Snowed23

Neither and both. I don't think I was being rude by correcting someone on my name because it is my name. On my job I prefer to be called by ny name especially when I give it to you. And in this situation the co-worker knew my name because it was clearly on the Microsoft Teams chat but she chose to still call me dear which I think is inappropriate especially in an office setting and on a team chat.

How did my reply imply blame?

That's a lot of unnecessary words just to tell someone to call you by your name. In my opinion. Let me think of something really clever as to not offend them but they, in so many words, offended me by calling me dear.

So when I said, "My name is . . . and thanks (for the update)' which is basically what you said I should do. She had to come back with her response as far as being an older woman and that's just how she talks. Talking is one thing, but typing is something totally different. Ypou're looking at my name on your screen to type me a message but you chose to say "morning dear". A simple "ok" from her when I gave her my name would have / should have solved everything. But she chose to give her reply as to who she is and how she does things. I assure you she wouldn't address the CEO, CFO, or the COO with dear if she was sending them a message. So respect only is given to those above you.

Batya33, waiting on your reply as to how I should have handled this.

I never said it was unprofessional, I said it was not workplace appropriate. Was that rude? And she could just have as easily replied with a simple "ok" than to give her response, "sorry will not with you anymore." But I guess a woman has to have the last word to put a man in his place.

Ok, so as I stated earlier, how would you approach it? Someone is calling you something other than your name. What would you do or how would you address it? Doing nothing is not an option. What would you do?

So, in your opinion, how should I have approached it? And just overlooking it is not what I'm wanting you to answer.

And minor things can become major things if not addressed while it is a minor thing.

Me volunteering to a feminine organization for equal treatment will not correct this woman on calling someone dear or sweetie in an office setting. Women want equal treatment but balk at being corrected. Why is that, in your personal opinion. Equal treatment is fine until it comes to a woman having to do something she either doesn't want to do or something that's typically done by a man. I'm married and I dare not say to my wife, "you can just as easily take out the trash." Single women who live alone have to take out their own trash all the time or do they wait on a guy to come by then ask him to do it? If my wife calls me saying she's had a flat tire and is sitting on the side of the road do I say to her "pull up YouTube on your phone. There are tons of videos there to show you how to change a tire." Now I personally know a lot of women who work in repair shops who can tear down a transmission with a paperclip and a bottle of rubbing alcohol, being funny here but I hope you get my point. We as men should just always overlook what women do and if we don't then we're looked at as the problem. Tell a woman to just overlook or don't take it too serious when a man walks by and calls you sweetie or puts his hands on the small of your back. Is it wrong to just want to be called by your name?

So why are the rules be different for men than they are for women? If a man touches a woman in a non sexual way, say he just puts his hand on her shoulder while looking at her computer screen, that could come across as unwanted touching. But if the situation was reversed he'd look like a putz if he goes to HR. If a man called a woman dear and she goes to HR about it he will get called into HR and will probably get a nice talking to if not something put into his employee file. Why should it be different if a female calls a male dear and he does the exact same thing? I never said it was anything sexual but I just corrected her by saying my name is not dear. This si someone I haven't exchanged messages with in months however, she clicked on my "name" to send me a message but still chose to type "dear".

But how long would you just keep overlooking it before you said anything? You don't address it now and then 6 months down the road when you finally say something you could be looked at as "well, you've never said anything before."

I don't see a problem with being called "mom" at your child's pediatrician because that's not really a term of endearment. That's done more so for your child than it is directly at you. But was I confrontational? I just said "my name is . . . not dear." We are co-workers and she had to click on my name to send me a message so it's not like she didn't know my name. Miss (Bus driver) is totally fine with me as well because that shows respect to your child as to how to address their bus driver. But if your child's bus driver dropped your child off everyday and waved at you and said "hey sweetie" how long would you let that go on? I just don't think it's wrong to correct someone on your God given name. Dear is not on my birth certificate and we don't know each other on a personal or even an intimate level.

On the contrary, it can be controlled. If you don't let someone know how they are treating you or talking to you in inappropriate then they will continue to do it. Those people get pulled over by the cops I promise you they will not call them sweetie or honey. It'll be year sir or no sir. Or yes ma'am or no ma'am. Go to church and I'm sure they do not call their pastor by name. It's reverend, pastor, priest, rabi, or bishop. They go to the doctor and I assure they it'll be Dr, this or Dr. that. Go to court and call the judge by his or her name instead of your honor and see what happens. Yes, these people have titles but unless you direct someone on how to address you then they will think it's perfectly fine to address you however they want to.

