TAFFY
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Everything posted by TAFFY
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Gracelove, that's something that you need to document, that you found out that he's friends with some of the campus security people. And here's something else; try to find out which ones he is friendly with and write their names down. That way, if something does happen, and if the investigation goes into which campus security were on duty at the time of the incident, (God forbid anything should happen) the individual(s) can also be brought up on charges and possibly fired. Don't let that thought stop you from doing something that is going to preserve your health and safety, and maybe ultimately your life. I don't mean to scare you, but you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself.
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Gracelove, dear, he's still stalking you. Is the restraining order that you have against him valid in the state where you are at now? What I mean is, if your school is not in the state where you have the restraining order, you might want to check with the local police to see if you would need to ask for another TPO where you're at now. You also might want to check the TPO to see exactly what it says. If it says that he cannot be within so many feet or miles of you, than by his constantly walking past you in the vets office or getting as close as he can to you, he's violating the TPO and you can have him picked up for that violation, and then you could have charges brought against him for stalking, and if he's found guilty of stalking, he can be put in prison for that. A federal stalking law went into effect a few years ago. What I would advise you to do is to start documenting everything. If he calls you, write it down, if he emails you or IMs you, print them out, if you are somewhere and he "just happens to walk by you" write it down. That information will be very useful if you need to file stalking charges on him. Take great care of yourself and be careful.
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At my age, I'm still afraid of thunder and lightening if it is really close. But I do so love to sit and watch thunderstorms, but like I said, the thunder and lightening has to be far away from me.
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I agree with Bethany.
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Although I'm twice your age, I will answer this; personally I think it would depend on if the girl you are kissing has ever been kissed before. I will tell you about my first kiss. I was your age, and the guy I was seeing was about 6 yrs older than me, and he had been in the army. So, his style was French kissing. Up until that time I had never been kissed. So the first time I was kissed we were sitting on a couch in the basement, and he took his hand and turned my face toward him, and he kissed me, but he didn't say that he was going to use his tongue, so that was a big shock for me. He later explained what is was called and why he was doing that, and from that time on, I enjoy French kissing. TV is also not like real life, and I think the reason that they make such a bid deal of it is because of the censorship; they have to make things look fake so that it gets past the censors, but that's my opinion. I hope this long and boring post helps you somewhat.
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RayKay, even though I don't know you and being new to this forum, I am so sorry that this is happening to your family. I will certainly keep you, your mother and your family in my prayers. Take care.
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I beat the depression/GAD/panic disorder/PTSD once before, and I just can't understand why I can't do this on my own now. My family doctor prescribed the Zoloft and Ativan and Ambien, but then after she had increased the Zoloft so far, she told me that she was not comfortable at all with prescribing psych meds, and told me that I would have to see a psychiatrist. The counselling center I go to has a requirement that you have to see a counsellor first, and the counsellor decides if there is a need for the client to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. I don't see the psychiatrist until January. So, I'm pretty much stuck until then. The only redeeming factor about this is that so far my doctor has agreed to refill my Zoloft and Ativan and Lunesta until I do see the pdoc.
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It seems that I can't do anything right. I went to my counselling center, and was 10 minutes early. I went to the desk, and told them who I was and that I had a 2pm appointment with John, and the lady said, I don't think so, I think it's tomorrow, and anyway John isn't here on Mondays. So, I have to go back tomorroiw. I am not amused. CARNELIANBUTTERFLY -- I took Ambien for a while and it worked fine. Then, my doctor switched me to Lunesta, and I've had 1 doseage increase, but it does not work as well for me as the Ambien did. Maybe I'm just not on a high enough dose. I take my meds at a certain time, and then wait for an hour or so, before even trying to lie down, but I cannot seem to sleep well at all. MTASTIC -- I have had very bad past experiences with counsellors and psychiatrist. That's why I get so afraid when I have to go to a counsellor or a psychiatrist. JEFFE -- I do listen to music, I am a singer and a musician myself, although it's been quite some time since I've played an instrument. Sometimes the music helps, and sometimes not. As for meditation, I don't know how to meditate. Sorry. Thanks everyone for your replies.
