Diva26
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Everything posted by Diva26
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How true. I am with a man who has 3 girls with his ex (and I have 2 girls with my ex) We've been together for 4 years this July. I won't blow sunshine up your pipe and tell you it's all rosey, but if you are serious about this guy and don't mind being second, then go for it. Something may have happened between him and his ex to make her deny his access to his daughter. Some women are controlling and vindictive.hazlcha's pretty much got it. Just be there for him. Chin up
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If she's up for it,maybe try going down on her and stimulate her with your tongue. concentrate on her sweet spot. Sometimes when a girl is nervous,she can't go. When we let go, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Would really appreciate some ideas
Diva26 replied to Mizzy's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Another suggestion is to maybe research depression/OCD for your own knowledge, and how you as a partner can help, if that is the path you want to take. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, so while others may think that a certain situation is no big deal, to a person with depression, it is almost the end of the world.the littlest thing may trigger it and it can be a downward spiral from there. Everyone gets depressed now and again. Think of when you lose a job, or something disappoints you. That awful hollow, sinking feeling that you get? Someone with depression struggles with that almost on a daily basis. So it can really suck. -
Would really appreciate some ideas
Diva26 replied to Mizzy's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Well, I happen to feel that depression is a bit like alcoholism. Many doctors feel the same way. To a lot of people it is a constant battle, and like alcoholism you have to want to get better to actually get better. You have to fight, set rules, take actions, medication, see therapists, read, go to meetings, etc. If your ex isn't doing anything actively to fight against depression, then I say you are left with one alternative and that is to find someone new. Ask yourself how you would feel if your ex were an alcoholic and wasn't there for you when you needed him because he was on a binge. Well put. I have struggled with depression al my life, so I kinda know what your ex is going thru.If you really love him and think you may want things to work, talk to him about his disease(yes, like alcoholism, depression is a disease)and explain that you still love him, but he needs to take the steps in order to get his depression under control(if he hasn't yet done so)If you are to be with him .For EVERYONES best interest. Part of loving someone is accepting the bad with the good,provided the bad doesn't outweigh the good. There are ways of managing depression, but as I said he needs to want to take those steps. tell him that you support and respect whatever decision he makes and if he chooses to find help, then you will be there for moral support(as much as you feel comfortable).Then continue with your everyday life and hope for the best 'cause he is the only one who can make the next step. -
I think she may indeed know how head-over-heels you are already and might be using that for more manipulation tactics. I understand when you say you fall hard. There is no rule saying how you should feel about a person after a certain amount of time, whether it be long or short. You just really need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself how long you are willing to let yourself get hurt.(I know, easier said that done, but it is possible)She is not the end all be all.
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awesome idea. Seriously consider it.
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First thing sweetie, remember, it always takes two to make or break a relationship. You are being so unfair to yourself for taking tha blame regarding your first gf. And you are also taking the brunt of the blame for this one as well. You need to realize that you are worth a darn and you deserve to be treated the way you want . I know you don't want to be treated this poorly. I only know that what I've read about you,is that you want to be cherished just as you should be.The hardest part of all this is being able to pick yourself up again and believe in yourself. Everyone has different personality traits. You seem to be passive, while your gf is aggressive.For some reason we attract the opposite personalities.You sound like a real gentle guy.It's not your fault,(nor is it a bad thing) its just the way it goes.Try to coach yourself into believing you are worth it. If you need advice, don't hesitate.Been there, done that.
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sheesh.....! Aren't relationships confusing?! They are so incredibly complicated. If you want to know what your ex is thinking then by all means ask her.Let your current girl know if you are going to indeed meet with your ex. That way there are no surprises of reasons for her to mistrust you. Then if you do end up hanging out with your ex, be upfront with her.It's great that you respect you current for her decision, but that can't be easy for you. The human race is so confusing. If you are really close friendship-wise with your ex, then seriousely, talk to her about your predicament. She is the only one who knows what she is feeling and thinking, so who better to ask. Otherwise you are going to drive yourself nuts trying to figure this one out.
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I'm not trying to come accross too harsh, and I apologize if I am, but tyler brings up a really good point. This seems like a cyclical situation. I know from being in controlling/abusive situations that the longer you are in them, the harder it is to get the heck out. Your self worth continues to get ripped away from you, and from what you've been writing you may well have had alot of it taken by your previous gf. So it's possible that you are having difficulties hashing this one out because your confidence in yourself has been tarnished.
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If you value the realtionship you are in now, then maybe you should cool it with the idea of hanging out with your ex. Your current gf might have some problems with that especially if she knew how your ex was acting toward you.(and rightfully so) Ask yourself if you would be o.k if your gf was in the same situation as you are in now.(be honest with yourself). Best idea, let it go man, let it go.
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Maybe you were on the rebound. You met up with her, and now you are being treated like garbage, but in your eyes, that is better than being alone? I dunno guy.But I do know that what she is putting you through isn't healthy
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Let's see....Deception, manipulation,contradiction,possessiveness, insecurity, mind-games. Sounds like all the right reasons for her to move to dumpsville,.. population: her. Seriousely man, you don't deserve this s**t.
