purpleshirt

So your girlfriend cheated on you with another guy? And now she wants to start hanging out with a new girl who is possibly dating the guy she cheated with? No telling what her motive or intention for trying to befriend this girl is. She could be jealous or looking for some way to reconnect with the guy she cheated with. Or maybe she just genuinely wants to hangout with this girl. I think the bigger issue is that you don't trust her. This is completely understandable given her previous actions; and it is difficult to rebuild trust after cheating. Especially if the person she had the affair with remains in the picture or in the peripheral. I agree that if you confront her, she will just deny that her intentions have anything to do with the other guy and she will try to make you out to be irrational and unfair. How long have you been dating? Where do you see this relationship going? Why do you want to stay with someone who cheated on you?

I have a work colleague who left her husband with a long list of reasons why it was all his fault and things he wasn't doing for her. Ultimately, she was cheating on him. She never filed for divorce and he kept waiting...for 6 years. All the while she was in a relationship with another man. He finally filed for divorce after she took a large sum of money he had saved in a joint account so she could make a down payment on a house for her and her BF. She flipped when he finally filed because she lost access to the money and she lost the security of still having him hanging in the background in case things didn't work with the new guy. It's best if you just go ahead and file yourself. There is no reason to wait. This marriage is over.

I always refer to my neighbor's man as her boyfriend even though she will state that it's really FWB. It is just easier for me to put a label on their relationship when speaking of him. My choosing a label doesn't change what they ultimately have. His aunt probably referred to you as his girlfriend because that's the simplest label for her to put on it. He most likely called you his girlfriend when talking to colleagues because he didn't want to get into the whole FWB conversation. Saying you're his girlfriend was easier. Even if he truly considers you his girlfriend it is clear that he isn't willing to take the relationship any further. You've been in this for eight years, what else has changed other than him saying the word girlfriend to someone? I agree with the others that you aren't going to find your way forward if you stay involved with him.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am so sorry for your losses. When/how to talk about it has been something I've thought about a lot. There's no easy way to bring it up and it will be a heavy conversation to have. Trial and error seems to be inevitable. I appreciate the reminder that it isn't a reflection of me if things are difficult at first and that I should remember to give myself some grace.

Thank you. It is helpful and hopeful to learn that others have found love again after loss. It helps to know this isn't as impossible as it feels. Just thinking about getting back out there can overwhelm me. But I think it's fear mostly, uncertainty of what will come. I've gotten some good advice in this thread and I do intend to start the journey forward. I have to remember that it is baby steps right now.

This is definitely one of the first steps I need to take. Not only did the loss of him lead me toward some self isolation but having COVID hit just after compounded that significantly. I have started to explore opportunities to get out and mingle and take advantage of invites from friends.

I have considered this. He was so much of what I wanted that it will be hard. Once we were having a conversation and he said that if anything ever happened, the next guy best be better than him, lol. He was joking but damn what a seemingly impossible standard he set. Making a list seems like a really good place to start. Not only will it help with navigating the waters but it may also give me insight into some of those existing expectations. I agree that online dating would be an overwhelming place to start. I remember how tricky that can be. My hope is to be able to meet someone organically but that can be elusive. I'm not in a hurry though. I don't need to be in a relationship but I'd like to eventually find someone I could share life with.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am so sorry for your loss. It helps to know that I am not alone in going through something like this. I do already have that feeling of betrayal as I think about moving on, moving forward. I have talked through that a lot in therapy. I anticipate having many of the same responses you have with moments of sadness and reprocessing grief with each step. I am glad that you have been able to find someone who is supportive and understanding. I hope to eventually find that for myself. I don't want fear to keep my from trying. I think taking it slow is going to be the key. Like you said, I know that he would want me to be happy and live fully.

For about 3 years, I was in the absolute best relationship of my life. He was a beautiful man, emotionally available, supportive, loving....everything I could have ever asked for really. We were talking about marriage. Then quite unexpectedly he passed away from a massive heart attack at the age of 36. That was a little over two years ago. I have grieved the loss of him and accepted his passing for what it is. I'm starting to think about dating again and realize I have no idea how to do that. I've never been someone who has dated after loss so I don't know what to expect of myself. I can't really rely on any of my previous dating experience because I am nowhere near that same person anymore. Anyone have any advice? I think I'm scared of making that first leap and falling flat on my face. Or busting out crying from emotions that get stirred up.