hannarivers

Well now I know! Because I did not before. I didn't think I as a real woman worked any different when he looks at me from the women the looked at the screen. Do you mean porn in itself or the teen category? From a 35 year old man it would be an ick for me to know my man appreciates 18-23 year olds over his own age group, but he was 23 when he liked that kind of stuff, so I guess women between 18-23 that look like they are 17-23, it might be fine. Not the best for my teste, but I do actually trust him that he would never approach someone way too young, not just because he became mature enough to know what is right, but because he sees underage people as children. If you meant porn in general, I trust him that his taste matured the same way as his mentality, so he can decide which ones are ethical and which ones hurt someone. I dont know, let go? Maybe just not thinking about it at all

Because I became fond of it. Both mentally and physically. I feel emotionally closer to him and obviously the physical part is good, too. I dont know if he would be content with less, I remember him sending me a spicy text about him not being able to wait until after I finish work. You are spot on! Thank you for sharing that Its not that I expect it to be wrong, its pure logic - if you like porn you like visual stimuli, if you like visual stimuli you should like reál women since they are the same visual stimuli as porn? Its not an expectation. Its like saying you like watching horror movies in your bedroom then you probably like it in the living room too. That happened and it was my nightmare. Porn with pretty pornstars. Thats it. Sometimes teen category because he preferred watching natural people instead of older, fake boob ones.

I want to reply to everyone with just one comment instead of making 10. Insecurity. You can say that I am insecure, but not in the way you say it. If I watch myself as an individual being, without a partner, I love myself. I look in the mirror and I do actually think I look more than good. But when I think of my partner - the question in my mind doesnt go like this -> Am I really attractive if he.... Instead, it goes like this -> I am attractive, can it be that he doesnt see me the same way as I see myself in the mirror? I am not insecure as an individual woman, I am insecure as a woman who is the partner of a man. I think I did explain it somewhere else. I was reassured my whole life that I am above average. So much that people didn't even care about my personality, basically treating me as a shiny object. It is kind of sad actually. Sometimes I even hated that I looked good because I never knew if guys liked me for me, or if girls hated me just because they were insecure in my presence. All my life I just craved real friends and people to like me for me. So no, I am not insecure like that. However, going through this and now seeing that my boyfriend is not all about my looks - the only person that I actually want to drool over me instead of all those creepy men yelling after me and following me - makes me insecure that he is indeed damaged from porn or simply not into my looks, even though I know that he chose me in the past because he found me pretty. Thats it, I cant stretch this longer. Controlling. I dont know what to say about that. Controlling needs action. I dont do anything regarding this topic to or with him. I dont interrogate him. Mentioning something once doesnt make it interrogating. I dont go and ask him every time I show him my assets, why dont you get a boner babe? I dont even ask him about porn. A year ago we sat down and compromised that we are doing the no porn period together and if any of us wants to quit, we would just be honest, and move on just like before. Maybe controlling is different for everybody, but for me, a guy who is not questioned, not demanded to act in any way, not frowned upon for acting different from the liked behaviour, he is not controlled in any way. I have been talking to you guys way longer that to him. We have about once a month check ins, he tells me the things he would like to compromise on, and vice versa. Deciding on what arouses him. I dont. And I didn't say I did or wanted to. I said that I dont understand how this works. If I like pizza, I would be happy if I could eat pizza. If he finds p0rn working because it is visually stimulating, then I would assume he likes to watch real women because that should be visually stimulating the same way , since women on screen = women in real life. He said its the sex that is exciting in p0rn and not just the naked women in itself, but then he wouldnt have had preferences I guess. Im fine with being called delusional, but I dont really like being called controlling, because I literally do nothing to this man, I rather let it eat me inside instead of talking to him about it outside of that monthly talk we have

