itsallgrand

Like my mom used to say, they are so full of it their eyes are brown.

That's excellent that your gut is telling you what you need to know. It's not right. It's not how you would feel in a healthy relationship. Keep trusting that voice!

Guys like this prey on girls and women when they are at vulnerable points in their life. He's the guy that swoops in at the woman at the bar who is blasted out of her wits and crying with no friends in sight, takes her home, and abuses her until it no longer suits him. Run, run so far away. Your emotional, mental and physical safety are at risk. Maybe there is some free councilling or resources at a women's center or clinic in your area? I'd look! Gather your friends around you. And keep posting.

The service was this past weekend. It was very nicely done. It hit me during the service that uncle is gone. It hadn't really processed until then. No more uncle's moose and deer meat packages after one of his hunting trips. No more deep booming laughs of his when the family is gathered together. No more dropping in at his camp to visit and BBQ. He was my fave uncle ever since I was a little girl. I have memories forever of him carrying me across the beach, many times!, when I'd worn myself out on family camping trips. I've seen his grand kids several times since his passing. That seems to be what the family is appreciating right now. Sit with the kids, cousins get some much needed food and a nap. My aunt sits there doting on the grandkids. He left a beautiful legacy of love, family, and thinking about others over yourself. Thanks for the help to those who replied here. Helped me get out of my head. Appreciate it.

Ahh makes sense! Thanks

Just curious why you keep spelling sex as sexx?

Yeah it's one thing if both equally are on board with it. It's another to be told. We have already agreed we would be willing to take in my SOs dad if he ever needs or wants it. But that's because I have a strong relationship with him already, he'd never ask for it unless it was truly necessary (end of life, serious illness). So it would not put me out at all, I'd be honored to be there in that situation.

I'd be out of there so fast you wouldn't see me. It's not a partnership if it's gf and her family deciding rather than you and gf.

I don't think though her options are no sex or this guy. There's lots of men out there who would be interested in sex with her who keep the plans they make. I think her bar is being held so low for what she is ok with, that she's actually decreasing her chances of getting her needs met. Sexual and otherwise. It's going to be harder too for her to raise the bar after this ends, because she will have further normalized for herself that this is how men tend to be. She has a track record of accepting men who don't treat her right. In my opinion, she just needs to give herself a chance to experience what it's like seeing men who are actually good to her. Her mind would be blown to see what she has been missing.

I was sincerely hoping for her that at least the sex is good. That would be easy to understand. I don't get this at all...it is oddly fascinating.

I will respect your wish to not judge you staying with him. This isn't a solid long term or even solid short term relationship though so I'm not going to indulge the "I don't know how to do this" ...you already know how to be in the kind of relationship you are in now.

I'm not a mom and I work full time plus. Why can't you take the kids for some camping with the caravan, mom gets solo time no kids, then get back together for a bit of bed and breakfasts and no cooking as a family? Fits the budget and you won't waste time fighting and losing precious vacation time.

Wow. Seems to me you will believe anything he tells you no matter how his actions tell you he's full of it. That's a good way to set yourself up for a lot more nights crying.

He made the mess. Why are you the one cleaning it up? He can call the cops if she's being excessive. He can talk to his mom. Don't get sucked into the vortex He made.

I agree with this 100%. And it's consistent with his other behaviors. Impulsive and disorganized. It would drive me batty but I'm not Alex. If he pulls through on the camping, I'd bring hotdogs and the like and call it a day. No need to go beyond because he's buying expensive tents and that.

She mentioned he had said he was going to buying an expensive tent. So at least a couple hundred, plus air mattresses, plus blankets. Adds up fast.

Really bizarre that he's going to drop hundreds on an expensive tent, air mattress, blankets when he's so broke. Camping is one of those things that can be so cheap...why is he spending needlessly? He could borrow a tent or get one used online, grab blankets from home, skip the air mattress.

I felt the opposite. I loved dating in my 30s, was not as big a fan in my 20s . I met my SO in my mid 30s. I felt more free in 30s as far as knowing what I wanted, and being comfy being myself. I felt like it took that long for me to become the kind of partner I wanted to be too. Experiences vary! Some don't find their match til later than me. I have an aunt who was married for a long time, divorced, and found this amazing guy in her late 50s. She bloomed after her divorce, from constantly second guessing herself to the vivacious active woman she always was but couldn't really express in her "perfect on paper" marriage. I want OP to know age doesn't have to stop her from finding a good guy! I won't assume to know her age or the challenges in age groups I haven't been in yet. But I don't think it's fair to say everyone over a certain age who is single is a dud either. Life happens, you never know.

Where did you get this idea? Wondering if it was something someone in your life believed and acted on? Rooting out that bigotry around the sexes would probably help you more than anything in your quest to find someone lovely.

It's hard reading this anon. I feel so bad for you, you deserve so much more. Has she made comments about not liking your scars? Ugh that hurts my heart! I can tell you right now that someone that cherishes you would never say something so hurtful. That's just downright mean and I would never say something like that to anyone , never mind someone who is my SO.

He's torn between his willy and doing the right thing. Did you have interest in him before he bailed you out? Sounds like you weren't giving him the time of day until you were in trouble.

I feel so bad for his daughter! Can you imagine?? Dads are our first "love" and role model for how we experience men. Imagine that's your dad, crawling all over your friends when you are 19. Dads are supposed to protect, cherish, help you develop a sense of security. How can you feel that when your dad sends the message that 19 year old women are just meat to be preyed on after a bottle of tequila? I agree with everyone. His red flags are on fire. It doesn't get more obvious than this one.

That's amazing news!!

I don't think so. I'm hoping he brings some wine if you are making dinner, or something nice like that. But maybe I'm just a princess (joking).

Ok but he can still put effort in by doing cute, cheap or free things. He's being kinda a lazy boy lol.