itsallgrand

Snowstorm coming for the next few days. Noooo. I'm over it. I can finally see grass and I'm ready for being able to sit outside!

I know it's not so easy to be easier on yourself, but I still want to say you have nothing to be disappointed with yourself in not being able to do it all every single day with a bow on top. And having a hand sometimes wouldn't make you any less of a great mom. You are loving to your kids, involved, and working your ass off to give them a great childhood. That makes you a great mom and they are lucky little guys. Hope you can feel better soon. Give yourself a break! You are human, not android ( as far as I know!).

Oh my God mylolita I'm so sorry about these things you are starting to remember about being young and your father. I think it's fine to be annoyed by MIL, and wish she were different and the relationship different. And yes, some of what you describe is inconsiderate of you and your time, and some is just rough even if it's "extra" that we won't receive from everyone - like small little kindnesses like helping you with the stuff going up a hill. Even the offer is nice, I get that. But I don't think the resentment and anger building up is all really about her. I mean, at the end of the day, I'm sure you get she doesn't really owe you anything right as far as help with your kids? And she's older, and has been like this it sounds her whole life, not really the nurturing loving type to even wrap her own kids in her arms eh?! So expecting change now is banging your head against a wall for nothing. But maybe it's other things mixing in and she's easy enough to be a focus for all this other? You need a reliable hand but it can't be her.. but you do have the option of friends, babysitters..it's a choice not to, and I get why you don't want to, but it's still a choice there. You could work in that area where you are more likely to find solution and relief rather than worry about Mil.

Thank you for listening. ❤️

I've been remembering things my brain shut out for so many years. I'd like to write a few here since this has been a therapeutic ground for me. It's just for my own processing and getting it out. It was all so long ago but that period in my life really impacted my mental health and it's been a long journey getting to where I am now. I was watching a show and it triggered off deep crying for me. There was a little girl who had been in a fire in the show. I had this very clear memory of when my brother had been moved finally from ICU and was in a specialized ward. The ward right beside on the same floor was the kids burn unit. To see my brother, you had to walk past that ward. And the kids would sometimes be near the nurses desk or being brought to treatments by the main elevator . I can see clear as day now some of those kids I interacted with and some I did not. Some were in excruciating pain and their screams were such pure pain. This had a really big impact on me. I saw a lot of kids hurt and in terrible pain in the ICU since my brother was there a long time. My mom would smoke near the emergency area too which I wish she hadn't but regardless she did and we'd often see kids brought in from the ambulances. I saw a mother try to throw herself out a window because her child died from traumatic brain injuries. He was on his bike and hit by a car. I see him now. His head bloody and swollen. I have a lot of memories like this my brain didn't let me fully remember. I supposed now it has decided I can. Fully. Not pulling away and hiding, bringing it to me in nightmares. Just here, this happened and you witnessed it. Thanks for reading if you do. Either way, it's good to come to terms with these things that have been haunting me. Perhaps if the circumstances were different, I hadn't been so young, lost dad and almost lost bro, and everything else that came with that after, I wouldn't have been so impacted. But it all added up together.

Yes but you mentioned you wouldn't be able to afford to go to the new study without his help right? It just seems to me you are making some choices based on money and convieience rather than commitment to moving the relationship deeper. Am I totally wrong? I might be. This is what it looks like to me though. And yeah, gender has nothing to do what income you pull in. Are you saying you intend to always make less than him?

Everyone is mentioning the twin codependency factor with your partner, and that's real from the looks of it. But no one has mentioned how you aren't ready either for an equal partnership where you live with your partner. You are depending on your partner for far too much. He's used to that role so he sees it as normal, but a lot of partners wouldn't. You can't expect to live in an equal partnership yet depend on your partner to pay all the rent, be the one who drives the majority of the time, plus deal with all your extra anxieties. You need to deal with that first. Frankly he'd be foolish to marry or sell his portion of the house while these things remain. Deal with your end by not relying on him to afford what you want and paying your way. Then see what shakes out with your bf.

Yeah exactly.

I can't speak to where OP lives but where I'm at it's EXTREMELY difficult to have a child removed. Most that would happen in this situation is a visit and a report. So at least it will be on file if further situations arise and follow up can happen. Dad has anger issues that are putting kid in danger at the very least here. Regular folk don't throw objects at kids. So that's at least worth eyeballs on the situation.

What about you...would you be giving up what you really want to stay with him if you can not bear a child? Do you want children by adoption as an option? Was he clear that he was not open to adoption before you married? My heart is breaking for you. I don't know what is right for you but I know you deserve a chance to have children if that is what you want whether or not you can conceive and carry to term.

I'm curious if the baby was planned because it doesn't add up that she is unhappy about not working as long as she has yet chose to add a newborn? Is there a big wall of resentment for her and if so do you know why? Other thing I thought was maybe she needs a doc and her hormones are making things really tough for her right now? You do plenty but if she's struggling, she's struggling. Clearly something has to change. What actions is she taking to find work if she hates being full time at home? Do you support her on that?

Oof, I'm so sorry! Hopefully he gets in soon. 🩷

Sending lots of love and good thoughts. And hugs.

I agree with you and Batya. Better to let sleeping dogs lie when you do not wish to have regular interaction with the person.

Huge congrats on your continued sobriety. Here's my thinking reading your post. It's possible that you haven't been using those muscles or developing those skills because using was your coping method before? So this is a new skill set to learn like any other. Wanting to learn and improve is a wonderful trait. Everyone, everyone!, has things to learn in life. Thinking of the skills you want to learn I first thought of an advocacy course. I've known quite a few people who have benefited from them and it helped them to claim their voice. I was part of some myself many years ago in relation to my work. It's essentially about communication skills. It might be helpful for you. There's volunteer opportunities too where you can work those muscles. Serving on a board, for example. Helping in organizing events. I'm sure there's much more! Anything that requires communication and working with various personalities/people. I firmly believe we learn by doing and self confident comes by accomplishment. It doesn't have to be high stakes nor even directly related. Anything you can do to push yourself a bit will build that confidence. Good luck.

I'll send out loving healing energy to the little guy for a smooth recovery. It's always good news when a baby is loved and cherished. Congrats and enjoy your son.

Thats the nice way of saying it! 🙂

Honestly I do still heavily associate face tattoos with gang members. And yes part of that could certainly be because where I'm from there are many gangs and have been for a long time, and it's rare to come across someone with a face tat who wasnt either was or is currently involved with a gang in some way. And that includes a fair share of young women who otherwise could be considered conventionally attractive. Face, neck, hands. So I do have some added caution when interacting with someone I don't know with a face tattoo. I'm polite but guarded until or unless I know for a fact the person well.

I'm thrilled for you that you are doing well and are putting her behind you. Feel proud! You got through something really tough. You are strong. Never forget that going forward.

Wow this has escalated in a lot of ways since I responded this morning! .

I can't really answer that because it's unknown what will happen. You have to wait and see how it flushes out. And that's a good chunk of time. In the meantime, you could be dating women who are available now.

My thoughts exactly. If you actually care about her as a person, you will step away and allow her to settle her marriage however she needs to on her own. If she does divorce and after real time to get herself straight, and you wish to date her and she wishes to date you, then you can reassess.

-30 C feels like -39 Here we go again lol.

Today I learned about dark sky preserves. Thanks!! Funny how I never knew about them until now. That is very cool that they exist! We are going to drive a bit and make a romantic night of it. It won't be as stunning as some other areas will see but there have been sightings so I'm hopeful to see a show.

There are supposed to be some very bright northern lights tonight. I'm hoping I get to see them . You really need a decent camera, not just a phone, to capture them!