I dont know where you get your rage from,because it is certainly not from my response. I dont even know how you mistake (maybe you do it on purpose) 'putting up an act because I know he likes it' with 'oh Im gonna test him because now I look good'. Did it cross your mind that people do actually seduce their partner for the sake of....seducing their partner instead of testing them? I simply just cant react to the things you wrote because you keep on saying something that is not true 😕 I thought it was pretty obvious what I said. I do seduce him all the time, because it is fun, we are young, in love, etc. While doing so, I noticed what I wrote in the original post. That is it. Thank you, you put it in a way that I do understand! But it happens for obvious reasons. More than a year ago, I realized that he watched so much porn, for about 10 years. And since we had honest conversations about it, in conclusion -> he used to choose porn by the visuals of the actresses and the quality of the video. Basically it programmed my brain to think that he is turned on by visual stimuli, which leads to me not understanding why visual stimuli I make does not work most of the time, instead a loving kiss on his face does. This is all I talked about, no testing, nagging, etc

I see what you mean but you got the wrong impression, I am not testing him or the relationship in any way and I truly mean that. I want to tell an example that happened a week ago. I was really feeling myself that day, I looked pretty good and I spent a good amount of time putting up an act for him that I know he used to find sexy. Nothing came out of it. A quick "I see you there". Later that day I felt like a lovebomb, kissing his all over his face,making cute comments and just hugging him lovingly. He got excited. I just couldnt understand, when I was in his fav lingerie, it had no effect, but when I was in an ugly shirt with messy hair, just acting cute, he got excited. My mind went to a week before that, were listening to a podcast and the topic of porn came up. We started talking and he explained that he has to touch himself to make it work, even with porn, it doesnt just do it by itself. I didn't question him, I didn't nag him, but I had a feeling he just said it to make me feel good (that porn is not so powerful). I could not understand the fact that porn is a visual stimuli, and that does the job, but when I do the same, it doesnt always work like that, BUT my touch works always without exception. That is what I meant by attraction. Liking porn in the past means that he likes visual stuff, but with me, it is the sense of touch that works?

Yes, he is! To your previous comment, I found him talking to my mom about engagement, so Im happily announcing that the 'he wont marry because of already living together ' statement was a false prediction. He became really serious nowadays, he is trying so hard. This is kind of the main reason I make such a big fuss about intimacy, because I want to make sure that he really is attracted to me and he doesnt marry someone whom he doesnt find pleasure in. Im sure in his love for me, and Im sure he enjoys sexual activities with me, Im just not so sure about this visual part. I remember a year ago posting about past porn use, and even though we are over the hard times, sometimes I wonder - if he could enjoy visual stimuli (porn), should he not get turned on every time he sees me being visually pleasing? Ooh,thats nice. I mean your example,I can understand it. I thought it has something to do with attraction, I didn't realize that people can 'get used to ' the view of the other's body. Thank you!

I had a thought train today which I wanted to talk to my partner about. Later I realized that when I tease him after shower or by getting dressed seductively, he is less likely to get a hard on than if I touched him, which only takes like 5 seconds and it doesnt matter where I touch him. My first thought immediately took me to the fact of his past porn habits, but more than a year passed since he used it so recklessly, so I decided it is not the case. So I decided to talk to him. He explained to me that he has one thing encoded in his brain : if we dont have sex at the moment, we will be having it a few hours later. The maximum days we leave out is about 3, but that only happens like once a month. He told me that since we are intimate almost every day, the sight is usual to him and getting turned on just by it is a longer proccess, it takes him the thought of sex, because if he just looks at me, he simply admires my beauty. Also mentioned that he enjoys sex the same way, it is exciting as always ,but if I want him to get hard just by looking at me, I have to starve him a little because he is content and well fed. I never knew that this existed. I wanted to chat about it a bit more, but he had work to do. Can anybody enlighten me a bit more ?

Oh, so basicly more simple than I thought. On the other women stuff, he doesnt at the moment, but in the future I might even be okay with it. Anyway, now I get it, thanks!

I read it twice and still dont understand, sorry. I dont know if I am tired or just my english is not englishing. Do you say that he watches me because people like to watch, or because he watched porn before? I also watched porn and I dont care about looking. But I guess breasts and womens cheeks are nice to look at.

