itsallgrand

I physically cringed. Unless you are into being treated like crap, this guy isn't for you.

I'm glad you are feeling better too. Do you have a close relationship where you can be upfront like "hey, it bothered me how you laughed off my injury. I was in a lot of pain and could have used a bit of support." ? Giving the benefit of the doubt, could he maybe not have realized how you were actually really hurt ? Or is he just kinda a jerk about these sorts of things in general?

Oh man, I've seen pretty often. Motivations tend to different things but same result. Women I've seen do it more for validation and material gain. Men for the pure physical getting off.

All of this reminded me of how valuable it is to be honest with yourself. Your choices are yours, but the real trouble happens when we aren't honest with ourselves. Girl you are after more than a peck on the cheek, no?

Oh my God I'm getting an ulcer thinking about it lol.

Lol. On the plus side, when lots of people who didn't grow up here say "it's far away!!" , it usually doesn't seem far when they say where it is.

I confess I skimmed the thread! Tonnes of great input already but figured I'd add my 2 cents in case it nudges her faster to getting what she says she wants.

There's no commitment there at all. He is a time waster. Does things purely for his own convenience. You are just dipping toes into dating. Don't do it half a butt cheek like this. Give yourself a chance to actually date men who are available for you and care at least enough to show up. Carrying on with time wasters is how people end up hating dating and thinking it's pointless. But it's a choice to not filter out these duds. Why not make it easier? Dud...ok, moving on!

Chili meat lol. Seriously though, please do not send the cat to any of her people nor with her. She doesn't have the interests of the cat at heart. You'd never forgive yourself if anything happened to your lil guy. It's not worth it.

I'm so sorry you are in pain and bummed out. I hope you feel better tomorrow too. You are a sweet mom to not want to worry your kids. It's ok to reach out sometimes though too, they love you. Felt good to be there for my mom when I could after all the support she gave me.

This thread was a ride to read! I think overall you aren't giving this lady a fair shot or being all in and at the plate, you are being wishy washy and that makes it super challenging to get to the bones of what you two can potentially have. And she comes across much more sharp edged than you, which probably brings out the wishy washy in you even more and that brings out the sharp in her. The only way to get past it is to decide one way or another, ok I'm in or out, and then commit. It's not a life commitment, just a commit to bring it all to the table and allow things to shake out as they may. You can't be white knuckling or else you may as well quit now! Good luck with your call. Don't stress about it. She's attracted to you and knows you aren't her. She probably likes your creativity and different ways, but that doesn't mean she likes unreliability nor does she want to decipher code of exactly how you feel and expect. You have to be upfront, that's how you build trust and common ground!

The Facebook posts....I think personally that's something else other than depression. Not everyone who is depressed does that kind of thing, it's something else. Not sure how to word it, but there's some people who are comfortable making those kinds of posts on social media and others who are not. I see it sort of like a need for validation thing from outside, I could be wrong but that's my take, and since no amount of validation from outside ever can quench that thirst as it has to be internal, it's prone to escalating even when that kind of person gets validation...maybe even more, as it feeds that beast.

I know it's your first gf but dude, she is a terrible gf. At the very least in a relationship, you deserve respect. Even better, someone who admires you for the person you are and what you bring to their lives. Don't ever allow anyone to help you in eroding your own self respect. That's what's happening. She's chipping away at what's good in you, and the longer you stay the longer it will take to repair that damage. Meanwhile, you miss out on good experiences with kind women too. I hope you can walk away sooner than later.

If you've never had an orgasm ever, I'm wondering if that is due to a medical condition or if you aren't very in tune with your own body? Were you raised in an environment where you didn't receive a sexual education, or shame was associated with self pleasure, or anything like that? It's odd to me you chugged ahead with marriage and a baby knowing there were long term issues in the sex life with your partner. Why? Did you think that's just how things are for people or was getting married and babies more a priority than anything? One thing you can control is your own sense of your own sexuality. You can find out if there's a medical reason preventing you from orgasming or if it's something else. You can see what your options are there. You don't need anyone but yourself for that. I'd do that first before reassessing with him.

Wow excellent point Lambert. I guess you and gf don't have any plans to move in together any time soon at all? You getting the pup and her having a whole crew move in with her. If that's not an issue for either of you, and you are both cool with separate sort of lives but seeing each other long term that way, I can understand why you'd be annoyed but agree it's one of those things you need to shake off since she can kinda do whatever she likes in this situation. I'd just wonder if there's a pattern of lack of generosity in being there for each other or not, and if you are ok with it the way it is.