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O.k. I think she is very manipulative after reading this. NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS.She wants it her way. It seems to be all a little game to her.my advice, think with your head instead of your heart on this. You are in for a world of misery unless she changes.
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First off, I'd like to apologize for going off on a rant. I've been cheated on and so your situation strikes a nerve for me. I feel for you. Um, I guess you're going to have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept what you are feeling now and if you will be able to live with it. You are going to feel distrust and all thost yucky feelings for quite some time. There is no set time frame for the human heart to get over the feelings of betrayl.Without sounding condescending, how can you be sure she isn't talking to him anymore?At this point,the ball is in your court. you must have a gut feeling of how things are going to go.Just be careful, you are in a very vulnerable position right now.
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No, I mean playing a game with herself. Alot of women go out to bars for example, and see how many men they can attract, how many numbers they can give away(some even keep a tally of how many men they can bring home)etc. Ive had alot of girl roomates, and even I used to flirt to see how appealing the other sex was. Sick, eh? That's human nature for ya. You do have a point though. By her playing this game she may be sucking him into it as well.
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Wow sweetie, you've got quite the piece of work there. My initial thoughts are "RUN AWAY" I agree with everyone above. She isnt the "innocent" victim here.It seems that she may be having issues letting go of her "ex". And the fact that she apparently hasn't made the move to tell her "ex" to stop calling her(3 am? come on)rings major warning bells.Does he even know you exist? She obviously isnt that stupid to think that.. lets see..by her "ex" constantly phoning her and trying to get her alone,maybe he still wants to be with her? And by her going over there,instead of spending time with you, Baaaaaaaaddddddd Mojo. And bragging about how proud she is that she told you 'cause other girls wouldn't tell their guys if that happened. Uh.. most girls woldn't do that in the first place. No brownie points for her for her "heartfelt confession". She was more that likely scared that if you dumped her then that would mean she didn't get away with her little antics.If the trust is shattered this early in the relationship, the you may be better off without her. See if she continues to talk to this guy, but sorry to say, I think you should get out while the gettings good.(oh yeah, I don't think you overreacted at all)There are so many other girls out there that will probably be more deserving of your attention.
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O.k. A couple of things could be happening here. We girls can be quite complex (and conniving)at times. She may not even be aware of it, but she could be jealous that you are over her and moving on. It is the "I'm over you, but how can you be over me" scenario. She may be unhappy with her relationship and is remembering qualities in you that she found endearing when the two of you were together. She also may be playing a game with herself.To see of you are still attracted to her on some level, and if you're not, at this point, how far does she have to go to get it to that point? Indeed if she is dissatisfied with who she is with, she may need to feel that she is still appealing to the opposite sex, and who better to test the waters with, than someone who had a romantic connection with her. It doesn't mean that she is a bad person, by any means. If you are confident that you are over her, then hang out with her. But if you have no feelings for her romantically anymore, let her know. Women can be very obsessive, and if you don't get that issue out on the table so that she understands,she may turn into the dreaded ex that prevents any potential future with other women instead of a good friend that you can casually, comfortably hang with and talk with.Good luck
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Well, you've told her how you feel, and what you want to happen, now the best thing is to give her some space. For whatever reason, she wanted the break. Try your best to continue with your individual goals and if you two were meant to be, indeed, you will. You may have bombarded her with your true feelings and she may not be sure what to think after being with the you that plays it cool for 3 years.I don't recommend cutting contact completely unless you want to send the signal that you don't want this relationship. But keep minimal contact, just enough to let her know that you still care about her as a person,and you are there if she needs you. Don't call her all the time asking for answers, that can be a little overwhelming if not creepy. For the most part, let her come to you. She may have too much stress in her life right now and needs to sort it all out before you get back together. You should also prepare for the less appealing alternative. Either way, take care of what you need to, and either way, things will work out.Good luck
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Relationships are so confusing aren't they? It would be great if they came with a lifetime guarantee and an owners manual. Unfortunately,that is not the case. As much as we as girls think you guys are hard to figure out, we can be just as complex.It is possible your girlfriend is still hurting from when you said you wanted time alone (ten points for being upfront and honest by the way, instead of avoiding)and she doesn't know how to express herself. She may be scared to give you her heart again and thereforeeee she has put up that proverbial wall. You know the one.on the outside she plays it cool,amost cold to you, not showing her feelings,and giving the illusion that she could care less what you do.(why do we do this? Fear, insecurity,anger,etc.) But inside, she is screaming for reassurance.So continue to give it to her if she is what you want.It will take time to get back that trust, but if it is meant to be it will be. Another possibility is that she could be attempting to make you feel the same way she felt when you asked for time away, her way of saying "This is how you made me feel, sux doesn't it! Don't do it again" Not everyone is good at expressing themselves. And from her point of view, she did that once already and got smacked in the face with it. Sorry I'm so long winded. Anyway that's what I think could be going on,with her. I hope it helps you out. Just keep reassuring her that you do love her and how sorry you are.Baby steps buddy, baby steps. Good Luck
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I know you probably don't want to hear this, but he most likely won't stick around. I can speak from personal experience. He is scared s***less of the responsibility of being a father. Alot of guys love to sweet talk their girls and make them feel so special, partly so they can get into the girls pants, and partly because they genuinely have feelings(most of the time). It doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you, but now he feels like his freedom is over and he will eternally be tied down to this responsibility.Nevermind that you are the one who will be carrying that special little life for 6 more months, and have to go through the labour and everything that follows. RIght now sweetie, you should really concentrate on your son. push your man to the back burner for now cause when you stress and worry constantly, your baby feels your stress and it is so hard on him worse than it is on you, and it may lead to emotional issues for him later on(once again I can say this first hand). Easier said than done, right? But you really have to try. Oceaneyes has an awesome idea about writing him a letter. And who knows, maybe once your son is born your man may grow up and realize it's not about him, and sorry to say but if not, then who needs him. you will have a newborn to care for,who needs a 19 year old boy as well.