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It seems that I can't do anything right. I went to my counselling center, and was 10 minutes early. I went to the desk, and told them who I was and that I had a 2pm appointment with John, and the lady said, I don't think so, I think it's tomorrow, and anyway John isn't here on Mondays. So, I have to go back tomorroiw. I am not amused. CARNELIANBUTTERFLY -- I took Ambien for a while and it worked fine. Then, my doctor switched me to Lunesta, and I've had 1 doseage increase, but it does not work as well for me as the Ambien did. Maybe I'm just not on a high enough dose. I take my meds at a certain time, and then wait for an hour or so, before even trying to lie down, but I cannot seem to sleep well at all. MTASTIC -- I
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Thank you, ratherbesailing. I appreciate your words, and will try to get through today. May I post back to let you and others know how I am doing after I get home from my appointment?
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I'm not quite sure if this is where I should post this or not, but my 2nd counselling appointment is today at 2pm. I am going to counselling because of unresolved issues with child, domestic and sexual abuse as a child and then later on. I have great anxiety, suffer frequent anxiety attacks and occasional panic attacks, and depression. I know that counselling will help me, but I really am truly afraid to go. Between Thursday and Saturday, I only slept for 5 hours total in 48 hours, despite Lunesta, Ativan and Zoloft. I have not yet been asleep tonight. I have gotten very anxious about this over the weekend, and now I'm really scared. Does anyone have any advice for me? I really would appreciate it.
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Lost Status, I realize my post to your thread is a month old, but I felt the need to respond to you. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am also very proud of you for conquering enough of your fear to tell your parents, and also to report him to the police. That takes courage, and from what I've read here you have that in measure. The other important thing, is that you have taken aware the power from him. You have brought this out in the open, and that is a very big 1st step for you. The 2nd thing you need right now, is to get into some type of professional counselling. It won't be easy; it will probably be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but you need to work through this with a mental health profressional. I'm struggling with being the victim of sexual abuse and have just started counselling myself for things that I carried around for 36 yrs. Hold your head up as high as you can, and know that the people here are right behind you, beside you and will be with you in spirit as you go through this. I'm new here, but from what I've seen so far, there seems to be good people here. Take care.
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Teacup, I didn't mean to "freak you out". To this day, I still don't know why I had to have my legs over his shoulders. It was very uncomfortable for me, and the sex was very painful. I'm sorry you got upset.
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Chai, thanks so much for posting those links. They both will require a deeper look than I could give right now. Again, thank you.
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Gracelove and Teacup, I can identify with both of you. My ex wanted to know where I was 24/7, I couldn't go to my mother's house without him, I couldn't go to the fire station without him (I am a former firefighter/paramedic. He would check the gas in my car, and check the odometer. He would have his mother call me at work and tell me that he wanted me to call him. When we were at my mom's house, if I was talking on the phone he wanted to know who I was talking to and why, and at home, I couldn't have a phone conversation with anyone without him listening on the extension. This nutjob even had a hammer under the bed, and a piece of lead pipe under his chair. He in a sense isolated me from my friends, too, because he told me that if they ever stepped foot on our porch he would kill them. He threatened to throw my possessions out the window, and I think that I just had an ephiphany here, because as I'm sitting here typing this, I think he degraded me sexually, as well. He was my first, and he wouldn't have sex unless my legs were over his shoulders, and if I made any movement, he yelled at me and told me I was moving too much. I appreciate you 2 letting me vent, because I can certainly sympathize with each of you.
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Darkblue, I agree with you that some friends are more deserving of trust than others, but at what point does a person begin to trust again? I'm I going to have to go through years of therapy, before I really trust anybody again? I mean, I'm 47, I could die without ever trusting anybody again.
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As a survivor of child abuse and sexual abuse, how does one learn to trust again? I would like to meet some new friends, but I find that I don't trust a lot of people, and even the friends that I have, I don't entirely trust. I have several male friends who are good friends, but I find that I have trouble trusting them, also. And these men are good men, by that I mean that they have good morals and have a gentle nature. I just would like to be able to trust again. I am in counselling, just started, and my counsellor is male. I liked him on first impression, but these can be wrong. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas.
