Snowed23

Neither and both. I don't think I was being rude by correcting someone on my name because it is my name. On my job I prefer to be called by ny name especially when I give it to you. And in this situation the co-worker knew my name because it was clearly on the Microsoft Teams chat but she chose to still call me dear which I think is inappropriate especially in an office setting and on a team chat.

How did my reply imply blame?

That's a lot of unnecessary words just to tell someone to call you by your name. In my opinion. Let me think of something really clever as to not offend them but they, in so many words, offended me by calling me dear.

So when I said, "My name is . . . and thanks (for the update)' which is basically what you said I should do. She had to come back with her response as far as being an older woman and that's just how she talks. Talking is one thing, but typing is something totally different. Ypou're looking at my name on your screen to type me a message but you chose to say "morning dear". A simple "ok" from her when I gave her my name would have / should have solved everything. But she chose to give her reply as to who she is and how she does things. I assure you she wouldn't address the CEO, CFO, or the COO with dear if she was sending them a message. So respect only is given to those above you.

Batya33, waiting on your reply as to how I should have handled this.

I never said it was unprofessional, I said it was not workplace appropriate. Was that rude? And she could just have as easily replied with a simple "ok" than to give her response, "sorry will not with you anymore." But I guess a woman has to have the last word to put a man in his place.

Ok, so as I stated earlier, how would you approach it? Someone is calling you something other than your name. What would you do or how would you address it? Doing nothing is not an option. What would you do?

So, in your opinion, how should I have approached it? And just overlooking it is not what I'm wanting you to answer.

And minor things can become major things if not addressed while it is a minor thing.

Me volunteering to a feminine organization for equal treatment will not correct this woman on calling someone dear or sweetie in an office setting. Women want equal treatment but balk at being corrected. Why is that, in your personal opinion. Equal treatment is fine until it comes to a woman having to do something she either doesn't want to do or something that's typically done by a man. I'm married and I dare not say to my wife, "you can just as easily take out the trash." Single women who live alone have to take out their own trash all the time or do they wait on a guy to come by then ask him to do it? If my wife calls me saying she's had a flat tire and is sitting on the side of the road do I say to her "pull up YouTube on your phone. There are tons of videos there to show you how to change a tire." Now I personally know a lot of women who work in repair shops who can tear down a transmission with a paperclip and a bottle of rubbing alcohol, being funny here but I hope you get my point. We as men should just always overlook what women do and if we don't then we're looked at as the problem. Tell a woman to just overlook or don't take it too serious when a man walks by and calls you sweetie or puts his hands on the small of your back. Is it wrong to just want to be called by your name?

So why are the rules be different for men than they are for women? If a man touches a woman in a non sexual way, say he just puts his hand on her shoulder while looking at her computer screen, that could come across as unwanted touching. But if the situation was reversed he'd look like a putz if he goes to HR. If a man called a woman dear and she goes to HR about it he will get called into HR and will probably get a nice talking to if not something put into his employee file. Why should it be different if a female calls a male dear and he does the exact same thing? I never said it was anything sexual but I just corrected her by saying my name is not dear. This si someone I haven't exchanged messages with in months however, she clicked on my "name" to send me a message but still chose to type "dear".

But how long would you just keep overlooking it before you said anything? You don't address it now and then 6 months down the road when you finally say something you could be looked at as "well, you've never said anything before."

I don't see a problem with being called "mom" at your child's pediatrician because that's not really a term of endearment. That's done more so for your child than it is directly at you. But was I confrontational? I just said "my name is . . . not dear." We are co-workers and she had to click on my name to send me a message so it's not like she didn't know my name. Miss (Bus driver) is totally fine with me as well because that shows respect to your child as to how to address their bus driver. But if your child's bus driver dropped your child off everyday and waved at you and said "hey sweetie" how long would you let that go on? I just don't think it's wrong to correct someone on your God given name. Dear is not on my birth certificate and we don't know each other on a personal or even an intimate level.

On the contrary, it can be controlled. If you don't let someone know how they are treating you or talking to you in inappropriate then they will continue to do it. Those people get pulled over by the cops I promise you they will not call them sweetie or honey. It'll be year sir or no sir. Or yes ma'am or no ma'am. Go to church and I'm sure they do not call their pastor by name. It's reverend, pastor, priest, rabi, or bishop. They go to the doctor and I assure they it'll be Dr, this or Dr. that. Go to court and call the judge by his or her name instead of your honor and see what happens. Yes, these people have titles but unless you direct someone on how to address you then they will think it's perfectly fine to address you however they want to.

I get what you're saying. A polite place holder could as well be ma'am or sir. Sweetie, honey, or dear come across as condescending like I'm more important than you. If you don't remember someone's name there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" A male co-worker placing his hands on a female's shoulder could be misconstrued as sexual harassment or unwanted touching. But why should someone just overlook being called a term of endearment?