Nasnas

I do love myself but I think it’s also a journey that one continuously learns I don’t plan to care or get attached to anyone anytime soon, this was just an attempt to better understand myself and just because this resonated with me on a scary level. You’re probably right though, I guess it’s probably not that reliable but I wanted to hear about peoples journey with this that’s all

So I recently came across attachment style theory. I’ve read about it and done multiple tests and found out that I have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. I relate to most of the signs of a DA type even though I relate to some of the anxious attachment signs. This helped explain some of the problems in my previous relationships. Idk about its accuracy but I know that it helped me understand myself and the reasons behind how I act. I have a question regarding this. Firstly, I’ve been trying to use google resources for this but I want to know how and if anyone has successfully worked towards developing a more secure attachment style in their relationships? I feel like understanding this can help me have better relationships in the future.

I was just afraid I guess idk. But honestly I didn’t feel as bad or as much as it hurt me the first time we broke up. It is still painful but there’s some sort of relief with it idk. Anyway, Thank you for your input!

I assumed that I pulled away because of what I was going through, the anxiety and the thoughts that came with it and not because of him or his actions and that I self sabotaged the relationship which is why I wanted to give this a second chance. I basically thought it’s the timing and he hasn’t done anything wrong and that I was still attracted to him. But the truth is that being with him didn’t make me feel good and i also ignored our differences on fundamental issues. I have learnt a lesson and this hurts but I know it’ll get better. Thank you so much 🙂

I honestly just blamed myself for the breakup, on my mental health & it being not the right time. I completely forgot about the incompatibility and the stress associated with this relationship. I felt nervous around him which was a sign I failed to see. I initiated the break up and I was in awe that he still came back, promising that we could make it work. Even now that I’ve blocked him I’m still confused and it’s hard to even explain the confusion because nobody heard our conversations and lived what I’ve lived. This is hard but I know it’ll get better. Thank you! eff him ikr 😂

Ik :(. You might not remember but your advice helped me move on the first time as well so thank you, again.

I’ve always felt anxious with him, it’s a sign I failed to see unfortunately. I blocked him, it hurts but it’ll get better. I’ll seek help asap. Thank you everyone.

I think this is what I needed to hear. Thank you so much

My initial thinking was that I learnt how to deal with my anxiety better so it’s a different situation. And he felt different more willing to communicate and work on loving someone with anxiety. I thought the timing was better & we were both better now. But I guess not, idk.

I dumped him. I pushed him away and I sabotaged the relationship. And we drifted off after that. He said that he would have supported me better and worked to make it work if he hadn’t been going through stuff himself.

We didn’t meet after we talked. We were busy we were going to meet soon though. He didn’t really want me to change my plans he was supportive that’s what makes this so hard. He said we would work on it together. It seemed so real, it’s so confusing. Is it stupid of me to think that something might be the problem and that he has a reason??

I had exams and he was busy too. Is it stupid of me to think that maybe something is up? I’ve cut him out of my life before and I can do it again but without closure wouldn’t it be hard? I mean without knowing the real reason that’s if there is any?

No he said he also was going through stuff which is why we drifted off the first time

Recently me & this guy got back together. It’s important to note that we dated for about 8 months before but we sorta drifted off. We both always made it clear that we were dating to marry, if compatible (religious reasons) I say we drifted off because I was dealing with anxiety & depression and pushed him away telling him we’re not compatible. Basically self sabotaged the new relationship without giving it a proper chance. We were different in many ways but there was chemistry & after learning to deal with anxiety/depression and deeply thinking about it I felt that we could’ve had a chance. We could’ve handled it better. 11 months went by & he liked my video on social media. We didn’t have a proper “bad breakup” or anything so I had him on socials not blocked. I was very busy healing but this single interaction triggered my anxiety and I started thinking of him for the first time in a long time. Then about three weeks ago he contacted me. He called and apologized. He told me he didn’t like how it ended. He said he wanted to give it a shot and that he also wasn’t in a good mindset. His business is doing better and he too is doing better he told me. I asked him why it took him so long and he said he thought I’d hate him even though I believed I was mostly in the wrong. I was really happy because deep down I wanted to try this again. We decided to leave the past behind and start again. We were doing so great, we talked everyday. We talked about important things. I was outside the city so we couldn’t meet. I could’ve drove and so could he but we didn’t because I was busy with work and College exams. He told me about how he wished I wouldn’t transfer to college in another country (I’m doing the process to transfer) and he told me he didn’t want anyone else. He told me he wanted to make this work even if I left. He felt different in a good way and he was trying. of course at some point I started to see our differences and we had disagreements as do any two people. Our goals were aligned and we are attracted to each other but he shows care in a different way, jokes in serious convos and doesn’t want to argue/fight and wants to avoid/dismiss the problems. But this time we were communicating a little better and trying better. (Idk if it’s relevant but he told me he was in a toxic relationship before). It was all great until a week ago. We used to talk every day, say good morning and good night. Even if we were busy. I got all the reassurance I needed and I was happy. Then that stopped as he didn’t go online that often but we still called once a day. And then a few days ago we video chatted as we did a few times before and it was nothing out of the ordinary. Then lights went out where he was so he told me that we would talk later. This was on Friday. I had problems with my charger so Saturday my phone was mostly off, I didn’t contact him. We talked everyday so I expected that he called but I didn’t get a notification that there was an attempt. And there were no texts so I thought okay that’s fine. Sunday morning I called him and he didn’t answer. I thought okay maybe he’s busy and didn’t call the rest of the day. Then I called last night (Monday night) again but he didn’t answer. Of course I thought of the worst case scenario but His sister is online so I don’t think something major has happened. I’m confused. Shouldn't he at least let me know he’s fine? Am I overthinking this? What do I do.

I love that your advice comes from an awfully similar experience, you probably understand how I’m feeling and that really helps. You’ve also helped me realize that even though yes, I could’ve and would’ve done a better job of handling the situation, if we were meant to be, WE would’ve tried harder, it takes two of us not just me. I need to forgive myself and move on. I guess we weren’t meant to be. Hope you heal and so do I. Thank you so much for your advice and resources ❤️