itsallgrand

I haven't read your other posts but I am reading here there's other issues too. On this alone, I'd find it uncomfortable if a grown man I was with did this. It's not about having a libido and masterbating but the judgement call to announce that to everyone on social media by following women who are looking to make cash or get attention by getting guys like him to follow etc. Just a bad look.

I am so sorry. Sending lots of love your way. ❤️

0Well I think there's never a situation where an SO should be tearing you down like that. That said, a few things stood out to me. You saying missing the bus wasn't your fault, things do happen, but if things like that are happening a lot and you aren't able to take accountability for that, that will be a problem with most people eventually. If you are slower, cool, plan extra time to get things done and for "things happen". This is important not just in relationships but when you start working. Employers won't want to hear " well it wasn't my fault..." if you are late, etc. Take responsibility for either doing something or no. More broadly, relying on others too much is something worth working on too. I understand having issues that make things harder. I've had PTSD since I was a teen, my early adulthood I had to work really hard to get some things done that came easily to others. I made a point though to not rely on others a lot, I think it's really important to be self sufficient to the absolute best of your abilities - it impacts self esteem. It feels good to find a way to get things done for yourself! It's ok if you have to adapt, change how you do it, if it takes longer! The important thing is to really do the best you can. It's easy to get used to help - try to keep that for when you really do need it. Hope this helps. And good luck on the job hunt! Doing those things to build you up, try to focus there. If this relationship is hurting you more than adding , being on your own feet will help you find it easier to walk away.

I'm so sorry about your cousin. Sending healing energy her way.

You have to pick your battles or you risk people tuning you out completely even when it's important imo.

It's annoying, I get it. I don't think it's something you can realistically control though so I wouldn't worry too much or the other. I noticed there are certain women that relate to work as though they are mama . I have even had more than one female boss call us working under them " my girls" " kiddos". And they treated us like children she was mammaing lol. It's wildly unprofessional imo but it exists.

Morning. Yes, I'm Canadian. I understand what you are saying, I really do. One thing I really like about you Lo is you can disagree on some things but still have a conversation. That seems to me to be increasingly rare, and people seem so quick to jump these days. Something we agree on - I do think people have been muffled from being able to fully express themselves freely, and I'm very much not about that. That's a whole topic on its own. I just think, here at least, it's not people like Jordan Peterson who are losing their voices. They are loud as ever. Plenty of conservatives with plenty of power. Other side of the same coin really. Imo it's moderates who are being squeezed quiet! About the stay at home thing, well, we do disagree. And I've been called anti feminist for it. It's funny, you know we all get the poop coming from somewhere. Have kids, don't, stay home, don't, be rich, be poor, someone won't like it. I just think no one is owed being provided for by someone else, whether you are taking care of your kids or no. And I don't think being a mom makes someone anything other than what they were before as far as character traits - if you care about society, you care with kids or no, etc. Plenty of moms who don't give two figs to the future same as the rest, only one example. Same with community involvement, you either care and it's a priority or it's not. Being with your kids full time doesn't usually make a difference. It's funny because I do a lot of the things you do - love gabbing and bringing produce to neighbours, volunteer and am involved, I really believe you have to be part of that if you want that community there for you too. I see more working moms doing that honestly than stay at homes in my experience volunteering! But I also see more working moms sharing the load of childcare through friends, the community, the fathers. The kids aren't with mom all the time. I personally was so so happy when my niece "made it" to 20 without getting pregnant even though her mom would have loved that. She is getting a trade. I'm happy she can support herself, she has her own place she supports, she will get to have babies if she wants but she's not dependent on anyone now. That to me was a win. It took effort for her - so many people on her telling her being a mom is the be all end all - even as a teen they were pounding this into her. This is the other side to " being a mother is oppressive hell and worthless" that is equally poop and I fall in the middle.

If you really can't afford it, sure mention that. But if you are getting steak I think you are ok no? I'd bring the turkey burgers and any special thing you want to guarantee is there. My SO is vegan, we always bring something vegan in case. Sometimes there's something there for him, other times there hasn't been. You just roll with it.

I find it so weird that he has rose to fame. He's a dime a dozen around here! And I can't forgive him for using my beloved Russian literature the way he does lol. But hey, to each their own as they say.

I wouldn't reply. He's just sort of talking to himself trying to process, that's OK, but doesn't need a response.

I came across this today and it immediately made me think of this thread. You ARE hurting him trying to make him comply in your attempt to not get hurt again. "You can't create chaos in the lives of others and expect peace to come to yours. No matter what they did or how you feel, causing hurt to others will never bring healing to you." - Morgan Richard Olivier

What's really terrible is you are poisoning this guys first experience with a woman to be one that's sickly controlling. He doesn't know better because he hasn't gotten experience, but he will figure it out eventually. Might be like MissCanuck mentioned, he meets someone and realizes " holy crap, not all women are going to treat me like a criminal!". In your quest to hold onto him, you hurt him. That's just wrong. It goes beyond what you want - to stay with him - you are actively doing something hurtful and need to stop it one way or another. Since you can't control yourself to acting better, let him find someone who isn't mean to him like this. The more I read though, the more I think you are really afraid to be on your own.

