itsallgrand

That's amazing news!!

I don't think so. I'm hoping he brings some wine if you are making dinner, or something nice like that. But maybe I'm just a princess (joking).

Ok but he can still put effort in by doing cute, cheap or free things. He's being kinda a lazy boy lol.

The first order of business would be finding some reliable protection so you aren't repeating the same mistakes over and over again - getting women pregnant when there isn't the stability there to be bringing a baby into the relationship/picture. It all really comes down to that. You kept rolling the dice on it and it has consequences. After that, you work on further taking accountability by realizing you chose your wife and to be a daddy. The moment you did that you chose to put them first, including letting go of pursuing any other women even in hopes. I mean good for your ex for stopping contact before the baby was born. That shows a certain degree of integrity and respect for your family. Take her lead and respect her enough to let her go too.

Give me strength. Going in for a meeting with someone who drones on and on about herself and what a hero she is. Meanwhile, chickie takes up hours of my time for something that could be done in 15-20 minutes including chit chat. Wanna help people? Realize we got to work to live, and 4 hours on your time table takes away precious time I could be earning or spending doing something I like. Harumph. Lol.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through and what you are going through now. I'm sending so much love your way. You are an amazing person. Not everyone would fight this hard to grow, learn, and lead with love. It's an admirable quality. It's ok to cry as much as you need to. It's human, you are going through incredibly difficult circumstances. It doesn't take away from your strength at all, and from where I am sitting you have shown incredible strength as a person.

It's just my opinion, I think in any relationship respect is the thing that separates great ones from poor/mediocre ones. Without respect, it's always an uphill battle. Is respect important to you, Alex? Do you feel like this is how a man treats someone he respects? He's flailing at the simplest stuff that starts to build that foundation with someone in a real way. He breaks his word. He's unreliable. He's inconsistent.

Others may have a different take. I think unless his sister is a child, your bf was way out of line. Personally I would have been pissed in a situation like that if my SO tried that. It doesn't involve him, stay out of it. He was making digs at her too in that message, just poking the bear. Unnecessary. If everyone is grown, people can speak for themselves. And it's your mom, so up to you to chat with her about boundaries. And you don't have to tell the bf anything just because he says he wants to know. Again, not his business.

Be safe! It was like that here today. Thick like a greenhouse outside. Wild storm that seemed out of nowhere. There's been a lot of that this year.

Yeah the taking time off stood out to me too. His stories and what he says don't go together consistently. I have this sense he is hiding things from you. Couldn't say what, though I have ideas, but he's coming across as a bull***ter to me!

Things happen, but not 3 dates out of 4. He's either super disorganized or full of it. Either way, what's your line ?

Yes I agree with this 100%. Active dates are great for getting to know each other and they are just fun! Doesn't have to be expensive at all. Going to the park with a Frisbee and a little picnic snack is super cheap but really fun. And it gets the blood pumping, which puts people in a good mood. You get go laugh and bond naturally and have excuses to touch each other naturally too 🙂 What activities does he like?

She is the type of person who if I asked if I can help or what, she'd say " I don't need anything. I'm fine." She'd never ask nor say, it's just how she is. But I know she appreciates action done. I know her well enough to know she operates on some unspoken ways of conduct where she believes in giving without being asked or thanked. She, and my uncle, devoted so much to their communities in volunteer work and generally trying to help others. Thanks kwothe because it reaffirms for me what I need to do.

Thank you everyone. I did decide to send a text today. Just told her I love her, I'm thinking of her, and how sorry I am for her loss. This thread has made me feel a bit less worried about going with my heart and reaching out. It's easy to feel awkward about doing something wrong here but I do think the idea that being there is the most important will be worth it even if I'm not perfect in everything. I know how much it meant to me when people were there for me after a loss...and she has been someone who always was there ...so awkwardness about screwing up needs to be set aside I guess and just be there and let her show me what is best in the moment.

Thank you. This is helpful, I really appreciate it.

Thanks Cherylyn for the thoughtful reply. Lots to soak up there. I appreciate it.

Yes, they were together since they were teenagers. This was her person, her life partner, and a really good man. My aunt is a strong person, independent, would never ask for help. So I'm trying to anticipate how best to support without adding stress for her. I like what you said about being there to listen. That helps, thank you, as I think maybe just showing up to let her know I'm there (by text, by meeting with her and touching base regularly) might be the way to go here.

Hi. Just would like some general input on navigating this. A family member of mine, an uncle, sadly passed away last night. I was quite shocked. He was ill but no one thought it would progress so fast. His wife, my aunt, is someone I am quite close to and now my question is around how to best be there for her and her family? I did not contact her last night as I know she would be in a blur and lots she has to do right now. I'm trying to be considerate but also want her to know I'm here and I love her. I was thinking of sending a text today saying sorry for her loss and that I love her, is that ok do you think or too much so early on? I plan to see her later on before funeral to bring food and cook and watch the kids for a bit for my cousins as well . I'm just having trouble knowing here the best way to go about when...I don't want to add to overwhelm but don't want to be silent/not be supportive either. Thanks for listening and your input, as always!

I physically cringed. Unless you are into being treated like crap, this guy isn't for you.

No, she's not a good representation of what most or many women are like in relationships. She's a good representation of a user. She's in it for what she can get out of it, a transactional situation, not because of how great you are together and how much she likes you. I would say your respect for her is misplaced to be truthful.

I'm glad you are feeling better too. Do you have a close relationship where you can be upfront like "hey, it bothered me how you laughed off my injury. I was in a lot of pain and could have used a bit of support." ? Giving the benefit of the doubt, could he maybe not have realized how you were actually really hurt ? Or is he just kinda a jerk about these sorts of things in general?

Oh man, I've seen pretty often. Motivations tend to different things but same result. Women I've seen do it more for validation and material gain. Men for the pure physical getting off.

All of this reminded me of how valuable it is to be honest with yourself. Your choices are yours, but the real trouble happens when we aren't honest with ourselves. Girl you are after more than a peck on the cheek, no?

Oh my God I'm getting an ulcer thinking about it lol.

Lol. On the plus side, when lots of people who didn't grow up here say "it's far away!!" , it usually doesn't seem far when they say where it is.