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I'm 47, and as I read through some of the posts here by young people, I am amazed at the way young people nowadays are so cavalier about the subject of sex. In my day, these things went on, but nobody talked about it. Now it's all out in the open, and I sometimes wonder if that's a good thing, but then I stop and think of the consequences that befall some people, like STDs, HIV/AIDS, and even teenage pregnancies, and think that maybe it's a good idea that the young people have a place where they can come and ask freely the things that they obviously can't ask their parents. I worked in a hospital Emergency Dept. for 8 yrs, and I got to see the very same consequences that I spoke of earlier. I saw an 11yo girl come in in active labor. I saw a woman transferred to our ED from another ED who was severely bleeding from the rectum due to anal sex that went wrong. I even saw a woman come in with a neck injury due to violent sex. I didn't mean to sound like I'm preaching, and I certainly don't intend to malign any individuals here. Sometimes things I read on this site kind of shock me a little bit, but that's just me; again, I grew up in a time when sex and petting and making out were not talked about except behind closed doors, and oral certainly wasn't discussed. I just wanted to reply to the thread starter that there are people here in their mid-40s.
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Tigris said she was a late starter at 22, but I've got her beat. I was 37 when I was "deflowered". I would rather forget the entire experience, as my ex got his release, but I didn't. I think it is rather hard (no pun intended) for a woman to acchieve orgasm with her legs thrown up over her partner's shoulders, but that was the only way he would do it. He wasn't very good in the foreplay department, either. Also he wanted me to give him oral, but he never reciprocated. So, all in all, it was not a good experience for me. I had sex at 37, I am now 47 and haven't had any more sex. You do the math.
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Update on my verbally abusive relationship...
TAFFY replied to Wonderland's topic in Abuse and Violence
My last ex was both verbally and physically abusive to me. After calling me a nasty name or shouting other abuse at me, he would always say he's sorry and that he wouldn't do that again. Until the next time. I cannot stress enough to women that a partner (spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, or significant other) who starts off being verbally abusive, unless these people go into counselling for themselves or some type of anger management, the verbal abuse will almost always escalate to physical abuse. It's not too late for you to back out of this relationship. I really would not like to come back to this forum and hear or read that you have been injured, or worse. Please take everyone's advice here, and get out while you still can. -
My problem with speaking has now intruded into my conversations with my best friends. They took me out for my birthday and when we went back to one's house for cake and ice cream, for a while I could speak normally; and then the friend who's house we were at asked me why I was shaking so much and I told her that's how I am right now. I then was trying to tell them something, and then got stuck on a word and couldn't think of it, and from then on I had a hard time speaking to my friends. Thanks for letting me post here and write what I need to write. I'm sorry I'm so scared!
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Well, I went to the counselling appointment this morning, and I really think that I am going to be able to work with this counsellor. I told him that I'd had bad experiences with counsellors and psychiatrists in general, and he said that I don't need to worry about anything like that happening right now. He asked if I had ever been suicidal in the past, and I told him yes, but not now; this was 20 yrs ago. He asked if I had a plan at that time, and I told him yes, and I still remembered the plan. He asked me to tell him what it was, and I said if I tell you that the next thing I know I'd find myself back in the hospital. He asked me if I would use it now, and I said no. He then asked me if he could trust me not to use it and I said absolutely you can trust me not to use it. I do not feel suicidal. To me suicde is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Yes, you won't have your problems then, but your family and friends also will not have you Thanks for letting me post.
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I feel embarassed saying this but...
TAFFY replied to Serendipity1607307077's topic in Sex and Romance
Speaking from the standpoint of someone who was physically abused and beaten repeatedly as a child, any partner of mine that did that to me, wouldn't get the 2nd chance, because I would tell him good-bye, so long, don't let the door hit you on your way out. -
Depends, I also agree with the above: get more information. If, after you talk to you boyfriend and his cousin, you think this is valid, if I were you, I would tell him to start documenting everything that happens to him at work. Then, consult a lawyer; he may have grounds to file suit for a Hostile Work Environment; this suit deals with specific issues of harassment/sexual harassment. Not only will his supervisor be in trouble if he's aware of the on-going harassment, but his/her supervisor, and on up to the top. Because, if everyone above him knows that this is going on, and does nothing to stop it, then under this suit, they are as guilty as the ones doing the harassing. Hope this helps.
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When I go to the counsellor next week, and while I go through the counselling process, is it OK if I still come here and post? I know this is really going to be hard for me to do; I've also had 3 bad experiences with counsellors and psychiatrist. I am really very scared to be going to another counsellor. I just would like to be able to post here in this forum, again, and wondered if it would be OK? Thanks.