MsAin1st

Yeah, it’s really not been good around here for awhile. Even the crummy places are expensive, and what is affordable seems to be few and far between. I’ll look around, but I’m not hopeful to find anything. I could talk with my mom and then maybe have a more clear head going into talking with both of them. I just don’t understand why he’s acting as unreasonable. Someone mentioned that he might be in overprotective mode. That sounds like it could be what’s happening.

Our relationship has always been very good and whatever happens, I don’t want to ruin that. I’ve been butting heads with my dad mostly. He gets mad and then I get mad and then it is no fun. And my mom always sides with him, even if what he’s saying or asking isn’t really reasonable. Some of the stuff he’s asking if I’m out doing is stuff I’ve never done or never will do, so it doesn’t even make sense that he’d question my whereabouts. I wasn’t a perfect kid and I’m not a perfect young adult, but I am pretty responsible and mature for the most part and am not out at wild parties or doing drugs or drunk driving. The wildest I get is trivia night with friends at a local brewery. My siblings all agree that they’re being strict with their “rules” and they didn’t treat my brother like this when he moved back for a bit. I really wanted to wait for the summer to move. But I will start looking for something sooner. Hopefully I can find something by the end of the year.

After my fiancé passed my parents thought it would be a good idea to move in with them. It WAS a really good idea. I was struggling mentally and was in a very dark spot so being back with my parents and one of my siblings was absolutely the best choice. It also was meant to help me straighten up my finances. I am still living there. Things have been getting better for me. I am doing better financially as well as mentally. I’m work full time and in grad school and have a guy I’m seeing regularly. My problem is that my parents have started being completely overbearing. They are treating me like I’m 16 again— telling me I’m not allowed to spend the night at his house (that hasn’t even come up yet), always wanting to know what time I’ll be home, wanting me to call/text when I get places, questioning where I’m going/who I’m with, etc etc etc. They're constantly nagging me to stay on top of my school work (which I’ve not let slack AT ALL). I seriously had looser reigns on me when I was a senior in high school. 🤦🏻‍♀️ How do I tell them I’m an adult, I’m handling my job and my school work and I’m fine to go out with my friends and and have a relationship if I want one? I help with household chores and cooking. I’ve also offered to pay rent but they’ve refused that because they want me to get my finances back on track and save up as much money as I can. I know the obvious answer is to move out… that is my ultimate plan but won’t be happening until summertime next year. How can I respectfully tell them to back off? I’ve tried but it always turns into a fight of some kind and I’m tired of it. Feeling really beat down after a crummy weekend.

Thanks for that idea! He thought it would be fun to do & wants to come pick out my costume with me. 🤗

😂😂 I’m going costume shopping today. Not sure I want to be a crayon (which is what I dressed up as for work) on a date. LOL.

I have talked to him! We went for a run together Sunday morning when he was finished working. I asked him to food trucks & mini-golf for Tuesday evening. We had a lot of fun. He did mention me falling asleep, but it was in a fun, teasing manner. He was playful but caring the whole time and kissed my cheek when he dropped me off at home. I am going to his house on Sunday for trick-or-treating. His street makes a big deal of it so it should be fun!

Yes, Wiseman. It’s him. We’ve been very slowly getting to know each other. That was the first time we’ve seen each other somewhere not public or without mutual friends present. We've only talked on the phone or texted since Wednesday night because he works weekend night shifts, but you’re right, he was so gentle with what he said. Guess I’m silly to be worried. I like him a lot and don’t want to mess things up. I was 18 when I met Frank, so this will basically be my first real “adult” relationship. Honestly, it’s kind of scary! I just want it to go well. Thanks 😊

Last night the guy I’ve been getting to know invited me over to hang at his house to watch a Halloween movie. We were sitting together and I snuggled into him and fell asleep (embarrassing part #1). He woke me up when the movie was over and I said “Oh God Frank, I’m sorry I fell asleep!” So embarrassing part #2 is I called him the wrong name. I felt crappy as soon as it happened and apologized, but he brushed it off and was like “well that’ll probably happen every now and again.” I am super embarrassed by these things. I don’t want him to feel like I was bored… in fact I was just comfortable and felt really relaxed with him. And secondly, do I need to say anything about calling him the wrong name or just let it go?