This is good, thank you!! I would like to add a bit of information I came to learn about what I exactly fear. I was watching my favorite series and the main couple had a sensual sexual scene. They are not attractive people, at least not for me. The situation gave me the thoughts that I am waiting for my boyfriend to get home. At that moment I realized, my problem was not porn in general, or that he masturbates to some content. It is that he doesnt always get turned on by the act itself, but the women. This is why he watched the same person before me day and night, watched her a bit while having me, why he got turned on by a music mix video with a modell in it. I feel like it is the women, not simply sexual things. He told me before that it is the sex scene that is a turnon, how he sees angles he cant see while having sex, and it might be true to an extent, since I saw some actresses that are definitely not attractive for him. So I can correct my opinion on what I feel : I fear that if it is the women, he can get turned on by any half naked hot woman (I dont have a sister but I would feel bad if he had a boner because I showed him a family beach video), and he will always choose porn for looks, like it is not enough that he has a pretty gf. I know Im exeggarating (uh, this is probably not how you say it, correct me if Im wrong), but I hardly got over the fact that he watched the same actress for 15 or more times, defo for looks, because she looks exactly like me when we became a couple and he approached me because he was so into my shape. Not for that. For imrpovement. Would be hard to not do it, because he wants to look at me. One time I said that he needs to watch me because he is so used to porn, but someone here corrected me that people who dont watch porn still need to watch their partner because they are visual and many people doesnt even like to do it in the dark.

Makes sense, thank you

I do it because I love the reaction I get. I do agree and I answered the questions to clear it up a bit. You see, as I said, I dont know if his disfunction was because we were not yet good in sex, or because of porn, or both. And I will never find that out, because now we are good at it, and he wont ever consume the same amount of porn while being in a relationship with me (he probably will in the future, but if this much again, I certainly would not stay. I also have to add that he reassured me that we wont ever go back, because now he sees things differently and masturbation is only for when it is sure he cant have sex instead - his choice)

He never once told me anything bad about my body. In the past, there were times when he could not finish, saying that he is too tired. Or when he rejected me, again, tired. That time we only had sex like twice a week, or every maybe once. To be precise, around 7 times a month went to 12-20 times a month. It could be more than just his past porn use. Since I became aware of the porn thing, I also became more aware of my own body. I have learnt how I can take control so he doesnt carry the full act, how I can be more visually pleasing, and I also allow myself to have him pleasure me. I dont know that if it was just the porn that made him less pursuable and more "cant finish", then how could he change so fast. Im sure I wasnt as visually pleasing as porn, but now that I am, and I take effort in looking good during sex, alllwing myself to enjoy, he never seems to give up Just bc he is tired.

As you wrote it, and I read it, it sounds stupid, I meant my situation. To be honest, reading back all of the comments, I dont even know what my exact problem is. I feel like a person can enjoy a racy video, on the other hand, I think of it like this : if you keep looking at BMWs, you will get disappointed with your 20 year old Suzuki. I feel like you can have it, but also, it makes you realize your partner's flaws. I remember my female friend went on a vacation with her bf and 5 other guys (family). All of them were well built, except her bf. She didnt even realize her bf had a bit of tummy fat until that vacation. She didnt mention, didnt shame or anything, jut told me she didnt even see it before. I think I am scared of being less because of these virtual people. If literally nothing bad could come out of it, I would care less. I dont want him to feel like "Oh, these girls have abs and no cellulite, my gf is not the same... Idk about it, I love her and wouldnt exchange her, but I see it".

What about my resentment? I have built up a new picture of him the past 7 months. I became trustful again, that he doesnt care about anyone but me sexually, and the porn menace is finally over. I am happy he was at least honest and he kept his word about not lying to me, but still hearing "yeah, I did watch the video, I did get in the mood". When we started again, I told him he can take his time and move with small steps instead of cutting it off completely. He said no, it is not a big deal for him. Then why watch a meaningless video if he knows he will get excited. 7 months down the drain, now I am the one AGAIN who has to build up trust