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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    Yup, that's my take too. He just can't be bothered. He can't be that great in bed to tolerate a boot out the door in the middle of the night being suggested huh?
  2. itsallgrand
    I'm sorry if my post upset you or made you sad. I did not intend that. I was honestly trying to understand why . And your response does help me understand, and others reading.
  3. itsallgrand
    Im wondering too if you came from the kind of family where you didn't necessarily always have even the basics? I've seen similar with a few relatives and friends. They didn't have the most functional homes growing up, and some even worried about enough to eat/medicine/heat in the winter. There was this pattern I observed, without intervention, they glommed on to relationships very early and moved in. They often married as soon as they could, and some couldn't even spend a literal night alone. It's some people's response to having experienced real insecurity at getting needs met in their lives. Am I way off or is this part of the reason you've wanted to nail this all down so quick even though both of you are just starting to turn some pages on major issues you are working through personally and in being partners to someone? Like if you can just stay together, get married, get the house and the rest , you think you will finally be at ease/happy/not struggle?
  4. itsallgrand
    Can you do that while living on your own? Have you ever lived on your own and without being in a relationship?
  5. itsallgrand
    It's hard and I'm glad you care. Lots don't.
  6. itsallgrand
    Do people in your faith/denom tend to marry young? Why did you say there are more women than men of this particular faith...why is that? Is it location based or some other reason? Are you open to dating older men, outside your culture, etc? Just trying to understand how small your pool really is with your dealbreakers.
  7. itsallgrand
    There was a protest outside my local library over drag story time. The protesters don't even come to this library, they were from a neighbour community. I'm a regular at this library. Since the new librarian came, there's been 3 protests. 2 for recent censoring she did where she disallowed certain literature, 1 for this. I don't care one way or the other about drag story time but I am alarmed over censoring. That's some dystopian weirdness right there. It's a public library. I miss my old librarian. She was amazing! A true gem.
  8. itsallgrand
    She should feel pressure to work. They are floating up to their eyeballs in debts and repairs needed to be made. He's working full time plus another job. She's planning vacations with her family and "doesn't want" to work. She even tried to make him feel bad for wanting some time in his days for himself. That's super harsh, super selfish imo. A child it's expected they may need coaxing to understand when and why they need to do things they don't want to, but she's grown, that's what I mean. It's not his job , she should be just doing it.
  9. itsallgrand
    Like I mentioned, I believe these are traits that are either deeply held values for someone or they aren't. I'd be totally embarrassed if I were her! She has no pride?! No desire for service, contribution that is self determined. You can't change that in someone. So you have a choice. Not wanting kids, you don't have to worry about time constraints on that front. You can be divorced and dating and finding your match, getting ahead in life instead of scrapping by in debt, using your free time in ways that make you happy, no fights or resentment.
  10. itsallgrand
    Why do you want so little though? My SO and I don't have kids either. We both work. Both have ambitions. Both clean the house. Both cook. We can enjoy a lot because of this. I don't see the point of working ones butt off to carry someone who is healthy and able...why cripple your life like that?
  11. itsallgrand
    She's not a child. What would she do if she didn't have a husband to mooch off of? Some people just feel entitled to not work for a living. Sadly lots of ways to do that that's still socially acceptable. And the state of their relationship is irrelevant to it. Either you believe in contributing as a value or you don't. She obviously sees it as optional.
  12. itsallgrand
    She doesn't respect you. Honestly, I got angry even reading this. You seem to have a low opinion of women if you think it's ok for women to be mooches as long as they do enough to keep the attraction there.
  13. itsallgrand
    You should go. Personally I find nature to be very therapeutic. Get a fire going. Sit with yourself. Things can get clear real fast, the things we try to hide from ourselves. Your gut knows what she's doing when you aren't around goes against this story of someone who loves you. Someone who loves you doesn't lie in bed with another man telling him all the sweet nothings she tells you. They don't lie to you, and man has she lied to you. They don't hurt you and the people they claim to care about on purpose, every day, over and over again.
  14. itsallgrand
    I've missed my regular swims so much. I haven't been home much lately. No time nor decent pool to go to. Nice to get back to it.
  15. itsallgrand
    Awww I have no doubt you'd be great with kids. You are super empathetic.
  16. itsallgrand
    Is it possible your mom is worried about what it will be like for her when you marry and it's just her and your siblings? What's the traditional custom there ? You move into your husband's home and would you and your husband be responsible for your family or? Sorry, just trying to understand since you mentioned you bought the home your family now lives in.
  17. itsallgrand
    Oh cool. I'm left handed and did not know this.
  18. itsallgrand
    Can you explain more about why she doesn't want you to marry him? Is it just that he is divorced with kids? Is it looked down upon in your circles or does she have a more personal worry?
  19. itsallgrand
    This sums it up. Alex, you've seen a lot of little things that add up wrong. Even some medium things. And a lot of them. This is tip of the iceberg since there's so so much you don't know about him yet. I just really hope for your sake the big things aren't things that put your safety in danger. We've talked a lot here about feelings getting hurt and missing out , some people are of the "she will live and learn on her own pace" line of thought. And it's true in the way that it's your life, it's all up to you end of the day. You've been "lucky" so far in your life that none of the guys whose red flags you looked past weren't more nasty types. But going with blinders makes you vulnerable to being put in the line of fire with those guys. That's more serious than just getting feelings hurt or being disappointed.
  20. itsallgrand
    You could be the most beautiful woman in the world and there will still be guys who don't care about how you feel and who may not be attracted to you. It's not about your worth or prettiness in any way.
  21. itsallgrand
    You can't really. What people choose to believe is not always in our control. Sometimes others worldviews are such that they are built with defenses to prevent certain contrary information from being heard. She'd have to want to see another point of view, even if she doesn't agree with it. Your best bet is surrounding yourself with supports and those who understand who are outside the church. There are groups and places to chat with others who have left in similar situations or who are further down the road from leaving. You might find a lot of people who have dealt with similar with their family after leaving. I actually see hope here because your mom is still in contact even though you have left. Lots turn their backs completely. I hope things work out for you.
  22. itsallgrand
    Our moms had good bs radars even though they both met their husbands as teens!
  23. itsallgrand
    Like my mom used to say, they are so full of it their eyes are brown.
  24. itsallgrand
    That's excellent that your gut is telling you what you need to know. It's not right. It's not how you would feel in a healthy relationship. Keep trusting that voice!
  25. itsallgrand
    Guys like this prey on girls and women when they are at vulnerable points in their life. He's the guy that swoops in at the woman at the bar who is blasted out of her wits and crying with no friends in sight, takes her home, and abuses her until it no longer suits him. Run, run so far away. Your emotional, mental and physical safety are at risk. Maybe there is some free councilling or resources at a women's center or clinic in your area? I'd look! Gather your friends around you. And keep posting.
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