Truth05

Let me understand this. You met this girl and been with her for quite a few months and within a few weeks after the break-up, you are already dating others? But, at the same time hoping for her to change her mind and get your way, while not wasting time dating others. From your post you talk a lot about chemistry, which is infatuation most likely. I think she has her valid reasons for not wanting kids. A woman does not need to have a career to not want a child, it's a choice. She might want a child in the future perhaps with someone else, never know. People change because they choose to or experiences make them change, not because someone is imposing them. But coercing or trying to make someone change their mind, won't work in the long run.

From my own experience, better to let him go. You have a different love language and like to make surprises etc, he seems the opposite type. As it was in my case. You become resentful, he also. Do not make effort for him, you cannot of need to 'impose' yourself to care less and focus on your wellbeing. Really, buy yourself flowers etc. I understand it's not about flowers necessarily, it's more about the gesture of romance and feeling valued. He pampered you in the beginning with what you wanted and you thought he has the same love language. Unfortunately, he was not acting correctly in the beginning as he has done all those just to win you over. Lowering expectations from others would help, focus on giving yourself the things you need and do not invest in others at your own expenses, if it's not at some level reciprocated.

Thank you for sharing your story, Cherylyn. It is encouraging! I'm so happy for you, you got to meet your husband and receive what you truly deserved. You are blessed and you seem a very good person also.I have been following other topics on this website, and I've found your responses towards others also to be so helpful and realistic🙏

I think you can do a bit of research on Christian denominations to understand better before saying I contract myself. In evangelical denominations, we receive the baptism as a personal choice at a mature age and we do not recognise the infant baptism as biblical, but rather a traditional process. We follow the biblical principles, not traditions. This type of baptism I follow, it's practised by at least 5 Christian denominations. When I was referring to not marrying in other denominations, I was strictly speaking about a few of them who we differ in fundamental principles of faith. I won't give exact names of those denominations, as I do not want to offend someone. But there are a few denominations similar to mine, who have similar/same fundamental principles and I strongly want to find someone from one of them as a partner.

Yes, I am open to this, but certainly I know there are real Christian, similar to me. I would rather wait, or just accept celibacy as an alternative, but won't compromise again if a guy does not have strong Christian values and principles to guide his life. I do not use bad language, do not believe in idolatry,horoscope, praying to saints, witchcraft etc etc. Definitely, I won't get along with a so called 'Christian' who practices or believes in any of these. There are so many principles, of course, the above mentioned are just a few of the fundamental ones. I would not feel comfortable in the future to consider having kids with someone who is okay for the kids to watch cartoons with witchcraft etc. I am seeing the whole picture, long-term. If I want to have a family and kids, I will be directly responsible not only for my choice for a partner, but also for my future kids. I know few cases of marriage in different denominations, they brought up the children to a state of not knowing if they have faith in something. Let's say a realistic example for me will be: the partner wants to baptise the child as an infant to declare them Christians, where I am strongly against this practice and do not believe a baby can choose such a thing and should wait to grow up and decide. This will bring all sorts of problems, and I know the extended families will also suffer. Being with someone from similar faith, would make things easier and more acceptance and trust from the extended family also. Regarding the guys from church, indeed, this is upsetting. But, it does not mean I will need to compromise my beliefs and for the sake of being marry, just accept a guy who has a ' good character', but has a faith, where fundamental beliefs are different. This is not an option for me and I have known this since I was young and I still hold on this belief even stronger now. Probably, the problem is about living in a different time where the Christian women outnumbers the Christian men, and then there is a lack of a positive, masculine role-model amongst men; and father- figure in families.

The guy I was talking about was from a different Christian faith, which lately would have been a clash of beliefs. I am open though to date Christian guys from similar denominations, but with strong faith.

I have already mentioned I ended up dating him and I've explained him in a nice, mature way. He was understanding and respected my decision. I have not used anyone for company.

Yes, I have started doing this. I feel already much better and happier. 😊

I actually took my time to heal after my last relationship. I got to a point where I receive rejection better, and anger subsided. It's just a reality of how things are, putting the blame on me, won't help, as I did in the past. I'm focusing on seeing things as a whole picture, including the society's impact on people etc, changes in the dating process etc. I think this would help me overall.

That's exactly what I did. I put an emphasis more on paid dating apps. I have nice picture, profile, still get dismissed by men or they get offended just by asking them simple questions such as 'how would they define a real Christian woman' as some of them seem to say they cannot find a real Christian woman. After asking such questions, they stopped replying, which it's a good thing, as I cannot imagine myself being with someone I cannot ask a simple question. Then, there is the other category as those at church. After few days, they send me biblical verses on how a woman should be. Then if I ask them are they the real Christian men, they get offended and say as a woman should not give advice. Many of these men were living worldly, became Christian lately in life and became entitled and have double standards. They interpret the Bible wrong and assume a woman is less than a man, again wrong interpreted. Realistically, I know it's difficult to find a man to treat me as a partner, not as 'the woman who needs to serve'. I do not think dating apps are better either. Hearing from other ladies, seems to be an 'empitemic', not only in church, but generally. Perhaps, I need to paraphrase, not 'waiting for better', but 'waiting for a compatible partner' to me. This does not mean will come, but I am also open to stay celibate, I won't compromise my core identity for someone again, as I did in the past. Being with someone, I am forcing to connect, it's the worse scenario. Not only I will hurt myself, but also the other person, and this will be extended to other people. Under no circumstances!