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O.k Hey mister lonely, don't be so hard on yourself!!!!!!!And don't let anyone make you feel foolish for posting this thread. It is a genuine question.Anyway, those guys are right. teasing can be a form of flirting,and it can be a positive experience when done in fun. you need to find a way to open up and be more confident in yourself. You are worth it!
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Help!!!!!!!! I've been in a relationship for 4 years this summer, and I am faced with such a difficult situation,(Quite confusing to be perfectly honest). We knew eachother for a year as friends. He was separated with three kids,(who live with their mom) and I had ended my 3 year relationship with my childrens father.I don't know how or when it happened but before we knew it we were an item. I fell fast and hard. Seven months into our relationship, he confessed to me that he was going back and forth between his ex and me. I was crushed. I felt used,dirty, worthless,blar,blar. I didn't know how to handle it at the time. I wanted him to feel as awful as I did, so me at the time, being 23, I found a 19 year old boy toy at the college I was going to and for 1 month, I stopped talking to my boyfriend, drank day and night and used this 19 year old for my revenge(sexually). Anyway, while I was messed up, my boyfriend wrote me letter after letter, burnt cheezy songs onto a disc for me and continued begging me to take him back. Finally,after ignoring his calls,sobering up and realizing I was hurting alot of people,I couldn't ignore him anymore. I really missed him. He genuinely wanted to be with me.So I took him back. Since then, there have been things that really bug me in our relationship. I don't mean leaving the seat up or farting at the table. Those things don't bother me like they do some people. For a year after I took him back he still was trying to work things out with his ex.Then I found out from his mom and confronted him. I told him to make a choice.At that point i was prepared to have him not choose me.but he did. we're still together, but he seems to have commitment issues. He feels guilty for leaving his kids and I completely understand that he puts them first. That was never an issue. But he makes me feel worthless to drive that point home. I am no longer allowed to buy his kids x-mas gifts, he doesn't include me when it comes to his kids b-days. It wasn't always like this. At one point,I did these things. We were on the same page with these things. He is also God fearing, and thinks it is wrong that we are together. I believe in God as well. He says he is scared to finalize his divorce because he is afraid God will not forgive him. Not only that but he has become somewhat controlling,and hypocritical, and his insecurities are getting really annoying.He is always afraid he will lose me yet he is driving me away. I feel like I can't talk to him because he gets defensive and we always end up fighting.My feelings are being suppressed and if I try and vent he either belittles me and says my feelings are silly, or he make me feel guilty for feeling the way I do.It is always the same issues I have. Our future together, his fear of getting a divorce, and his unwillingness to commit. what do I do? a big part of me wants to say go figure your life out and if you still want me then I'll be here,but the part of me that knows the aftermath will be agonizing prevents me from growing some big brass ones and telling him poop or get off the pot!!!!
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Whoa sweetie!!!!!!! Your girl is toxic. She may not mean to be, but somewhere along the line she became incredibly unhappy with herself. You may not have even been the cause of it, but you were definitely there to receive the blows. I can empathize with you. My heart truly aches for your situation.All I cansay is that you can't change who she has become.That wonderful girl you knew 2 years ago may be there somewhere but she needs to want to be that person again.I know how you feel. It hurts to breath. Your friends and those who care about you say negative things about her to try and make you feel better, but all it really does is make you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. I know this sounds cliche but sometimes talking to a therapist really does help. And reaching out like this can't hurt either. Bottom line sweetie,(I think slacker said it right...she got a head start on getting over you)It really sucks. The only thing you can do is wake up every morning, take a breath, try as bloody hard as you can to get through the day. You are going through the grieving process which licks.Eventually, day by day, it will get easier. and who knows how long it will take to feel like you can move on again, but it will happen.Then you will be able to look back and think wow, that was a learning experience.