swedeace

As I mentioned in my first sentence in the first post, I would like this to be targeted to those people who do believe in soulmates.

I mean "weird" as in "out of ordinary." I threw those words in because everytime I use "soulmates" people tend to think "romance." I am not just limiting these "weird" soulmate feelings to just romance. What I mean is having such "unforgettable" feelings and "meant to be" feelings for someone in general where in one's heart, one cannot just "forget" or "leave" a certain person: in romance, in friendship, a stranger who's helped you tremendously, etc. Sometimes we come accross people in general who we think are just special. And, sometimes we encounter a fallout with them. Months (or years) pass before us where these individuals have marked a special place in our hearts. They are simply unforgettable. Then, you would like to regain that communication with them because these people, are obviously, marked in a special place in your heart.

This is mostly targeting people who believe in the whole "soulmates" theory. You always hear that people having soulmates out there somewhere. It could be for love or even for friendship or even a stranger who has helped you tremendously, but do you think it's possible to have odd types of soulmates? By "odd" I mean that you have a strange interactive relationship with someone where you've had up and down moments and can't seem to get them off your mind or heart, despite the weird moments? I am trying to theorize if that "can't get them out of your mind" theory is from something unexplainable over why you can't stop holding a special place in your heart for them. I've been thinking about this quite a lot during the last couple of days, especially of dwindled friendships. Sometimes I think no one understands me with this, but I just can't explain this. Am I really crazy in believing this? Is it really that unreal for people to doubt my belief/heart? I do believe in this "odd soulmate" theory, for some strange and psychotic reason. I just can't explain it. It's as though there is some form of cosmic mysticism or something special about them. Anyone else feel this way? I would really like to talk deeply about this to anyone who also believes the same way I do. I very much doubt many will also, but I never know. Does anyone else believe in this? Why, or why not? Any experiences to share? Good and bad?

In general, I also find it difficult to carry on prolonged conversations over the phone. I am not a phone socializer. I have no problem answering the phone at work when an instructor calls and needs help/has a question because it is short and gets to the point and bam....the convo is over. When it comes down to friends/co-workers calling me, I find myself just using smaller vocabulary like "okay, um, ahhh, ohhh, etc..." I know myself too well, and I find myself jotting down notes of what to say so I would keep the convo going so it wouldn't feel awkward. I've even done that with a friend of mine via voice IM chat. He's the only person I would make an effort to do voice chat with. And I have also done the "talking about what's on TV" with my friend, as well. Hey, it works!! We were watching the same show and laughing together. That was fun! What's interesting is this same friend said something about this voice vs. writing thing that makes sense. There is just no real time to think when you are on the phone/voice chatting and real-time IMing. In writing emails, you have the option of thinking what you want to write and modifying messages as necessary before you hit the "send" button. It's more difficult in voice to backtrack or think. So true.

Unfortunately, there is NO for sure thing. The only thing you have to do is take that risk. That's the only way to find out. You can go round and round in circles just trying to read/decipher your friend, but that is not enough. You will only drive yourself nuts just trying to analyze. You'd have to chance it by asking her out, and you will learn your answer then. You have to decide what you want more: the friendship or taking a risk in seeing if she wants to date you.

Thank you all for your opinions! Hmm… it's always been a touchy area, in my opinion. For instance, I have observed those individuals who seem to be socially-adaptive seem to not care about losing friendships. And those who are not as socially-adaptive seem to really hang on or let others determine if they want to drag out a friendship. Would that be because of those socially-adaptive people have higher self-esteem than those who aren't? I've had that happen with befriending someone who doesn't have very many friends. We are both in the same boat as far as being non-socially adaptive. We don't have a lot of experience, but I guess we are both testing waters in our friendship. We are learning how to socialize and maintain our friendship through each other. We have both come accross arguments, disagreements and conflicts and still manage to maintain contact. We have met in person but now exclusively communicate online. How would that friendship weather via online? Is it still the same as being "offline" friends?

I recently began wondering this burning question. I guess I am looking for answers through a sociological-interactive perspective: Is friendship something humans learn how to handle/maintain? Or, is friendship just an innate instinctive quality we possess? I used to think it was just instinctive, but then I came accross a certain situation that leads me to believe otherwise. Before I discuss those theories, I'd like some others' opinions. Thanks to all who reply.

Does anyone consider a friend or a best friend their soulmate friend? Share stories. I'd like to read how your friend became a soulmate, where was the ephiphany, how long did it take, etc, etc. The friend doesn't necessarily have to be a best friend. So... any stories to share?

Thanks also for your response, phishgirl! So you are best friends with a high maintenance person whom you would never trade? Hmmm... That is VERY dear and patient of you. How was it like when you first realized they were high maintenance? Do you two argue and butt heads on views/opinions? How do you handle that?

Thanks for your response, fIIsion. That is really great you are not so keen to give up on your ex!! At least, you ARE making an effort for being there, believing people can change, and just giving her the benefit of the doubt. I understand it CAN be difficult to deal with a high maintenance person (I am one myself). I find it can be quite difficult to maintain or even keep a friendship with me. If I get to be VERY close friends with people, I always fear pushing them away soooo much that it USUALLY happens anyway. Kuddos to your patience!

Maybe the best thing would be to just go out and meet other people. Get involved in a hobby or activity to get your mind off of him. Then, make it a point to NOT see your guy friend for a while. You know, just keep busy. That should help and you might meet other people too.

I agree with you, S4il! What makes it much more difficult is knowing the other person isn't feeling the same feelings. thereforeeee, it makes the situation much more out of hand. It's as though if you express your feelings to that person, it might scare them. It's risky business.... I agree with Tigris, though. Talking is the best way to get through this whether it's what you want to hear or not. At least, the truth will come out and is less misleading in the longrun.

Maybe his parents and/or family are super strict they rag on him for having friends. That was my first thought when I read your post. I remember my parents being very strict too. I never had friends over (if so, it was so rare), and I had this weird phone situation going on where my dad "locked up" the phone. When people wanted to call me, I'd try and slip away or even make excuses up. I bet they were wonderng the same thing you have written. My advice would be to just be a friend to him. Maybe in the longrun, he'd feel more comfortable in telling you. Consider this: He may just not be really good at talking about this aspect in his life. Just have the patience.

I'd also like to know the secret... Well, I think it's quite impossible to "avoid friendships slipping back into an acquiantanceship." It's either going to become a friendship or not. If there was "hanging out" involved (for instance, from co-workers or classmates), then only time will tell if that will be a friendship or not. And not all "hanging out" friendships mean they are true friends or anything. Sometimes it's just that people have busy lives and that sort. By the time there is time, it can be months later. I guess... I am no expert, but that's just what I've observed...

I agree. One of two things usually happens: a) the friendship is awkward and both parties dissipates (one person usually has more feelings or both parties are disgusted), OR b) marriage is in the cards because there are released feelings happening.