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asp2021

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  1. I really am an introvert and didn’t grow up close to my family, so this dynamic is so different from my normal way of operating. I really need an external gauge. Someone in the thread guessed correctly, it is a large working farm and my husband stayed to run it while his brother moved away after college. That adds another level of resentment. Suddenly they can just move back and we either have to deal with it or uproot ourselves. I am trying hard to process it all. We did have a family meeting of sorts and I explained as best as I could that I am struggling with what feels like communal living. They pretended to understand but ultimately said “there is room for all of us”. I don’t feel like I have much say in that. It IS their property too
  2. My husband and I have a great relationship, aside from all this. I am just struggling with this whole “bait and switch” about our living situation. It isn’t that he lied, he really had no reason to believe they would move from a city to a county that doesn’t even have a decent restaurant. He answered the question based on an assumption. I know this puts him in a really tough spot.
  3. My in laws house (next door to ours and in the same yard) is very large. They have recently moved into the downstairs apartment, leaving the 3 floors above “community property” for guests to use when they visit. That immediately turned into my brother in law and his wife staying there very frequently, taking over more and more space each time. One example is we recently had guests and they couldn’t stay in the house because it was left with all the bedrooms cluttered up with their belongings and the sheets unwashed as if they live there. My SIL makes herself at home coming over to our house (not inside), taking pics of my landscaping for her social media, even coming onto the porch at times, just wandering around “walking her dog”. If I am outside, it invites conversation. One morning, I was leaving for work and she was standing next to my porch watching videos. If we go to the pool, she follows us. I rarely have any warning that they are coming. It is just “oh and by the way” and suddenly the expectation is dinner with them every night. I stopped doing the dinners, but it makes it awkward, so now I just leave altogether. My husband keeps saying he will talk to his brother. He is supposed to have a conversation with him while I am gone. I honestly don’t know what to do if he hasn’t. I just don’t think, given the stress I feel when they visit, that I can live that close to them.
  4. I have found myself in a really difficult place in my marriage of just over a year. My husband lived next door to his parents when we met. Literally sharing the yard. I had to really consider this, because I was living alone and selling my house to move into his. I ultimately decided that, while we had some boundaries to establish, his parents aren’t problematic. Fast forward to two weeks after the wedding and my mother in law proclaimed that my husband’s brother and his wife are “moving home”. I had asked my husband this exact question - if they would ever want to move back - prior to marriage and he said no. This creates a whole problem. My sister in law has NO boundaries. They have gone from visiting 4-5 times a year while we were dating to 2x a month. They do plan to move, but don’t know when. I have come to resent them to the point of taking a vacation every time they come. It is hard to set boundaries when we share a yard. Moving away is not an option for reasons I won’t go into for anonymity. We could build a house on another part of the property, but that would compromise my husband’s ability to do his job AND is feels like allowing them to force us from the home we are trying to build together. They also had a baby right after we got married and my SIL quit her job and now does NOTHING except post about her perfect life on social media. No cleaning, cooking, nothing. She had a baby and she no longer has to contribute anything else. I can’t find an answer that doesn’t result in misery for someone. Please help me find perspective. I am currently on vacation again, using up my vacation days and resources because I can no longer smile and pretend.
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