lovecrazy

Hi there, sorry your step daughter is a handful... I was the loud, annoying type when I was her age, i dont think as bad, but I was there.. I got involved with sports, basketball, volleyall, and got into karate as well...Mabye even dance would be a good idea. Give her more after school activities, but also try and maintain her school work as well... It ususally helps with the energy, by the time I got home from practice I was too tired toi do anything, so i would do my homework and watch tv.. Maybe even put her on a point system, like if she does something good, let her pick a program to watch on tv for an hour. or maybe a new toy, or something...things like that..It works with my niece...you dont always have to buy her something, but maybe if she acts right she gets a cookie, instead of veggies, but if you do that with the 13 year old make sure to do it with the 10 year old as well.. hope that helps

Thanks, and it is now 3 PM in GA, and she hasnt gotten up! "she has a headache" she has one because she sleeps too much!! Blah whatever if she isnt up by the time I get off work, then I am cutting off her phone!!!

Just a little background info, my sister is 25 years old. She had a drug addiction, and supposedly she isnt addicted anymore, (althought once an addict always an addict) she confessed over this past weekend that she has done cocaine 2-3 times over the past five months. Well 2 weeks ago she finally got her job back at the place she was working at for 4 years, prior to the drug use. My sister, called me at work on Friday at about 4:15 PM stating that she walked out of work, and didnt show back up. Well again she got fired. Well she basically stated that she needed help. So i told her OK I would handle it. Well I work for a non profit organization that offers drug rehabs. Well I called and they told me I needed to get 5 blood tests done for her, to be admitted. Well my sister agreed to go to rehab. Well I call a friend of mine, and asked him if he could help me get a loan, to catch up her car payment, and pay for the rehab. He stated yes I can. Well its now Monday and havent heard from him. (Some friend right) Well basically I get to my mothers house on Friday night, at about 10 pm. We ended up having a down out, drag out screaming match. I told her, I wanted her cell phone, and her car. She refused. She wouldnt stop screaming, and yelling. So I got so angry I pushed her. I pushed my own sister, How could i do that? Why couldnt I control my anger. Why couldnt I control myself. Well I realized it in myself, that I might need counseling for myself. Anger issues seem to run high in my family. Well later on that night I we finally got her phone, after her throwing it up against a wall, and then the floor, and my mother had a spare key. Then my mother started yelling at my, that I wasnt helping. So I told her I was sick of everything, and to basically F Off, and she started crying more, and so did I. and We kinda made up. But my own mother wouldnt even hug me. I honestly feel like I did more damage then help the situation. I let my anger get the best of me, I let my better judgement go out the door, with the wind. Honestly how freaking mean could I be. blah enough about me, Sorry just alot of feeling in one. Basically over the weekend it got more civil, My sister claims that she is just depressed, and needs counseling. So She agreed to go to that. And that she would have a job by Friday, if not I get her phone, and her car. And they all go back. My mothers credit ruined, and she is out of the picture. My mother has a negative attitude towards my sister, she is upset with her, because she is so irresponsible, and act like the world owes her something. My sisters attitude, that she is "give me this, give me that" Like when I took her cell phone, her screamins "Its my cell phone, give it back" Her flipping me off. Me telling her she screws up again, I will jsut disconnect the thing. Honestly how can one person act so irate? I am not just speaking of my sister, I am speaking of myself. I abused my sister, and didnt help the situation. How do you help over come that situation, when your own sister doesnt trust you not to push her again?? How can my sister, grow up without losing everything? How can this change? She just needs to grow up. I have a few people telling me, she is just going to hit rock bottom again. Which honestly i could see that happening, blah. Does someone have any advice. Again thanks for reading my rant. I do appreicate it. Sorry if my attitude doesnt seem happy. But I am at the end of the rope to where I dont care if she lives or dies at this point, because I am still angry. How can you dislike someone so much? But still love them? This honestly would be a good episode for Jerry Springer!

I think my mother needs to kick her out, and let her do it on her own!

