MsAin1st

What can we expect from couples therapy?

Thank you, @Batya33. It’s awkward for me to talk to my friend about him. M is her brother.

M could never be in F’s shadow though. I know that’s probably not how it comes across, but our relationship is so different than the one I had with F. They are totally opposite. Looking at it, F had so much growing up to do. We were together through college and marriage was just what we were supposed to do next. But now that I’m with M… I know that it probably wouldn’t have lasted with F.

We have our life together, but not all pieces of it are united. By starting our life togehter I mean living together, making his home is mine too, sharing financial responsibilities, etc. Not all people do these things prior to marriage. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Iwe are very present with each other. I try to always treat him with kindness and respect. We spend time together talking, doing different things, having fun. We cook and clean together. I think my actions show him I love him and care for him immensely.

We talked about a spring or early summer wedding next year. I purchased a wedding planning journal too. I have no hesitation. I like the person I’ve become with M and I love the life we are starting to build together. Obviously my actions and emotions show differently. I don’t know what to do to to show him I’m all in.

So we talked and M said he understood… but sometimes feels like he’s in 2nd place. That I let my sadness & worries about what happened project into our relationship. And he questioned whether it’s the right time to plan a wedding. He wants me to think about it this weekend. That was hard to hear. 🥺😕😭

I haven’t been to counseling in awhile. I was doing well and discontinued my sessions. Obviously I need some again. Grief is a sneaky son of a gun. I I’m just nervous to tell M because I don’t want him to think I’m anxious about being married. It’s more anxiety that something awful is going to happen and I’ll lose him too. I guess that’s irrational but it happened once. So it doesn’t seem irrational to me. @Kwothe28 yes, that was me and yes, it is the same guy. We did break up for a couple of months but we got back together. @Batya33 we haven’t picked a date but have talked about spring next year. I am very excited to marry M. We make a good team and have plans and goals for our future together. So I’m very sure if it. @Wiseman2 we will have to do premarital counseling to get married at our church. It’s a required thing. I’m not sure if it will be helpful or not though.

Good afternoon My boyfriend and I became engaged last week. I’ve been feeling anxious all weekend. I was engaged previously and my fiancé passed away after a medical episode & car accident several months before our wedding. I have had some racing thoughts about my fiancé not coming back home to me… he commutes for his job about 1 1/2 hours each way. And I feel like I’m in a tailspin about my previous fiancé. I even had a dream about him and cried when I woke up and he wasn’t in bed with me. I don’t want the current fiancé to be upset with me because I’m having thoughts and feelings for another man. I’m guessing this is grief rearing it’s ugly head at me again. And I don’t like it. I’ve not been closed off with him about all of this previously, but I feel like an engagement changes things. What do I say to him? I know he can tell something is bothering me . -O

Wonderful advice. She’s blocked my texts but I’ can send them via email.

I have talked to her about it before. I’ve suggested she leave or get some kind of help. (I did post this but sometimes I think replies might get overlooked in the sea of text). My parents have a place she & kiddo could temporarily stay too, she knows this. She makes excuses for his behaviors and says things like “he doesn’t mean to” be rough. Well yeah, people don’t “mean to be rough” & then kids end up dead. 😞 Little Dude is 5, I work with 5 year old. They can be annoying, impulsive & want lots of attention. I get that, but leaving marks on a child is not OK.

Why would you move in with someone you don’t trust? Also, what happens after a year is done?

I’ve told her the situation isn’t good, she needs to leave or get some kind of help for them, but she always has excuses for the rough behaviors and verbal abuse. and yes, boyfriend did see the handprint. I had him causally look at it to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing, and I wasn’t over reacting without cause.

Yes, we took care of kiddo together.

I love this kiddo like he was my nephew, so I didn’t hesitate to call. I also think that the jobs we hold might have effected our decision to call in before gathering more info, I’m a teacher and boyfriend is a peds RN.

Oh yeah, it was definitely an adult handprint. Little Dude doesn’t go to daycare or school. He stays home with his dad while mom works.