Cherokeelion

I wish I knew how to help. I get calls from my ex now where she will ask a few questions, get her answers, leave me flustered and hang up. It takes every bit of willpower I have not to call back and say" what gives?? ". It's a feeling I know well Danny, that of just trying not to be lonely and working on the issues you now see. You're... not alone on that one. I'm guessing you, like myself, don't have a clue how things will turn out. Give her the space she needs... no matter how hard it is and it IS hard. Be realisitic in that it may not work out as you want, no matter what you do. The best thing to do I'm discovering now is... to fix what you can fix, yourself. Fix your life, be proactive instead of reactive and putting out fires after they get too big. Try to regain control of your own life, that is half the battle. My ex is like a lot of women, she likes security and she also likes to know shes cared for. That is different than being cared for. All you can do now is be receptive to her... don't push or invade her space, that will set things back farther than any progress you might have made. I wish you luck... put the kids first, your ex might or might not be back but they will always be your kids. By the way, I have discovered that the internet can be a nuclear bomb in a fragile situation such as the one you are in. Use it wisely my friend... that is one thing you can control. Put it this way... I've been there. What is the reputation for chat rooms? All I've ever heard is that they are pick up places and sources of potential trouble... I'm guessing your ex didn't like seeing you there partially for those reasons, especially if she feels insecure about how much you truly do care about her. I blundered down that path too and got clobbered accross the forehead with a verbal two by four by my ex... in retrospect I saw what she meant. You may love her to pieces Danny, and it's really hard being apart. Accept the fact that you may have messed up... you're human. It's what you do now that counts, keep trying. If you make another mistake, learn from it and keep going. Remember, getting yourself square is the best thing you can do... for yourself and definitely for your ex if she decides its worth it to try again.

Hey.... ouch, my friend. Yikes and wow, yes I think anyone would feel the rug yanked out from beneath them in those circumstances. It's normal to feel the hurt... the trick is to not let it distract you from the blessings you currently have in life. Grieve.... stomp, be mad and let it out. Then go get some ice cream with your guy and stay busy making your new life better.

By the way... I see you're only 20. Trust me, there are good men out there. I am a man lucky enough to count a few as friends and even more as family. My Grandparents have been married for 72 years, yes... 72 and I can still see the respect and love my Gramps has for his wife. It's really uplifting and cool to see.

I have also seen that a large number of cheaters, not all, have not been exposed to good morals while growing up. This isn't an excuse, but I feel from myself and others I know that seeing strong relationships and having good teachers as we grew up goes a long way towards cheating never being something acted on. Most cheaters also think of themselves first... the moral key that says don't do this is not strong enough to stop them.

Yes, stress can mess with period timing. To be safe and eliminate the wonder, get a test and go from there. Dry sex can lead to pregnancy... rare, but it can happen. All you need is a little bit of pre- ejeculation to come into contact with her... again, not a high chance but it has happened. In any case, it's better and less stressful to "know"... since you can then figure out what to do from then on.

Its really simple... if she doesn't want to be there, is the door locked? She's not prisoner and it's rude of people to say that and not act. I'd tell her, "See the door? Why aren't you using it then? Talk to me when you close that door for good." If she doesn't then you know shes pulling you around as a security net. Don't push her though... that never works and is bound to cause a person to feel pressured.

Give yourself time... to heal. It happens. Breathe and look around, step outside... stay busy. Don't focus on jumping into something new until you can look at that person for who they are. If a reconciliation with your ex is not possible, don't stop and wallow in the pain. It's a very large world... Carpe Diem, live your life... love will find a way back, it's human nature.

Ah pilot... it happens, it's good to get the feelings out.... even if drunk. I don't think theres a soul here who would hold that against you.

The only thing I see missing is the motivation to seek out what you want. It's simple, just get out of the house... try, try again. I am no prize in the education, wealth or looks department... my life has been rich in love and pain both because I never stopped and isolated myself from the world. The online world is a good thing if kept in perspective to your real life... just keep getting out, initiate a conversation. You will strike out a large part of the time, but what about the time you don't? You won't get the chance to connect if you don't keep trying. It works... I'm 35 years old and I know this by now.

