deejay74

first, before i get some advice, i need to make 1 thing clear - I CANNOT MOVE OUT BECAUSE I CANNOT AFFORD IT. I AM STUCK HERE i have been living in this apartment since april. my friend from back home has been living here about a year before i moved in and a room became available. at the time it became available, i was still deep in a depression from the break up. the room is also $500/month compared to the $800/month i was paying in my old apartment. i wasn't friends with my old room mates and we never hung out and i wanted to get away from reminders of my ex and me. oh, my old room mates were all female and very clean. i also took this apartment because i am friends with one of the tenants here. his name is "M". the lease holder has been living here for almost 5 years, his name is "A". before i moved in, i did notice how dirty the apartment was but i took the room also because M said he was a clean person and wanted someone else who was clean to move in. he said he couldn't battle 2 people who weren't clean. i was fooled. i also wanted to say i am not a "NEAT FREAK". i am a regular person that wants the common areas (kitchen, den, and bathroom) clean and neat at all times. i don't care what they do in their rooms. the philosophy i have is that if everyone cleans up after themselves, than no one has to clean another person's mess. they keep complaining that they have to wash other people's dishes! well woopty-freakin-doo!! god forbid they have to wash someone else's dirty dish! i have washed a sinkload of dishes i didn't diry multiple times. well, it seems that I am the only clean person, and since i moved in, i have cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, and den so much that it is like night and day from before i moved in. and you know what, it's still dirty as heck. i am also the only one who ever lifts a finger to do chores. no one pulls their weight. i am pulling all the weight. i have tried to ask them to help more, i have gotten mad, i've been nice, i've asked what can i do to motivate them - i have tried EVERYTHING i can think of but nothing works!! i was almost kicked out of the apartment by A, the lease holder, because i complained about how little these 2 people do, or don't do. i am not on the lease, btw. last july, i left town for a week. i purposely did not do the dishes or take the trash out to see if they would do anything. they didn't do sh*t!!! the same dishes (but more) and the same garbage (but more) was there. the first thing i had to do was to clean the kitchen when i got back from vacation. i am at my wits end here. everyday i think about what mess i have to clean up before i even get home. i am embarrassed to bring friends/guests over because it's so dirty. i apologize to them before they come in. luckily, these people are smart enough to realize it's not me who's dirty because they see how clean my room is. the excuses they give is that they're "too busy" but that's a load of BS. it only takes a few minutes to do the dishes, take out the trash, or whatever. it's not like it takes hours and hours to any one of those but they always use that excuse. my room mate was home for 4 days this weekend and didn't do a darn thing. yet he watched me do the dishes and other things. what else can i do?? i have run out of ideas and i feel all this anger and frustration building up. it's also hurtful to me because they seem like the don't see how much this means to me, and it's not much to ask for. i feel like i'm their parents!! M is 36 and A is 27 or 28, so these aren't kids!! i am at the point where i feel i need to take all my dishes, silverware, etc and leave them in my room, use them when i need to, and wash them right afterwards. it's also gotten to the point where i have to keep paper towels, TP, garbage bags, etc, in my room because they never buy those things either! i have NO IDEA how the lived here with out me! i am NEVER living with guys again because every male i have lived with have been slobs. some worse than others.

hmmm, my gut is sensing something here too... firstly, she just got out of a relationship and isn't sure they'll reconcile and she's the dumpee. this could very well turn out to be a "rebound" attempt. she breaks of the date and isn't sure about the next day because of her tv shows?? does she have tivo, a vcr, or something that can record her show? if her show is available on iTunes, she can watch it the next day usually. i feel that's a weak excuse. did she offer another day, then? if not, another red flag for me. she sends a pic of herself in a bikini. well, if it was JUST her, then i wouldn't feel concerned. but it's with her ex BF! c'mon! another red flag. and she asked almost nothing about you. i am sensing she's pretty self-centered. depending on how much you like her, i'd give her a second chance just to see if there are any more red flags that appear. but if you're not that into her anyway, i say move on to someone else. i hope this helps.

i think i might know what might be causing this "bad luck" i've been having, i think i am not being patient enough. not to say i'm showing it. that, i know, would be considered "desparate or needy". i say this because the girl i first mentioned just emailed me! she said that she can't come out tonight because she's working but she wants me to let her know when i am dj'ing next. i expected an email sooner, for some reason. i forgot to mention she's from spain and so i also asked (in my email) if she could cook spanish food since she works in catering. in the response she said that spanish cooking usually involves cooking for large amounts of people so she cooks plain stuff for herself. then she ended by saying see you in class. i know that's a very neutral email. right now, my gut tells me to leave it at that for now. i am thinking just talk to her when i see her in class next week. or is this too passive? this is the point where i start to worry about showing too much interest or not enough. it's a hard balance for me to gauge. any advice is appreciated!

