MsAin1st

What can we expect from couples therapy?

Thank you, @Batya33. It’s awkward for me to talk to my friend about him. M is her brother.

M could never be in F’s shadow though. I know that’s probably not how it comes across, but our relationship is so different than the one I had with F. They are totally opposite. Looking at it, F had so much growing up to do. We were together through college and marriage was just what we were supposed to do next. But now that I’m with M… I know that it probably wouldn’t have lasted with F.

We have our life together, but not all pieces of it are united. By starting our life togehter I mean living together, making his home is mine too, sharing financial responsibilities, etc. Not all people do these things prior to marriage. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Iwe are very present with each other. I try to always treat him with kindness and respect. We spend time together talking, doing different things, having fun. We cook and clean together. I think my actions show him I love him and care for him immensely.

We talked about a spring or early summer wedding next year. I purchased a wedding planning journal too. I have no hesitation. I like the person I’ve become with M and I love the life we are starting to build together. Obviously my actions and emotions show differently. I don’t know what to do to to show him I’m all in.

So we talked and M said he understood… but sometimes feels like he’s in 2nd place. That I let my sadness & worries about what happened project into our relationship. And he questioned whether it’s the right time to plan a wedding. He wants me to think about it this weekend. That was hard to hear. 🥺😕😭

I haven’t been to counseling in awhile. I was doing well and discontinued my sessions. Obviously I need some again. Grief is a sneaky son of a gun. I I’m just nervous to tell M because I don’t want him to think I’m anxious about being married. It’s more anxiety that something awful is going to happen and I’ll lose him too. I guess that’s irrational but it happened once. So it doesn’t seem irrational to me. @Kwothe28 yes, that was me and yes, it is the same guy. We did break up for a couple of months but we got back together. @Batya33 we haven’t picked a date but have talked about spring next year. I am very excited to marry M. We make a good team and have plans and goals for our future together. So I’m very sure if it. @Wiseman2 we will have to do premarital counseling to get married at our church. It’s a required thing. I’m not sure if it will be helpful or not though.

Good afternoon My boyfriend and I became engaged last week. I’ve been feeling anxious all weekend. I was engaged previously and my fiancé passed away after a medical episode & car accident several months before our wedding. I have had some racing thoughts about my fiancé not coming back home to me… he commutes for his job about 1 1/2 hours each way. And I feel like I’m in a tailspin about my previous fiancé. I even had a dream about him and cried when I woke up and he wasn’t in bed with me. I don’t want the current fiancé to be upset with me because I’m having thoughts and feelings for another man. I’m guessing this is grief rearing it’s ugly head at me again. And I don’t like it. I’ve not been closed off with him about all of this previously, but I feel like an engagement changes things. What do I say to him? I know he can tell something is bothering me . -O

Wonderful advice. She’s blocked my texts but I’ can send them via email.

I have talked to her about it before. I’ve suggested she leave or get some kind of help. (I did post this but sometimes I think replies might get overlooked in the sea of text). My parents have a place she & kiddo could temporarily stay too, she knows this. She makes excuses for his behaviors and says things like “he doesn’t mean to” be rough. Well yeah, people don’t “mean to be rough” & then kids end up dead. 😞 Little Dude is 5, I work with 5 year old. They can be annoying, impulsive & want lots of attention. I get that, but leaving marks on a child is not OK.

Why would you move in with someone you don’t trust? Also, what happens after a year is done?

I’ve told her the situation isn’t good, she needs to leave or get some kind of help for them, but she always has excuses for the rough behaviors and verbal abuse. and yes, boyfriend did see the handprint. I had him causally look at it to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing, and I wasn’t over reacting without cause.

Yes, we took care of kiddo together.

I love this kiddo like he was my nephew, so I didn’t hesitate to call. I also think that the jobs we hold might have effected our decision to call in before gathering more info, I’m a teacher and boyfriend is a peds RN.

Oh yeah, it was definitely an adult handprint. Little Dude doesn’t go to daycare or school. He stays home with his dad while mom works.

