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hannarivers

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  1. Oh, so basicly more simple than I thought. On the other women stuff, he doesnt at the moment, but in the future I might even be okay with it. Anyway, now I get it, thanks!
  2. I read it twice and still dont understand, sorry. I dont know if I am tired or just my english is not englishing. Do you say that he watches me because people like to watch, or because he watched porn before? I also watched porn and I dont care about looking. But I guess breasts and womens cheeks are nice to look at.
  3. This is good, thank you!! I would like to add a bit of information I came to learn about what I exactly fear. I was watching my favorite series and the main couple had a sensual sexual scene. They are not attractive people, at least not for me. The situation gave me the thoughts that I am waiting for my boyfriend to get home. At that moment I realized, my problem was not porn in general, or that he masturbates to some content. It is that he doesnt always get turned on by the act itself, but the women. This is why he watched the same person before me day and night, watched her a bit while having me, why he got turned on by a music mix video with a modell in it. I feel like it is the women, not simply sexual things. He told me before that it is the sex scene that is a turnon, how he sees angles he cant see while having sex, and it might be true to an extent, since I saw some actresses that are definitely not attractive for him. So I can correct my opinion on what I feel : I fear that if it is the women, he can get turned on by any half naked hot woman (I dont have a sister but I would feel bad if he had a boner because I showed him a family beach video), and he will always choose porn for looks, like it is not enough that he has a pretty gf. I know Im exeggarating (uh, this is probably not how you say it, correct me if Im wrong), but I hardly got over the fact that he watched the same actress for 15 or more times, defo for looks, because she looks exactly like me when we became a couple and he approached me because he was so into my shape. Not for that. For imrpovement. Would be hard to not do it, because he wants to look at me. One time I said that he needs to watch me because he is so used to porn, but someone here corrected me that people who dont watch porn still need to watch their partner because they are visual and many people doesnt even like to do it in the dark.
  4. I do it because I love the reaction I get. I do agree and I answered the questions to clear it up a bit. You see, as I said, I dont know if his disfunction was because we were not yet good in sex, or because of porn, or both. And I will never find that out, because now we are good at it, and he wont ever consume the same amount of porn while being in a relationship with me (he probably will in the future, but if this much again, I certainly would not stay. I also have to add that he reassured me that we wont ever go back, because now he sees things differently and masturbation is only for when it is sure he cant have sex instead - his choice)
  5. He never once told me anything bad about my body. In the past, there were times when he could not finish, saying that he is too tired. Or when he rejected me, again, tired. That time we only had sex like twice a week, or every maybe once. To be precise, around 7 times a month went to 12-20 times a month. It could be more than just his past porn use. Since I became aware of the porn thing, I also became more aware of my own body. I have learnt how I can take control so he doesnt carry the full act, how I can be more visually pleasing, and I also allow myself to have him pleasure me. I dont know that if it was just the porn that made him less pursuable and more "cant finish", then how could he change so fast. Im sure I wasnt as visually pleasing as porn, but now that I am, and I take effort in looking good during sex, alllwing myself to enjoy, he never seems to give up Just bc he is tired.
  6. As you wrote it, and I read it, it sounds stupid, I meant my situation. To be honest, reading back all of the comments, I dont even know what my exact problem is. I feel like a person can enjoy a racy video, on the other hand, I think of it like this : if you keep looking at BMWs, you will get disappointed with your 20 year old Suzuki. I feel like you can have it, but also, it makes you realize your partner's flaws. I remember my female friend went on a vacation with her bf and 5 other guys (family). All of them were well built, except her bf. She didnt even realize her bf had a bit of tummy fat until that vacation. She didnt mention, didnt shame or anything, jut told me she didnt even see it before. I think I am scared of being less because of these virtual people. If literally nothing bad could come out of it, I would care less. I dont want him to feel like "Oh, these girls have abs and no cellulite, my gf is not the same... Idk about it, I love her and wouldnt exchange her, but I see it".
  7. What about my resentment? I have built up a new picture of him the past 7 months. I became trustful again, that he doesnt care about anyone but me sexually, and the porn menace is finally over. I am happy he was at least honest and he kept his word about not lying to me, but still hearing "yeah, I did watch the video, I did get in the mood". When we started again, I told him he can take his time and move with small steps instead of cutting it off completely. He said no, it is not a big deal for him. Then why watch a meaningless video if he knows he will get excited. 7 months down the drain, now I am the one AGAIN who has to build up trust
  8. What the hell, no?! Why would anyone do that, especially if they are a good person?! Never said that he is bad. He is one of the most caring and kind people I know, he helps others, not bring them down like this
  9. For porn? Ncore is the biggest porn downloading site in my country, and phub also
  10. Addiction is a tricky word. I can only sleep with my teddy bear. I can only do the big thing on the toilet if I have my phone. He could only masturbate with porn. Doesnt mean he did it every day. Just that every time he did it, he used it. To answer this question, if addiction means my teddy bear and my phone, yes, he was also addicted. If we take addiction to the level where you skip your must do stuff for the drug, he was not. Maybe he was before me, but as far as I know, probably every third day he did it. Is it addiction? I dont know. Before me, there were days he did it continously.
  11. Im sorry but are you saying that masturbating to people is a must? A need? There is no life wirhout it? I spend a lot of money on coffee and still it is possible to life without it. I like it, but if I had to stop, I could. It is not a life threatening thing to stop drinking coffee. Dont confuse wants with needs. You dont need coffee, you want coffee. What you need is sleep, food, water, sex for reproduction. Nothing else. Anything outside those things are wants. I want coffee. I want plants. I want a new skirt. So no, it is a fact, you dont have to masturbate to women, you want to, so you choose to. To answer the question if I would give up things for others, I would. If it hurts him that I spend so much on plants, I can stop or compromise. Our compromise was homemade videos every single time he asks for new ones, without any complaint from me.
  12. Because I am the kind of person who needs step by step instructions. I have OCD and my brain doesnt let me process anything until it is 10000+1 percent clear. And yes, Ive seen doctors with that.
  13. I would ask myself why. Because if I see a hot guy doing some sexual stuff, and I dont think much into it, I dont get turned on. I would not understand why he thinks of it like that, why cant he just see it as a normal thing and not a turnon. He also told me once that he has to merge into the thought to get excited. Like, if I walk in front of him naked, and he just looks and doesnt pay attention, nothing happens. But if he goes with the flow, he will get an up. So my point was, why cant he just look at these mixes and think like "ok, woman" instead of getting into it. Masturbation to others is not a must. You wont feel depressed if you dont masturbate to content. You might get moody without sex and orgasm in general. Your life wont be less fun or worse quality by missing out on naked virtual people. Like what? Because after I got traumatized by the lying and got deadly insecure by his porn use, all he did was stop ncore and hub. Ive never been insecure before this happened. I felt alive in my skin, loved my body. But I realized that sex once a week or twice in ten days for a young couple was not the best, even more because he used porn still, instead of pursuing me, or sometimes he even told me he was tired to have sex and rejected me. Now he only rejects me if he cant even stay awake. He pursues me all the time. He touches me like all that exists is me. You see why I am concerned? I understand he turned into a better man, and we change as we grow older and learn from mistakes. Even though I know he learned, I still fear for my position.
  14. I didnt say these videos were made for me. They were made for him and I only enjoy it because he does, and it is a turnon. He chose everything that should be in it. We only have good sexlife since I found out about his lying. He stopped porn, and we took the time to learn new things. He desires me waaay more since then. So of course I am scared that those women will take my place again:)
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