i think you're absolutely right!! i live in nyc and males here are super aggressive when it comes to trying to meet a potential hook up buddy or even a girlfriend. i was never used to that but i have come to terms that that's just the way it is here. and being in nyc, i have met many females from other parts of the world, mostly europe though. and i have to agree, i have had better luck with approaching and talking to them. it seems they are more open to meeting men. but i am not condemning all american girls as that's all i've dated. no i haven't!! you're absolutely right too. thanks!

hi kleopatra, thanks for sharing your story. i've considered going to someplace public like a museum to meet girls, but i am not brave enough to start chatting with a complete stranger. i do best when i have been introduced or in an environment where i will see the person on a regular basis, like in class. that's why i chatted up the first 2 girls in my original post. see, i am trying really hard not to come accross needy, clingy, or desperate. i've done that before, so i know that is not a good thing to do. the email i sent to the first girl i thought was not sounding desperate at all. all i said was that i was in her class, i asked her what music she was into because i am a dj and so are my room mates. i then invited her out to meet me at the club tonight if she was interested in seeing/hearing good dj's. that's really it. well, the only other thing i can think of is maybe i am putting out signals on a subconscious level that they're picking up. the problem is, since it's not a conscious thing, i don't realize i am doing it. now with this girl who i think is a lesbian, well, i dunno what happened with her. like i said, it seemed she was giving me subtle signals that she might be interested in me. she gave me her email address today but now i don't think i will email her, unless it's related to school. oh well.

perhaps, but i am conscious that i am "seeking" a potential GF. i've "hooked up" with a few girls since my ex, but never wanted anything more from them. so, i dunno if i am giving off that vibe. i am trying not to. and before everyone says "you'll find a GF when you're not looking", i believe that's BS. all the girls i who've been my GF were my GF because i was looking. in addition, i use an analogy like this: if you're starving and haven't eaten in a while, all you will be able to think about is finding food. you won't find food if you're not looking for it.

not sure if this is in the right category, so sorry if it's not. i just need to vent a little frustration right now. i don't know what i am doing wrong, but lately the girls i have been interested in getting to know on a more romantic level have either been in a relationship, not interested in me like that, or gay (this was only 1 girl who i think is gay). i am wondering if i somehow know these things on a subconscious level but i can't figure it out. i am not getting any luck in finding someone who's interested in me the same way i am. i met a couple of girls at school. the first one i know is single so i emailed her the other day just to say "hey". i didn't email her the same day she gave me her address, but i waited a little bit. tonight my room mate is dj'ing in the city at a free event that's near were she lives so i invited her out. this was 2 days ago and i haven't heard from her. since tonight is the night, i expected to hear from her because i asked if she wanted to go. the second girl, who i thought was interested in me via her body language and such, gave me her email address today. so, being the curious person i am, i searched for her on myspace. i found her, but she had mentioned her "girlfriend" in her profile and it says she's in a relationship. it doesn't have anything listed under her "orientation" either but i saw 3 pics of her and this other girl on there. but all signs point to her being a lesbian. another girl, who completely came on to me and flrted with me turns out to be married! this girl i was really hoping to be single since we have so much in common. i dunno, i am a little frustrated. it's been a year since i had a GF and i am ready to start dating again, but it seems like i am not having such good luck. any suggestions?? thanks!

i didn't read through all of the posts on here but i wanted to say that the movie "just friends" accurately depicts what happens when someone is "friendzoned". i think both men and women have gone through it at one point or another in their lives. it's a frustrating place to be in but i think if you're constantly in that "zone", then you need to take a look at why you're always looked at as a friend by your object of desire. it kept on happening to me and i made it a point to stop it.

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!! because if you don't, you'll always regret not trying. i'm 32 as well and went back to school to persue a career in the creative field. i am in school with kids half my age and i have never had any formal art training. besides, "they" say 30 is the new 20.

thanks for the responses! so if the job posting didn't specifically request to attach a cover letter then i'll use the email as one. but what if the posting actually requests both a resume and cover letter attached, what should i say in the email? something like this? "i am submitting my cover letter and resume for the available position that was posted in on . thank you for your consideration."

i am not sure what the best way to handle applying online to job postings that require a cover letter in addition to the resume. what i don't understand is this: can i use the email itself as the cover letter or is that a no-no with regards to applying for a position? if it's not advisable, then what do i say in the email? i think it's rather redundant to apply online for a position via email only to include 2 attachments (cover letter and resume). why can't i just use the body of the email as the cover letter? thanks in advance.

thanks everyone, i do appreciate your perspectives and what it means to you if you consider a guy to be "pretty". i would also like to add that, coming from a male, being called pretty can sometimes be taken the wrong way. i am sure many of you would agree, if you call a guy a "pretty boy" it's almost an insult to that guy. i know that's not what my professor meant but you can see where being called "pretty" can be a little confusing and/or insulting. on the flipside, how would you ladies feel if you were considered "handsome"?

very interesting insight! thanks!!