Losing a pet just flat out sucks. When you’re ready, call some vets and see if you can find one that does home euthanasia. You and Kitty can be comfortable in your own space as you say goodbye. Letting a pet cross the rainbow bridge is a true act of love. 💜

Time to call a family meeting and outline some new expectations. It would be good to have a “contract” typed up that she can agree to and sign. If she doesn’t want to, then she can move along. She’s an adult and needs to be treated like one. My parents gave us the choice to live at home during college or to move out. If we chose to live at home we were expected to help with the house chores and have a part time job. They didn’t charge us rent but we had to be actively putting money into a savings account. We also had to follow basic house rules and give an approximate time we’d be returning from an evening out (that helped cut down on the worrying).

I’m big into calendaring and planning. I do this weekly. Since I teach but am also a grad student, I outline what I MUST accomplish for each during the week and on what day I want to do it. I also factor in my home tasks (laundry, cleaning, etc). I do 1 major chore per day and laundry a couple times a week. After I’ve done all this I can see what free time/me time I have left and know when I can meet up with friends. I’m a visual person so having things laid out in a planner helps me keep it all balanced.

So if he can’t follow the fwb arrangement you agreed to, stop seeing him. It seems like 1 person developing feelings in a fwb relationship is a common thing.

Husband needs to take a turn getting baby ready to go out for an outing as well as getting himself ready. He will see that it isn’t an easy or quick task.

It will only be awkward if you let it! Go have a magical night!!!

Update: Met up with M for a long run this morning. I told him that I am conflicted and not sure that I am ready for dating or a relationship. I told him I want to take things slowly & before he could agree with it, I need him to take a bit and consider what that could mean. I don’t want to string him along if he wants more than I can give right now & I don’t want to be pressured into things I’m not ready for yet. He told me he understood and would think carefully about it all. Also, scheduled a counseling session for Tuesday. Thanks for urging me to get back to that. O

Do your parents object to you going to homecoming with him? If not… Go to the dances with him and have fun!

Thank you Lost & Sherry. I will definitely be honest with him about my feelings. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel any kind of hurt or pain because of me. I surmise that he he already knows how I feel, but I agree it’s best to be up front with him. He texted me a bit ago to ask if I’d like to meet up with him in the morning for a run.

Yeah, it’s probably not the best plan to get involved with anyone now. But it felt so damn good to hold someone’s hand.

I had been in grief counseling but stopped going in June. I needed a break from most of my commitments for the summer— after Frank, a truly taxing school year and also being a grad student, I just needed time to just be. I also had to move because I could no longer afford rent by myself. Resuming counseling is a smart plan. What do you mean by investing in myself? I see my friends regularly, have hobbies, a career, and am a grad student as well.

Well last night I felt terrible, and no it wasn’t too much rum. I laid in my bed and bawled for at least a couple of hours. I mean, I suppose I should have expected that. As hard as I try to keep them in check, my emotions are all over the place. Not sure how to process grieving over one man but feeling happy when another sends me a text.

Thank you for all of the encouragement. We had a really nice day together. The only weird part was being spotted by some of my students moms, sitting on the beach in a bikini drinking rum from a bottle… instead of being in school with their little angels. 😝

He had a medical incident and died in a car accident. Shocking and unexpected is an understatement. He was 24. I met this guy this summer through mutual friends. He’s actually a friend’s brother. We were on a group camping trip. We ended up talking around the campfire and fishing and kayaking together. It felt good to have fun and laugh. I smiled a ton. His sister encouraged him to ask me to go on a date. She encouraged me to say yes. She said my eyes looked “bright” again all that week and she could tell it was good for my heart to not be so sad. All of my friends are married or nearly there. I know she’s just looking out for me and wants that for me too. Heck, I was supposed to be a Mrs in 2 months. Maybe I just feel bad putting Frank behind me. I woke up this morning and decided to go out with him. He is taking me to the beach for a walk and a picnic lunch. Super low key and low pressure. Hopefully that will work in my favor.

I am having my first date tomorrow since my fiancé passed away last year. I was so excited… until i wasn’t. I know I need to do this because my fiancé isn’t coming back. I really just needed somewhere to say these thoughts. My friends have been encouraging me to date again and I think they’ll be disappointed that I’m scared, nervous, really unsure of myself. thanks for reading.