Well she basically said she did an out patient treatment, and she says that is one reason why she got behind on her bills... And I dont think she would be hoenst with me. I am honestly at the point where I dont care what she does anymore, I love her, but I dont need dragging me down...thanks for the advice. I will check into all the links you guys posted! Her job is too far for her to walk, I honestly feel she can keep her car as long as she makes the payments, and keeps up her other bills, but if she doesnt I am taking her car and kicking her out of my life, i am done dealing her period!

is a recovering drug addict. She was on cocaine and meth, for a few months (maybe longer) she got so bad that, she would stay up for days, then sleep for days. So she would miss work, so she lost her job, that she was at for 4 years. And almost lost her car, cell phone, and her family. THis all happened maybe Feb to May of this year, then finally in June we told my mother exactly what was goin on. Now from may-august she didnt have a job, so my mother was dishing out the money for her car payment. And my brother hired her to clean his house, and do odd jobs, so they paid her car payment. Well now she has a waitressing job, and hopefully is making enought to pay her car payment. But what I am worried about is that she is doing drugs again, because she is sleeping alot more again, she is moody as ever. Problem is I am never at my parents house, I live with my boyfriend so I am not sure exactly what is going on. What reality checks can I give her, to keep her motivated? I am not very good at the support thing, I hate hearing whining about this and that. Her car note is in my mothers name, and I told my mother if she didnt have her car payment by the end of the month, that I would take her car, and make it mine. If I have to pay it I am going to be ticked off. My mother asked my sister the other night, "Are you still on coke?" Her reply was "you keep asking me, makes me want to do it again" I am sorry but that is jsut a bad ploy to get my mother off her back! I know I sound so inconsiderate, but this bull crap that my sister has been putting my mother through has been the basically the same thing over the past few years, there were a few years where we had nothing to worry about when it came to her, she got up and went to work. But now its like she is too "depressed" to go to work, or move forward in her life. I am tired of her making excuses, and just plain tired, also to top it off, my step dad has left for good (not due to my sister, he just needed to go) He would like to blame things on my sister and I. Granted I want to beat my sister, for all the crap she does, but she is still my sister. I love her with all my heart, but enough is enough. time to grow up Basically my rambling on is a cry for help on how to get my sister on the right track, what steps can I take. Putting her in rehab is kinda outta the question, she wont go. I work for an organization that I could get her in one, but there is a problem with her bills, I cant afford to pay her car payment, and neither can my mother. I am sorry for the rambling but I am sick of this, and she needs help.

i think you are right..i will talk to him again this weekend!

Yes he at one point did want more with her, but at that point in the relationship I cant really be mad...because it was just dating...Granted I wasnt with anyone else, and neither was he...as far as physical relations go... I honestly feel as if he still has feelings for her...and he says that he doesnt. But again I could just be paranoid, now another thing is I think part of the reason why he added her was to tick me off, out of spite "because he doesnt want someone telling him what to do" which i can kinda understand, and I have had a "hissy fit in the past" where I was like stop talking to her or else...which I admit I should have handled the situation better, but thigns happen for a reason I guess.. But I will try the advice that you have given me. And hopefully it will work out the right way.

Well the back story is I dont like my boyfriends ex being around...But this is a girl that he wasnt that serious with, they actually only dated for a few months if that! Honestly i find this strange because his ex girlfriend of 4 years I talk to every once in a while, and I honestly dont care if he talks to her?? Why is that? I have come down to a few conclusions, which for some strange reason I have never felt inferior to a person in my life, but for some reason I fear him leaving me for her... Anyways when we were "dating" he was still into her, and would ask her to be his girlfriend, and she said no. Well our relationship started to take off...she went on the back burner so to speak. Well long story short, that hurt, cause I at that point was very much in love with him, and he was so so. Anyways over the past year everytime she calls I have a hissy fit, if you will. And he feels I am over reacting to it..Which in a way I feel I am as well. Doesnt say much for our relationship if I feel I cant trust him. I posted up that he lied about speaking with her once. Which I forgave, and it was kinda my fault because he felt he couldnt come to me because again he feels I would over react. Well to make a long story short, he added her as a friend, on his myspace account, but put her as the top 8, and he just said that it showed up there??? UMMMM BS...although anything is possible right! but what kinda bothers is me, is he would have her as a friend even if it bothered me. I honestly do not want to control him in anyway...that is the last thing on my mind...Why is it only one girl I have problem with...I do trust him...but this one girl I want gone out of his life. Anyways I feel its just best to drop the whole "ex girlfriend annoyance routine" and just leave it alone...but how do I stop it, any advice would be good... Honestly I feel like someone should just slap me accross the face... Do you guys feel I am over reacting ? In a way I kinda feel like I am as well...I dont know how to handle this. Help!!