oh, i did and do. (see my post above) but again, it makes me feel like i look like a girl. when i was in my pre-teens, and before my voice changed, i had been mistaken for a girl several times, even though i didn't dress in a feminine way (i was a skateboarder back then!). i am half-asian so i am not very hairy, i cannot grow a beard if my life depended on it! so maybe that has something to do with it?? hope75, what you said did help, thanks for the example!

i know i could be called much worse things than "pretty" and while i appreciate the compliment, it somewhat bothers me. today was the first day of classes and one of my female professors said i was "pretty". this is not the first time i have been called this. i have been called pretty many times before, even in childhood. i feel it somewhat makes me less "manly". i don't think i have ever been called "hot" or a "hottie", which would be nice. i've been told that i am "cute" and/or "adorable" and while this is great and i do like getting those compliments, i feel average looking people are often considered cute. i don't dress in a "feminine" way, i am very casual. mostly jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt. i also don't think i am a "metro-sexual" either. i honestly feel i am average looking, nothing too special. however being called "pretty" bothers me somewhat. again, i appreciate the compliment when someone does say i am pretty. it sure beats being called ugly. but i am wondering if there is a way i can go from pretty to hot or to "handsome".

it takes a lot to realize your parents are human and i think you need to realize this. to be human, is to be imperfect. your parents are ignorant. it's time to make your own decisions. accept the fact that your parents are feeding your insecurities and self destructiveness by telling you these racist remarks. what your parents have said couldn't be further from the truth!! perhaps your parents are so insecure that they are trying to make you feel as bad as them? i am only telling you these things to help. i could be totally off base but this is the way i see it.

i suggest you get some professional help. after reading your responses to everyone's suggestions, you seem to refute them all. it also seems like you have some deep self-hatred going on that you obviously cannot seem to realize. people on here are/were trying to help you by giving you other perspectives on how you view yourself and other races, especially the "brown" ones. yeah, racism does exits. deal with it when it comes your way but don't ask for it. it seems like you want to be discriminated against.

thanks for the quick responses, everyone. that's what i thought - that a message is better than a wink. so what's the point of the "winks" then?

a lot of dating sites give you the option to send a "wink" or something similar to show that you are interested in someone. i have a question, mostly for the ladies. what would you more likely respond to: a wink, or an actual message sent to you? i've tried the "wink" thing before a couple of times and didn't get a response. thanks in advance.

crvers, i need to thank YOU buddy! you were there for me when i was struggling with dealing with my ex post break up. you and i were going through similar feelings/emotions at about the same time. a lot of your responses to my posts helped me, so again, thanks! you're a great guy and someone that i would like to hang out with. i hope you're doing well (it sounds like it). take care. ps - i think i sent you my email address a long time ago. if you still have it, email me anytime.

i am so sorry you're hurting but don't hold it in. LET IT OUT!! cry like a baby if you have to. you will feel better afterwards. holding it inside will only make it worse. as a matter of fact, let all the emotions that come from this flow right through you. it will help. hang in there and let us know how you feel after you have a good cry.

so true. what made me angry for a while is that i am sure my ex knew, or wanted, to break up with me before xmas. yet we exchanged gifts and my mom and step dad even spent $200 on her. i had brought these gifts for her back from visiting my family. i then went to her work on 12/29 and gave her all the gifts. we said i love you and i miss you, then she came over the next day and dumped me!! and she kept those gifts!! i'll never know why she accepted those gifts the DAY before she broke up with me. if the roles were reversed, i would have accpeted those gifts, but i would have given them back the next day when i was breaking up. i would feel guilty to keep them. i dunno, maybe i in the minority on this.

interesting post (i agree it is stereotypical) but it brings up another interesting topic that a lot of break ups do happen around the holidays. my ex dumped me the day before new year's eve (i guess that makes it the eve of new year's eve). not sure why this seems to be a common occurrence.

i think that if you have to ask if you're over it, then most likely you're not. you'll know when you're over it. you'll feel it.

hey parsely, don't feel bad. i hope my story helps you feel better! 1. how long you were with them: - approximately 6 months. give or take a couple of weeks 2. the main reason the relationship fell apart: - my ex was/is very busy with school/work, etc. began to pull away from me, of course i chased which made things worse. also, she's extremely selfish and self-centered and couldn't really be bothered with me, especially near the end. 3. how low you went: - pretty low. i don't really remember the first 3 months of 2006 because i was so depressed. it affected almost everything in my life, including my job performance. 4. And how you got back on your feet and got yourself back to the incredible person you were before you went through the bad experience: - haha, well, i hate to say this, but it's been a work in progress. i think it wasn't until about may or june when i finally started to feel relatively normal. unfortunately, i haven't been in a relationship since my ex, but i have dated a few girls. i still think about things on a daily basis but i have learned to live with it and the emotions behind those thoughts are manageable. even though it's been a work in progress for me after a year since the break up, i am definitely better/different than i was prior to the relationship. it just sucks that i still think about things but i am working on that too.