I get what you're saying. A polite place holder could as well be ma'am or sir. Sweetie, honey, or dear come across as condescending like I'm more important than you. If you don't remember someone's name there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" A male co-worker placing his hands on a female's shoulder could be misconstrued as sexual harassment or unwanted touching. But why should someone just overlook being called a term of endearment?

I was just talking to my sister and telling her the situation and I look at it like this. If you are face to face with someone and they are talking and say these words that's just how they "talk". Maybe I can overlook that. But when you type something you choose to type dear, sweetie, or honey. My brother-in-law is a curser and I just think he's talking so much until he probably doesn't realize he's cursed. However, I've never gotten a text from him using profamily.

I am an at home patient services representative for a major medical company and we have Microsoft Teams to communicate with other co-workers. I deal with patients and doctor's offices all the time. When I answer the phone I clearly give my name and I ask for the caller's name so I can address them correctly. You can't imagine the number of times I'm called sweetie, honey, or sugar by patients or even the staff from a doctor's office. When I hear it I politely give my name again. Some don't mind getting corrected while others take offense to you for being corrected on my name. If you work in an office and see regular customers / patients face to face then calling them sweetie or honey may, "may" be fine if they don't object. But when you call another business there needs to be some level of phone etiquette, in my mind. Case in point, one woman (patient) I was speaking with kept calling me sweetie and honey during the call and when I corrected her on it she apologized and said, "I'm sorry, I call my kids those names." When did I, the person you are on the phone with conducting business, all of a sudden become one of your kids? Another case. A woman (patient) kept calling me sweetie or something and then when I corrected her on my name this was her reply. "Oh, I'm sorry. Can I call you ***?" This morning I had this interaction with a co-worker, again a co-worker who I haven't spoken to since March of this year. Her: Morning dear, your missing information came in for case #. . . . Me: (Insert name), not dear. And thanks. Her: Oh, sorry, I am an older woman and I use this term. Sorry will not with you anymore. . no problem Me: No problem, I'm not too offended but some things are not workplace appropriate Her: Let it go . . I'm good and you are too . . .I got it Again, this is a co-worker who I do not know on any level. The last time we exchanged any messages was back in March. I even looked up her Facebook account and she doesn't appear to be much older than me if she is at all. It's not like she's in her 60s or 70s. If I was in a roadside diner or some dive bar maybe getting called sweetie or dear wouldn't seem so offensive but this is a co-worker in a professional office setting and those chats are saved to the company server. Say this was a male co-worker going around callng his female co-workers sweetie, honey, or dear. I assure you he'd be called into HR so fast. But since we're work from home and not face to face should those rules get relaxed? Am I making too much of this or did she go a little overboard on her reply? How do you handle a co-worker calling you something other than your name? And I look at it this way, she typed this so she clearly could have just as easily typed my name or even left that part out. She chose to say "morning dear". I've never called my insurance company, power company, doctor's office, credit card company, or what have you and called the person I was speaking to dear, sweetie, or honey. It's a respect thing. If I don't remember their name I call them sir or ma'am. Even if I can tell they are younger than me. I still give them that courtesy.

A little more than a month ago my siblings and I had a big cookout for my parents. Their 63 or so wedding anniversary was coming up. Dad was turning 86 in Aug and Mom will be turning 80 in Sept. So we have one big gathering and invites a ton of family and friends and a lot of people from our old neighborhood who are still living and around their age. Ok, last week or so my sister sends out a text to say that she wants to have another smaller cookout for mom this month since she is turning 80. Again, we just had the big shin-dig last month for her. But this time it was just going to be immediate family and a few close friends. We were told to just bring whatever we wanted to throw on the grill. Ok, this week my sister starts sending out a menu of what she wants everyone to bring. She told me to bring some turkey burgers. Wait a minute, I don't eat turkey burgers so why am I bringing them? I was going to make me and my wife a few burgers and maybe take a steak or two for us. If my memory serves me correctly my 40 year old some odd nephew and my brother in law are the only ones who eat turkey burgers. So has this changed from a BYOM (bring your own meat) affair to there being an actual menu and everyone is bringing something for everyone else? The cookout is tomorrow and she just told me what to bring today. I don't know who all she has invited so how many turkey burgers do I buy/bring? Right now I know of just my nephew and his dad. What if I only bring 6 burgers and 8 people want one? But then again, if I bring enough for 10 or 12 people and they are the only two to eat them I would feel that's a waste of my money OR I'm just buying meat for them afterwards. Stocking their fridge so to speak. I guess my thing is this. If you're having a cookout and you don't eat beef or you have dietary restrictions would it be customary that you bring your own food to put on the grill? I have a niece who is vegan, would it be wrong to ask her to bring hotdogs or burgers? Am I wrong to question why I'm bringing something I don't even eat? No, this isn't a situation of "try them,, you might like them." I'm not going to try them because I want a beef burger. And who is bringing the beef burgers? Chances are it won't be my nephew or brother in law . . . since they don't eat them. You feel me?