I lost my virginity when I was 14 kinda young yes...but I do regret with the person it was with...just because LOSER!!! ERR my bad But honestly to me sex is a big part of a relationship, and some people put too much on the whole virginity aspect. i mean this is just my opinon

well it seems that she finally got a waitressing job, and that she is wanting to move forward... Sorry I havent replied, got busy with work, then got into a car wreck...I am fine but I was backing out of my parking spot, some guy i work with hit my car...Hit me so hard he left tire marks that were about 10 feet long, and moved my car about 1 foot or so from the orginial spot...I am fine, but my friend has some bumps and bruises!

Before I start I am going to go ahead and say this is going to be a long post and I apologize ahead of time, and I am thankful for those who decide to read this and give advice!!! Well my sister is 25 years old, and honestly all her life besides a few years has been irresponsible. basically not going to work, lying about going to work when she actually didnt. Not holding a job. Basicaly through her life, she would tell us one thing and do another. She also quit day school at 16 and was enrolled into a high school that was at night, that way she could work during the day and attend school at night, she also would say she was going to school and wouldnt. and this continue until she was about 19. Then she met her ex husband, who actualy got her straight. Not sure if she just settled down or if he had something to do with it. But she got a waitressing job, and stuck with it. She was there for about 2 years, then she got into a car wreck and couldnt work for a while do to broken ankle (not her fault) then when she was promoted to manager, they did a background check, and she was laid off due to her criminal past of theft. (that is a long story) Well after that she found a job doing telemarketing was doing great, she got married. Against our wishes (husband cheated, wasnt a good marriage ended after 6 months) Well during the time of her marriage she got another job at a resturant that she was at for close to 3 years. Her and her husband separated, and she started dating a guy named "B" He seemed like a good guy, and actually treated her very well...Well basically from my sisters age of 22-24 she worked, also she did alot of over time. And she finally had grown up. During the time she was married, and then divorced, and then with her boyfriend "B" she held a job, and tried getting her GED. SHe was doing great. But her and her boyfriend ended up breaking up June of 05 because it just wasnt there anymore, and plus from what she told me he abused her, and all that jazz. Well basically they have remained friends no big deal. Anyways after they broke up she started getting behind on her car payment "drinking her problems away" so I believe my mother had to help her out with her car payment, and insurance. Anyways they traded her car in Dec of 05. Her car payment is about $550.00 a month, and that is when the trouble. Basically from Dec to about the last of March to beginning of April she was on drugs, METH, COKE. And she said that she got into out patient rehab after that, and she got behind on her car payment because of paying for rehab. Well in March she got fired for calling into work too much, then always being late. So she found another job, and apparently the money she earned was paying for rehab. Well basically sometime in May she got laid off from that job, reason: last one hired, first one fired. So she hasnt had a job since then. And she hasnt paid a car payment since. So My mother called her loan company and they worked out a deal to where they took two months off the loan right now, and just added it to the end of the loan. No problem..there Well she would sleep all day and run all night. Mean while my mother was helping her pay this, and giving her that. Well basically the last few weeks they have been fighting non stop, and I honestly am sick of it. My sister finally got a job working at a gas station, and she started this past Friday, and was suppose to return to work on Saturday Morning. Well Friday night I go out to a bar with some friends my sister said that she was coming and I asked how when she has no gas money. She said our mother will give it to her, then my mother wouldnt give it to her, and she called me asking me for money, Well I ended up giving her money. I gave her 20 bucks to get gas, and cigarettes. And I even bought her two beers so she could relax. Well some how she ended up getting super drunk, partly my fault for giving her drinks. But normally she has a very high tolerance for beer. Well she ordered food, and I asked her how she was going to pay for it, she said she had money. Anyways she was drunk, trying to get into a fight that she had no business being in. So I basically yelled, and screamed at her, and she started crying, and I left her at the bar. (Friends were going to take her to their house) Well she started calling me, and said that "when you and mom yell at me, makes me want to start using drugs again, or kill myself" So I turned the car around, and went back to a waffle house (24 hour resturant) and i started another scene in front of friends and strangers. And basically ended up getting her home at about 4 in the morning. I had to be at work at seven, plus I had to run my friends back to their car for driving her car back to my house. Anyways I ended up going home after work, and my sister was up at this time, and she was suppose to go into work at 6 am and didnt because she was still drunk. And Saturday was fine at the house, and then Sunday comes around, she calls and claims that she caught my step father looking in the window while she was taking a shower. I am not trying to make excuses for my step father who is amanic depressive (chemical imbalance in the brain) which it needs to be treated with meds to help keep him straight. But honestly he is better off the meds then he is on them. Well when I was 14 years old I caught my step dad looking under neath the door at my sister. And you could tell he was disoriented, while doing this. Basically he was on his meds when this happened. Come to find out the Dr. gave him too much and my mother stated that it had a sexual side effect. Well honestly I dont know how it would make you want to look at your step daughter while she was naked. but whatever we moved past it. And honestly do not know to believe my sister if its true or not. My mother seems to think that if he did, it was to check and see if she was doing drugs. But he claims that he didnt. Well its Monday morning, and my sister was suppose to be at work at 6 am, and it is now 10 am here in GA. And she is still in bed. I told my mom take her car, and tell her to get out. She wants to wait and see, just because she is trying to be nice, and all that jazz... Basically I am at a loss of what to do. She is 25 years old, acts like a teenager. She said at points over the last few months she has been depressed. I do not know if she is on drugs still, or if she is just lazy and going back to her old teenager ways. I think part of the problem as to why my sister is acting like a spoiled child, is because my mother has babied her way too much her entire life. So basically my sister has until tomorrow to get a job or I am coming home tomorrow after work and I am going to take the care, or so my mother says I can do. But help, what do I do, how can I get her back to what she was over a year ago. I honestly think she needs counseling, but she wont go. I am so confused. Sorry again this is so long! Thanks

