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anon12349876

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  1. anon12349876
    @boltnrun Can you elaborate on that if you don't mind?
  2. anon12349876
    @Starlight925 Yeah, I'm realizing that now and it's just hard.
  3. anon12349876
    @itsallgrand @Cherylyn Yeah, I'm not going to coax her into getting a job. If she doesn't want to get one then that's her prerogative, but I can't continue to work both jobs as much as I am now. I just told her I am feeling depressed, burnt out, and mentally exhausted from doing both of them and she basically just said that if I'm even depressed then changing how much you work isn't going to fix that.
  4. anon12349876
    @Wiseman2 We were together for about 4 years before we got married, and we have been married almost 3 years. She has been unemployed for about 2 years minimum. My relationship with her extended family is okay, but hers with mine is piss poor for the most part. The only thing we really "own" that we got while married or dating is our car, which is in my name only because she has no income and would not qualify for the loan, so it would probably be a really easy split financially speaking.
  5. anon12349876
    @boltnrun I think about my life if we got a divorce almost daily which I know isn't normal for a marriage, and I do think I'd be happier for the most part.
  6. anon12349876
    @Seraphim I agree, but I just have conflicted feelings about getting a divorce.
  7. anon12349876
    @itsallgrand That's exactly what I want. I want a marriage with both of us working, both of us helping, both of us cooking, both of us having goals. And it doesn't really feel like that right now.
  8. anon12349876
    @itsallgrand for me, as long as she either: had a desire, passion, aspiration, etc she was pursuing went back to college to finish her degree got a job cleaned/maintained the entire house on her own Then, I'd be okay with it. But she doesn't want to do any of those things.
  9. anon12349876
    @bluecastle I'd have to say that for me it's convenience, not wanting to start over, and hope that the relationship will improve. We have had a counselor in the past for a short period of time, but nothing really productive came from it and the counselor didn't even really understand why we got married or were staying together in the first place after like 4-5 1 hour long sessions. I recently asked for us to go to a marriage counselor, and she basically said what's the point because of how it went last time. She has no savings, no investments, nothing. We have no savings together either aside from the 5k in my 401k, and we actually have a quite a fair amount of debt including student loans, credit cards, affirms and other similar "Buy now pay later" platforms. We need work done on our car and have needed it for months, but we never have money for it. We are planning on moving to another state where it is cheaper next year, and I wanted to get a $98 bike while we were still where we are now (and not take it with us when we move), to which we "didn't have the money", but then the same day we went to a store and she spent $100 on a halloween decoration. @Batya33 She has done volunteer work in the past related to her previously desired career field, and no we didn't discuss expectations around work before we got married. I honestly didn't think we needed to, because it seemed like she had desires and goals and aspirations for her career, and was wanting to pursue those. @smackie9 If we were to get a divorce, I'd have no problem voluntarily giving spousal support for 12-18 months as I would never put anyone out on the street with nothing. We've only been married for a few years, so, in reality, the maximum time length I'd be required to pay court mandated spousal support would be about 18 months.
  10. anon12349876
    @MissCanuck Yes, we both have, me quite a bit more than her. We have both thrown things, but never at each other. More so out of frustration.
  11. anon12349876
    @MissCanuck I have had problems controlling my anger in the past, and while it is better now, it's still not great. A lot of small things push me over the edge when it comes to her specifically and our relationship, and I end up saying things and doing things I regret. Note that I have not put my hands on her, hit her, etc, nothing physical. I don't know if it's the pent up resentment that makes act like this with her or something else, but I am generally unhappy in our relationship and I think I take that unhappiness out on her sometimes.
  12. anon12349876
    @Cherylyn I've tried bringing up places like Hobby Lobby for her to work at since she really enjoys that store, but she doesn't want to work retail at all. I've tried bringing up remote work, but she doesn't want to do that either.
  13. anon12349876
    @bluecastle When we first met, we were in college pursuing our degrees, and she put her bachelor degree on hold because we had to move when I graduated, but she has no desire to go back to school to finish her degree. She shows basically no interest in that career anymore as well. We both worked while we were in school, and she had a job most of the time up until we got married. Then, she quit because her job wouldn't give her a day off for our wedding. She has looked for one once after we got married, but hasn't since. She was passionate about what she wanted to do and had goals and aspirations for her life, but it doesn't feel that way anymore. I do love what I do for work, but I am tired, exhausted and burnt out. When I bring this up to her and tell her that despite me working this much I do need time for myself to do things I enjoy, she basically says that there are men who work more than me and still sacrifice their personal time for their family so they can be with them. We have had a pretty rough relationship and I've honestly treated her quite bad over the years, but am trying to be better. She has mentioned in the past that if she had a job and could pay for things herself, she wouldn't be with me.
  14. anon12349876
    @Seraphim Honestly, that's really harsh and is not something I want to do as it would probably end the marriage. It's more of an attraction thing for me for her to have a desire/goal/aspiration in life that she wants to achieve.
  15. anon12349876
    @Coily Most days she spends it sleeping, running errands, playing games, watching TV, planning for an upcoming trip or event, or doing some minor cleaning. We do not have any friends nearby where we live so she doesn't go out and hang out with other people. Her main thing is she wants to be available to be there for her family and be able to go on vacations/trips whenever she wants since I can get days off work really easily, and if she had a job it wouldn't be super easy for her to do the same.
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