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asp2021

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  1. Thanks for all the helpful insights. I realized that feeding this sense of unrest (maybe better described as a feeling of being stuck in a waiting period or between “phases” of my life) was the fact that my life plan of downsizing now that my kids are grown had become uncertain. This planned move is tied to my future financial security, as I needed to make a decision about moving to a smaller home to redirect more income to savings and retirement. This man has come into my life and altered my plan, leaving me feeling “stuck”, not wanting to sell, go through another home buying process, and mov
  2. This says everything that I have realized myself...that I am failing to just let go and see how this unfolds. It is more of an emotional “need” that really isn’t his to fulfill. What I have failed to mention (I think) is that he told one of my friends he is “working on” a ring. This seems to have unleashed the sense of urgency to figure it all out, and likely also the need to take a step back to reevaluate what I truly want for my life. I am independent, and my previous marriage was one of dependency. I moved into his house, sold mine, he made sure he always needed most of my income for some b
  3. I feel like “we need to fix that” and then moving on is a way of giving the “right” answer while not inviting more conversation. It wasn’t said with any sort of anger and frustration, and in fact felt like a positive response at the time - that we will work together to find a balance. However in hindsight, it feels like there needed to be more conversation about HOW we plan to “fix” it, and his response didn’t invite that conversation. I will talk to him again before I just decide on my own to start staying at home more. Initiating these conversations is hard for me, and it is a practice I hav
  4. I think what has complicated things a little is the fact that it is way more convenient for us to stay at his house than mine. Without giving too much potentially identifying info away, he has obligations associated with his home and job that I don’t have.
  5. You’re being pretty judgmental about someone you know nothing about. I work. I work out. I hike. I hang out with friends. I travel a lot with my job. I didn’t ask or push my way into staying at his house. It gradually happened over time and now I find myself feeling unsettled, like I am not really living anywhere, and I need to change gears. I only go over at his invitation, never once have I just dropped in, or stayed when he didn’t specifically ask. He just asks all the time. I am looking for advice, not criticism or judgement. I spoke to him yesterday and told him this almost verbatim
  6. He is an absolutely wonderful person. He has past hurts that make him unsure of himself as well, and he also struggles with communication. He welcomes me into his home, cooks for me, and is very kind and gentle. I really think we have a future together, and we have both spoken about a future, we just haven’t had a conversation about exactly what it looks like for us.
  7. I think you have touched on how I am feeling...we seem “stuck” in this phase. I am also aware that I struggle with just asking for what I need, as several others have pointed out. I have been working on speaking up more. I know I need to talk to him about how I am feeling, but I think (like the first reply points out), I am not 100% clear about what I want. “Home” hasn’t always been a safe place for me, and I finally own my own little place in the world. I am struggling with the thought of letting that go, so I guess I am feeling really torn right now.
  8. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We are both in our 40’s with secure jobs, and both homeowners, but live only a short distance apart. We are currently in this weird stage where I sleep over at his house basically every night, and usually stay 24 hours a day a few days a week. Lately I have been feeling frustrated, because he has made no move to make any space at all for me, yet wants me there. Is he just being a “guy” and not realizing the need for me to have a little space of my own as much as I stay there? He has never been married, but has been in at least one very long term
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