@Batya33, I didn’t talk to her her before I called, only because I have told her before she needs to get away from him. She tells me things he says to her, he’s quite verbally abusive. All she says is that she can’t break her marriage vows, she believe this is the “for worse” part. 😞

I babysat my friend’s son for a few days so they could have a little couples get away before their new baby is due. Little Dude is 5, so obviously I was going to keep an eye on him when he was bathing. Anyways, I noticed that on his upper arm he had a bruise that looked like a handprint. I asked him what happened, and he shrugged it off and said “I don’t know. I don’t can’t talk about it.” and then was really quiet for the remainder of the evening. My friend has told me before her husband has a temper & is too rough with kiddo. She says Little Dude often “bothers” his dad by talking too much to his dad. She’s also admitted to me he’s thrown hard objects in the kid’s direction & has nearly hit him in the head. My friend is refusing to talk to me now; she figured out it was me who called CPS. She told me I betrayed her trust, and that I’m ruining her family. Boyfriend has assured me we made the right choice by calling… my heart is so sad & heavy because I feel bad for my friend, but I feel worse for Little Dude. And they’re having a new baby soon, what if he something happened to him! I could never forgive myself! Just needed a safe spot to put this. 💙 O

I don’t usually text between the hours of 10 pm and 730 am. No phone calls after 9. My parents always said that was rude. My phone goes to “bedtime” mode at 1015 and only certain numbers that’s I’ve allowed will ring through. All other notifications get silenced which is nice. I’ve also set different message tones for different people, so I know who is texting me just by the sound it makes. Then I can determine if it’s someone I need to respond to or not. Unless it’s my parents or boyfriend I finish whatever it is I’m doing before I respond. i feel like im pretty busy during my work day, and only check my messages during my lunch break and planning periods. I had to stop wearing my Apple Watch because it was too much of a distraction to me. I kept getting pings all day (yay sibling group chats! 🤣) .

Does anyone regret that they waited for marriage? Or maybe you regret that you didn’t? Do you think that having only 1 partner has solidified your relationship in the long run? Do you think waiting for sex lead to any relationship hardships? Religion and family opinion during my upbringing lead me this this choice…. And my previous partner was 100% in the same boat. It was easy with him, because we had intended to be each other’s first and only. Now that he’s gone, I regret that we didn’t. And that leads me to now. New boyfriend isn’t pressuring me in the slightest, but… I’m pressuring myself? And I guess I have massive guilt on my conscience that I’m changing my mind. Damn you, religious views! I don’t know, I guess this is super weird topic. I know I’m probably in the minority with this. I have a hard time confiding in my best friend about this— I’m dating her brother. Not really something I want to broach with her.

Have you tried Quordle? https://www.quordle.com/#/

My whole class got put on Covid quarantine for a week. I can’t get into my room to get materials to set us up for online learning…. So I have a day off. Isolating on the beach! Happy FriYAY, I think.

Can you call her local police to do a welfare check on her?

i can relate. My fiancé had a medical incident while driving and passed away at age 24 in 2020. Last year I met a man through mutual friends and we recently began dating. We spent some time together as friends, really just hanging out and keeping things sort of low key. I was honest with him that I needed the relationship to progress slow and that I wasn’t sure I could emotionally handle it. I had a great time with him…. but was a wreck after the first handful of times I went out with M. I cried so hard after the first date we had. I felt guilty and like I was betraying my fiancé. Someone on here recommended I go back to grief counseling. I am glad that I did. It really helps me to process my feelings about both F and M. It helped me learn that it is OK to move on. I know that F ultimately would want me to be happy and not be alone. I am young and have a lot of life to live. I still have my days where I am in a funk and grieve what I had with F. Sometimes things in daily life trigger reminders of F. Maybe something I see on hear in the radio or a silly movie line M recites that F used to say too. I allow the moment to grieve. I am honest with M when I need a little extra space to wallow and he gives me that. I don’t know if my grief will ever fully go away. I guess that is part of loving someone. I apologize that this isn’t advice but just my experience. It’s helped me on my grief journey to hear from other people that can relate.

It was a beautiful day today!

They are water resistant so maybe that’s why… but Google how to properly dry it out. You use need desiccant or even rice.