You just aren't ready for a serious relationship imo. Not sure why you are trying so hard to force it, especially in your 20s?! Be free, have fun, learn to be comfortable in yourself. No relationship can do that for you.

Mylolita, yes, I too noticed an absence of any mention of how much she loves him, what she likes and admires about him, anything! Cuddlebunny, ready or not ready, is he your person? It really comes down to that. The rest can be worked on. But if you don't deep down want to be with him in thick and thin, nothing you try will matter.

Others may disagree, I don't know, but my thought is you don't say that. You are saying you know this is not him needing to change, it's deeper, you don't know if you can commit to this marriage. You need to figure that out one way or another. If you are in, be in. If you are out, be out. I can imagine anyone being ok hearing their new wife or hubby saying " yeah I'm not sure if this is what I want". He can't fix that so you'd be torturing him for nothing.

I used to work a really physically demanding job. The reality is when I lived alone I ate a lot of super simple grab food, like buying a roast chicken and turning that into sandwiches etc. Laundry didn't get done every second day like it does now, and chores waited until I had the energy. It's fine when you are alone but doesn't really work when you live with a partner. He may need some time adjusting. But be careful not to rush to thinking it's hopeless or he has bad intent every time something isn't working. Give him a chance to work it out with you. When you are calm (not right after seeing a pile of laundry annoys you, been there where I didn't pick the right time!) ...then you talk to him about this. And it's not a problem to fix for you, it's you as a couple needing to work out some expectations and work divide. No, I don't think all should fall on you. One thing that really helped us was figuring out what chores each of us don't mind and which we hate. I can't stand mopping, I don't know why. He doesn't mind it, so he does that one. As an example.

See Batyas post. You will be freaking miserable in a long term committed relationship if you can't stop yourself from acting out every tiny disappointment/irritation onto your husband. My SO doesn't drink coffee. Good coffee can make my day, Has he ever made me coffee? No, never, though I'd love that! And I won't hold my breath on that ever happening. But he's brought me to go coffee when I'm tired, he will stop a million times on a road trip if I want to try coffee at every new place, etc. Just examples. You need to appreciate this guy for the big picture of how well he treats you and check the times you feel like saying something bc it's not exactly what you want every time. Otherwise, it goes from being treated as a queen to being a spoiled princess routine;)

I think you are overthinking it! She won't judge you for taking her on nice dates, I promise.

Active dates are a favorite of mine. They can be so wholesome but you also get to use up that energy and flirt in a natural way. Golf, a walk somewhere pretty where you can stop in for a meal, go to a river/beach, go dancing, go to a cultural event, go to the park and have a picnic, etc. I'm excited for you that you are so excited meeting someone. I agree with keeping it to lots of nice dates out of the home and let it happen by her lead.

Maybe it's time to deal with it. Don't even wait a moment longer or any more damage to your relationship. Be proactive and book an appointment to talk to someone. Would be a nice surprise for your wife when she gets back.

Why are you so insecure with a woman you've shared such a long relationship with? Did she ever cheat? Or have you been like this forever just because your own issues? Poor woman hasn't gone abroad in forever and you are giving her a hard time! What?! Let her enjoy herself. This could have been a chance for her to miss you and come back excited to see you. But you are ruining a good thing.

Thanks! I'll give this a try. Appreciate it.

Yeah I agree. And it may have zero to do with you personally. It's odd to me he chose a birthday dinner to tell them. Kinda shows he's not great at approaching these things with his kids. Even though they are grown, there might be stuff regarding communication with their dad they aren't thrilled about. Delivery can mean a whole lot. I have to know....what is in a pineapple casserole? I've loved many a casserole but never heard of or tried a pineapple one! I'm intrigued.

How do you know her? Will she be in a position where she has to interact with you again ? I mean, yes, you do run the risk of coming off inappropriate. You have to weigh potential consequences and decide if it is worth it. Some things to think about you may not have considered are how it may come back around later. You'd be amazed what women are observing and how word travels. To give an example, many years ago at a workplace when I was starting the coworkers there alerted me immediately to which customers had asked people there out. They had all this information on them you wouldn't think. Another example, there are men I've never even actually met in my life who family members and others I know have dished about, red flagging them if I ever come across them! Point is, it's not just her watching. You risk alienating/making a poor impression on others who you may wish to date or have to interact with later too.

He took his car to avoid the airports...kinda almost feel more stressed him driving cross country than flying. But he has to enjoy his life too.