The TV in the bedroom is already mounted on the wall but where it's mounted the desk is right next to it and the TV is technically behind the desk where I'd be sitting. We can't really rearrange the furniture. Not many options as far as that.

My husband has posed this option and I wanted to get your take on it. Option 1: Since I work from the kitchen and he works from the bedroom he suggested we switch places. I move to the bedroom and he moves to the kitchen. In the bedroom I can shut the door. The only problem with that is that I can't watch TV. We do have a TV in the bedroom but it's behind where the desk is sitting. In the kitchen there is a large TV right in front of the kitchen table so I can watch it while working. I can't do that in the bedroom without having to keep turning around. Option 2: Since my office is now back open and we're going into the building 1 day a week my husband has suggested that instead of going in 1 day a week maybe I could go in other days too if the baby being here is keeping me from working. Why do I now have to leave my house because of a 2.5 year old? He says I could go in 1 or 2 more days a week and work there instead of trying to work at home. What do you guys think of these options?

Granted, his daughter is off work today and tomorow so the baby isn't here. And she's normally not here when mom has the day(s) off.

He only has 1 biological daughter and this is her daughter we're talking about. I have two sons from my first marriage and my oldest has 2 kids. That makes 3. My husband has a god-daughter he helped raise when her own father was shot and killed when she was about 2 or 3 herself. She calls him daddy. SHe has 3 kids of her own and they call my husband granddaddy. His god-daughter recently got married and her new husband has a daughter which my husband calls his bonus granddaughter so that makes 7. Of the 7 grandkids only 1 is a boy. All the others are girls. Did that clear it up for you. There have been trust issues in the past but that's behind us now.

My husband is permanently working from home so unless he changes jobs he'll be working from home. That's why I think he wants to keep her here so he can have a say so on how she is raised. I get it. And he likes to remind me that he got full custody of his own daughter when she was about this baby's age so don't play him like he didn't know what he was doing. Yes, he knows what he's doing. he buys all her clothes, well, the majority of them. Twice a year he'll order her a big crop of fall and winter clothes then spring and summer clothes. He buys all her dresses, shoes, bows, and ribbons for church and she hardly wears the same dress twice. He even does that with my oldest son's daughter. He has always wanted girls. Of the 7 grandkids we have only 1 is a boy. Now he loves that one grandson to death too because he's the only grandson. And he's told his daughter / god-daughter that if her and her husband wanted to have one together they would have to have another girl. And to your point, I would rather not go back into the office to work if I don't have to. My husband reminds me often that covid never meant that no one would ever have to go back into an office. It's just that his company sold / leased out their two large buildings to other companies. My job hasn't. They have a big building pretty much just sitting there empty for the most part. I can't keep an eye on my husband if I'm in the building 15 miles away. Yeah, I know that's going to come out wrong. No telling what he's doing here at home while I'm in the building.

I get along great with his daughter so there's no problem there. And yes, she socializes with her other cousins. His daughter has other siblings and they all have kids of their own so she is around other kids. She actually just moved into a new apartment with one of her sisters and she has 2 kids of her own. Her oldest son was born a week before this baby so they are right there along the same age. She is a very friendly child. She's really starting to warm up to people. We take her to church with us on occasion and a year or so ago she wouldn't let anyone other than me or my husband touch her. Now she's walking up to people and playing with them. It was cute a few weeks ago. One of the ushers who really likes the baby was collecting the offering and when she walked by our ow she grabbed the baby by the hand and she walked with her to collect the offering and take it to the finance table. Yesterday in church she was sitting on my lap and was fist bumping the people on the row in front of us. She is becoming a very social child but I just think it would benefit her more to be around kids her own age.

This isn't the family's first grandchild. It's his family's first great-grandchild so you know his parents just about give her what she wants. Yes, it's my husband's first and only biological grandchild but between us we have 7 grandkids. I have two sons and my oldest has 2 kids of his own. Of course his biological daughter has this baby and long before I met my husband he has a god-daughter who he calls his daughter since he helped raise her. She has three kids of her own and recently got married. Her husband has 1 daugher and he calls that girl his bonus granddaughter. Yes, my husband is bog on those kids. He's always going to see his only grandson play football, one of the granddaughter's is in cheer team so he's always there with her. Again, he's big on family. I think the reason he feels this way is because he's been there since the birth of this g-baby. He was actually in the operating room with her when she was born. He says you hear so much on the news these days about kids being abused or neglected in daycares until he doesn't want to take that chance with his flesh and blood.