one-sided decision) to break up temporarily and would see what happens when he comes back. After that we kept NC/LC(at most once a month, and it was actually our deal when we broke up. Since we still want to have possibility of getting back together, we thought it would be good if we wouldn't completely cut the contacts, but not so often. So we said once a month contacts would be appropriate) till last week. Last week, we exchanged emails everyday. He's not exactly an email or phone guy. He's very attentive once you are in front of him, but it's hard to get in touch with him once you are not in front of him. He tried and got a lot better while we are dating, but that's because I kept nagging him about calling. Anyways, before last week, I thought I was doing well without him in my life and ready for friendship with him. When he first replied my email right away, I was surprised but thought it was just one time thing and didn't expect anything from him. But as it happens many times, I began to wait for his emails. He doesn't even say that he misses me. He called me the pet name he made up for me once and apologized in case I didn't want him to call me that way any more which I replied as I don't mind him using it. The last message from him was a very short message saying he didn't have enough time to write a decent response so he would write in a nearish future. For most of you who's reading this post now, it wouldn't look like anything. He's just lonely and want to talk to someone. But the person I know is not that kind of guy. If he didn't have enough time to write a decent response, he could have just done it later. He didn't have to send me a message saying that he would do it later. I feel like he's missing me and wants to get back together with me eventually, but is very careful about it. After all, nothing's changed since we broke up. He's there and I'm here. But, we are communicating every day, which was a necessary condition for having a relationship for him. Yes, he's not asking me to get back together. We are not talking about things like that. So I probably should just ignore the fact that we were together 10 months and treat him as a friend. But, I still love him. I can't forget about a possibility of getting back together when he comes back which is 3 months from now. And communicating with him every day through emails made me realize that how much I miss him. Should I tell him I still want to get back together and exchanging emails makes me more confused? If he's already got over me and makes it clear to me, I think I could try to be his friends without expecting more. I just don't want to hope something for 3 more months when there's no hope. Or should I just keep quiet about my feeling and wait till he comes back since there's nothing we can do right now? I'm sorry that my question is not very clear. But hopefully some of you understands my question and can give me some advice! thanks in advance

Happy anniversary, Dako! It's good to see someone actually moves on after such a tragedy. I hope I could say same thing on my first anniversary from the breakup, which is far ahead.

just talked to a mutual friend and found out that it was false alarm. He's probably still there. Not so good thing to know that I'm still here caring so much about him.