OK lets start with the I HAVE A DREAM SPEECH, by Martin Luther King.. Do you honestly think his family at one point in their entire existence, didnt come from the same exact place that you are at RIGHT NOW! Honestly some people who value money and material things, over someone's qualities isnt really a good person to start with (THIS IS IN MY OPINON ONLY) Money can only buy so much happiness. Self worth is not based on how much money you have, its based on honesty, hard working, and commitment you have to something, or to someone. If he honestly doesnt see these as good qualities, then he is the one with the problems...I have spoken to you, and you seeem to be trying to improve your life. You have the want and the smarts. As far as not owning any property, my family has never owned a house for more than a year. And we have lived in Mobile Homes most of my life, and apartments. And in some peoples eyes I am viewed as "white trailor trash" well guess what I am proud of it. If you dont like where I live and you stick your nose up at me...well you know where to go...lets just put it that way. Also as far as approving of you, I from experience go from gut feelings about people, and I am never usually wrong. I go by someone's manners, not their job or money status. I could careless if I were rich, I have a grasp on reality. And from talking to you the few times I have on here, you seem like a genuine person, so yes if I were his parents I would approve of you. Hopefully when he finally does tell his parents, they will go by how you treat their son, rather than you come from a wealthy family! And honestly if they dont, tell them to put it where the sun dont shine... Oh and have a great day

Well we did for the most part break up... I am too nice to let him get a DUI..but after today I am done!

NO...if we break up this evening I am going home! And not dealing with him anymore!