Hey Hot Soup, Chin up my friend... it seems theres a reason for everything in life. Pick something, it doesn't have to be big and just do it. The worst thing a person can do is give up the desire for a better life. Trust me on this... I've been so low i never thought I'd see daylight again, I'm currently fighting another life disaster but I will never, ever give up. You know why? Because I have found out through experience that life eventually rewards your struggles. It may not be in ways you expect... but keep trying to improve yourself and a door will open somewhere. Yes, it happens... don't dispair.

I am doing no contact because she asked me not to call where she is... apparently the new guy gets seriously pissed at the mention of me since he knows how close we once were. I know she respects the fact I don't break her wishes. I have also learned from experience that she is most approchable when she's had time to think about whatever's been or being said. When she has the time to organise her feelings then she calls me... I have always been able to think and feel fast, she hasn't so that works out best. I'm getting out of the house to try and clear my mind a bit.... to breathe and think.

I am sad today... my ex called me crying last night saying that she's pregnant. Her last period ended Dec 14th... we had sex the 15th, then she left. I know she ovulated approximately Christmas Day and yes, the hormones can show up by yesterday. I am just sick about this... she didnt want this now and I certainly am upset about the other man here. This is a soap opera nightmare. She knows it's more than likely his and is spending time figuring out what to do. I've already told her that I love her and will support her, that things will be ok no matter what. I didn't sleep at all last night over this. There are moments where I just want to wash my hands of the whole mess... and then I see how open emotionally my ex is. She's an open book who has had a rough life. I can't get past the fact that I love her still... she was online getting a plane ticket home yesterday morning... had been feeling sick for a couple of days, got a positive test, called me crying and I haven't heard from her since yesterday. My brain is having a hard time getting around all of this. I told her it would be neat for our little girl to have a brother or sister, trying to cheer her up. It is so hard to help someone hurting over the phone when you just want to scoop them up, hold them and say its ok... this is not a bad thing. I am her ex.... why did she call me immediately? Was she reaching out? I did the best I could on the phone... I want to fly out to her but I know that would backfire. How do you do no contact and not go nuts like this?

I've re-read my previous posts and I want to make it clear that my ex had no real part in creating this mess.... she was completely there for me, with everything she had. She gave me more than I have ever seen anyone give a person and I didn't see it until too late. I often wonder how a person becomes so blind to the love being given by someone right by their side. I would hate to think my blindness is a common thing.

Man... I'm either reading things wrong or I'm reading a bunch of stuff that is all over the place. When my ex stops to think about how I treated her in the past, she gets very upset... theres nothing I can say on the phone. While talking about flights home today she point blank told me she doesn't believe a thing I say... that the reason she's there "fcking" this other guy is because she doesnt think I've changed and nor will I. Other times she misses me and tells me she loves me even though I was an azz. I've tried to explain that sometimes people need a strong jolt just to see what problems are there. When shes like that theres no talking to her... and I end up feeling like I've been stuffed right back in the garbage bag. Granted, I was an azz...yes. This is why I don't know whats going on. Theres nothing I can do except continue to acknowledge where I went wrong and keep trying to fix what problems I know I have. The stuff I hear from my ex is cutting and hurtful when she looks back, it's a helpless feeling knowing she's judging the future based on the past. I know in most cases thats probably a good thing... but what about the few where someone really does see what they've done wrong? I hate the mess I created here... she's more than likely coming home still angry with me and not interested in working on anything. There are days I have hope based on how we talked, and then there are days like today that leave me wanting to scream in frustration. I know I love this woman tremendously, I think anyone else I'd see the wreckage of my actions and give up. Thing is... she's worth it. I see where I went wrong, and all I can do is stay on the right path from here on out. She gets angry seeing what I do now, not only because she thinks I'm being fake, but also "Why, didn't I do these things when we were together?" I am battling my own history with my ex... I like the steps I've taken and the direction I'm going in. I wish profoundly my ex someday can try... I know she still loves me, she has said so herself. She's convinced I'm doing this because someone else got her.... I've said it wouldn't matter if she joined a convent, got engaged, or joined the Vienna Choir... it was the fact that she left that made me see what was important.

My parents divorced when I was 9. Things do get better once the sense of unreality and bizarreness fades, and you accept the fact that they just may be better apart. It takes a bit of time to adjust but you will eventually... many of us have been there. Whats funny is that my folks are actually better friends now 20 plus years later than they were together. And yes... it's weird seeing them laughing at a private joke as friends but hey... it works.