sophie274

I guess it's possible for the hymen not to break when you have sex (although likely after a couple of times it will). Are you still a virgin? Depends on your definition of virginity. If you think having/not having a hymen makes you a virgin/not a virgin, then yes by that standard you could still be a virgin. If you think virgin is no penetration by a penis, then no. If you think virgin is no fingering/oral sex, then no. My personal definition is that of intercourse, which I think might be the most common one, but many people have their own particular virginity standard.

Yay. Many more negatives to come I hope.

Ah, here's my point! So your lack of confidence began when you asked a 6 year old girl to marry you and she said no?! You've got to see this "sinking feeling you had" about no one ever liking you is ridiculous. I asked my grandfather to marry me when I was about the same age! (Back then I didn't know better). I'm only 18, but no one ever paid any attention to me until I was about 17. My parents would tell me I was cute, and I had trouble believing them. And then, over the summer, I started working out, changed my hair a bit, started to think I was a catch after all, and lo and behold, when I got back to school, boys were interested in me. And no, I really didn't look very different. Start the confidence-building NOW.

When was that? I mean how long ago?

Really? I thought that was just me! Glad to know I'm part of the norm

To the OP: I think you've only ever had sex about 5-10 times, is that correct? I could DEFINITELY feel it my first time, I mean, there's no way I could not have been sure that something was going into my vagina. You could stick your finger in and see if the sensation feels new or if it feels somewhat like the sensation of penetration. I think you probably did have intercourse though. Not sure if you were using condoms, but your husband probably would also have known if he wasn't in you. Sex/fingering can hurt even after the first time, depending on your lubrication, how rough he is, some infections, and so on.

Ross, seriously, what are you expecting from us? With that sort of attitude, what can we say to you that will make a difference? We can't PROVE that it's possible for women to be attracted to you offline, because all of us women are online, so when we say you're cute, you won't believe us. You've mentioned hot girls smiling at you, but "no women have ever shown interest". We tell you to get out there and try, and you say you just can't. You start threads about other things, like sex, how to flirt, etc ..., but eventually all it comes down to is you saying you're an evolutionary anomaly and can't attract women. I'd love to help you, but I honestly feel like you don't want help, just compassion, or maybe even pity. It is easier to fail than to succeed. No effort, no work, just wallowing. But I think you do want to succeed, or at least I hope so. You ARE attractive. Red hair is hot. I personally LOVE it (my boyfriend has red hair). So yes, maybe your pictures are weird and you actually look like an alien. But chances are you're more attractive in real life than in your pictures (I've found most people aren't photogenic). You're young. Plenty young. And in your picture you look younger than 30. You're going to have women chasing you well into middle age if you ever get on your feet. So your life is a bit of a mess right now. But that's also a great opportunity. You can choose what to do! Go to school, get a job, find some new interests. Consider that you have a blank slate: make the Ross you think would rock, and others will think you rock too! I see you think that your self-confidence is the RESULT of a lack of attractiveness. When did you give up and decide you weren't attractive? This year, last year, 10 years ago? (This is not a rhetorical question).

My boyfriend is not an alpha male, and I asked him out. You WILL do just fine, if you only have the guts to put yourself out there.

Theoretically, I like tall and skinny (as in thin with muscle tone, but not big muscles). My boyfriend is a rower, 6'2, 155 pounds, and I think he is delicious!! But I have dated people shorter and more muscular, etc ... I don't confine myself to my "ideal".

About the jokes: my boyfriend makes jokes that "he gets all the ladies" but we both know that he's totally kidding (I'm his first real girlfriend ) and we're both OK with it. Your boyfriend sounds like he may have a pattern of making hurtful jokes or being insensitive. He might not realize he's doing it, and you seem to be saying he's mended some of his past offensive behavior, so that could be a good sign. He might just be making a misguided attempt at some humor. Tell him seriously that these jokes are unacceptable and that they NEED to stop. If he continues, find someone who isn't a jerk!

I'm sure you are trying. But how about believing us when we say you're perfectly attractive, using that as a confidence booster, and then just taking your chances, signing off, and trying to meet some flesh and blood people? If after a serious effort it doesn't work, you can always come back here and say "I told you so"!

Is there anything you can think of that you're "good at"? It seems like you have quite the sense of humor, have you ever tried to do anything with that? Slowly getting into stand-up comedy or theater or something of that nature could teach you how to interact with others better, give you a serious confidence boost, and allow you to meet like-minded people. And on stage you can be whoever you want!

