itsallgrand

I'm sorry. That really sucks! It would feel terrible being excluded and feeling taken advantage of by the person who is supposed to be your team, your soft pillow when things are hard, your person. Unfortunately there are some people who are just materialistic and greedy who would step over their own to get something they want. Her mask slipped fast and she's not even able to hide it already. I'm really sorry you are hurting. I hope in the future you can meet that person who values you for the man you are.

Ok then I'm not sure where your worries are coming from then? This all sounds like her being her normal self which you are good with. No surprises. I think part of this is you have love goggles on. I'm sure she's beautiful, but there are beautiful women dressed up everywhere in Vegas. She will be one in a sea of many. Guys aren't going to lose their brains any more than what you have to worry about at home. Her getting ripped off of money is honestly more likely than someone swooping in and her not being able to handle turning them down.

Great! Next question, does she dress up like that ever when you two go out?

Do you trust her judgement?

This is a totally different thought....are you in love? I ask because there are times that sometimes people get wrapped up in the cozy wonderful feeling of being in love and some complacency sets in for a bit. People can gain weight, neglect their work a bit, fall into a bit of slumps simply because they are enjoying being in love and possibilities there. My step dad used to always say life is a big chunk maintenence and a small percent of new exciting things. The maintenence is what gets most people! It can be boring, repetitive, but it prevents so much extra work down the line. You know how to struggle and progress, but maintaining momentum to maintain could be a new challenge. There's lots to be gained in that. Things like patience, enjoying something for its own sake, slowing down to enjoy what you have. Congrats by the way on your mom being happy having met your spouse. I'm happy for you!

I had gone grocery shopping further from where I usually do. There were some big slabs of meat and cheese on the belt that wasn't mine. A thief got caught trying to steal and ran away when security confronted them. They are getting more and more brazen, sometimes running out with entire carts full. Resellers mostly, and I have zero sympathy for them. But I do have sympathy for people counting what's left in their wallet and whether they can afford proper meals. Inflation is so bad here lots of people have to choose rent/mortgage/bills/food and what gets cut this time?! Having grown up not even close to wealthy but always food and a house and what I needed, but with many much poorer friends, it never leaves me mind how fortunate it is to have the basics plus some little luxuries. I'll probably never be rich! That's OK. Security counts for a whole lot to me. And I'll never take it for granted, nor never not be stashing away for hard times.

Feeling very grateful. Freezer full of food, big old house with peace and without someone breathing down my neck, cute lil family, no medications at my age yet, good coffee in my cup. Gotta appreciate it when you can.

We were gifted an ebike. Holy crap is it fun lol. I tried to give them something for it but they were like no no no. Ok then but you are getting food then from my harvests. That was ok lol.

Wow that's very interesting. Great news on how the medication is working! I appreciate so much you, and others here, who understand what it is to live most of your life with anxiety. It's helped me so much especially in moving past feeling ashamed about it. And when a bad wave comes on, I know I can always be heard by someone who really truly deeply gets it. Honestly I'm at a place where my anxiety is manageable and a million times better than it ever used to be. But it's still rare to not have something there, some low level chattering and buzzing. I would love to experience a prolonged period of just quiet, nothing floating in the background, and have that be normal.

4 years is a long time so a dynamic has been formed here by both of you. When friends of mine have complained about husbands being lazy or not pulling their weight, I always ask "why have you picked up the slack for him and allowed it?". Do you have a habit of overcompensating in relationships by bending over backwards for someone who isn't giving back and forth? What's the payoff for you - because you wouldn't do it if it wasn't doing something for you.

No worries I've had comments removed (commenting on the AI bot posts) and such too.

She mentioned he's ok with her driving it here and there. Basically he just wants her to respect that it is something for him, and not a communal car. I find your take interesting. I've known so many people growing up with your take. It was part of the reason I wasn't in any rush to marry lol. This idea that you dissolve and can't have things of your own because you are in a marriage or a family or community - no thank you. The pressure for everything you have or do to be communal is far more oppressive to me than not getting full access to everything of someone I'm in a relationship with. I've lived the waking up the morning and someone is in the kitchen eating my special breakfast, someone took my car "cause they need it", and the guilt trips " it's so selfish if I want this, who are you deny me?!". No thanks.

Do you get how your approach to this may come across not the best ? You are worrying about a car he doesn't even have, that would be a result of his mom's death or disability, it comes across vulture like in my opinion. Not trying to be mean. You may be coming across mean to him though.

Oh wow. Good to know. Pretty annoying though.

Ahhh is that why it says I can't view a thread I replied to?

Why does it matter when you have your own car already? I'd be pretty turned off if my SO had your attitude. Yes, if you are married or common law then you share but that doesn't mean someone can't have something of their own. Its obviously sentimental to him, the family seems to put a lot of weight on passed down vehicles, why not let him do what he wants with it when the time comes?

I think you know if you do ever get serious there will be more to it than watching a child grow up. Your time, your money, your life will become entwined with the child. It's impossible for it not to. Alone time will revolve around when it can arranged around her daughter, meals in the house to accommodate a child, trips around child and school, money that would otherwise be used elsewhere used to support child, medical emergencies and emotional crisis big and small where your plans may be put on stop for child, kids friends in the house, and it doesn't stop even when kid is of age.. loans to kid, grand babies to sit, it goes on. These aren't bad things necessarily but if you think you will be able to sit it all out and not be wrapped in it, that wouldn't be realistic.

I see. So you are now ok with having a child potentially in your life in a serious way?

Are you looking for something long term or is that not too important to you?

Same! First thing my little face saw in this world was a nun lol. It was an old school Catholic hospital with nun nurses. The house 🥰 ! And I see nice green trees!!

Be careful. That's all I'll say. Use condoms and all that jazz...that's what I'd tell a friend in your position. Because I think you know this isn't your most clear headed but you are gonna go for it anyways.

Abuse?

I agree! Ugh I hate the cookie cutters houses with a passion. And a lot of them are built so crap on top of being ugly .

This is very true. If it's doable, it's a rare opportunity. Just make sure the house is safe before moving in...if they've lived there a long time, there might be health hazards they don't even realized or they don't want to bother getting it to new code so easier to sell to family quietly and leave it to you. That's OK so long as you find out and can afford to fix it .

Check the house for asbestos! My first thought. And the electrical. That and the foundation could be huge money pits so see what's what before deciding.