Honestly I wouldn't have been comfortable with someone pushing me in one direction while I was on the fence. There's too much potential for resentment if I don't go along with their plans. I'm glad everything worked out for you in that you are happy being a dad. I've seen so many situations where that wasn't the outcome though when one pushes hard for kids and the other isn't 100%. I agree it needs to be decided early. Either you are in or you are out, if one is committed to becoming a parent.

I would avoid trying to figure out where his head has been at. You can't really know. You just know he behaved like a player, and the warning signs were there. The laying it on thick, splashing cash, that's part of it. If a guy is really into you, and stable and looking for something serious, he's not going to be doing that. He will treat you like an equal rather than some princess to be wooed.

Why would he do this? Hot sex, excitement, ego boost. All told, you walked out of there pretty alright. You didn't really know him and you were staying at his place alone, it could have gone a lot worse. I understand it's disappointing and stings, but you took a bit of a risky gamble.. it's not realistic to expect every roll of the dice would come out how you want.

This! People who really want kids as a life goal tend to be rather upfront about it too so it should be something you can vet fast. Why waste anyone's time?

Every time SIL is creeping around, be all happy and recruit her for labour. So glad you are here, we need help putting up fence. Lol. I grew up in the country with a constant stream of family and others constantly popping up unannounced. You'd wake up and someone's pounding on the door wanting coffee and breakfast. It annoyed me growing up, but I saw how my mom dealt with the useless ones. First talk of chipping in, they'd suddenly have something very important to do. You can't change this communal type dynamic while living on the property. But you can either get SIL being useful or scared away from hanging around your house. I have a feeling the baby will suddenly really need her attention if there's work to do.

Yeah but you weren't 47 during your first pregnancy. Not saying it's the thing but you do not know! Anyways you made up your mind so it doesn't matter.

I have used MyFitnessPal app (free version, but there is an upgraded paid) to keep track. In the old days I used to do it on paper which sucked lol! It is great for getting the awareness of portion sizes, calories, nutrition. It's not the be all end all but it might help you. Everyone has their opinions and what works for them as far as fitness. I do think exercise is important...not only for losing weight, but long term health and fitness! And your focus is for health not skinny right?! Losing extra is one part of building a long term fitness plan. Totally agree with doing this along side a doc. If I had your goal, I'd probably invest in a health club that has nutritionists, coaches, so you can have all supports working for you. I know that can be cost prohibitive though sometimes! But yay you for getting going !!

You'd have to ask her to know. Maybe it has to do with her own pain or maybe she just hasn't agreed with all the choices you've made. The second one is what I initially thought, but of course you'd have to ask her to know for sure. And she may not even say when asked directly. Not everyone is all aboard on the idea of ivf. And it sounds like you have been doing it a long while. There's that, and maybe too it could be circumstances around it that makes her uncomfortable. These are just possibilities. There are times sometimes when a friend might not be thrilled with all the choices we make, and they keep it to themselves because they do not want to step on toes nor hurt feelings. I'll give an example. It's not a friend, but family. A cousin of mine got pregnant on purpose during lockdown while being a single mom who was relying already on the government and family to support herself and her son. She knew she'd be high risk as well. Many of us were not thrilled, though yes I commented when she had her daughter saying congrats on everyone being healthy. And I did really mean that. But I also wasn't going to be going out of my way to heap excitement on her because I did not feel that way at all. There's this expectation in society that when someone has a baby, everyone should be brimming with joy for you no matter what. But in reality, it's not always so simple. People can have mixed feelings for all kinds of reasons. It's up to you if you can handle that she isn't 100% thrilled. Seems you can't. Your choice. I wrote all this though to challenge the idea that someone is not on your side and doesn't care about you if they don't emote as we want them to. Best of luck going forward.

I don't get this at all. Why can't you message her and ask how she's doing? This is why I asked...what were you expecting. Specifically? Does she need to gush over that you had a baby to be the talk once in a while friend? I don't see how this is a "worst in people" thing at all?! She left a comment after you had your baby. She acknowledged it. She responded positively when you told her of your pregnancy. But she also wasn't comfy, whatever her reasons, with some of the details you shared of your journey. And?

I'm not sure what you are expecting from her. She's been polite but also very clear about her feelings around it.