Also, you must see how people here are getting the impression you're looking for attention. I see you post in other topics where people are having issues with sex or unwanted/rude attention things like "I wish I had that problem" or "I wish I could help you but no one has ever wanted me" or things of that nature. It's frustrating because I, and I think a lot of people here, don't understand what you want to hear. I know you're wounded and frustrated, and need to vent, so you might not even be looking for solutions, just compassion. But take our advice and get out there and soon you'll need neither!

I agree with this 1000%.

I would also recommend doing your hair in a pony tail or something similar, just to make sure you don't look like you were dragged backwards through a bush after getting off one of the more exciting rides!

I'm pretty sure you can't NOT have pheromones. But who cares about that anyway? I'm sure there are plenty of attractive women that you're not attracted to, and plenty of attractive men that some women aren't attracted to. That's why you probably have about 3 billion women to choose from. Just because you're 30 and have never been intimate with a woman does not mean no one has ever been attracted to you. Have you ever been attracted to someone but not said anything about it or pretended you weren't? I know I have. In that case, it's very possible that plenty of women have turned their heads on the street and thought "damn he's hot". When I go places with my mother, she sometimes tells me "oh my goodness that guy just checked you out". I always wonder what she's talking about!!! Point: we're our harshest critics, and we don't always notice others' signals. It is possible that you lack of confidence is turning women off who might find you cute. Take pride in your appearance, cultivate your sense of humor, do things that make you feel good about yourself (exercising, joining a new activity, getting a haircut, "redecorating your room", whatever). If you wake up every day and think "My name is Ross and I am a catch", then women will start paying attention. (Just be careful you don't overdo it, arrogance is NOT cool).

(In the US college starts when you're 18-19: I think silentscream just thought she had met a precocious little genius!)

Hi I'm a freshman in college and I just had sex for the first time with my boyfriend a few months ago, and I certainly did not regret waiting. If you think you would like to wait for someone special, then by all means, do. First time sex is pretty awkward, and, in general, not that physically pleasurable for girls. I myself was rather nervous and glad I really trusted my partner, and the emotional bond I felt with him made the experience of being intimate wonderful - quite apart from any physical pleasure. It's true, you can't guarantee that the person you choose to give your virginity to will be your soulmate, or that you two will be together for life. But I think if you are in love with him and love him, then you will not regret your choice, even if you two do end up breaking up. Not all girls your age are having sex, regardless of what they might say! Don't let their boasting pressure you. And if you do decide to have sex, make sure you and your partner are both clean, and that you have adequate measures of birth control. Nothing to make you regret having sex like an unwanted pregnancy!

Not all girls who go clubbing are trying to get laid. Not all girls who go clubbing are dumb, and plenty of them are perfectly nice and intelligent and having some fun. Smart girls wear short skirts too. I do agree though, that clubbing may not be the best way to meet someone, since it's hard to have a conversation, although I have met people that way, and no, not for one-night stands. More low-key bars, classes, the gym, outdoors events, sporting events, online, religious functions, mutual friends ...

It must be rather annoying - I'm about your age but I've been away at school for a few years so it's not been an issue. Whatever you do though, don't lie to them. Trust takes a long while to build and about one second to destroy. What I mean is if they find out you are lying to them, it will be very hard for them to trust you again. So not worth it!

Sorry I hadn't read the post you made right before mine. It's great that you talked to him - glad that everything is sorted out!

If this is a party with a friends, maybe they were thinking "the more the better"? Or maybe they want to have a good mix of guys and girls: she brings her girl friends, he brings his guy friends?

For me, the Dove campaign just seems to be reinforcing the whole stick thin girl beauty stereotype. I mean, they have to make sure people KNOW they're doing a special campaign with REAL people, and they make a big deal out of it. If they truly, deep down believed that these "real women" were beautiful enough to be their regular models, they wouldn't be advertising their "real beauty" campaign. A bit cynical of me, but how about putting a curvy model on your magazine without any explanations?

My sister and her boyfriend have been in an LDR for a year in a half - she is in San Francisco and he is in France. No one expected them to survive the distance this long (they are quite young, 20 and 22, and don't have the opportunity to go visit each other very often, as tix are expensive), but sure enough they have and they are as crazy about each other as ever! I know they talk on the internet (actually talking, not IMing) and they both have webcams, so it makes it a little more personal I guess. They also send each other a lot of care packages and e-mails. They've arranged to spend most of the past two summers together and wll be together for practically 3 months this summer as well.

I agree with rocker. Hating your ex and talking about him/her all the time is NOT a sign of being over the break-up. If I were you, I would continue going on dates with this other woman, and see where it goes. Just make sure that you are very clear with her that you want to take things slowly. It seems like in your previous relationship you were too intense and smothered your girlfriend. Use that as a learning experience and slow things down this time around.