I have not done this lately as I was put off by the men in the church. From out group discussions, they complain a lot about women, have mysognistic attitudes and double standards. I know my younger sister do all these things and she is still single and very upset with the dating possibilties. So this is something happening not only to me. My expectations are realistic though.

Thank you. That's my point. I do not want something which will come easy. I want to come gradually and seek certain similarities during the process of getting to know each other. I ended up dating the guy I mentioned. I feel already so much better and happier. Definitely, there was no chemistry, neither a lot of similarities. Most importantly, I like guys to be emotionally intelligent, before the academic intelligence. I do not care a lot about degree, more about having deep discussions etc. I have someone in my family without degree, who is much smarter then me and have a lot of respect towards this person. I think I can balance things in the dating process. As I am looking to both prons and cons and decide based on these. With this guy, there were about 10 cons and 3 prons, which is not great. It needs to be at least 50% of what I want. If in the begi9its not 50% of what I am looking in a person, then with time, getting to know someonr better, that 50% will be reduced even more. So I do not want to end up in a relationship where I am feeling suffocated or feel I am pushing myself or the other person just to be into it.

I understand what you are saying. I want someone similar to me, but also someone I feel attracted to and see as being masculine and strong. I am honest and have strong Christian values and morals, and expect the same. I did not sleep around or anything like this, and expect the same at least. I have a degree and a Masters and I have read dozens of books, and expect a medium of level of knowledge about certain topics. I have visited a few countries during my healing process in the last years, and also saved money during that tough period, which shows resilience. I want just someone similar. As I said, I do not want someone overly attractive or rich, as I won't feel comfortable, neither I want someone I have limited discussions and feel I cannot connect on different topics and a spiritual level.

I have been waiting for love and a good match thought my life. Indeed. I feel miserable just by dating people who I know from start are not good for me. Somehow I still go for the date, because they seem to give me more attention, asking out and then are more willing to compromise. However, I have learned from my last relationship. It's not worthy trying to fix someone and be at my standard. It's exhausting and ends up in resentment. I know in a relationship, there must be made some compromises, but I do not think those compromises should come from changing someone. It's been almost 2 years since my last relationship and I screened out many people and did not get to meet up as I did not see potential. Lately, I became more insecure and felt I should give a chance to some people I did not consider before. It still no works. Then, I will need to wait and focus more on myself, indeed, and taking rejection as a learning experience. Thanks for the answer.

Hi, I come here with a situation I am right now. I have bad experience with men in the past and I am selective. However, because of social pressure etc I got into relationships in the past who ended up bad and reinforced what I previously believed: I deserve better, but end up not getting better. I did not feel any of the guys were the right match for me. Back in my early twenties, it was easier to get more dates. Now, in my late twenties and after a really bad break up, it feels like almost impossible. I just do not know how to cope with this dissapointment. Imagine! I thought the guys who were asking me out in my early twenties were not at the same level intellectually, morally etc, now the chances are even less. I had so many bad interactions with men after my last break up. They are nasty, entitled etc. It seems like almost impossible to find someone to my level. I am not looking for a super attractive guy, or rich. I am expected basic relationship skills such as consideration, loyalty, intelectual and similar values, open communication. This seems impossible. I have tried going out with the church youth group, nothing happened. I ended up getting more triggered by the men in the group because of their mysognistic attitudes. Same problem encountered other women in the church, so it's not only me. It's really frustrating and upsetting what's happening. Now, I have recently started dating a guy which before I would not consider as a potential boyfriend. But, I do not feel comfortable, I feel like it's out of desperation and I am pushing myself and tell myself there is no better for me and I do not think I want to meet Mr Right at 35. About this guy, although he has some good qualities, I find him to be too simple and the charisma and the intelectual side is missing. Different level of educations, I have a more expanded experience of travelling, he is not into it, I feel like I am forcing myself to date because in the last 2 years I kind of avoided dating because of how so many men come across: pushy, ignorant, unavailable, mysognistic etc. Do you think I should just forget about dating and consider remaining celibate for my whole life? I do not want to engage in wishful thinking anymore (it may come /it may not come in the future). This brought me only disappointment. I would rather make my mind now and stick to a decision, cause it seems I get nowhere in dating someone I seem to be on the same level and brings me only bad experiences, one after another.