Here is my take on it: I always have thoughts of it...I feel its normal to what to know what is on the otherside of the fence....but not to act on it...and to be honest with me shows a lot of respect, and that he trusts me with his feelings... BUT I also feel it is a huge disrespect, that is why I try and push it out of my mind...Because I am happy where I am....and that I know there is nothing out there, that is better...or that I want to find. I mean...heck I dont know..but I think our relationahip is over...I get to pick him up from work then go my mother's house YAY! (He has two ruptured disks and cant drive, he is on meds, So I am being nice, and driving him to work)

told you they wanted to date other people? As is you think about it, but apparently havent acted on it!

Well we werent really in an argument last night...he just kind of wandered off in the middle of a conversation....and that was disrepectful... But I do agree with you that the tone, and how I say it has alot to do with it! Thanks!

Not sure if this is the right place but this goes for my relationship with Win, as well as my family.... Tonight, Win comes home, we have some small talk, and he goes to play his game, comes back up stairs, and then comes back up stairs to get his frozen dinner out of the microwave...well we start chatting. And he asks me what was wrong? I told him my eyes still hurt...I have old contacts, and they are still killing my eyes, as well as allergies...anyyways...I started talking about my sister, then we switched to a different subject....and then he goes down stairs, when I try and go back to something else we were just talking about. (When we actually sit and talk our converstaions switches all the time, no big deal)...but when he just went down stairs to go play his game..I even said "get back up here" he didnt.... Then he came back up stairs for another frozen dinner, asked me what was wrong? I said nothing...just because it would have started a big fight....at least that is what I am afraid of...I hate fighting.... How would you handle something this minor? For some reason when I argue I have a very bad attitude, and I am trying to avoid it as much as possible..Normally when I argue it turns bad. That is why i havent said anythign yet. But I feel alone in my own skin at times! Oh and this also goes with family too...it seems that no one listens tome...maybe it is because of the bad attitude I get when I argue...so maybe they are sick of it...Which honestly I think I give attitude when someone is screwing my mothe rover, or she is being walked over by my sister, or something like that... Why is that?

I am in Georgia also, and I believe they base it on your income. And are you wanting to divorce your wife? Or is this just anger talking. Sometimes people just make mistakes. I know its cheating and very bad. But people have stayed married, after worse things then this. So Honestly if you want to stay in the marriage, I would suggest marriage counseling. It helps alot of people. Now as far as your daughter goes....thats good that you want to pay child support if you are the father. But just remember it takes a boy to make a baby, but it takes a MAN/daddy to raise one. Money isnt everything... So good luck and keep us posted.

Well Win has been at his job for about 3 months now. He is still liking it, but stated last night, "that he was kind of depressed" I told him that he should do what he thinks is best. He learned that a co worker of his only makes $32,500.00 after working there for 2 years. Well I replied back "You make $25,000.00 and after two years, you get that much of a raise that is really good." He replied "I guess I am just impaitent' LOL Anyways we have gone through some things these past few months, lost a baby by choice, and actually became closer aferwards, and some things have improved, and some things are stronger. Also, he is better for the most part. The ex hasnt called in a few months, I think since March or so?? So that is really good. How is everyone else doing?

HEY I also have "insecurities" about ex girlfriends. I say ex's are ex's for a reason, and they need to stay in the past. Anyways, normally the best way to win in any situation is "Kill them with kindness" I would say to him "I understand you and her, have history together, but is this something to where I would have to worry about you wanting her back" If he looks you straight in the eyes, and says NO. then believe him. Dont try and stop them, from being friends, but suggest to him to keep his distantance until you get to know her. Then kill her with kindness, show her, that he is yours. So to speak! Sounds like a lot of work, and it drives you nuts trust me. But it will all work out in the end for the best, it always does!

If you have so many negative things to say about him, why do you stay with him???

When I was 15 I met *Jon* We were together for 3 years, and it was nice for the most part. He was a true gentlemen. Someone I could trust, and confide in. He knew my secrets, and knew my heart. But we grew apart, we both wanted different things. He was on the college track, I was on the I have no clue what in the world I am doing track LOL So we went our separate ways

It seems like he will not push anything on the kids, so I would say the compromise is met. You cant ask someone to teach something they dont believe in. Just not right! I honestly would just let it go. My boyfriend is agnostic and I believe in God. We have talked about this. I will teach the kids my beliefs, and then when they are old enough they can deside for themselves!